Running on empty highlan.., p.13
Running on Empty (Highland Falls), page 13
I turned and faced Logan, questioning why I suddenly felt shy with this man whom I’d been friends with for two years, running partners with for months. I mean he’d seen me sweaty and unable to get up off the ground.
“So I woke up this morning and you were gone.”
Oh yeah, there it was. The whole “sleeping with him but not having sex” situation might be messing with my mind.
I’d woken up this morning after the best night of sleep in, I’m not sure, ever? It had been a glorious Logan/Charlie sandwich that made me feel safe, warm, treasured. Logan had been the big spoon, his arm flung across my belly. Charlie’s chin had rested on my legs. The feeling of security was one I felt like I couldn’t allow myself to get used to. So what did I do? I’d snuck my way out of the little spot, letting Charlie slide next to Logan, and had gotten the heck out of Dodge. Yep. Big chicken, party of one, that’s me.
Meeting Logan’s gaze, I answered him. “Yeah…” My voice trailed off. What did I even say? I’d taken the coward’s way out.
“You get spooked?” Logan just laid it out for me.
I decided to embrace the truth. Maybe I was growing up? “Kind of.”
“I understand that. I was kind of spooked myself.” Logan was tracing the back of my hand that was resting on the counter between us. Part of me wanted to turn my hand over and link it with his. The other part of me clued into what he just said as my stomach sank.
“I’m sorry. I feel like an insensitive ass and a terrible friend. Have you had anyone in your bed since Nola?” My conscience was at war with the idea of avoiding this conversation in case it made him uncomfortable but knowing it was important in the long run to face the issue of his wife head-on. Had he been with anyone in the past three years? We weren’t the type of friends to have had that conversation in the two years we’d known each other. It was fine either way of course, but as far as I knew, he hadn’t dated. Lord knew I paid attention to him. Far too much attention if we want to be honest.
Logan picked up my hand and linked it with mine, so it looked like everyone was getting what they wanted today. “Nola never slept in that bed at my place because, to be honest, life was too hard after she passed. I saw reminders of her everywhere. So when I got the job at the woods, I sold most of our furniture before coming down here and decided to start fresh.”
“Is that why I didn’t see any pictures of her in your house?” Yikes, Miss Nosy, party of one, reporting in. I was overstepping ten ways to Sunday. Darn it. I started to tug my hand from his, wanting to go help Andy to get the heck out of this conversation.
“Noticed that, did you?” Logan gave me a painful half smile. “Levi has gotten on me about that multiple times, as have my parents.” He continued to rub his thumb over my hand before looking up at me with wet eyes. “I loved her, Allyson. I don’t know what this is”—he gestured between us—“but you have to know how much I loved her. I’m so grateful to you for trying to help me with my parents. I’ve only realized recently how much they, along with Levi, have been walking on eggshells because of me. If I can alleviate any stress they are carrying because of me, I’m willing to do it. But I know this is a big ask.”
“Shhhh.” I leaned forward, placing my free hand on his chest. “Relax. You just spit out so many things I want to address I should have taken notes. Do I regret helping you? Heck no. My idea, remember? Now I’m assuming from some of what you just said that there are no pictures up of Nola because it is too hard to see her?”
“Yep.” His voice was barely above a whisper.
“I’m no therapist, but I think it might help you to see her, actually see her, and remember that she’s still with you. Maybe that would help you move forward. Nola was a big part of your life, Logan, and of course you loved her and still do. I would be concerned if you didn’t.”
“For what it’s worth, my therapist Ashley would agree with you.”
“Because we’re smart ladies. When you love someone, you need snapshots of your lives together around you. It reminds you of that love, whether they’re here or not.” I took a deep breath because this next part was going to require some vulnerability which we already knew I didn’t excel at. “Now as to what’s going on here…” I mimicked his gesture between the two of us. “Remember what we’ve said about not defining anything.”
