Reckless, p.26
Reckless, page 26
He motions behind me. “Close the door and come here.”
My eyes widen. “What?”
“You heard me.”
It takes a second to un-freeze, and I make sure the hallway is empty before I close the door. As I stride toward him, I shake my head. “I’m not having sex with you when your mom in the other room.”
That’s another reason I need to go. I can see it now, Ethan sneaking into my room, his mother hearing us, me dying of embarrassment. I want his mom to like me, and she won’t if she hears me riding her son into oblivion. It’s a small miracle we haven’t traumatized the kids with our nighttime activities.
But when I reach his side of the desk, he tugs me into his lap and gives me a slow, sweet kiss. “Don’t want you to go.”
His voice makes me shiver. It’s almost enough to overshadow the throb on my hip from the giant bruise I got this morning when I wiped out on the butter.
I almost say it. Almost tell him I love him. It’s right there on my lips, but something holds me back.
Ask me to stay.
I run my finger along the A&M logo on his t-shirt. “I don’t want to go either, but I think the writing’s on the wall.” My eyes sting, the reality of what I’m doing hitting sharp and deep, like I’ve impaled myself, but the momentum is gaining ground, and I can’t stop.
“Kat needs help, and you don’t,” I choke out. Doesn’t he see I’m obviously sucking at my job? First Mila burns her hand, and then the kids run wild with the butter, right under my nose? What if something worse had happened? I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if the kids got hurt because I was distracted.
In the silence, I start to chicken out when the reality of what I’m doing sinks in. Because I don’t want to go. If I give him space, will Allison dig her claws deeper? Will that client he had this morning get a shot with him? Will he question why he’s with me?
My heart is pounding. Can he feel it? I swallow and wait for him to say something.
Tell me to stay.
As your girlfriend, not as an employee.
Tell me you love me.
He doesn’t.
A big, calloused hand cups my face. “Is this about last night?” He sighs. “I wanted to talk about that. I…”
Driving up to the ranch while he and Allison argued on the porch feels like a lifetime ago.
I shake my head. “No.” I sniffle. “Not really.” Though it is about how he probably needs time to figure out what he wants. It might not be me.
Don’t fucking cry, Tori.
In the hallway, the thump of children’s feet tells me we’re out of time.
“You’re still my girl, right?” He tilts my chin up, so I have to look at him.
Even through my tears, his stormy blue eyes captivate me.
“Yeah.”
A question wells up in my heart: But are you still my guy?
* * *
A mockingbird tweets cheerfully in the tree outside Kat’s kitchen. The sun shines bright and high in the sky. Everything belies the misery in my bones. It should be raining and gray and cold like my sad little soul.
My sister side-eyes me again. “Are you sure you’re okay? It’s been days, and you’ve barely said a word. Are you mad at me?”
“No, of course I’m not mad at you. Stop talking to me or I’ll screw up your recipe.” Food is forgiving. Her bath and body supplies? Not so much.
I’m making a batch of bath salts for her lavender company, and I always misread the ingredients when she’s talking to me. It’s the reason I didn’t ask her to hire me instead of working for Ethan earlier this summer. I screwed up a huge order for her last year, and it was an expensive mistake. Really, I shouldn’t be measuring anything when my head is such a mess, but I can’t let my pregnant sister do this herself. I’m sure Brady could manage, but he has one more week at the tattoo parlor before he takes off on maternity leave. What’s it called for dudes? Paternity leave?
My sister tugs on my shirt. “Come on, manita. Please talk to me. I know something is wrong. You haven’t tried to embarrass me all week.”
“Oh, my God. Fine. I miss Ethan and the kids.”
She tugs a lock of hair. “I’m surprised you haven’t gone over to see them.”
I would’ve, had he asked me.
But I don’t say that.
Clearing my throat, I shrug. “We’ve texted a bit. Had two awkward phone calls. He’s up early and exhausted by the time he’s ready to crash. Not super-conducive to being chatty on the phone.”
