The fatherhood mandate, p.23
The Fatherhood Mandate, page 23
“No,” Rylee told her. “I think we’re good.”
“Alright,” the nurse responded, “then, I’ll leave you to it.”
She started to turn away. “Wait,” Rylee said. “Where’s the anesthesiologist? I asked for an epidural.”
The nurse gave a quick shrug of one shoulder. “We put in a request, Rylee. They should be along shortly,” she told them and quickly left the room.
Diana frowned, then shook her head. Obviously, it was going to be awhile. She turned to Sam. “Could you turn on the TV, Sam? We have some time before Allison is ready to arrive.”
Sam grabbed the remote off of the countertop and handed it to Rylee. Then, he wandered over to the couch. He sat down and popped open his laptop again. After a moment, he closed it down. There was no way that he was going to get any homework done tonight.
Rylee didn’t see anything she wanted to watch, so Diana dug a few movies out of her purse. “I thought you might enjoy something light, like a rom com,” she told Rylee. She spread a handful of discs on the bed. “You choose.”
Rylee giggled. “Some of these are older than I am!”
“Groundhog Day, it is!”
Sam stood up. He felt restless. There was no way that he was going to be able to sit through a movie while they waited for Rylee’s labor to progress. “I’m hungry,” he told them. “I’m going to take a walk.”
Diana smiled at him. “That’s fine, Sam,” she told him. “I’ll text you if something changes.”
Sam slowly walked down the hall back to the elevator. He thought about trying to find his dad, but maybe he just needed some time alone. Things had gotten so out of control that he really hadn’t had a lot of time to think through what his options were.
He got into the elevator and punched the button for the first floor. Life had made a whole lot more sense before Rylee had gotten pregnant. Maybe a soda would help clear his head.
He scrubbed at the top of his head with both hands. Rylee. It always came back to Rylee.
The door opened, and he instinctively turned right instead of left. He wasn’t sure if Rylee’s parents had gone back to the family waiting room, but he didn’t have the patience right now. He was tired of being blamed for everything that had gone wrong in the last nine months.
He found himself walking a bit faster as he passed different departments, all of them dark and empty. He smiled, shaking his head in amusement. For a hospital that prided itself on being open and available twenty-four hours a day, it looked like most of it was shut down overnight!
Near the end of the hall, he saw light coming out of a half-open door. Sam paused and pushed the door open a bit more. A few scattered tables, a fridge, a coffee maker and microwave on the counter, and a small vending machine. A breakroom. Score!
Sam pushed his way in and walked over to the vending machine to check out his options. A few sandwiches, the random candy bar, a scant row of microwavable popcorn. Not a lot of variety. No soda machine.
He found himself yawning and realized that he was more tired than hungry. He pulled his phone out of his back pocket to check the time. Strange. It was just after 10 pm. He shouldn’t be this tired.
He looked at the coffee maker. The pot was more than half-full and there were a few clean coffee mugs drying on a faded kitchen towel. He rarely drank coffee this late, but he knew it was going to be a long night, so he poured himself a cup and had a seat.
He buried his face in his hands. What was he going to do? There were so many moving parts in his life right now. Adding a newborn to the mix might just break him.
“Are you okay?” a voice asked.
Sam looked up. An older woman stood in the doorway, a pink surgical mask dangling from one hand as she looked over. Her white jacket was stitched with blue lettering. Dr. Laurel Mason.
“Yeah,” he said, picking up his coffee mug. “I know I’m not supposed to be in here, but . . . ”
Dr. Mason smiled and walked over to the coffee maker. “I understand,” she said. “It’s late and sometimes all of this,” she gestured with her hands, “can be overwhelming.”
Sam nodded and took another sip of coffee.
She poured herself a cup of coffee and sat down across from him. “First time?” she gently asked, cradling her mug in both hands.
“Yeah.”
“First babies are hard,” she told him. “People around you can have very strong opinions. Cloth diapers or disposables. Breastfeeding or formula. Unpaid parental leave or daycare. It’s tough.”
Sam grimaced. “What about ‘nanny or no nanny?’”