He nodded but then tugged me forward so we were just a breath apart. “Not defining, but can we acknowledge there is something there?”
My heart skipped a beat. Jesus, I was worse than a lovesick teenager. “Definitely something there.” I sounded more breathless than I had yesterday after thirteen miles.
Logan’s smile was visible within that gorgeous beard that I wanted to comb my fingers through. “Well, we’re agreed on that, at least. That’s a start.” He squeezed my hand and looked a little regretful. “I just don’t know what I can give you, Allyson, and I feel like that’s not fair.”
I tilted my head back to look up at him. “How about you let me worry about that? We’re friends. For the next week, we’re friends who hold hands, especially when your parents are around.”
“And sleep together. Don’t forget that. I typically sleep like shit, and last night was amazing.”
“It was.”
He took a step closer. “And friends that have kissed.”
He pressed a kiss to my temple. Everything in me melted. Why was that so sexy? He held me to him as we swayed together. Rihanna’s “Stay” was playing at a low volume in the background. A few people from yoga had come in, and the room was filled with a low hum as they all talked, giving Andy their orders. There was the hiss of the espresso machine, and the velvety smell of coffee was in the air.
“Yep, we’re friends that have done that.” I was going to incinerate right here on the spot, wasn’t I? Poof. I’d be gone. The smart move would be to take a step back, breathe, sort my brain. Did I do that? Nope. No part of me wanted that life. Instead, I laid my head on his chest and let myself enjoy this moment. Swaying with this man that I was in strong like with while faking a relationship for the benefit of his parents. Absolutely not examining life choices right now but going with my gut on what was the right call.
Logan started to pull away, and I tightened my arms around him. “Stay,” I whispered, along with Rihanna. She was my girl.
He relaxed in my embrace, and his lips were near my ear. “Okay.”
“Really?” I asked. My cheek was still on his chest, but I didn’t look up at him. I felt like every single fiber of my being was right where it was supposed to be.
Logan ran a hand through my hair, smoothing it as he went. “Ally, you have to know, if I can, I’ll do anything in my power for you.”
“Except for run a race with me, asshat.” It came out before I could stop, just the normal banter we would have traded before I knew about the shit he carried.
For a moment, he froze, and I was immediately awash with regret. And then the most glorious sound washed over me. Logan threw his head back and laughed a deep laugh. One that sounded a little bit rusty and a whole lot beautiful. I tipped my head to watch, soaking it all in.
Finally, he looked down at me, wiping a tear from the corner of his eyes. “Sorry, that just seemed so much like something Levi would say. It just really got me, you know? I mean, I love that you don’t treat me like I’m made of glass. You never have.”
I slid my hand back to his chest. “I want to hear you laugh like that a hell of a lot more. Maybe on this camping trip?”
He shook his head, giving me a knowing look. “Oh, you’ve met Linnie and Frank, babe. This is going to be an interesting weekend for sure.”
A cleared throat caught my attention. Turning to the side, I saw Emma and Maggie standing a few feet from us. Maggie had her phone aimed in our direction, the least shocking thing I’d seen today.
“Aren’t you two looking cozy?” Maggie said, putting down her phone and heading our way.
“Picture for your scrapbook?” I asked.
“Video for Lou,” she replied.
Super. I’d hear about that one later.
“I’ll note”—Maggie did a sweeping gesture to encompass the whole café—“there is not a Traub family member to be found. So that little moment we just witnessed was for the benefit of you two and no one else.”
“Coffee?” Andy called over to them. She’d gotten through the yogis with zero issue. There were small groups at the tables and the murmur of happy customers, none of which seemed to take an interest in my life as much as these two women.
“Please, you beautiful goddess,” Maggie called.
Andy made quick work of making drinks for all of us. Within minutes I was sipping a lavender vanilla latte while Logan stood my by side, arm around my waist while he drank his own.
Maggie took a big sniff of hers before taking a drink. “God, this gets better all the time, doesn’t it?”
