Wind river rancher, p.20
Wind River Rancher, page 20
“I wish,” he began hoarsely, “that you’d met me when I was healthy and whole, Shay.”
Startled by his words, she sat paralyzed for a moment, only now beginning to realize the depth of damage done to Reese by the PTSD, by whatever event he’d managed to survive. It haunted him like a demon: the horror of what had happened, of how he handled it, of how he’d survived whatever the event was. Unconsciously, she moved her fingers across his shoulder and down his arm.
“There is no one who doesn’t respect you, Reese. No one.” She stared into his moist eyes, watching him fight back tears. There was such devastation in his expression, hope buried in the carnage of his PTSD. Shay wasn’t sure who would win that battle within Reese. And that’s when she realized that only time . . . time . . . would decide the outcome of that war that he carried within him. Every day was a battle for a PTSD-ridden vet.
Every muscle in his body was rigid. She could feel the tension around him, how badly he wanted to dump all those feelings into words and share them with her. But he couldn’t. It was heartbreaking to watch him use his internal strength and resolve to shove it all down deep into himself once again. Shay wanted to scream out to him to release it, but she knew it would do no good. Reese had years of experience pushing away his emotions in order to survive. Her heart twisted in anguish.
Leaning forward, she caressed his upper arm, forcing him to look directly into her eyes. “I trust you, Reese. Since you came to the ranch, you’ve been helping me to reach out and trust again. It’s you. You’ve done that for me whether you realized it or not. You don’t see yourself and how you help all of us in different ways. I know that. But you need to be made aware because you think you’re less than us.” She swallowed convulsively. “And you aren’t. You never have been. You need to start seeing the people around you who love and care for you. That’s how to rebuild your confidence and self-esteem. No one says it’s easy, Reese. God knows, I wrestle with it every day myself, but I have made healthy steps forward. And so can you.”
Shay watched her words envelop Reese. He sat up, blinking at her, his mouth softening. When she’d said she trusted him, everything changed in a heartbeat. The shock was followed by hope, as he stared at her with an intensity that stirred her on every level. Shay realized she was getting a peek at the hardened Marine captain who had been in the thick of combat. She knew that look. Knew it well.
And then that hardened warrior mask he wore was replaced with something so beautiful, so heart-opening, that her breath hitched in reaction. Trust. That was the key to Reese, Shay suddenly realized. A key to his climbing out of that hellish world living inside of him. Trust meant something so powerful to this beleaguered warrior that she could use it like a helping hand to pull him out of that dark internal prison he lived in.
Her fingers grew firmer around his biceps and she felt him respond, his muscles tightening beneath her fingertips. “I don’t care if you think you’re half the man you used to be or not. I see a whole man in front of me. Not half of one. What hasn’t changed in you, Reese, is that people trust you. And you don’t let them down . . .”
Chapter Fifteen
Shay tried to quell her nervousness as they walked into her father’s room at the nursing home. To her shock, her father had called her yesterday, four days before the arena roof-raising was to take place. She didn’t know of a time when she’d been busier at the ranch, setting up to receive seventy-five volunteers for the coming weekend to get the roof on the arena, not to mention, get four houses built.
Glancing up at Reese, who walked casually at her side, he carried his briefcase in hand. Some of her anxiety dissolved beneath his quiet demeanor. Neither of them knew why Ray wanted to see them.
She knocked on the door to her father’s room. The midafternoon sun slanted into his room and Shay saw he’d had someone open up his window to allow fresh summer air to circulate. She knew how much her father missed being on the ranch, and being out in the elements.
“There you are,” Ray grouched, waving them in.
“Hi, Father,” Shay said, leaning over the bed and giving him a peck on the cheek. Today, he looked almost happy, and it shocked her. He was sitting on top of his bed and dressed in jeans and a dark blue cowboy shirt. Swallowing her surprise, she eased away as Reese came up and extended his hand to her father.
“Good afternoon, Mr. Crawford.”
