Hello billionaire, p.29
Hello Billionaire, page 29
Gage nodded. “I can’t blame him because it makes business sense. If you’re doing something that hurts the bottom line, change it. But it’s Farrah.”
I shook my head, disgusted. “I hate that asshole.”
“I do too. But if he backs out, that’s hundreds of jobs for hundreds of families, gone.”
I could feel my heart breaking for him and Farrah. I knew how much Gage cared for other people, but he loved Farrah too. “You broke up because you couldn’t ask her to marry you.”
“I did ask her.” He loosened his tie, leaning back in his chair like a man defeated. “And it was a big fucking mistake.”
I nodded, already understanding. Farrah needed a man who would choose her on his own terms. But Gage’s hand had been played for him. “She walked away from you then?”
“Yes.” He pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes. “And I can’t get the image out of my fucking head.”
“What are you going to do about it?” I asked.
His arms outstretched at his sides. “What the hell am I supposed to do? My hands are tied. It’s a hundred families or me and Farrah. You can’t think I should be that selfish.”
I shook my head at him, not believing what I heard. “You’re telling me a man who has spoken in front of congress, eaten dinner with the president, negotiated with the biggest sharks on Wall Street, and grew up riding wild bulls for whatever dumb ass reason—that man is giving up on the love of his life?” My lip curled in anger, in disappointment. “That’s not the man I’ve worked with for the last three years. That’s not Gage Griffen.”
His angry blue eyes pierced mine, but I didn’t look away. My friend’s heart was on the line, and he was letting it break.
“Go to work, Ms. Baird,” he ordered roughly.
“I don’t think so. I’m taking a personal day, Mr. Griffen.”
55
GAGE
With my assistant gone and my heart in tatters, I left the office. Because no matter how much I tortured myself in the gym, no matter the amount of scotch I poured over ice, no matter how many times I tried to bury myself in work, the image of Farrah disappearing behind the elevator doors was seared into my mind.
My personal torture.
The price I paid for choosing the good of hundreds over the good of a woman who truly mattered to me.
Because I couldn’t choose her for myself. I couldn’t focus on what would make me happy.
Not when I’d spent my entire life growing a business to serve other people. Not when I wanted so desperately for my dad to be wrong about me.
I felt a renewed sense of pain and rage all over again, like Dad and I were fighting that first day.
So I got into my car and began driving the path to Cottonwood Falls, needing to handle what I should have done all those years ago. What I should have done the second Farrah asked me.
And since nothing could distract me from that ache in my chest that was Farrah leaving, I sat with it. I stewed in it. I let it eat me from the inside out because I knew there would never be another like her. There would never be someone who wholly understood me and loved me without asking for anything in return. All she asked for was my dedication. My heart.
And it had cost me too fucking much to give.
My Tesla had never seen a dirt road before, but now I drove it down the gravel path to my family’s home, driving under the metal arch that said GRIFFEN FARMS with a cow silhouette on either side.
Dust flew behind me as I sped toward the white farmhouse waiting at the end of the lane. A glance at my clock told me it was almost noon. Dad should be back for lunch any minute now if he wasn’t there already.
A car and two pickups sat in the drive, and I figured one of them was his.
I let anger, hurt fuel me as I got out of my car, and marched to the front door, rapping the wood not covered by a massive wreath with lots of gingham ribbon and a large white G in the middle.
Footsteps sounded on the hardwood inside, and my mom opened the door, her lips pulling into an O at the disheveled sight of me. “Gage, what are you doing here? Come in.”
I walked past her, saying, “Where’s Dad?”
“At the table, why?”
“We need to talk,” I replied, stepping through the living room. They still had the same couches, same layout from when I’d been there more than a decade ago. Some things didn’t change. But I had.
When I made it to the kitchen, Dad was getting up from the table, asking, “Who is it?”
Then he laid eyes on me.
His jaw tensed as he took me in, reading me just like I was reading him.
“Well this is a surprise,” he said. “Mom just made lunch. We have some extra if you want it.”
What the hell was going on, and why was he offering me food? “That’s not why I came.” My anger was already fading, being replaced by pain. Guilt. Regret.
“Then why did you come?” he asked. There were new wrinkles around his eyes. More salt and pepper in his mustache than ever before. But there was also a kindness I’d forgotten existed since he’d caused me so much hurt all those years ago.