Emma shook her head at her childhood friend. “You usually overexaggerate, but not today. This really is that good.” She gave me a look. “You know how amazing Andy is, don’t you? I mean, you keep saying you can’t hire a manager, that you’d have to do too much training, but maybe you could promote one?”
“You been talking to him?” I pointed to Flat Max. I mean, I figured she got my drift. “Or him?” I nodded toward Logan at my right shoulder. “Or her?” I pointed at Andy. “Because she and I have begun talking about staffing for this weekend when I’m gone.”
He tipped his head down to whisper in my ear, “What are you waiting for, babe? Andy is amazing. You love her, you trust her, and she could use extra money.”
I met his gaze with what I knew was a worried expression. “But what if it’s too much? What if she’s overwhelmed and quits? Then I’ll be worse off than I am now.”
“Fair,” he said. “But why don’t you let her make that decision?”
“Or,” Maggie said, taking another happy sip, “you could ask her to act as the manager when you go on your camping weekend. If she likes it and it goes well, you could make it a permanent thing when you get back.”
I looked at Maggie with what I knew was a shocked expression, then to Logan, then back at Maggie. “Um… That’s a brilliant idea.”
She shrugged. “I’m full of them. just ask Sully.”
“Full of something, for sure,” Emma muttered with a smile.
“Well, babe, what do you think?” Logan asked.
I gave him a tentative smile, then looked behind the counter, “Um, Andy? Remember what we were talking about?”
Chapter 15
Out of the Darkness
Logan
I stood in the Ryan library, scanning the display of new releases. My mom had mentioned wanting to read the new release from Lucy Score this week, and she was, as she put it, old school and preferred the print version. While I’d be happy to buy it for her, she was a big proponent of public libraries, saying they were the foundation of a civilized society and must be supported at all times.
That and the woman read, on average, five books a week. If she bought copies of all of them, they’d have to add on a wing to the house.
As a result, I found myself at the library because when I’d seen Emma at the woods earlier today, she’d pried herself away from Max to mention they’d just gotten another copy and she’d set it aside for my mom to borrow it this week.
This place set me at ease from the moment you walked in. Unlike most libraries, this one was in a small home that had been donated to the town by the Ryan sisters decades ago, and the vibe you got when you walked inside was a strong desire to curl up with a book.
I’d arrived five minutes ago, and as soon as she saw me, Emma had headed to the second floor to grab the book. From previous visits, I knew that there were offices and a conference room housed on the second floor in the former bedrooms. While I’d waited, I considered if I really needed to check out another book for myself right now. Need versus want was always the dilemma, right? I was midway through a new mystery, but I had a bad habit of picking up new books and then having far more to read than I had time for.
“See something you just have to have?” A teasing tone pulled my attention back to the room, and I looked to see Tim, one of the part-time librarians. He and his partner Eric were part of the battalion of volunteers that took care of the gardens out at the woods with our crew. Eric was Tim’s opposite, a calm port in a flamboyant and joyful storm. Tim was currently petting the beautiful tiger cat Aslan that was often here at the library while he rocked a T-shirt that stated support your local drag queens in rainbow font.
I nodded to his shirt, “You all having an issue with anyone over the drag queen story hour?” I knew a friend of Eric and Tim’s came in once a month to host a story hour. As far as I knew, it had been a huge hit.
Tim gasped and put a hand to his chest. “Highland Falls would never. No, only love thrown our way here, no hate. I figure better to be up front, you know. Remind people that support is needed elsewhere.”
I nodded, then before I could tell him that I was just waiting for Emma, the front door was flung open and another librarian, Nate, rushed in with his girlfriend Elle being pulled right behind him.
Tim murmured quiet reassurance as he rested his hand on Aslan’s back as if to tell the cat that all was well with the new visitors. Not that she looked bothered in the slightest. “Where’s the fire?” he asked.
Nate pulled Elle in front of him and looked from Tim to me. “Hey, Logan.” With a glance to Tim, he said, “Where’s the boss ladies?”