“Come in,” Ray said, gripping Reese’s hand with his left hand. “Sit down. Shay. Close the door?”
“Sure,” she said, giving her father a confused look. What was going on? Normally he was angry and growly. Maybe it was because Reese was with her and Ray respected him?
She quietly closed the door and saw that Reese had pulled out two chairs beside her father’s bed. Her heart warmed. Ever since their intense, emotional talk last week, things had quieted down between them. Shay knew what she’d said had affected Reese deeply, although he’d never said anything more about it. Instead, she saw a little more confidence in him afterward, as if he’d needed to hear someone else’s view of him—someone whom he trusted.
Shay realized as the days went forward, Reese had believed her. He even walked with more confidence. Her heart swelled fiercely for this man, this warrior who was struggling daily like all of them, to make a life for himself that would give him back the self-respect he’d lost along the way.
“Sit down, Shay. I got some questions for Reese here.”
Shay smiled a little. Her father had shaved. Over the past year he’d learned to do it with his left hand instead of his right one, which was now useless. Ray had refused physical therapy shortly after the stroke. And because of it, his right hand was shaky and weak.
“You look good today, Father,” she said, as she sat down next to Reese.
Ray stared at them. “I just heard gossip that I want confirmed, Shay. Are you really going to have four houses built on my ranch?”
“Yes, but it’s more than that.” She launched into the explanation of what would take place shortly. When she was finished, he glared at her.
“Why didn’t you tell me about this before?”
Wincing inwardly, Shay tried to protect herself from his sudden anger. “I tried, Father. Several times. But when I started to tell you, you shut me off. You didn’t want to hear what I had to say.”
Ray scowled. “Well, maybe I shouldn’t have.”
That was as close to an apology as Shay was ever going to get from him.
Crawford focused on Reese. “Mr. Lockhart, I heard that you’re headin’ up this effort?”
“Well,” Reese said, giving Shay a glance, “it’s under your daughter’s direction. She’s the one who has asked Steve and Maud Whitcomb, plus myself and our wranglers at the Bar C, to coordinate the raising. If it wasn’t for Shay, none of this would be happening. Plus, the vets at the Bar C are all involved in the details of coordinating this huge two-pronged effort. We couldn’t do it without them.”
Shay’s stomach knotted. Her father had forgotten that Reese was a vet out at the Bar C. Sooner or later, Ray would find out, and then what? Would he hate Reese as much as he disrespected the other three vets who lived on the ranch? Her hands became damp in her lap as she gripped them, waiting and hoping the subject would not come up.
Snorting, Crawford said, “I’m surprised. They’re worthless.”
“Father—” Shay pleaded.
Reese sat a little straighter in the chair, his gaze on Crawford. “Sir, with all due respect, I’m one of those vets you’re referring to.”
Shay winced and gritted her teeth, watching her father’s eyes suddenly widen in shock.
“You are? How could that be? You’re smart and you helped me protect my savings.”
Shay dragged in a ragged breath, feeling Reese’s anger, although he hadn’t changed his expression at all. What was going to happen now? Would Ray fly into a rage as he always did? Her father’s face went from shock to grudging contemplation as he stared hard at Reese, the silence becoming heavy in the room.
“Your daughter was kind enough to take me in,” Reese told him quietly, keeping his voice neutral. “She gave me a roof over my head, food, and something that money can’t buy, a chance to pull myself up by my bootstraps.”
“I see,” Crawford grumbled, rubbing his chin, staring at Reese. And then he looked at Shay. “Maybe you didn’t do half bad on this one,” he grumped. “At least”—he waved his left hand toward Reese—“he has some redeeming qualities.”
“All the vets do,” Shay said firmly.
Reese reached out, placing his hand on her lower arm. “Let me handle this, Shay?”
Gulping, Shay felt the steadying strength of Reese’s calloused hand. She gave him a swift glance and then settled her gaze on her scowling father. “Okay,” she whispered.
