“Ma’am.” Mills was still calm. “Trust me. If he posts bail, which is a slim chance, it is not likely that he will hurt Dani again. He has no prior arrests.”

  Mom stared hard. “But you don’t know that!”

  “No.” Mills held Mom’s stare. “We don’t know that he won’t hurt her again.”

  Mom sat back down and took my hand again. “But what about Dani?”

  Mills reached in his pocket and handed Mom a card. “Here’s the number of a counselor that works with the police and handles rape cases. Please call her. She can guide Dani.”

  Guide me? Whatever that meant. I wasn’t about to call anyone. I was done talking about it. I wasn’t ever going to tell my story again.

  CHAPTER 20

  Slim Chance

  We had come home earlier that day. Mom was getting ready to make herself some noodles. I didn’t want to eat. I was too tired. I was heading to bed when the phone rang. Mom picked it up and listened for a minute before she smiled at me and whispered, “It’s Detective Mills. They picked up Evron.”

  She turned her head to hear what else Mills had to say. I felt some relief flow through my body. I was tired. Real tired. But now I could sleep. First I wanted to hear what Mills had to say. I stopped heading for my bedroom. I decided to sit on the couch. I carefully sat down and waited.

  The phone call went on for a while. Longer than I thought it should. Mom finally said, “You’re kidding me! How did he get the money?” My body tightened again. I kept waiting for there to be good news again. But Mom soon ended the call with, “Thank you, Detective Mills. We’ll be waiting to hear from you. Bye.” She hung up and looked at me.

  “What?” I asked. But I already understood what Mills had told Mom before she started to explain. But I listened anyway, just in case I was wrong. I wasn’t.

  “Mills told me they did pick up Evron. They found him sleeping at home. Evron said he didn’t know what the police were talking about. Of course the results from the rape kit made him angry, and he blamed you for the whole thing.” Mom paused. She walked over to the sink and let the water run. “They pressed charges.” She put a pot under the tap and filled it half way.

  I got up off the couch and followed her. “And?” Why didn’t she get to the point?

  She walked to the stove and put the pot on the top. Turning on a burner, she looked at me. “He made bail.”

  “What?” I was upset. “How much was it?”

  “Twenty-five hundred dollars.” Mom said it as she pulled the noodles out from behind a neatly stacked pile of cans and cereal.

  “Who paid it?” I was not sure how Evron’s family could come up with the money that fast.

  Mom looked at me. She was frowning. “He paid it. With cash.”

  “What?” I leaned against the wall. “How’s that possible?”

  Mom shook her head. “That’s what I want to know.” Mom pointed at the phone. “That’s what the police want to know.”

  CHAPTER 21

  Fear

  I have never felt fear like I did that first week back home. I didn’t want to leave the apartment. I didn’t want to go to school. Evron was not in jail. He paid his own bail. He was out. He was living only a few floors above me.

  Mom called the police hoping they could give her some direction on how to deal with me. The police reminded us that it took time to go to trial. We would have to be patient. Patient? You try being patient while having that kind of fear. I was so scared. As far as I was concerned, it would be okay if I didn’t leave our apartment until the trial was over. Talk about being frozen in time. I cried all day long. I would look at my school books and I would cry. I would look in the mirror and I would cry. I would look at my ripped jacket and I would cry.

  After a week of this, Mom entered my room. “Enough!” she said as she pulled the covers off of me. I was still in bed at five in the afternoon. Mrs. Carson had agreed to watch Benny for a week while I got better. Whatever better meant. Mom was taking charge. “You are going to school tonight.”

  Fear made my chest feel so tight that I screamed, “No, I can’t!” I pulled the covers back up and cried.

  Mom was not gentle. “Yes, you can! You will get your life back! The sooner, the better. Don’t you dare let Evron steal it away.”

  “He already did,” I said as I looked at Mom. She was strong and beautiful. Her hair was up, so you could see her strong cheek bones. She wearing the necklace I gave her for Christmas. I reached up and touched the sliver chain. I felt like I was trying to reach for something. I wanted that happy moment back. I wanted Mom smiling at me. I wanted to be sitting in front of the handmade Christmas tree again. The memory seemed a lifetime ago.

