Alchemist rules, p.18
Alchemist Rules, page 18
part #3 of The Ironspell Chronicles Series
“What do you need?”
I paused and thought. “Sulfur would work. If we could find some.”
Disbelief crossed Elryn’s face. “Have you looked at where we are? That’s all we’re breathing.”
My face flushed. “Look, I can’t smell shit with this mask. There’s sulfur in the air?”
“Yeah, it smells like rotten eggs here.” She made a face.
“Well, if we can get enough parts per million, the goo should grow on its own once I activate it.” I paused. “It might require us to punch a few holes in the shield, though, to get the right saturation…
Elryn was about to reply when two Dark Elf guards appeared around the machine we were hiding beside. “There they are. Blast them!”
Great. I had to get stormtroopers. I threw up a shield and Elryn dove to the side and rolled away. Fireballs leapt from the guards’ hands and their missile impacted on my shield and where Elryn had been. Flames leapt up from the ground, turning the dirt into a molten slag.
Meantime, Elryn leapt up, shouted something in Elvish, and pointed her hands at the guards. Lightning crackled from her fingertips and slammed into the Dark Elves, incinerating them on the spot. Flames from the guards’ fireballs licked my shield, weakening it, so I moved away, only to see several Dwarf guards and Dark Elves converge on Elryn. She managed to get a shield up, but it looked anemic, compared to the power I saw her generate back on Earth. The soldiers overwhelmed her shield and it collapsed. They grabbed her.
“Leave her alone!” I bellowed through the mask. I called up fireballs of my own and hurled it at the Dark Elves nearby her, incinerating them.
The Drow who was holding her pressed a dark blade against her throat. “Do that again, and your girlfriend gets it.”
“She’s not my girlfriend,” I said, maybe a little too quickly. Suddenly, my own shield collapsed and two stout Dwarves grabbed my arms.
The soldiers guffawed. One Dwarf walked out from the soldiers. I barely recognized him wearing the Dwarvish armor and carrying a mace. “Well, look who we have here. Our very own Bob Ironspell-Cabas.” Winfrith Bailey sneered, the likable alchemist persona completely gone. “What’s wrong, Bob? Cat’s got your tongue? Or maybe the mask?” He made a motion with his thumb and the Dwarves ripped the mask off my face.
“Ironspell!” Elryn screamed and launched herself against her captors. A Drow mage spoke a single word and iron chains appeared and wrapped themselves around her. Her body went limp as the cold iron worked its poison on her.
I gasped and wheezed as the sulfurous fumes entered my lungs. I struggled for breath and collapsed. Laughing, the Dwarves let go of my arms and let me drop to the ground. I desperately rolled and gagged for air. They kicked me and let me convulse, not bothering to end my misery. I flipped over until I was prone in the dirt and began furtively searching my pockets. I turned my head enough to watch what was going on.
The Drow thought they’d have a little fun with their Light Elf captive. The damn creatures were immune to cold iron, having built up a resistance to it over thousands of years. One of the Dark Elves grasped Elryn’s golden hair and dragged her to her feet. “She doesn’t look so deadly now, does she?” Elryn glared at him, despite her weakness.
“Yeah, she looks pretty enough to kiss, doesn’t she?” another jeered.
“Pretty enough to fuck,” the first one said. “Let’s have some fun while we wait for Bailey’s and Vindar’s go-head.”
“You got some time,” Bailey said. “Have at it.”
Meantime, I had found what I was looking for. Contrary to what our enemies thought. I was having an asthma attack from all the pollution and not a heart attack. I put the inhaler to my mouth and squirted two puffs. My bronchial tubes stopped their spasms and I took a deep breath of the fetid air.
I was alive, but I wasn’t sure why. Maybe it was my mom’s druid ancestors who had Light Elf in them. Maybe I had enough of the Light Elf genes to counteract the poison. Whatever it was, the asthma attack had been convincing enough to the untrained eye to appear like a heart attack. We still had a chance.
A couple of the Drow groped Elryn as she remained helpless under the cold iron poison. They threw her onto the grass and grasped her leather pants, only to find they wouldn’t come off.