My big plan to keep this relationship going while I’m back in Austin is slowly withering away. Ethan’s not big on the phone. He’s clearly not comfortable texting. Those are required criteria for living in different towns, even though they’re not terribly far apart.
The whole thing makes me irritable. I’m trying to be optimistic. He called me. Twice. He says he misses me. That’s something. But I won’t bang down his door while he has so much going on.
I have one small bright spot. He said once we wrap up the party, he wants to take me out on that date.
Hopefully we’ll be able to talk for real. To find some time to connect. Because right now, he feels like a stranger.
But first I have to get through the party with Allison and her friends.
Kat wipes the counter. “You still doing the food for Cody’s birthday?”
“Yup.” Beverly gave me the head count yesterday, and I almost choked on my spit. Sixty-five people and rising. Thank you for inviting the entire county, Allison. “Bev said I could hire a caterer, to save the bill, and they’d reimburse me.”
“That’s a relief.”
I roll my eyes. “Ethan can’t afford a caterer. Except for the cake, I’m going to make everything.” She gasps, and I look at her sharply. “You think I can’t pull it off?”
“No, of course you can. It’s just a lot of work.”
“Newsflash. I’m a hard worker.” I might mess up once in a while, but I always give my whole heart. This way, Ethan only has to pay for the ingredients.
“Of course you are. I’m not suggesting you’re not.”
“I’ll keep it simple.”
I have to pray I don’t screw up for once and hope that Allison and I can stay out of each other’s way at the party.
I might need a miracle.
49
Ethan
“You need help bringing everything over?” With one shoulder, I hold the phone to my ear while I button my jeans.
Tori pauses on the other end. “I can manage, but thanks.”
“I can’t believe you made all that food. You’re a stubborn woman, you know that?” She laughs, and it sounds so goddamn good. It makes me realize I don’t know the last time I heard her laugh, and that’s wrong.
“I’ve been told that once or twice,” she says softly.
“Listen, I know you were trying to save me some money, which I appreciate, but I want to pay you for the time you spent cooking. I’m sure you’ve busted your ass on this like you do with everything, so I’m not taking no for an answer.”
“I wasn’t doing this because I wanted to get paid, Ethan.”
I smile at the fierceness in her voice. My girl is balls to the wall. Love that about her. “Darlin’, I didn’t say you were.”
She huffs. “I’m doing this because—”
“Because you’re awesome and you love Cody. I get it. I’m still paying you.” She might be my girlfriend, but there’s no way I’m gonna take advantage of her time or good intentions. “Now get your ass over here. I fucking miss you.”
Can’t believe I haven’t seen her in almost two weeks. This shit ends now. I’d gotten the impression she wanted space, that maybe the kids and I had overwhelmed her. After Cody took a bath in butter, Tori looked like she’d had enough of our antics and needed a break. God knows my children and I are a handful, but time’s up. She’s mine, and she belongs here with me.
If she’ll have me.
* * *
The sound of tires along the gravel in front of my house is music to my ears. Peeking out the front blinds, I spot Tori hopping out of Kat’s truck.
So she’ll drive her sister’s truck but doesn’t wanna drive mine? What’s that about?
“Logan,” I call out. “Keep an eye on the kids. Gonna help Tori unload.”
That’s a mistake because they hear me.
My two daredevils come tearing down the hall screaming my girlfriend’s name, and I smile. They miss her too.
I was hoping to have a minute with Tori to kiss her until she begged to stay tonight. I’ll have to drag her away during the party at some point to make that happen.
“All right.” I open the front door and hoist my son into my arms. “C’mere, bud.” He’s too excited. With my luck, he’ll take a tumble and land face first. That’s no way to start a birthday party.
Tori is a vision in jeans and a white tank. Hair blowing in the wind. All that beautiful golden skin. And fuck me, that smile.
“Hey, babe.” I kiss her forehead, and she grins up at me while hugging my daughter, who’s attached herself to Tori’s leg. “We’ve missed you around here.”