Dr. Mason laughed. “There’s that, too,” she said and took a sip, her elbows resting on the table. “Which side are you on?”
Sam picked up his mug and stared into it for a moment. “I may not be ready to be a dad, but I don’t think that someone else should raise my kid,” he admitted. “It just feels wrong.”
“I take it that your wife—”
“Partner,” he corrected her.
“Your partner has a different opinion?” Dr. Mason carefully placed her mug on the table, then brushed a strand of gray hair behind one ear.
Sam nodded and took another sip of coffee. It didn’t seem to matter what he wanted. Rylee believed that she was moving to Massachusetts in August. For all he knew, she had a team of lawyers working on it right now. His only choice was to either move out east and give up everything he’d worked for to ensure that Rylee didn’t hire a nanny or to hold firm and accept that a nanny was inevitable.
The doctor leaned forward. “Want a bit of advice?” she asked.
“Sure,” Sam mumbled. Not that it would do any good, he thought.
“Parenthood can be a delicate balance between what each parent believes their child needs to be successful,” she told him. “Each of you needs to look at what you believe is essential and what you can compromise on.”
“And if there’s no way to compromise on this?” Sam asked.
The doctor smiled, picked up her mug, and sipped at it. “There’s always room for compromise,” she told him. “It all depends on what you’re willing to give up to get what you really want.”
Sam frowned. As long as he’d known Rylee, she’d never been willing to compromise. “And if I don’t know what I want?” he asked.
“Having a baby can complicate any relationship,” she told him. “What separates great parents from the rest of us is that they put their child’s needs ahead of their own every time.”
She stood, then drank the last of her coffee. “Time for me to get back to work,” she told him, then took her mug over to the sink to wash it out.
After she left, Sam sat for a long time and thought about what the doctor had said. Put my child’s needs ahead of my own, he mused. He’d worked with Theo to submit his own proposal to the Court about custody arrangements, and he felt that it was a good starting point for the arbitrator. One of them needed to be close to their extended family. It was the right thing to do.
He stretched for a moment, then collected his mug to clean it. Regardless of how things turned out, he was absolutely certain of one thing: Allison did not need a nanny.
Diana was standing right outside of Rylee’s room when Sam made it back to the delivery floor.
“Sorry I was gone so long,” he told her.
Diana smiled. “No worries,” she told him. “Rylee’s dilated to six centimeters. They are administering that epidural.” She handed him a blue hairnet to match her own.
“I was gone for almost an hour,” he said, frowning with concern. “What took so long?”
“Sounds like there was a shift change and Rylee’s request stayed on the board much longer than usual,” Diana said, with a small frown. “But they’re here now and she’s okay, Sam.”
He frowned and put the hairnet on. “Did they kick you out?”
“It’s a medical procedure,” she told him. “They kick everyone out for this. Don’t take it personally.”
Sam snorted, then pushed the door open just a bit so that he could see what they were doing. There was a small gap between the wall and the privacy curtain. He could see Rylee laying on her side, facing away from the door. Her delivery gown had been pulled up to expose her back. The anesthesiologist moved directly behind Rylee, blocking his view.
“Rylee, I’m going to numb the area and then we’ll get started,” he heard Dr. Drexler tell her.
Sam couldn’t hear Rylee’s response, but she sounded scared. “Good,” the doctor said. “Now, you may feel a pinch for a few seconds, and then a feeling of pressure when we start the medication.” She paused. “How are you doing?”
Another almost inaudible response. “I know,” Dr. Drexler said in a soothing voice. “Here we go.”
“Oww . . . !” Rylee shrieked. “That hurt!”
The doctor nodded, making some adjustment that Sam couldn’t see. “How’s it feel now?”
“Better.”
“We’re ready to start the epidural, Rylee,” the doctor told her. “You should feel a bit of pressure . . . now.”
“Oh,” Rylee exclaimed. “That feels so strange!”
“Let’s go ahead and get you on your back, Rylee,” Dr. Drexler said. The nurses helped Rylee roll over into a more comfortable position and replaced the baby band monitors. “You should feel some relief in about twenty minutes, although it may take a bit longer to feel the full effect.” She raised her voice and said, “You can come back in now.”