“Fucking bitch!” the Dark Elf punched her in the face. “Where’d you get the armor spells?”
“Same place where I got this,” I said pushing my chest off the ground. I pointed my finger at them. “Opprimere!” The spell drove her attackers back. “Libero!” I pointed to Elryn. The chains flew off her.
“Evirare!” Elryn shouted.
The Drow around Elryn screamed and grabbed their crotches. Blood poured from where their private parts had been moments before. I winced and decided to never piss Elryn off. Ever. The other Dark Elves who didn’t get caught in the blast stared in horror for a split second before turning to me.
The Drow mage, on seeing me alive, threw a fireball at me. I brought up a shield and the flames dissipated as I got to my feet. Just as he was about to cast another spell, Elryn leapt with her short sword and cleaved his hand off at the forearm. The mage screamed and grabbed his bloody stump.
I drew the Glock and shot several Drow and Dwarves as they rushed my magical defenses. The sheer numbers overwhelmed the shield and it fizzled. When the Glock emptied, I drew the Vorpal blade as they broke through. As I tried to recall my fencing, something odd happened. The sword became alive in my hand, directing my arm where I should cut. It tore through the first Dark Elf’s armor like it wasn’t even there. The Drow screamed and died, but before I even could register what I had done, the sword engaged another opponent. The Vorpal blade thrust and parried by itself, slicing a large swath through the Dark Elves.
Elryn was fighting alongside me, protecting my back. Her deadly short sword sliced her enemies down just as fast as the Vorpal blade did. Maybe even faster.
I heard some guttural words I recognized as magic and glanced up in time to see Bailey sending a fireball at me. I managed to get a shield up just in time over Elryn and me, but the fireball caused the translucent wall to blink out when it hit.
“I don’t think they’re going to give us time,” Elryn shouted to me after putting up a shield. “Get your blue goo ready!”
I pulled out the pill bottle that contained the blue goo. Suddenly, the shield exploded with light and something snatched it from my hand. It landed in Bailey’s hands. With a word, he incinerated it.
“Oh, fuck no!” I shouted. I leapt toward Bailey and nearly felt face first as I tripped over my mask. I picked it up and saw that the blue goo I smeared on the respirator portion had grown with the current air. I held the respirator mask up triumphantly and uttered the following words. “Crescere et crescere me autem minui. Documentum affigere usque ad machines.”
The blue goo bubbled madly and within seconds grew so large, I couldn’t hold it or the mask. I dropped it and it began to spread on the ground. Bailey pointed to it. “Adolebitque ea!” It erupted in fire.
“No!” shouted Elryn and shouted Elvish. A wind gust hit the plateau and knocked everyone off their feet except Elryn. To my surprise, the wind and the fire seemed to only make the blue goo grow faster. It covered the ground, the machines, and the bodies. The air immediately became clean and fresh. We had stopped the toxin.
Bailey got up, his shield down from Elryn’s attack and pointed a finger at me as I stood. “You won’t win this, Ironspell! I will destroy you!”
“Ite in quodam loco ab secure mecum,” I said, adding power and intention to the words.
Bailey disappeared and then reappeared outside the plateau’s shielding. For a split second he hung there as he tried to counteract the incantation, but the horror and panic on his face told me all I needed to know. He fell into the river of lava below.
The Drow and Dwarves, now covered in blue goo charged us. But at that moment, we heard a snarl as the Gateway from Denver opened. Wolves came charging into the plateau, led by a giant gray wolf I knew was Alaric, the leader of the Denver pack. Next to him was his mate, Kira, and a small silver wolf. Luna.
The Dark Elven and Dwarven ranks broke. Several wore what looked like charms around their necks and they invoked them. Those who managed to invoke the charm disappeared, to wherever the Drow went. The werewolves took care of the rest.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
“Not a bad bit of rescuing, if I do say so, myself.” Tuzren popped in beside me.
“Star Wars quotes, Tuz?” I said. “Boy, am I glad to see you.”