“Yeah?” Her eyes widen. The vulnerability coming off her makes my stomach tighten. Why does she seem surprised?
“So much.”
Doesn’t she know that? How much we want her here?
Fuck, haven’t I told her how much I need her? I hadn’t wanted to overwhelm her, but now I’m wondering if she’s been waiting for me.
Jesus, I’m dense sometimes.
“Can we chat later?” I whisper in her ear. Her eyebrows furrow. “It’s all good, I promise.” I kiss her lips. It’s quick ‘cause my kids are with us, but it’s obvious she and I need some time alone to talk this out.
We get all the food set up buffet-style on picnic tables my brother set up in the back yard under an enormous white tent Allison’s parents loaned us. They “entertain” often and offered it to us, probably so they don’t melt under the sun.
“This looks amazing.” My stomach rumbles as I check out the spread. Homemade potato salad, chicken salad, fruit salad, barbecue chicken, different kinds of dips. My woman outdid herself. “Pretty sure that’s gonna taste better than anything we could’ve gotten catered.”
“Hells yeah.” Logan leans over and grabs a chunk of watermelon.
My mom smacks it out of his hand. “Manners! Wait until the guests finish arriving.” She turns and pulls Tori into a hug. “This looks delicious, dear. I knew you were a keeper the moment I met you.”
A smile lifts my lips. Mom is one hundred percent Team Tori. She apologized the other night for barging in on us, surprising us with her return, but that’s nonsense. We’ll figure out how to make everything work. It’ll be better now that Mom’s moved back in with my brother, though he’s less excited now that he has no place to sex up his lady friends.
“You know, some people might be vegan.” Allison saunters up, a scowl on her face. How was I ever attracted to this woman? Was she always this mean?
I open my mouth to respond, but Mom beats me to it. “This is Texas, Allison. Finicky guests can eat the fruit salad or suck on some hay.”
Allison rolls her eyes and then glares at Tori. “Don’t you want to change?” Of course, Allison is gussied up in overpriced designer threads.
“Be nice,” I growl under my breath. “I’m not fucking kidding.” We’ve had it out, and I’ve warned her that Tori is important to me.
I can’t really make heads or tails of Allison’s behavior. One minute, she’s irate and throwing temper tantrums, the next, she’s all smiles. She’s making me dizzy with her back and forth.
Tori shrugs, looking uncomfortable. “I wasn’t planning to change. This is what I wear.”
“Whatever.” Turning to me, Allison motions across the yard. “Remember that the Harrisons want a trainer, and the Dumonts are looking for help breeding their mare.” For a woman who had zero interest in the ranch when we were married, she sure has pulled a turnabout. Half of these people are friends of her parents, and Allison says I should schmooze.
Yeah, I don’t schmooze.
But I’m trying not to be a dick because I suppose this is her way of supporting the ranch. It’s true we can always use new clients, but I underestimated how annoyed I’d be having to deal with my ex-wife. I keep telling myself it’s worth it if I get the kids. I’ll give every last penny in my pocket to make that happen.
When Allison heads for her parents, I grab Tori’s hand and pull her off to the side. “We just gotta get through today.” I lower my voice. “My lawyer is finalizing the terms of the contract. Pretty sure after this weekend, things will change around here.” I fucking hope so because I can’t stand Allison’s bullshit any longer.
Tori nods and gives me a hesitant smile. She’s about to say something when banging on the other side of the tent starts up again.
“What’s going on?”
I motion behind me. “My friend James is putting the finishing touches on a new swing set for the kids.”
“They’re gonna love it!” Her brilliant smile wanes. “I hope it wasn’t too expensive, though.”
“I got a great deal since I helped him a while back when he was having trouble with his marriage. He kinda owes me.”
She puts her hand on my arm. “Mila and Cody will be so excited.”
“I hope so. This summer has been tough on them, and I wanted to do something extra special.” I lean in closer. “Wanna do something special for you too. Can you stay over tonight?”