Reese released her arm and focused on Crawford. “The other three vets that Shay has hired for the Bar C are good men, sir. Every one of them. Each of them works and brings money into the ranch, helping Shay meet that monthly mortgage payment so the Bar C doesn’t slide into foreclosure.” His voice lowered to a growl. “If it wasn’t for them, you wouldn’t have a ranch anymore. It’s time to take stock of how you see these men who have sacrificed so much for their country, and give them the respect they deserve.”
Shay’s breath jammed in her throat. Oh, God, no one had ever spoken to her father like that before! She saw his eyes widen and then shrink to slits as he glared at Reese. It felt like two alpha wolves circling one another before they lunged at one another’s throats. Her fingers were icy cold as she sat rigid, her heart pounding with dread as the two men faced off. Reese looked relaxed, but Shay knew differently. She could feel the fine tension running through him.
“I don’t believe in what my daughter’s done,” Crawford growled defensively.
“They’re saving the ranch, sir. They deserve your respect.”
Cursing under his breath, Ray looked away, staring at Shay. “You never told me this. What’s the matter with you?”
“I tried to,” Shay said, defensiveness in her tone. “But you always shut me down, Father. You don’t think anything I have to say has any importance.” Her breath was coming out ragged, her voice tight and accusing. With Reese beside her, Shay had decided to fight back, to tell her father the truth. And she saw his eyes grow angry and then, to her surprise, thoughtful looking. His anger was gone. She waited, feeling like a dog that was going to get kicked by its owner sooner or later. Because that’s how Ray handled everything in his life.
“Your daughter has a lot of good ideas, Mr. Crawford. She’s single-handedly kept the ranch from going into foreclosure. For that, you should be grateful. What you don’t know is she is working sixteen hours a day to get the place back on its feet.”
Shay felt such relief when Reese spoke up for her, his voice low and firm, his gaze locked on her father. Mouth dry, she added, “Without these four vets, I could not have done it, Father. They are assets, wranglers who work from dawn to dusk every day. Even on weekends.”
Ray stared at them, his mouth working. He rubbed his jaw and looked out the window at the sunny day.
The silence deepened.
Shay felt Reese’s carefully controlled anger, felt his protection of her even though he hadn’t made a move to touch her again. It was so good to have someone stand up for her against her angry father. Only now, as she watched Crawford’s drawn face, he seemed mollified; there was not the usual amount of anger that was always on the surface. Another part of her felt sorry for her father. He was a strong man who had worked tirelessly on the ranch. It had been his drinking and gambling that had been not only the downfall but the near loss of the family ranch, as well.
Now, Reese was confronting him. Crawford would never take those words from her, and Shay knew it. He’d probably have started throwing anything he could get his hands on at her if she’d tried it. But for whatever reason, her father still respected Reese and it showed in his attitude and expression. Grateful, Shay felt her tightened stomach loosen by degrees as the silence continued.
Finally, Crawford turned his head, glaring at Reese. “Okay, so you’re a vet. I can accept that because you’re smart and you did something important for me. You protected my savings. I don’t know those other three vets.”
Shay felt her insides relax suddenly from her father’s almost apologetic-sounding words. Ray had never said he was sorry for anything in his life, for what he’d done or the decisions he’d made. Shay didn’t expect an apology from him, but she could see the respect for Reese in her father’s eyes, and that made her draw a deep breath. The tension in the room began to dissolve. She gathered her courage and said softly, “Then maybe you should meet them. They’re good men, Father.”
Ray regarded his daughter, his mouth tightening. “That’s why I called you in here, Shay.”
Startled, she blinked. “What do you mean?” Now what? She didn’t understand his change of behavior. Could Reese’s one visit have influenced him that much? That quickly? Because every time her father looked at Reese, she saw his eyes change, the hardness and anger gone. What kind of magic had Reese worked on her father? Shay didn’t understand, but that didn’t matter, either. What did matter was that her father was less angry with her, less verbally abusive, with Reese in the room. For that, Shay was more than grateful.
