The fatherhood mandate, p.13
The Fatherhood Mandate, page 13
Sam’s attention drifted away even as he followed along. This was a complete waste of his time. Rylee had already said that she was going to have an epidural as early as possible. Why did they need to learn how to breathe?
The instructor cut in. “We do this four times in a row because this will help you focus during your contractions, which last anywhere from forty-five to sixty seconds during active labor,” she told them. “Once you are in transition, your contractions may last up to ninety seconds long and come about every two minutes. Breathing through them is very important as it will help your body relax and help the baby move down into the birth canal.”
Rylee squirmed a bit, her butt brushing up against him. It reminded him of the time that she’d spent an entire evening shimmying up against him while they were working on the robotics team, during build season. He eased himself back a bit. He did not want to get a hard-on. Not with Rylee, and definitely not during this class!
“Our next breathwork is to help you resist the urge to push before you’re completely dilated,” the instructor told them. “These breaths are two short, shallow breaths.” She demonstrated, breathing in two short breaths, followed by two sharp pants. It sounded a bit like she was sucking air in through a straw and then panting it out in two short but hard exhales. “Now, it may sound like you’re hyperventilating, but you’re taking two purposeful and shallow breaths, followed by two purposeful breaths out. Let’s give it a try, everyone.”
Sam followed the class as he took two rapid but shallow breaths, then panted them out twice. “Let's do that again, everyone,” the instructor said.
Hard pass, Sam thought. We could have gotten this as an online class and been done with it.
“Great job, everyone!” the instructor said. “Our last exercise is breathing for the final stage of labor: the big push.” She smiled as the group laughed. “Here’s the thing: most women instinctively hold their breath while they try to push. But that may actually cause vaginal tears.”
Rylee sagged against him as she listened. “We’re going to start by breathing in deeply and comfortably. Expand your belly as you did in our first exercise. As you exhale, groan in the back of your throat as you tighten your abs. If it helps, try to envision that groan extending all the way down into your uterus, relaxing that birth canal to help your baby come into this world.”
“Let’s give it a try, shall we?” she said. “Breathe in . . . now exhale . . . ”
Sam stifled a chuckle. They sounded like a bunch of cows mooing, especially the woman next to them. She might have been trying to growl in the back of her throat, but man, did she sound like a cow.
“Great job!” the instructor told them. “Just remember to tighten those abs and relax as you push all of that energy down and breathe that baby out!
“Last thing, ladies. Don’t be afraid to practice this while you’re sitting on the toilet.” She grinned. “I know it sounds silly, but for those of you who have never given birth, pooping is the closest sensation to giving birth.”
Sam sighed. Now every single time Rylee was in the bathroom, he was going to think of her mooing while she pooped. Not cool, lady, he thought. Then, he surreptitiously checked his watch. Another half-hour, followed by lunch and the last session of the day on partner empathy.
“I hope everyone had a great lunch,” their instructor said, using that fake happy tone that warned you things were going to be bad. “This afternoon, we’re going to take your pregnancy support to the next level. You’ll be wearing a pregnancy simulation vest for the next twenty-four hours!”
A collective groan went through the room. “Seriously?” someone muttered.
She cocked her head to one side and gazed over her glasses, her brown eyes blazing as she tried in vain to give them the ‘mom death glare’. “We’ve talked about how difficult it is for men to really empathize about how strenuous pregnancy can be, right?” She paused but didn’t wait for a response as she gestured to the boxes carefully piled next to her desk. “These pregnancy simulation vests are designed to give you a small glimpse into what your partners may be going through.”
Sam looked down at the floor in disgust. Seriously?
He looked up as she pulled a black vest with wide shoulder straps out of the top box and dragged it onto the desk at the front of the room. “As you can see, it fits over your shoulders and uses straps along the back to adjust the weight appropriately. This model is just over twenty-five pounds.”