“My girlfriend and I just broke up,” I said.
“The single mom?” he asked.
My eyebrows knitted together. “How did you know?”
He glanced toward my mom coming into the room, and I turned my head just in time to see her say, “We still keep up with you as much as we can... We miss you.”
“We?” I demanded, looking at Dad.
He looked down, away.
Mom’s voice came loudly, “Damn it, Jack, we’ve talked about this.” When I looked at my mom, I saw angry tears in her eyes.
Dad gritted his teeth. “So what? I’m supposed to admit I was wrong, and it’ll all go away? It’s been years without a word, without a phone call. And when you looked at me in that diner, I could see it in your eyes. You hate me. You want nothing to do with me.”
“You raised me and then you wrote me off the second I disagreed with you! What was I going to do? Beg my dad to love me?” I choked on my words, hating how weak I felt saying them. I was a billionaire, had a thriving company. Shouldn’t I be past this by now?
He shook his head, his voice gruff. “Of course I love you. But when Easter came and you didn’t show up, then Thanksgiving came and you didn’t show up, and then Christmas... months turned into years turned into a whole damn decade. I thought you’d made your choice. You were done with me.”
I shook my head. “You never called me either. Mom’s the one who’s been having Liv sneak me zucchini bread for years.”
“Of course. She missed you,” Dad said. “Hell, I missed you.”
His words wrenched my already broken heart around in my chest. “Why haven’t you called if you miss me?” I asked, not believing it.
“I tried to call you at your office a couple years ago, and your assistant told me I wasn’t on the approved list.” He shook his head. “I could have tried harder, but I figured you seemed to be doing well. Why would I mess that up for you?”
My heart was holding on to all the hurt, all the anger, but it was fading despite my efforts. “Why would you miss someone who, in your mind, only cares about money?”
Dad ran his fingers through mostly gray hair. The top half of his head was pale where he wore his hat. “We know that isn’t true, Gage. Anonymous donor rebuilds the baseball field in Cottonwood Falls with state-of-the-art equipment? Another anonymous donor makes sure the school has brand new textbooks every three years? Not hard to guess who has that kind of money. And buying that schoolhouse for your brother and his wife?” At my surprised look, he nodded. “Tyler told us. Not to mention, your mom saves every press release about you—and they’re all good. Donating to small-town farmers and ranchers. Investing in infrastructure abroad? You’ve done it all. You proved that you were the one guided by your heart, Gage Griffen, and I was the one guided by fear.”
My legs felt weak, and I sat at the table. The same table where I’d done homework and eaten breakfast, lunch, and dinner for so many years. But I wasn’t the same idealistic kid who used to sit here and dream about a life on the ranch with the girl I loved and a house full of babies.
I was a guy who’d given up on the love of my life to play hardball with a politician who cared more about his bottom line than doing the right thing.
“I’m not sure that’s true,” I said.
Mom sat next to me, laying a comforting hand on my arm that almost brought me to tears. “What happened with Farrah?” she asked. “We never met her, but you two looked so happy in all the photos.”
I had to swallow down the painful ball of emotion in my throat to speak. “I fucked it up. You know she wanted me to come and make up with you guys when I told her about the fight? She said she wanted a whole family to be behind her and her kids.”
Mom laid her hand over her heart. “She did?”
I nodded.
Dad cleared his throat. “When we saw that interview with you and her on the news, your mother told me in no short order it was time for me to put my pride behind me and make amends with you. The thought of me dying without ever knowing my grandkids. Without telling my son that I’m proud of him...” His voice broke up. Then he looked at me with murky hazel eyes. “I promise I won’t make that mistake again. We’re here for you, Gage, and whoever you choose to love.”
“I love her, and it wasn’t a choice,” I said. Falling for Farrah was just as inevitable as a raindrop falling from the sky. “And I love her kids. I haven’t known them very long at all, but it’s this feeling like...I want to experience life through their eyes.”
Mom and Dad exchanged a glance.
Dad said, “Gage, if I’ve learned anything while we’ve been apart, it’s that hanging on to being ‘right’ is the worst thing you can do. I may have gotten to stand by my opinion, but I missed the chance to stand by my son.”
Moisture pooled along my bottom lashes, and I wiped it aside. “This whole time, I’ve been waiting for you to reach out, Dad. My assistants never told me you tried to call and that’s on me... But you could have gotten my number from my siblings too. I thought—” I had to clear my throat to speak. “I thought you hated me.”