Diana grabbed Sam’s arm and gently pulled him around the gaggle of nurses and student doctors huddled around the bed.
Rylee smiled when she saw them. “It’s weird,” Rylee said. “My legs are starting to feel all warm and watery, like they’re falling asleep.” She gave a small laugh. “No, more like they’re still in the whirlpool!”
“The epidural isn’t supposed to completely numb you,” Diana told her. “It just pushes the pain aside so that you can work with Allison when she’s ready to come out.” She looked around the room as the crowd moved out into the hallway. “Now, what movie do you want to watch?”
Rylee laid her head back against the pillow. “I don’t care, Diana. Dealer’s choice.”
Diana rummaged around the movies that lay on the counter. “Ghost, it is, then!”
Chapter Twenty
“Sam!” Rylee’s hand squeezed his arm, jolting him from a light doze. “Wake up!”
Sam groaned, trying to reorientate himself in the dim room. He must have fallen asleep in the recliner. “She’s coming, Sam!”
He blinked, and Rylee’s face swam into focus. Her eyes were wide with anxiety, and he could hear the real fear in her voice. Her hand was shaking. For the first time in a very long time, she looked so . . . vulnerable.
He looked over her shoulder. Diana was standing on the other side of the bed, gently massaging Rylee’s neck.
“Sorry,” he said, struggling to sit up. “Didn’t mean to fall asleep.”
Diana smiled. “You’re fine, Sam,” she told him. “Rylee’s in transition. She’s fully dilated, and her contractions are less than one minute apart.”
Sam felt a surge of adrenaline as his body reacted. “Transition,” he muttered. He tried to think. “That’s the hardest part of labor. When the pain is the worst, right?” He forced himself upright in the chair, gripping the arms as his stomach muscles tightened. The air around him seemed to evaporate, and he could almost feel his stomach muscles burn in sympathy.
“It’s okay, Sam,” Diana told him. “Her epidural is stopping most of the pain.”
He barely heard her as he closed his eyes tightly. No, he thought. I am not doing this. Not now. This is not the labor simulation, he told himself. What did Abby tell him to do? Breathe, right?
Sam took a deep breath. In through the nose. Breathe into the belly. Out through the mouth. He felt his back and stomach muscles relax a bit. He took another and slowly opened his eyes. Diana studied him for a moment, concerned.
He nodded at her. She turned back to Rylee.
“Oh, I think I’m having another one,” Rylee whispered. She pulled up her delivery gown and put one of his hands on her belly. Her entire stomach flexed, hardening as if it had become a solid piece of muscle. He glanced over at her heart monitor. It was as if Rylee was running a marathon, but she was just sitting there. It was amazing and terrifying at the same time.
“You’re doing very well, Rylee,” Diana told her. “So is Allison.” She pointed at the fetal heart monitor. Sam watched the baby’s rapid heartbeat with concern.
“Is Allison in distress?” he asked, slowly removing his hand as he started to get up. “Where’s the doctor?”
“Allison’s heart rate is absolutely normal, Sam,” Diana reassured him. “And the doctor is making his rounds. He should be back to check on us very soon.”
Rylee moved her feet. “Oh, I think I feel another one!”
Sam sat down, then reached for her hand. “It’s going to be okay, Rylee,” he told her. “You’ve got this. Just one contraction at a time.”
Rylee groaned. “Is it time to push yet?”
Diana moved behind her, gently massaging Rylee’s legs with long strokes of her hands. “Not yet, dear one,” she told Rylee. “It’s not quite time for you to push.”
“But it feels like it’s time,” Rylee protested. “Really, it does!”
“I know, sweetie,” she crooned. “But we’re almost there.” Diana arranged the pillow under Rylee’s head, then pulled the light blanket up over her enormous belly.
“It won’t be long,” Diana told her. “Breathe with us.”
She sucked in her breath in two short bursts, then panted it out in two short but hard exhales. “You can do it, Rylee!” Diana told her. Then, she nodded at Sam, and he followed her lead.