“Why do we have to do this?” Mike demanded. “I mean, a full twenty-four hours? How the hell am I supposed to work tomorrow? I can’t wear that back to the office!”
Theo stirred from where he stood next to the door.
“I hear ya, Mike,” he responded. “But this is a mandatory part of your empathy training. No one gets a free pass just because they have to work.”
Another groan filled the air.
“Look, it’s just a single day out of your life,” Theo told them. “One day and it’s done.” He looked around the room, listening to the backbiting for a moment. “What, you’re not man enough to handle what your partners are dealing with every single day? Really?
“Fine,” Theo said as he took the vest from the instructor and pulled it on over his t-shirt. “I guess I’m alone, then.” The trainer moved behind him to adjust the straps along the back and side.
Theo turned around to look at the group. He looked ridiculous with cantaloupe-shaped boob bags and a black beach ball hanging off the front of the vest.
Sam looked at Mike, then Tyler, rolling his eyes. Looked like they had no choice but to accept the challenge. If an old biker dude had no problems being seen in public dressed like that, what choice did any of them have?
The trainer smiled. “I need everyone to grab a box so we can get started.”
Noah got up and grabbed a box, dragging it back to his seat before he started tearing into the packaging. Mike shook his head in disgust, then grabbed his box, struggling to pick up the package before taking it over to his seat. Sam followed his lead, but the box was heavier than he expected, so he ended up dragging it across the room like Noah. The rest of the class followed suit.
The instructor walked around the room, stopping to help adjust the straps so that the boobs and baby bulge were in the right place as she lectured.
“This vest is designed to reproduce what an eight-month pregnancy feels like,” she told them as she wiggled Noah’s baby bulge so it was just a bit higher on him. “This will include pressure on your chest, bladder, stomach, and even your lungs.”
She moved on to Mike to help him with the side straps. “It will also force you a small tilt in your pelvis, so you might waddle just a bit. You’ll even feel fetal movement from time to time due to the steel ball that will simulate the baby’s movement when you move.”
Sam pulled the vest out of the box and gave it a small shake. It was bulky and didn’t look at all like something that was supposed to ‘simulate’ pregnancy. He gently squeezed one of the boobs, feeling it squish between his fingers. He shrugged. Must be some kind of plastic gel.
He pulled it over his head, struggling to get it in place. “The straps need to be loosened,” Theo told him. “Lemme help.” He felt a bit of slack and then Theo gave a sharp tug on the side hems to pull it into place.
Sam doubled over. His back muscles screamed in sudden agony as all twenty-five pounds settled in front and made it hard to breathe.
He forced himself to slowly straighten, feeling the sudden pressure on his ribs and bladder. “What the hell?” he wheezed.
“Yeah, the first time is always the worst,” Theo told him.
“You’ve done this before?” Sam asked, incredulously. Why would anyone voluntarily do this to themselves?
Theo studied him for a moment. “Every single mentoring group,” he admitted. “Almost two years now.”
“Alright, I need everyone to take their seats,” the instructor called out. She moved around them, collecting boxes and packing materials, as they slowly returned to their seats.
Sam carefully eased himself into his chair, bracing himself with one hand. There was no way that this was what pregnancy felt like. No way was the blob this heavy. It had to be a scare tactic.
The instructor moved to the front of the room. “I’m sure you’re all wondering why the simulation suit is so heavy.” She looked around the room. “By the time that your partners are in their eighth month of pregnancy, your baby will only account for a small portion of the weight you’re feeling. Amniotic fluids make up just over two pounds of weight. There’s also about four pounds of additional blood volume, two pounds of added breast tissue, an increase in uterine tissue, the placenta, as well as additional weight gain needed to support a healthy pregnancy.”
Mike stirred in the seat next to him. “Great. Just great!”
Theo moved to his spot next to the door, leaning up against the wall. “Alright, everyone,” he said. “Time to go. Remember, this is a full twenty-four-hour exercise, so you will not be able to remove this until tomorrow night’s meeting. So, skip your morning shower.”