The little demon grinned wickedly. “Fluffy and I watched A New Hope the other day. We both agreed it was much better than the prequels.”
“Empire and Rogue One are better,” I remarked. I paused. “Look, Tuz, I’m sorry what I said back there.”
“No worries.” The demon punched me in the arm. “I would’ve brought the vamps but it’s daylight outside and they’re not the sparkly variety.”
Luna sauntered up to me in wolf form. Hey, Magic Man! She spoke in pack-speak, that was a form of telepathy between wolves. I convinced Alaric we needed to help when Tuz appeared. None of us wanted to see more people die, so Alaric called all the Metro area wolves to join us.
“Since when can I hear pack speak?” I said.
A dark wolf trotted up. You’ve been dating her, haven’t you?
“Spaz?”
The wolf nodded. Goes with the territory, lover-boy.
“But I’ve had my shots…” I objected.
Spaz chuckled. Oh listen to Vaccination Boy. He licked Luna’s nose and dashed off.
“Does that mean you’re going to start howling at the moon?” Tuzren snickered.
“I hope not.” I caught Luna’s indignant expression. “Although I am fond of the weres.”
She surprised me and knocked me down, licking my face enthusiastically. Tuzren laughed. “Looks like you’re pretty much committed there.”
“Would you two get a room?” Elryn walked up. “Come on, lover boy, we’ve got some gates to close.”
I sat up. “I don’t know how to close gates.”
“No time like the present to learn.” Elryn crossed her arms.
~ * ~
It took us the better part of a half day in this universe to close all the gates except the gateway to Colorado. Elryn showed me how to close gates and after the first one, I discovered I had a knack at closing them. Probably had something to do with being Evrardin’s son. Elryn assured me that the bigger gates required a lot more power and a lot more finesse, but the smaller ones hardly took any energy from me.
The werewolves patrolled the plateau and on more than one occasion took out some Drow who attempted to reclaim the portals. At last when all the gates were closed, save the Denver one, I sat down next to Tuzren, Luna, and Elryn on the machines coated with blue goo.
“This stuff will never come off,” Elryn remarked, picking at the blue goo on her clothing.
I looked down at my clothing—it was a total loss, but worth it. “The weres will be picking it out of their fur for weeks.”
Luna shrugged. Small price to pay for saving the world.
“Any were casualties?” I asked Luna.
She shook her head. I think Jimmy tripped and rolled in the stuff and maybe some Dark Elves got some cuts in, but nothing we can’t handle.
“Good,” I said. “I’d hate for the wolves to get seriously injured or killed.”
“I don’t think the Dark Elves expected so many to come to the humans’ aid.” Elryn leaned against a defunct machine.
“So many?” I stared at her. “You call the Denver wolfpack, one cop, one demon, and one Light Elf many?”
“One crisis; one Light Elf,” she said, smugly. “If the Elder Fae thought we needed more to handle this, they would’ve sent more.”
Come on, Luna said, wagging her blue-coated tail. Everyone’s through except us.
~ * ~
We walked out of the tunnels after closing the last gate from our side to what amounted to a media circus. As I walked out into the pristine air coming from the Rocky Mountains, I was inundated by reporters whom the werewolves had kept back.
“I’m Marsha McAllen, Channel 9 News and we’re at the scene of an amazing turn of events. One Denver police officer by the name of Ironspell-Cabbage has single-handedly saved the world from utter destruction, being taken over by the Dark Elves. What do you have to say, Officer?” She stuck a mic in my face as I walked out with my friends.
“Umm, well first, it wasn’t just me…” I said.
“And so noble!” the reporter said, interrupting me. “How did you feel when you discovered the poisonous gas, Officer Ironspell-Cabbage?”
“Well, my name is Ironspell-Cabas, not Cabbage…” I began.
“Cabas,” she repeated. “Sorry about that.” She squinted at the card.
“I wouldn’t have be able to do anything if it weren’t for Tuz, the Denver wolfpack, the Vampires, Elryn and the Light…”
“That’s fascinating!” enthused the reporter. “So, what are you planning to do now that you’ve been accepted into the Denver Wizard Task Force?”