Rylee gripped Sam’s right hand and used her other hand to slowly rub at her belly in a slow circular motion. She sucked in her breath, a renewed look of determination on her face. Then, she blew it out again, two short bursts of breath.
Dr. Zastrow pushed past the privacy curtain, masked up and wearing an all-too-familiar surgical gown. Several nurses closely followed behind him. Sam blew out one last time and stood. He tried to pull away, but Rylee held fast to his hand.
“Hi, Rylee,” the doctor warmly said. “It sounds like we’re just about ready for you to deliver.”
Rylee pushed a stray strand of hair behind her ear. She nodded and stopped the breathing exercise mid blow. “Are we done yet?” she asked plaintively.
“Let’s take a closer look,” he told her, and waved a few of the nurses forward. Rylee reluctantly let go of Sam’s hand as he pulled the recliner out of the way. He watched the nurse move around the bed almost as if the team had done this so often that their movements were carefully synchronized.
One of the nurses pulled out the boot-like stirrups from beneath the bed and moved them into position as another pair helped Rylee scoot further down on the bed. Her feet were guided into the padded boots as the bed was moved into a reclined seated position. The pillow was removed from behind her head.
Diana nudged Sam back to his place next to Rylee as the doctor rolled into position between her legs and pushed the blanket up past Rylee’s knees. Rylee grabbed for his hand. Her skin felt hot and sweaty in his.
After a long couple of minutes, Dr. Zastrow looked up and nodded. “Rylee, you’re doing great. I can see the baby’s head. It’s time to push.”
Rylee blinked furiously at the doctor. “What?” she asked. She turned to Diana. “I wanted to push before, and you told me not to!”
“Rylee, honey, it’s okay,” Diana crooned. “It’s time now.”
Rylee flopped back on the bed. “I’m so tired, Diana,” Rylee said. “I can’t anymore. If he can see the baby, can’t they just pull her out?”
“No, sweetie.” Diana told her. “You need to push now. Allison is exactly where she needs to be. And, you’ll hold her in your arms very soon.”
Diana held Rylee’s other hand. “Now, with your next contraction, we’re going to breathe like we practiced, right, Sam?”
She looked at Sam. He nodded. “You’ve got this, Rylee,” he told her.
“Here’s another one,” Diana announced, her eyes on the contraction monitor. “Breathe in, Rylee. Now, push, Rylee! Push!”
Rylee grunted, bearing down as she struggled to push. “I can’t, Diana!” she said, panting as she tried to catch her breath.
Sam squeezed her hand. “Yes, you can, Rylee,” he told her. “Push!”
Rylee shook her head. “It’s too hard,” she complained.
“Come on, Rylee!” he encouraged. “It’s time for the big push, remember? Breathe in and tighten those abdominal muscles, just like we practiced in class! You can do this.”
“The big push,” she repeated, her head sagged against the mattress, eyes closed. She moaned, almost snarling as she pushed.
“Good job, Rylee,” Diana interjected. “The contraction is subsiding. I need you to breathe with us, Rylee. Breathe . . . ”
Together, they worked to slow Rylee’s breath down.
“I need you to open your jaw for me, just a bit,” Diana told her. “Let’s see if we can get you to relax into this next one.”
“Relax,” Rylee laughed just a bit. “It feels like I’ve got a beach ball down there, and it’s stuck!”
Diana nodded. “I know,” she reassured her. “Okay, we have another one starting. Deep breath. Now, push for me! Push for Allison!”
Rylee leaned forward as much as she could while she pushed, a deep guttural sound cutting through the otherwise quiet room. This time she didn’t lay back until it was over.
“Now, with the next one, I need you to remember to focus on relaxing your pelvic floor while you push,” Diana told her. “We’re going to take deep relaxing breaths.”
Rylee moaned in frustration, shaking her head from side to side in exhaustion.
Diana looked at the monitor. “Another one is starting. Take a deep breath. Let it out. Now take a breath and push into the pressure. That’s right!”
Rylee hung onto their hands as she tried to pull herself up. Sam put one hand beneath her shoulders to support her, his other firmly squeezing her left hand. She had that ‘Get out of my way!’ look on her face that had been known to send retail clerks and teachers scrambling.