Dad shook his head, putting his hand on my back. “I never hated you. I was mad at you for showing my own shortcomings. There was a twenty-year-old kid with the guts, and the brains, to do what I couldn’t. And after a while, when you didn’t come by, I figured you were better off without your old man stomping on your dreams.”
My voice broke. “I just wanted you to be proud of me.”
He put his hands on both of my shoulders. “I’ve never been prouder of you than I am right now. You’re twice the man I could ever hope to be.”
56
FARRAH
Knocking sounded on the front door, but I ignored it. Whoever it was could call and leave a message like my mom had been doing all morning. Or come back later.
I was too busy trying to cry it out in my bed before I had to pick up my kids tonight. I didn’t want them to see how devastated I was, even after I had the whole weekend to grieve. This breakup was tearing me apart even more than the divorce had.
Leaving Caleb had felt like an inevitability. Even before I found out about the cheating, I’d sensed him pulling away, becoming less invested in me. There were the forgotten birthdays, the months that passed without flowers or even a date.
So when I found out about the cheating, it was more about my loss of identity. Realizing all I’d given to a man who wouldn’t remain faithful to me. Wondering which parts of me weren’t good enough to earn fidelity.
And mourning the life I’d dreamed of having with my kids. Grieving for my children, the loss of a cohesive family unit, a mom and a dad who were home at night.
But this heartbreak? It was different.
Because I’d let myself love Gage Griffen with every broken piece of me. I’d loved him despite every worry that love wasn’t in my cards. Despite every fear that this relationship would end too, taking just another person away from me and my kids.
And yet... that love wasn’t enough to keep him here. Because his first priority was his business and the people he served. And me and my kids? We were second place to another mistress.
He’d left us all. Because he’d met my kids, and I’d seen the way he looked at them. Like he would do anything for them. He never judged Andrew for his glow-in-the-dark fingernail polish, and he never tried to make Levi see him as more than a friend. And Cora... he’d treated her like the princess she wished she could be.
It was a loss for all of us, all over again.
The banging continued, louder this time, and I put a pillow over my head, trying to drown it out. Trying to drown out the thoughts of Gage too.
But then it got louder.
Seething with anger, I got up and went to the door, flinging it open, ready to tell whoever was there to go the eff away.
But Mia stood there, worry in her eyes, and before I could yell, she wrapped her arms around me in a hug.
I fell apart in her embrace, and she practically carried me inside to the couch, where I cried on her shoulder, saying incoherent things about Gage and heartbreak and the kids and anything else that crossed my mind. But mostly I cried as she smoothed her hand over my hair, saying, “I’m here” over and over and over again until the tears finally subsided.
My phone went off with yet another message, and I pulled it out of my pocket.
“Your mom said you aren’t answering the phone!” Mia accused. “This would have been easier if you’d just texted me back.”
“I still have to check that nothing is wrong with the kids.” But the message on the screen made my heart sink.
Pascale: Photos are in your inbox.
Looking over my shoulder, Mia said, “Oh, Farrah, don’t do that to yourself...”
But it was too late. I was already clicking through to my email, where his message was at the top. A link to an online gallery with all the pictures from the photo shoot.
The first one I saw had a fresh wave of tears spilling down my cheeks.
Gage and me in bath robes, mine slipped down one shoulder while he kissed it gently. Then Gage and me in bed, reading magazines side by side. Us jumping on the bed together. Running down the hallway in sock-clad feet.
And then the ones of our family together hit me even harder.
Cora and Gage sitting on the bed, a smorgasbord of room service spread around them. Gage and Levi giving each other a look while Andrew and Cora danced together. My mom reaching up and patting Gage’s cheek while he smiled down at her.
Pascale hadn’t just snapped stock photos for the sake of filling a frame.
He’d captured a love story.
And now that it was over, it only broke my heart more.
57
LEVI
I worked at the coffee shop with Grandpa all day, which meant my phone had to be in the employee cubbies under the counter. Gramps was a great boss, but a little old-fashioned—no phones allowed at work.
The days usually went by pretty fast, though, which was good because not texting Alyssa, even for eight hours, seemed like such a long time. After work, I always laid out on the couch and texted her til Mom and the younger two got home a few hours later.