“I…what?” I stared at her.
McAllen broke out in a grin. “Didn’t you hear? The DWTF has announced they’ve accepted you on recommendation of your precinct’s captain, Jonathan Lewis. Captain Lewis said there was no finer officer who deserved to be promoted to the Wizard Task Force.”
“I bet he did.” I forced the words through my smile.
“Ooooh! Did you hear that?” Luna changed into human form and hugged me hard. “They recognize you as a wizard!” She stood naked in front of the cameras.
“Cut quick!” McAllen said, despite the smirk from the cameraman.
The moon was gibbous to waxing full so most of her body was covered with fur and her ears were already pointed and furry as was her nose and mouth. I hugged her back, despite the weirdness. I kissed her on the snout and grinned. “Awesome news!”
“You guys doing it doggie style?” Tuzren snickered.
I pulled off my jacket and wrapped it around her body. “A gentleman never tells.”
~ * ~
We pried ourselves from the reporters an hour later. Seems they couldn’t be deterred with an entire wolfpack roaming around. Someone had managed to get Luna some clothes so she didn’t have to endure the lewd gawking from the Normals who showed up. We all climbed into Elryn’s Dodge RAM and the Elf turned to me. “Where to?”
I grinned. “Beau Jo’s in Idaho Springs.”
“Beau Jo’s?” Elryn repeated confused. “Isn’t it a little early for pizza?” She pointed at the sun in the eastern sky.”
“Hey, Beau Jo’s pizza is good anytime,” Luna said.
“Best damn pizza in the universe. Maybe in the multiverse,” I said. “My treat.”
“I am so in on this,” Tuzren said, flitting beside me and sitting on my shoulder.
“Well, okay then,” the Elf agreed. “Beau Jo’s it is.”
I grinned at my friends. A wizard, an Elf, a werewolf, and a demon walk into a pizzeria. Sounded like the beginning of a bad joke or an incredible friendship.
Idaho Springs had better be ready for us.
The End
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~ * ~
Now get a Sneak Peek of the next novel in the Ironspell Chronicles: Elfshot!
Elfshot
Chapter One
“Excuse me, sir, but your demon appears to be growing.”
I glanced at the harried waitress before looking at Tuzren. Beau Jo’s Pizza was surprisingly packed for the day after the almost Apocalypse. When we arrived, the staff put us on an hour-long waiting list. Other humans and Supernaturals hung out in the bar or stood around us and made idle chatter, totally unaware that the four people who hung out patiently waiting for their name to be called were the same people who saved all of humankind.
We humans are surprisingly resilient creatures, which has served us over millennia, but we also can be totally clueless. There wasn’t even a titter when the server called out my name, Ironspell. It was probably best. I didn’t want to be reminded that even though I stopped a poisonous alchemical gas from killing off all humans, millions had died.
We had just gotten through the first round of pizzas when the waitress noticed a problem with Tuzren. A middle-aged woman with slightly graying brown hair falling down in wisps from her ponytail, she set another large pizza with extra meat in front of my girlfriend, Luna. The waitress had enough tact to not mention Luna’s half-changed state. Luna was a werewolf with a shifting problem—she couldn’t control her transmutations and was more than halfway shifted to her wolf form. “Thanks!” Luna said brightly and smiled at the woman—a simply terrifying expression if one wasn’t familiar with werewolves. The waitress smiled back and left us to our double meat everything.
Now, I studied the object of the waitress’s concern. Damn if Tuzren didn’t appear larger as he chomped merrily into the Beau Jo’s pizza. Right now, he was as large as a Labrador Retriever, whereas just a few hours earlier, he’d ride on my shoulder and I’d hardly notice him. An innocuous demon, as demons go, someone had summoned him to this plane only to abandon him because he was too small for their purposes. I had found him Dumpster-diving near Bonnie Brae Denver and took pity on him.
“Hey, Tuz, what’s the deal? We can’t feed you after midnight or ever get you wet?” I asked.