Tim gave him a curious look. Then, without moving a muscle, he called out, “Grace? Emma? Young Nate has something to say.”
Nate shook his head at Tim. “Young? I’m barely two years younger than you.”
“Life experiences, mon chérie.” Aslan wound her way around Tim’s arm, vocalizing her desire for him to keep giving her attention. “Elle, looking gorg as usual.”
“Thanks, Tim.” Elle tipped her head on Nate’s shoulder.
“When are you going to publish that book, my sweet? I want to hand sell it to everyone I know, or I guess hand borrow since we’re in the library, though that doesn’t roll off the tongue in the same way,” Tim said, still giving Aslan the attention she felt she deserved.
Elle let out a secretive smile that led me to believe I might know what their news was. Elle and Nate had both moved to town in the past year. They’d met, fell in love, and Elle had begun to chase her dream of being an author in the past few months.
“Grace?” Nate called. Clearly this library didn’t believe in the silent rules of the past, though I seemed to be the only patron right now.
“Keep your pants on, son.” Lou came around the corner, followed by Grace, the library director, and Emma.
Emma gave me a wave and passed over the book.
Grace, the director here and a good friend of Emma’s, shook her head at Tim. “You know, at some libraries shouting is frowned upon.”
Tim looked her up and down. “You’re lucky you’re preggers or I’d have to tell you what I really think of people who keep libraries silent like a tomb.”
I raised my eyebrow and turned to look at Grace. I didn’t know her well, just enough to talk when we were out in a group. Her husband Aidan was a deputy for the sheriff’s department. I hadn’t heard that she was pregnant, but her fitted T-shirt dress showed her small bump.
“Congratulations,” I whispered.
She shot me a wink. “Thanks.” Looking at Tim, she said, “If me being pregnant causes you to not share your opinion on the regular, watch out, I’m having a ton of babies.”
“Oh please. If I was married to someone who looked like Aidan, I’d figure out male pregnancy for sure.”
“I’ll be sure to mention that to Eric.” Nate spoke up.
“He’d say the same,” Tim fired back.
I chose to ignore the crazy and leaned over to give Lou a hug. She was essentially the town matriarch and sassy as could be. She’d been invaluable in introducing me around town when I’d arrived. I credited much of the volunteer force we had out at Highland Woods to Lou. She’d met me, decided she liked what I stood for, then vouched for me with everyone in Highland Falls. Breaking into a small town wasn’t easy, I knew, but with someone like Lou Williams blazing your trail, things were a hell of a lot easier.
“Hey Lou,” I murmured.
“I’ll deal with you later, sonny.” Her tone indicated some displeasure.
“Uh-oh, what did I do now?” I asked. Valid question. I made sure I never got on Lou’s bad side. I mean, she was a sweetheart, but it didn’t do to piss her off.
She peered up at me from under her cap of gray curls as she gripped my forearm. “What’s this I hear about you and our Allyson?”
Shit. I mean, a fake relationship for my parents was one thing, but our friends were all in on it, so they wouldn’t have told Lou, which left… “Where’d you hear about us?” Sweat was beading up at my temples, the back of my neck.
“Maggie cared enough to share a video.” She shook her head at me. “And also, your mother.”
No, no, no, no. This wasn’t good. Lou and my mom had never met, and to some extent, that was by design. Not that they wouldn’t get along. Oh no; they would get along famously, I just knew it. And in the past, I was terrified of the two women joining forces and setting me up on some blind date. Now I had just wanted them apart by principle. The world was not ready for this duo.
“Um, where did you meet my mom?” Valid question while I was working to calm my heart rate.
“She volunteered out at the woods this morning with the gardening group. Nice lady. Told me all about how excited she is for you to be seeing someone after the loss of your wife.” Cue another curious look. “And how she and your dad have been looking into a rental property here in town…”
“Rental properties?” I hissed.