But today when we finished cleaning up the shop and locking it up, Grandpa didn’t take me to my house; he brought me back to his.
“Did you need to pick something up before we go to my house?” I asked him in his car. It was the same one he’d had since I was a kid—an Oldsmobile with leather seats. I could still see the dark gray gum stain Andrew left in the middle seat when he was four and promised he was big enough to have bubblegum in the car.
“I’m taking you to practice tonight,” he said.
My eyebrows drew together. We’d gotten in late last night from Lake Texhoma, and I hadn’t spoken much with Mom. She cried a little more than normal, saying it was because she’d missed us. I figured she’d want to hound me with questions before practice at least.
“Did she have to work late?” I asked.
Grandpa was quiet a second too long, and my stomach sank.
“Did she lose her job?”
“No, it’s nothing like that.”
“What is it?” I asked, trying not to get frustrated. I felt like I had a right to know.
But then my phone went off with a text, and I stared at the screen.
Alyssa: Dallas Deets said your mom and Gage broke up. :( Is she okay?
I looked from the phone to Grandpa. “Mom and Gage broke up?”
He cringed as he nodded. “I don’t know too much about the how or why of it all but seems like she’s taking it pretty hard.”
My hand clenched around my phone. So that was it? Gage could go from taking us all to the zoo last weekend like we were one big happy family to getting rid of us all? How had he fooled everyone into thinking he cared for us when it was all going to end without so much as a word to any of us kids?
Andrew thought of Gage like he was a god, and Cora loved him too. They would be so broken up. And here was yet another guy in my life, promising to show up to my baseball games without any intention of following through.
By the time we got to Grandma and Gramps’s house, I was seething mad. “I’m taking a walk,” I said.
He studied me for a moment over the top of the car, then nodded. “Just remember the toothpaste rule.”
“Yeah, I know. Can’t put it back in the tube once it’s out.” I really didn’t want a lecture right now. But luckily, that was enough for Grandpa. He lifted his hand in a wave as he walked to the house.
I turned and paced down the narrow sidewalk, the late June sun beating on my back, already making me sweat. It was so freaking hot and only pissing me off more. I jabbed my finger at my phone, dialing Gage’s number. He’d given it to me a couple of weeks ago “in case I ever needed anything.”
I shook my head, disgusted. “I hate that asshole.”
“I do too. But if he backs out, that’s hundreds of jobs for hundreds of families, gone.”
I could feel my heart breaking for him and Farrah. I knew how much Gage cared for other people, but he loved Farrah too. “You broke up because you couldn’t ask her to marry you.”
“I did ask her.” He loosened his tie, leaning back in his chair like a man defeated. “And it was a big fucking mistake.”
I nodded, already understanding. Farrah needed a man who would choose her on his own terms. But Gage’s hand had been played for him. “She walked away from you then?”
“Yes.” He pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes. “And I can’t get the image out of my fucking head.”
“What are you going to do about it?” I asked.
His arms outstretched at his sides. “What the hell am I supposed to do? My hands are tied. It’s a hundred families or me and Farrah. You can’t think I should be that selfish.”
I shook my head at him, not believing what I heard. “You’re telling me a man who has spoken in front of congress, eaten dinner with the president, negotiated with the biggest sharks on Wall Street, and grew up riding wild bulls for whatever dumb ass reason—that man is giving up on the love of his life?” My lip curled in anger, in disappointment. “That’s not the man I’ve worked with for the last three years. That’s not Gage Griffen.”
His angry blue eyes pierced mine, but I didn’t look away. My friend’s heart was on the line, and he was letting it break.
“Go to work, Ms. Baird,” he ordered roughly.
“I don’t think so. I’m taking a personal day, Mr. Griffen.”
55
GAGE
With my assistant gone and my heart in tatters, I left the office. Because no matter how much I tortured myself in the gym, no matter the amount of scotch I poured over ice, no matter how many times I tried to bury myself in work, the image of Farrah disappearing behind the elevator doors was seared into my mind.
My personal torture.
The price I paid for choosing the good of hundreds over the good of a woman who truly mattered to me.
Because I couldn’t choose her for myself. I couldn’t focus on what would make me happy.
Not when I’d spent my entire life growing a business to serve other people. Not when I wanted so desperately for my dad to be wrong about me.