  Her eyes softened just a little. “Baby, he’s going to pay a price. When and how, I don’t know. But you will fight.”

  I sat up and tried to wipe away the tears. Snot stuck to my sheet. “How?”

  She threw some jeans and a shirt on my bed. “By getting dressed and getting to class.”

  “Mom, I’m just so scared!” I slowly reached for the shirt.

  Mom put both her hands on her hips. “We have a plan.” She smiled and all her teeth showed. I felt a little bit of hope rise from somewhere inside. “I’ll walk you to the bus stop. And when you are on the way home, Keon will get on the bus in front of the Market Place. He’ll make sure you get home.”

  “But Keon’s shift isn’t over.” I was confused.

  “He’s worked it out so he can go in earlier and leave earlier.” She smiled again. She reached into the pocket at the back of her jeans. “And here.” She threw a new phone at me with a new number. “Only Keon and I have your new number. So please think about who you give it to.”

  “Oh.” I held the phone in my hands like a strange object I had never seen before. It seemed like a plan that might work. I wasn’t sure why Keon would do this for me. But right then it really didn’t matter why; I just needed someone to make me feel safe.

  CHAPTER 22

  Stepping Back into Life

  I never pictured myself one of those people who keep looking over their shoulder. But I was. Every noise made me jump. Sitting on the bus alone, I watched every person get on and off. I looked behind me every minute. By the time the bus stopped for me, I was sweating. But I didn’t take off my jacket.

  I ran from the bus stop to the classroom. By the time I sat down, I was breathing so hard that people stared. I got up and ran to the bathroom and cried. I wanted to go home. But I couldn’t get on the bus yet because then Keon wouldn’t be with me. Then I got scared alone in the bathroom and ran back to the classroom. I tried to sit in the back, so people wouldn’t see my face. Or my ripped jacket. Mom repaired it because I needed it. But it looked like a huge scar that everyone could see.

  “Are you okay?” A sweet voice whispered with a slight accent. I looked to my left and saw a girl who was Latino.

  “I’m fine!” I lied.

  “No, you’re not!” She shook her head and cussed in Spanish. Of course those were the only Spanish words I knew.

  I looked at her. Her dark hair with a blond stripe down the side was in a tight pony tail. I could see she had her nose pierced. I tried to smile. “You’re right. I’m not okay.” She looked at me as if I would tell her more. But I just shook my head. “I just can’t talk about it right now.”

  She whispered, “Don’t worry about it.” She smiled. “I’m Eva.”

  “Dani Garcia.” I smiled. “But I don’t speak Spanish.”

  Eva laughed and then we both turned to listen to the teacher. Something about Eva made me relax. It felt good to feel relaxed for a change.

  After class I stood at the door of the building. The bus stop was only around the corner, but it was dark. Really dark. The streetlights didn’t make me feel any better. I had done this so many times. But today the walk seemed hard. I started to shake.

  “Dani?” Eva was standing next to me. “What’s wrong?”

  I looked at her and tried to wipe away the tear that was starting to fall. “Oh, hi Eva.” I paused as I watched her look at me really funny. Then I asked, “Could you walk me to the bus stop?”

  She lifted her eyebrows. “Sure.” We started toward the bus stop. For a few minutes she was quiet, but finally she said, “It must have been bad.” She wasn’t asking me anything. It was just a statement.

  I looked at her for just a minute and was not sure why she said that. “What do you mean?”

  She stopped and looked right at me. “Look, Dani. I know you were attacked.” She jerked her head toward the school. “We all do.” The look of horror on my face made her come in closer. “Don’t worry. We all are there for you. The teacher found out why you missed last week and told us.”

  “He shouldn’t have!” I was angry. I started to walk again. I walked fast.

  “Bull!” Eva quickly caught up. “We should know! We should watch out for you. We have to stick together.”