Before she answers, Mila tugs on her arm. I’m smiling down at my two favorite girls when my buddy smacks me on the back. “We’re all set, Ethan.” James flashes that smile that’s always gotten all the girls. It’s gotten him in trouble once or twice with his wife too. Glad he’s changed it all around.
He catches a glimpse of Tori and does a double-take.
I joke with him under my breath, “Don’t even think of flirting with my woman, asshole.”
A streak of jealousy rises in me when I consider James laying that charm on Tori.
With a quick shake of my head, I shrug off that idea. He’d never do anything to threaten his marriage again or our friendship.
50
Tori
I’m glad I’m near the ground, kneeling next to Mila, because that voice would’ve knocked me over if I were standing. With a trembling hand, I balance myself against the ground beneath me and take a shallow breath.
What is he doing here?
I must’ve been a bad person in a prior life because why else does this shit happen to me?
I’m frozen, like a deer trapped on a long stretch of highway traffic. The only movement is my pounding heart that I can practically see thumping through my tank top.
I peer around Mila, wondering if I’m experiencing some kind of psychotic break. How else can I explain why Jamie—Jamie, my cheating douchebag ex—is standing a few feet away?
He and Ethan are chatting it up like old friends, but I can’t make sense of what they’re saying because blood is rushing through my ears.
“Babe. Want you to meet someone.” Ethan turns and smiles down at me. That smile pierces my heart.
Will he look at me the same way once he knows what happened? And that it happened with his friend?
Oh, God, I slept with one of Ethan’s friends. I told Ethan the broad strokes of what went down with my ex, but not how I found out Jamie was married and certainly not how my life imploded afterward. Fuck, fuck, fuck.
I take the doll Mila was trying to hand me, and she bolts for her friends who are surrounding the swing set. The one Jamie just set up.
Dusting off my shins, I slowly stand on unsteady legs. I feel all knobby-kneed and light-headed. Maybe I’ll pass out or die from a heat stroke and spare myself this conversation.
Swallowing, I let Ethan take my clammy hand.
“James, this is my girlfriend Tori.”
I steel myself and look at the dirtbag, who seems almost as shocked as I am to see him.
He’s hulkier than when we were together, which is silly because he was already a big guy. Now he reminds me of a beefed-up bulldog, all bulky mass punctuated with a tiny head.
“James, is it?” I ask, not bothering to hide the venom in my voice. “Not Jamie?” Asshole was full of lies. I’m not surprised he goes by a different name.
He laughs uneasily and shifts back and forth. “Tori. Jesus Christ, girl. It’s been a while.”
Ah, the fucker is going to admit he knows me? This should be fun.
Nausea is swirling in my gut, acid thick in the back of my throat. “Not since your birthday last summer,” I add helpfully.
Ethan looks back and forth between us. “You guys know each other?”
I open my mouth to spew forth all the ways James can go to hell when he laughs.
“Yeah, I know Tori. She used to bartend at this place in Austin my buddies and I used to go to sometimes, but it’s been a while.” He gives me a pointed look to keep my mouth shut.
That’s how you’re going to play it?
Ethan wraps his arm around my shoulder. I’m so grateful to have him next to me, I could cry.
James’s eyes narrow as he watches us together, the cool smile spreading on his face making me more anxious. “I thought you were trying to get Allison back. It’s a shame you spent all last year wanting to make it work, hoping to win her back.”
Fuck my life, he did not just say that.
Ethan coughs. “We went south a long time ago. Not sure there was anything to work out.”
“Huh. That’s weird. Pretty sure I just heard her tell Felicia that you guys might reconcile.” He points his chin to the other side of the tent where Allison is talking to a woman with long black hair. Jamie’s wife. Yes, I remember her naked ass as she blew her husband. Isn’t this a festive party?
“No, man.” Ethan squeezes my shoulder. “You must’ve misheard.”