I felt a renewed sense of pain and rage all over again, like Dad and I were fighting that first day.
So I got into my car and began driving the path to Cottonwood Falls, needing to handle what I should have done all those years ago. What I should have done the second Farrah asked me.
And since nothing could distract me from that ache in my chest that was Farrah leaving, I sat with it. I stewed in it. I let it eat me from the inside out because I knew there would never be another like her. There would never be someone who wholly understood me and loved me without asking for anything in return. All she asked for was my dedication. My heart.
And it had cost me too fucking much to give.
My Tesla had never seen a dirt road before, but now I drove it down the gravel path to my family’s home, driving under the metal arch that said GRIFFEN FARMS with a cow silhouette on either side.
Dust flew behind me as I sped toward the white farmhouse waiting at the end of the lane. A glance at my clock told me it was almost noon. Dad should be back for lunch any minute now if he wasn’t there already.
A car and two pickups sat in the drive, and I figured one of them was his.
I let anger, hurt fuel me as I got out of my car, and marched to the front door, rapping the wood not covered by a massive wreath with lots of gingham ribbon and a large white G in the middle.
Footsteps sounded on the hardwood inside, and my mom opened the door, her lips pulling into an O at the disheveled sight of me. “Gage, what are you doing here? Come in.”
I walked past her, saying, “Where’s Dad?”
“At the table, why?”
“We need to talk,” I replied, stepping through the living room. They still had the same couches, same layout from when I’d been there more than a decade ago. Some things didn’t change. But I had.
When I made it to the kitchen, Dad was getting up from the table, asking, “Who is it?”
Then he laid eyes on me.
His jaw tensed as he took me in, reading me just like I was reading him.
“Well this is a surprise,” he said. “Mom just made lunch. We have some extra if you want it.”
What the hell was going on, and why was he offering me food? “That’s not why I came.” My anger was already fading, being replaced by pain. Guilt. Regret.
“Then why did you come?” he asked. There were new wrinkles around his eyes. More salt and pepper in his mustache than ever before. But there was also a kindness I’d forgotten existed since he’d caused me so much hurt all those years ago.
“My girlfriend and I just broke up,” I said.
“The single mom?” he asked.
My eyebrows knitted together. “How did you know?”
He glanced toward my mom coming into the room, and I turned my head just in time to see her say, “We still keep up with you as much as we can... We miss you.”
“We?” I demanded, looking at Dad.
He looked down, away.
Mom’s voice came loudly, “Damn it, Jack, we’ve talked about this.” When I looked at my mom, I saw angry tears in her eyes.
Dad gritted his teeth. “So what? I’m supposed to admit I was wrong, and it’ll all go away? It’s been years without a word, without a phone call. And when you looked at me in that diner, I could see it in your eyes. You hate me. You want nothing to do with me.”
“You raised me and then you wrote me off the second I disagreed with you! What was I going to do? Beg my dad to love me?” I choked on my words, hating how weak I felt saying them. I was a billionaire, had a thriving company. Shouldn’t I be past this by now?
He shook his head, his voice gruff. “Of course I love you. But when Easter came and you didn’t show up, then Thanksgiving came and you didn’t show up, and then Christmas... months turned into years turned into a whole damn decade. I thought you’d made your choice. You were done with me.”
I shook my head. “You never called me either. Mom’s the one who’s been having Liv sneak me zucchini bread for years.”
“Of course. She missed you,” Dad said. “Hell, I missed you.”
His words wrenched my already broken heart around in my chest. “Why haven’t you called if you miss me?” I asked, not believing it.
“I tried to call you at your office a couple years ago, and your assistant told me I wasn’t on the approved list.” He shook his head. “I could have tried harder, but I figured you seemed to be doing well. Why would I mess that up for you?”
My heart was holding on to all the hurt, all the anger, but it was fading despite my efforts. “Why would you miss someone who, in your mind, only cares about money?”
Dad ran his fingers through mostly gray hair. The top half of his head was pale where he wore his hat. “We know that isn’t true, Gage. Anonymous donor rebuilds the baseball field in Cottonwood Falls with state-of-the-art equipment? Another anonymous donor makes sure the school has brand new textbooks every three years? Not hard to guess who has that kind of money. And buying that schoolhouse for your brother and his wife?” At my surprised look, he nodded. “Tyler told us. Not to mention, your mom saves every press release about you—and they’re all good. Donating to small-town farmers and ranchers. Investing in infrastructure abroad? You’ve done it all. You proved that you were the one guided by your heart, Gage Griffen, and I was the one guided by fear.”