  I stopped again and looked at her. I hated it. But something about what she said was right. I guessed Mom probably told the teacher. I smiled for a minute thinking Mom was making sure strangers would watch out for her baby. “You’re right, Eva.” I smiled at her. “I don’t know you, but I do need you.”

  “I know.” Eva smiled back. She grabbed my arm and turned me around. “Now let’s go get you on that bus.”

  CHAPTER 23

  Bus Angel

  It was only a ten minute ride before I saw the tall, dark figure get on the bus. Keon walked right up to me and sat down with his leg touching mine. I pulled my leg away. He just smiled and said, “I hope your first day back was good.”

  “Not really. Well, sort of,” I said looking straight ahead.

  “Which is it?” he asked. He looked straight ahead too.

  “I was afraid. It was bad. But I met someone.” I smiled to myself.

  There was a pause. Keon shifted a moment and then asked, “You met someone?”

  He turned his head toward me for just a minute before turning away again. I suddenly laughed. I hadn’t laughed in a long time. Keon was acting like a shy ten-year-old. He didn’t laugh. “What’s so funny?”

  “You!” I gently shoved his shoulder. “I met a girl, stupid! She’s a new friend.” “Oh.” He sighed. He turned toward me again. I knew he was trying to look at me. I couldn’t help but try to look back. It was dark, but suddenly the lights from outside lit up Keon’s cheek. Then the moment was gone.

  I gasped. “What’s wrong with your cheek? It looks swollen.”

  Keon paused for only a moment. He leaned down, so only I could hear. He spoke slowly. “I beat the crap out of Evron. I told him if he touched you again I would kill him. Of course he got some hits in too.” I could feel him try to look at me again. The city lights lit up the bus again. For only a moment. I got a glimpse of his eyes. I could see for just a moment that his eyes held something new. Something I had never known from any man. I mattered. I really mattered.

  CHAPTER 24

  March

  I kept hoping the fear would go away. But it didn’t. I seemed to be able to manage getting to school and back. But I never left the apartment any other time of the day.

  I told myself that this was good. I had more time to work on my school work, and it was paying off. I smiled at every A I brought home. I didn’t do much smiling though, except with Benny and Keon. I would smile when Benny would yell my name–Ni Ni–as he ran into my arms.

  I would also feel a small smile sneak up as Keon sat next to me on the bus. Or when he’d text me to just say hi and tell me what he was doing. But the rest of the time I felt a deep empty hole that just seemed to get bigger as the days went on. I couldn’t get rid of the thought that Evron slept only three floors above us.

  CHAPTER 25

  The Visitor

  The knock on the door sent fear through my body. I stood still. The door was locked and the stove clock read four p.m. Mom wasn’t supposed to be home yet. Benny was taking a nap on Mom’s bed. It was so quiet. I just stood there as the knocking continued. A few minutes passed and I realized the knock had not turned into pounding. I slowly walked toward the door with my heart beating so hard I thought I might pass out.

  “Who is it?” I asked with my face touching the cold chain that kept me safe.

  “It’s Mrs. Grady, dear.” The sound of my teacher’s voice melted away all my fears. I quickly unlocked the door and saw the little old woman look at me with arms wide open. “Come here, sweetie.” I found myself embraced by the smell of cigarettes. I loved it. It was Mrs. Grady. I was safe with Mrs. Grady.

  She walked into the little apartment without looking at the empty pizza box from two weeks ago sitting on the kitchen floor next to a very full trash can. She didn’t care that she had to step over Benny’s toys. She moved a pile of dirty clothes to the side of the couch as she sat down. She folded her hands in her lap and looked at me.

  “I’m sorry about the mess,” I said as I grabbed the dirty clothes and threw them into my room.

  “What mess?” She smiled.“ You should see my place.” I knew she was lying, but I loved her for it. I sat down next to her.

  “What are you doing here?” I said feeling like there might be something I had done wrong.

  “I thought you might need me.” She patted my leg quickly and folded her hands again. I didn’t say anything as I tried to hold back tears. She looked at me and said, “I am so proud of you. You are doing well in the night school program. I checked, you know.” She winked at me, making me smile as I wiped my eyes. “I understand you are a survivor.”