“Oh, that reminds me,” the instructor said, holding up a hand to get their attention. “Each vest has a security tag that will keep the vest locked until you return tomorrow afternoon. Any attempts to open the tag and remove the vest will rupture the tag and release indelible ink.”
Sam turned around and tried to look over his shoulder. Mike grabbed him by the arm and traced a line across his back. “I see it,” he told Sam. “Looks like a pair of scissors won’t fix it.” He turned around and showed Sam his back. He could see a small, flat piece of plastic that hung between the back straps.
“Damn,” he said.
“Yeah,” Mike said. “As much as I want to call out sick, I can’t. I have a deck to present for my staff meeting. Tomorrow’s going to be a hoot,” he growled. “What about you?”
“Me?” Sam paused as they walked out into the hallway. “I have homework to do. Normally, I’d try to get a few deliveries done this evening to pick up a bit of cash, but there’s no way I’m going out like this!”
At that moment, the girls burst out of their classroom, giggling and pointing as they got closer.
“Oh, my God!” Rylee squealed as she walked over. “They didn’t tell us that we’d be twins for the day!”
Sam scrubbed at his face in frustration. “Rylee, just leave it be for once.”
“But it’s awesome that you get to feel what I’m going through, even if it doesn’t include the heartburn and cravings!” she told him. “Speaking of which . . . ” she trailed off suggestively, tracing a delicate finger across her belly.
“No,” Sam told her. “I’m not taking you out for custard. Not today. We’re going back to the apartment and I’m going to get some homework done and watch a little TV. Period.” Rylee started to protest, but he shut her down. “For once in your life, can you just think about someone else for a change?”
Rylee glared at him. “I am thinking about someone else, Sam,” she told him. “I’m thinking about your baby. You know, the one that I’m currently carrying?”
Sam shook his head and started to walk gingerly down the hallway. They weren’t kidding about that fake ‘fetal movement’. Every single step he took caused that metal ball to bump up against his bladder.
“Dammit,” he swore under his breath. “Bathroom first. Then, we’re going back to the apartment.”
He picked up his pace, trying to ignore the giggling behind him.
Later that evening, Rylee carefully eased herself down into the rocking chair next to the living room windows, one hand covering her belly. “We need to talk, Sam.”
Sam stared at the small TV screen. It had been an exhausting day, and he really wanted to just focus on the movie he’d rented. “I don’t have anything to say, Rylee. I’m tired and I just need to relax for a bit.” He leaned back against the couch as he tried to get into a comfortable position, resting his forearms against the vest’s bulge.
Rylee rubbed at her baby bump. “Oh, she’s really moving around in there. I think we might have a future gymnast on our hands!” She paused, waiting for him to respond. The silence stretched between them, punctuated by the occasional sound of explosions and gunfire from the movie.
She sighed. “My mom helped me work through the list of potential nannies so we can set up a few interviews for next week. I really need your help deciding—”
“What?” Sam barked, tearing his gaze away from the screen as a group of soldiers went down under a hail of bullets. He struggled to sit up.
“Well, you know. A nanny. We’re going to need some help when the baby’s born,” Rylee said in a singsong tone, as if she was stating the obvious. “I mean, we could go with an au pair, if you’d like, but then we’ll still need an extra bedroom.”
Sam threw down the remote control, watching as it bounced off the coffee table and skittered onto the carpet. “A nanny,” he repeated, seething. “What makes you think we can afford a fucking nanny?”
Out of the corner of his eye, he watched Rylee’s hand make small rubbing motions against her belly. “There, there, Allison. I know Daddy’s yelling, but that’s just how he is.”
Sam closed his eyes for a moment. Unbelievable. Not only had she already settled on a name for the baby, but she was already trying to get the kid to team up with her against him.
Rylee shifted so that she could put her feet up on the footstool. “My attorney says that it looks like I’ll have access to my money once the baby comes; that way I can pay for things, Sam,” she told him quietly. “We’re going to be fine, just like I told you.”