My legs felt weak, and I sat at the table. The same table where I’d done homework and eaten breakfast, lunch, and dinner for so many years. But I wasn’t the same idealistic kid who used to sit here and dream about a life on the ranch with the girl I loved and a house full of babies.
I was a guy who’d given up on the love of my life to play hardball with a politician who cared more about his bottom line than doing the right thing.
“I’m not sure that’s true,” I said.
Mom sat next to me, laying a comforting hand on my arm that almost brought me to tears. “What happened with Farrah?” she asked. “We never met her, but you two looked so happy in all the photos.”
I had to swallow down the painful ball of emotion in my throat to speak. “I fucked it up. You know she wanted me to come and make up with you guys when I told her about the fight? She said she wanted a whole family to be behind her and her kids.”
Mom laid her hand over her heart. “She did?”
I nodded.
Dad cleared his throat. “When we saw that interview with you and her on the news, your mother told me in no short order it was time for me to put my pride behind me and make amends with you. The thought of me dying without ever knowing my grandkids. Without telling my son that I’m proud of him...” His voice broke up. Then he looked at me with murky hazel eyes. “I promise I won’t make that mistake again. We’re here for you, Gage, and whoever you choose to love.”
“I love her, and it wasn’t a choice,” I said. Falling for Farrah was just as inevitable as a raindrop falling from the sky. “And I love her kids. I haven’t known them very long at all, but it’s this feeling like...I want to experience life through their eyes.”
Mom and Dad exchanged a glance.
Dad said, “Gage, if I’ve learned anything while we’ve been apart, it’s that hanging on to being ‘right’ is the worst thing you can do. I may have gotten to stand by my opinion, but I missed the chance to stand by my son.”
Moisture pooled along my bottom lashes, and I wiped it aside. “This whole time, I’ve been waiting for you to reach out, Dad. My assistants never told me you tried to call and that’s on me... But you could have gotten my number from my siblings too. I thought—” I had to clear my throat to speak. “I thought you hated me.”
Dad shook his head, putting his hand on my back. “I never hated you. I was mad at you for showing my own shortcomings. There was a twenty-year-old kid with the guts, and the brains, to do what I couldn’t. And after a while, when you didn’t come by, I figured you were better off without your old man stomping on your dreams.”
My voice broke. “I just wanted you to be proud of me.”
He put his hands on both of my shoulders. “I’ve never been prouder of you than I am right now. You’re twice the man I could ever hope to be.”
56
FARRAH
Knocking sounded on the front door, but I ignored it. Whoever it was could call and leave a message like my mom had been doing all morning. Or come back later.
I was too busy trying to cry it out in my bed before I had to pick up my kids tonight. I didn’t want them to see how devastated I was, even after I had the whole weekend to grieve. This breakup was tearing me apart even more than the divorce had.
Leaving Caleb had felt like an inevitability. Even before I found out about the cheating, I’d sensed him pulling away, becoming less invested in me. There were the forgotten birthdays, the months that passed without flowers or even a date.
So when I found out about the cheating, it was more about my loss of identity. Realizing all I’d given to a man who wouldn’t remain faithful to me. Wondering which parts of me weren’t good enough to earn fidelity.
And mourning the life I’d dreamed of having with my kids. Grieving for my children, the loss of a cohesive family unit, a mom and a dad who were home at night.
But this heartbreak? It was different.
Because I’d let myself love Gage Griffen with every broken piece of me. I’d loved him despite every worry that love wasn’t in my cards. Despite every fear that this relationship would end too, taking just another person away from me and my kids.
And yet... that love wasn’t enough to keep him here. Because his first priority was his business and the people he served. And me and my kids? We were second place to another mistress.
He’d left us all. Because he’d met my kids, and I’d seen the way he looked at them. Like he would do anything for them. He never judged Andrew for his glow-in-the-dark fingernail polish, and he never tried to make Levi see him as more than a friend. And Cora... he’d treated her like the princess she wished she could be.
It was a loss for all of us, all over again.
The banging continued, louder this time, and I put a pillow over my head, trying to drown it out. Trying to drown out the thoughts of Gage too.