  I frowned a little. “I don’t think I am.”

  She looked at me with a worried look. “Why not? You have continued to do well in spite of your …” she paused not knowing what to say. I knew she didn’t want to call it an accident, since it was no such thing. I knew she didn’t want to use the word rape, because it was too hard to swallow. So she just said, “You know.” This, of course, seemed to be the best word to use since I did know.

  “Yeah, I know,” I said and took Benny’s Elmo in my arms to squeeze. “But I am still so afraid.”

  Mrs. Grady touched my hand this time, but I didn’t pull away. “I understand, but this will take time.” We sat for a moment in silence before she added, “Have you met with someone yet?” I looked at her confused. “A rape counselor?” She finally said the word quickly, as if it were a curse word that she was not allowed to repeat.

  I shook my head. “No, I didn’t know I should see one.” I felt sort of stupid, like I was letting my teacher know I didn’t read the directions to a test.

  Surprise and anger flooded the little old lady’s eyes. “Nobody at the hospital or the police told you about this?”

  I dropped my eyes. “Yes, they did.” I got up and walked over to the fridge where Mom had taped the card. I took it and handed it to Mrs. Grady. I spoke before she could say anything. “But I just think it’s okay if I don’t see her.”

  She stood up and started pacing, accidently kicking a small ball across the room. “This is not okay!” I had never heard Mrs. Grady raise her voice. But she was angry. “You must speak with someone! I will personally see to it that you see this counselor.”

  “But I don’t want to.” I felt the tears fall. “I don’t want to talk about it. It’s over! It’s in the past. I want to move on! I don’t want to be afraid anymore!” I found myself standing up and yelling.

  Mrs. Grady moved in close and held both of my hands. I had never seen Mrs. Grady cry, but tears flowed. “You must, sweet Dani! You must!”

  Just then Benny started to cry. I quickly pulled myself away from Mrs. Grady’s hands and ran to get Benny. He hugged me as we came back to Mrs. Grady. Her look had changed. She stared at Benny and moved in close. She hesitated for a moment and then gently touched his chubby legs.

  “This is Benny,” I said. I was thankful that we could move on to a different topic.

  “Oh, he is so beautiful. Look at those blue eyes!” She touched his head and took his little hand in hers. She gently kissed his little fingers as Benny giggled. Suddenly she pulled herself together and became my teacher again. “Well, I better go.”

  “Thanks for coming, Mrs. Grady.” I walked her to the door. “I’ll think about what you said.”

  Mrs. Grady looked at me. “No, Dani. I will make sure you talk to …” She paused and looked at the card. “Mrs. Elpidia. This is not for you to think about.” I was shocked at her tone. I didn’t dare argue back. She smiled, handed the card to me, and patted my hand once more. “We’ll get you through this!”

  Then she looked at Benny once more and kissed his little toes. “Bye bye, Benny.” Benny giggled as I closed the door. I wasn’t sure if I should have been thankful or upset about Mrs. Grady’s visit. I just wanted to move on, but there was something about Mrs. Grady that made me think I was missing something. I just couldn’t figure it out.

  CHAPTER 26

  Not Again

  Mom’s look was familiar. She looked quickly away when our eyes met. She finally said, “I’m sorry, baby.”

  “What are you talking about, Mom?” I was packing up my school books and get- ting ready to head to the bus.

  “I have to work late three nights a week for the next two months.” She started cleaning old plates off the kitchen table. When I didn’t answer she tried to explain. “Ted gave me first pick at some overtime while Brit is out recovering from an ac- cident.” I just looked at her. “You know, I told you about Brit.”

  “No you didn’t, Mom,” I said as calm- ly as I could. I had never heard of Brit and I didn’t care about Brit. “You don’t have to take the extra hours.”

  Mom put the last paper plate in the trash. “Yes, I do. It’s a way for me to make more money and show Ted that I can do more. Maybe he’ll promote me.”

 

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