“I want to know about those houses you’re building.” He looked at Reese. “You tell me about them.”
“No, sir, that’s Shay’s department.” He turned his head, giving Shay a firm look. “She’s the owner of the Bar C. Everything that happens on that ranch is because of her insight, her business sense and decisions. She should be the one to tell you, not me. All I’m doing is helping her to organize it.”
Shay wanted to cry with relief. Reese was giving her back the respect her father had long ago taken away from her. How badly she wanted to throw her arms around Reese’s strong, broad shoulders right now. But she couldn’t. She saw her father’s gaze move grudgingly to her.
“Well?” he demanded. “Tell me about this plan of yours.”
Swallowing against a forming lump, Shay told him. Little by little, as she spoke, she saw that gleaming hardness that was always in her father’s eyes, begin to soften. By the time she was done with the explanation, the extent of her vision for the wranglers having a home of their own, she watched her father become pensive. He moved his left hand across the bed covers. She knew how hard he’d worked all his life on the ranch. If he hadn’t been an alcoholic and a gambler, Shay knew the Bar C would not be in the shape it was in presently. And surely, her father, who was always in denial about his drinking and gambling, never taking responsibility for his actions, had to know that. Didn’t he?
“Are they gonna be paying rent?” Ray demanded.
Shay looked to Reese and then to her father. “They will send the monthly mortgage payment directly to the Whitcombs.”
“Then what are you getting out of this?”
His voice was like a whip and Shay tensed. “Because they are already giving fifteen percent of the money they earn to the ranch, that’s what.”
Ray studied her. “You never told me that.”
“I tried to. Many times, Father.”
He snorted. “What the hell is fifteen percent of nothing?”
“It’s not nothing,” Shay argued tightly. “Harper and Noah have bimonthly checks coming in from their jobs. Garret runs big construction equipment and he hires himself out to the ranches in the valley to get work. It’s not as steady, but it’s getting better. And Reese has a part-time accounting job with Charlie at his hay and feed store. They are all working, and you have to realize it’s their fifteen percent that makes the mortgage payment, Father.”
“What’s this Garret doing with his free time?” Ray muttered darkly.
“He cooks three meals a day for all of us,” Shay said. “It frees me up to do a lot of other things that need to be attended to around the ranch.”
“Then you’re giving them these houses for free?”
Her hands knotted in her lap. “I already told you they are giving me fifteen percent of their income each month.”
“It’s a damned handout! Who the hell gets a free house?”
“Maybe you see it like that,” Shay shot back, “but I don’t! People need to help one another, Father. I know you don’t believe in that, but I do. The land they are being built upon is my donation to each of them. They’ve earned the help I can give them.” Her breathing was becoming chaotic as she locked in with her father’s escalating rage.
“You don’t ask for help, girl. You know that!”
Reese stirred. “Sir, I’m only going to say this once to you. Your daughter deserves the same respect you give me. She’s not a girl. She’s a woman. She’s your blood and she’s saving the Bar C. I think you need to reassess how you’re treating her. Don’t you?”
Shay heard the steel in Reese’s low, hard voice. She’d never heard him speak like that to anyone. Now, she was seeing the Marine Corps officer coming out in him; a man in charge, a man who was going to have it his way or else.
“She’s my daughter, dammit. I’ll treat her any way I like, Lockhart! You butt out.”
Reese slowly got up and looked down at Shay. He held his hand out to her. “This conversation is over,” he told her quietly. “Come on, we have better things to do with our time.”
“Now you hold on a minute!” Ray snarled, sitting up tensely on his bed.
Reese held the older man’s glare. “No sir, we won’t. No one deserves this kind of abuse, Mr. Crawford. Your daughter should never be treated as you’re treating her right now. And until you can talk respectfully to her, she’s not coming back here to see you again. Instead, I’ll drop by when I can, to check in on you. Are we clear?”