He turned to face her, his head starting to pound from rage. “What the hell, Rylee. We already talked about this. You know the rules. I have to be able to provide half of our budget. I can’t afford a nanny. You know that. I’m barely hanging on as it is!”
Rylee smiled. “You worry too much,” she told him. “Everything is open for negotiation, including the budget that needs to be approved by the Court. Things might be a bit tight until I’m allowed to liquidate a few things.” She paused, giving him a sly look. “Besides, there’s no way we can continue to live here after the baby’s born. I start at Wellesley this fall and you know that means that we’ll have to relocate to Massachusetts.”
“What?” Sam clenched his eyes shut. This is insane, he thought. Why does she get to go to her dream college when he might have to drop out of Northwestern and start over? “There’s no way we’re moving to Massachusetts,” he told her. “We can’t afford it.”
“Sure we can,” Rylee assured him. “You’ll have to change schools, but we can figure that out later. I’ve already started apartment hunting near the campus. There are a number of great condos within driving distance.” She paused, pursing her lips in a fake frown. “I’m still not happy that I won’t be able to live on campus for my first year. That’s where all the fun is!”
Sam groaned, pushing his clenched fists into the futon cushion. Everything he’d been working for over the last two years was slowly being taken away from him. Northwestern. That internship he was supposed to get over the summer. Scoring an engineering job with an international firm. All of it, gone!
She ignored his distress. “We’ll need a four-bedroom unit, obviously, because the nanny, or au pair, if you prefer, will need her own room,” she told him, babbling as if repeating her demands would make him calm down. “Babies can be so messy, you know? My mom has her service stopping by to help around the place now, but after we move—”
“We’re not moving cross-country, Rylee! Period,” Sam ground out. “As it is, I’m going to have to take a few classes this summer to catch up, and we need to stay close to home for now.”
“Why?” Rylee demanded. “Neither of our parents are allowed to help much after the baby’s born! There’s nothing that ties us to this state, Sam.”
He scrubbed his face. Don’t go there, he silently screamed. Just don’t. He dropped his hands to his lap and said the words that needed to be said. “Rylee, I am not moving out east. I don’t make enough money to pay half of a nanny’s salary, and I’ve been told—repeatedly—that there’s no wiggle room in the way the law is written. We each have to pay for half of that baby’s expenses!”
She pursed her lips, rapidly shaking her head in denial. “Sam. Stop,” she replied. “My lawyer has already drafted the financial means document that will outline to the Court what needs to be done for us to move. Once the guardian ad litem signs off on it, we’re all set.”
“What? Why did you do this?” he exclaimed. It was like she was trying to piss him off on purpose. “I have rights, you know!”
“Because I can’t live poor, Sam,” she quietly told him, her lips quivering as she looked down at her hands. “I just can’t. We deserve better.” She looked up, a fake smile lighting up her face. “So, I’ll pay for the nanny until you’ve graduated. You can pay for the next few years until we’re even. Or, if you can’t afford it right out of college, then you can just pay Allison’s tuition for a few years. After I graduate, we can move to New York, and there are some really great private schools—”
“I’m not moving to New York, Rylee!” he stated, his voice flat. “Period.”
“Well, I am!” Rylee told him, struggling to stand up. She managed to push herself up, wobbling for a moment, hands splayed until she got her balance, then turned to glare at him. “Every opportunity is waiting for me to make this move. Don’t forget, you’re the one who got me pregnant, Sam. You’re the one with the super swimmers and didn’t wear a condom!”
What the hell? Sam opened his mouth, but Rylee wouldn’t stop this time. “I’m not your mom!” she yelled. “I will never be a stay-at-home mom,” she screamed at him. “I will have a decent place to live, and I will hire a nanny to take care of your baby until I’m actually ready to become a mother, and there’s nothing you can do to stop me!”