But then it got louder.
Seething with anger, I got up and went to the door, flinging it open, ready to tell whoever was there to go the eff away.
But Mia stood there, worry in her eyes, and before I could yell, she wrapped her arms around me in a hug.
I fell apart in her embrace, and she practically carried me inside to the couch, where I cried on her shoulder, saying incoherent things about Gage and heartbreak and the kids and anything else that crossed my mind. But mostly I cried as she smoothed her hand over my hair, saying, “I’m here” over and over and over again until the tears finally subsided.
My phone went off with yet another message, and I pulled it out of my pocket.
“Your mom said you aren’t answering the phone!” Mia accused. “This would have been easier if you’d just texted me back.”
“I still have to check that nothing is wrong with the kids.” But the message on the screen made my heart sink.
Pascale: Photos are in your inbox.
Looking over my shoulder, Mia said, “Oh, Farrah, don’t do that to yourself...”
But it was too late. I was already clicking through to my email, where his message was at the top. A link to an online gallery with all the pictures from the photo shoot.
The first one I saw had a fresh wave of tears spilling down my cheeks.
Gage and me in bath robes, mine slipped down one shoulder while he kissed it gently. Then Gage and me in bed, reading magazines side by side. Us jumping on the bed together. Running down the hallway in sock-clad feet.
And then the ones of our family together hit me even harder.
Cora and Gage sitting on the bed, a smorgasbord of room service spread around them. Gage and Levi giving each other a look while Andrew and Cora danced together. My mom reaching up and patting Gage’s cheek while he smiled down at her.
Pascale hadn’t just snapped stock photos for the sake of filling a frame.
He’d captured a love story.
And now that it was over, it only broke my heart more.
57
LEVI
I worked at the coffee shop with Grandpa all day, which meant my phone had to be in the employee cubbies under the counter. Gramps was a great boss, but a little old-fashioned—no phones allowed at work.
The days usually went by pretty fast, though, which was good because not texting Alyssa, even for eight hours, seemed like such a long time. After work, I always laid out on the couch and texted her til Mom and the younger two got home a few hours later.
But today when we finished cleaning up the shop and locking it up, Grandpa didn’t take me to my house; he brought me back to his.
“Did you need to pick something up before we go to my house?” I asked him in his car. It was the same one he’d had since I was a kid—an Oldsmobile with leather seats. I could still see the dark gray gum stain Andrew left in the middle seat when he was four and promised he was big enough to have bubblegum in the car.
“I’m taking you to practice tonight,” he said.
My eyebrows drew together. We’d gotten in late last night from Lake Texhoma, and I hadn’t spoken much with Mom. She cried a little more than normal, saying it was because she’d missed us. I figured she’d want to hound me with questions before practice at least.
“Did she have to work late?” I asked.
Grandpa was quiet a second too long, and my stomach sank.
“Did she lose her job?”
“No, it’s nothing like that.”
“What is it?” I asked, trying not to get frustrated. I felt like I had a right to know.
But then my phone went off with a text, and I stared at the screen.
Alyssa: Dallas Deets said your mom and Gage broke up. :( Is she okay?
I looked from the phone to Grandpa. “Mom and Gage broke up?”
He cringed as he nodded. “I don’t know too much about the how or why of it all but seems like she’s taking it pretty hard.”
My hand clenched around my phone. So that was it? Gage could go from taking us all to the zoo last weekend like we were one big happy family to getting rid of us all? How had he fooled everyone into thinking he cared for us when it was all going to end without so much as a word to any of us kids?
Andrew thought of Gage like he was a god, and Cora loved him too. They would be so broken up. And here was yet another guy in my life, promising to show up to my baseball games without any intention of following through.
By the time we got to Grandma and Gramps’s house, I was seething mad. “I’m taking a walk,” I said.
He studied me for a moment over the top of the car, then nodded. “Just remember the toothpaste rule.”
“Yeah, I know. Can’t put it back in the tube once it’s out.” I really didn’t want a lecture right now. But luckily, that was enough for Grandpa. He lifted his hand in a wave as he walked to the house.
I turned and paced down the narrow sidewalk, the late June sun beating on my back, already making me sweat. It was so freaking hot and only pissing me off more. I jabbed my finger at my phone, dialing Gage’s number. He’d given it to me a couple of weeks ago “in case I ever needed anything.”
