The chaperone, p.16
The Chaperone, page 16
Those eight people remain in my head for three days. But now it’s Sunday, and I have to think about someone else. Joseph Clarke.
Mom chooses my outfit. What Tiffany calls my goody-two-shoes-gone-bad dress. Long-sleeved blue lace with a V that’s not deep enough to be scandalous but deep enough to attract attention. The only problem is I don’t want this person’s attention.
The doorbell rings.
I don’t move from my spot on the sofa. Answering the door is not my job. I pray Dad doesn’t hear it.
But a second later he comes rushing down the front stairs, securing his onyx cufflinks at the same time. His hand is on the door a moment later. He turns to me before opening it.
“You ready, Stella?” He doesn’t wait for my answer. Instead he turns the knob and smiles at the person I presume is Joseph Clarke, offering his hand to shake. Even from the other room, I can see their knuckles clench in a manly ritual that goes on so long it seems absurd.
Dad beckons him inside with an outstretched arm. Has Dad ever been so welcoming to a boy at Visitation? But Joseph Clarke is not a boy. He’s a man. A constable. Dad backs up, and the constable steps inside.
First I see a black shoe and gray leg. Then the rest of him comes into view. Gray pants, gray shirt, red armband, giant gun slung across his back. He’s turned away, so I can’t see his face. He lifts the gun over his head and holds it out to Dad like a gift. I’ve never seen a constable remove his gun before he sits. It strikes me as odd that he offers it to Dad, who gestures to the corner. The constable stands his gun there like a wet umbrella. After it’s secure, he turns in my direction.
Pale splotchy skin. Hair so blond it’s almost white.
The shock rolls through me like thunder. I put my hand on the sofa to steady myself.
It’s him.
The constable who saw me the night Sister Helen died.
And he’s here to call on me.
* * *
I offer the shortest possible answers to his questions, contributing almost nothing to the conversation. I make it clear I don’t want to be here.
Dad is gone. He introduced us, listing Joseph’s credentials to me like a job applicant, before shaking Joseph’s hand a second time and excusing himself. He’ll be back when it’s time for Joseph to leave, but for now, we’re virtually alone. It’s the only time I’m allowed to be alone with a boy. We have exactly one hour, and we have to stay in the living room. Of course, no one is far. Dad and Mom and Sister Laura are in the next room, listening to every word we utter.
He makes small talk about the weather. Joseph hopes it will cool now that September is almost over. Then it’s the news. Joseph hopes the prime minister will approve funds to strengthen border security.
He pauses. It’s time to get to the real reason why he’s here.
“I know I may seem a bit old to be calling on you, Stella.”
“Not at all.” That’s what Mom told me to say if the subject comes up. It’s not unheard of for older men to call on high school girls.
“The truth is, you seem more mature than most girls your age.”
I could say thank you, but I don’t. I’m not giving anything I don’t absolutely have to give.
“You seem so sure of yourself.”
It’s hard not to say thank you a second time, but I successfully fight off the urge.
“And honestly, my gosh, Stella, you’re just so beautiful.”
I’ve been polite about looking at him while he speaks, but this is such a violation that I look away, studying the sculpture on the piece of furniture behind him. Why does it pain me to hear him say that? When Mateo says the same thing, my whole body floods with warmth. But now my body tenses, ready to fight. Maybe it’s because I’ve never even spoken to Joseph before today. He’s treating me like an object, not a person.
“I’m sorry,” he says. “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”
This time I don’t overcome the obligation to respond, sneaking a quick look at him. “It’s fine.”
Neither of us speaks. The silence is charged, but I’m not going to help him. He has to do the work himself.
“I just think you’re the kind of girl I’d like to spend my life with.”
I have to work to keep the horror in my throat. It sits in my mouth like a bubble about to burst, but I hold it there. I don’t know what’s worse. That he introduces the idea of spending our lives together the first time we meet or that he uses the word girl when he does it. Sister Helen never let Mom or Dad call me a girl. “She’s a young woman now,” she explained not long after she arrived. “If we’re going to expect her to act like one, we’ll have to call her one too.”
But Joseph seems to know nothing about how to talk to women.
“I’m ready for that,” he adds. “A wife, kids, a family. I want all of it. The whole picture.” Again it’s a challenge to keep the bile in my throat. “I want someone who will support me, take care of my home, have my children.”
It’s not lost on me that he says my rather than our children.
“Don’t you want that too, Stella?”
I’ve been gazing in his general direction without looking directly at him ever since he said the word girl, but now I stare right into his face. I notice there are tiny folds of pink skin under his eyes that make him seem rodent-like. I glance at the pictures on the mantel to distract myself. I refuse to tell him what he wants to hear, but if I reveal the truth—that I’d rather die than be his wife—Dad will be furious. I have to find a way out of this. I have to destroy his chances.
“Where did you say you went to college?”
“Oh.” His cheeks flush a darker pink. “I didn’t. I went to the Academy right after high school.” The Academy for constables, he means. Men who go to college skip right over that and become officers in the military.
“Hmmm.” I hope he gets the message. “Did your father go to college?”
The skin on his face has now gone from pink to red. “My father is the Bull Run postmaster.” It’s his turn to not answer a question. But we both know the answer. People who work at the post office—even the postmaster—don’t go to college.
“And do you have sisters?” This is where I’ve been heading all along.
“Yes.” He smiles, wrongly believing he’s survived my line of questioning. “Two of them. An older sister and a younger sister. The older one is married to a senior constable.”
“The younger?”
“Still in high school.” As soon as the words are out of his mouth, his smile vanishes.
“Oh,” I say with fake enthusiasm. “What’s her name? I’m sure I know her.”
Joseph Clarke looks straight into my eyes. He’s not quick, but he’s finally figured it out. This is a deal breaker. He stares so long it feels like we’re having a contest. He doesn’t realize there’s no way I’ll let him beat me. Still, I’m impressed I have to count to fifty before his eyes break away from mine and drop to the floor. “Kayla doesn’t go to Bull Run Prep.”
“Really?” I act like I don’t know the answer. “Where does she go?”
Joseph’s eyes flick back to mine. I’ve pushed him too far. He’s gone from frustrated to furious. “She’s at the government school.”
“Oh.” I drag the word out, so it conveys more than it means.
“But—”
I don’t let him finish. Instead I do my best to finish him.
“I’m so glad you came to visit today, Joseph.” I stand from the sofa and give him a fake smile. He has no choice but to stand too. “My father will meet you at the door.”
CHAPTER 56
As soon as the front door clicks shut, I hear Dad charging toward me. His shoes smack the wood floors in the foyer, softening to a dull sweep when he reaches the living room rug. He must stop at the far side of the rug because the smacking doesn’t start again. Still, I sense him behind me.
Out the window I see Joseph in his SUV. He hasn’t left the driveway yet. For all I know he’s still watching.
“Stella.” Dad interrupts the quiet that descended after Joseph left.
I glance over my shoulder without turning around.
“Stella, you’re going to have to try harder.”
I swivel and look right into Dad’s face. When we’re running, I only glimpse him in profile. I’m surprised to notice three lines creasing his forehead. When did they get there?
“Did you know he didn’t go to college, Dad?” I’m not supposed to question him, but at this point I don’t even care. There’s no punishment Dad could assign that would be worse than a lifetime with someone like Joseph Clarke.
“Of course, I know that. He—” Dad pauses and folds his hands together. “Things are different now, Stella. If you become a constable, you don’t have to go to college.”
“His father didn’t go either.”
“That isn’t unusual.”
“Maybe not, but you can’t possibly want me to be with someone who has sisters at the government school, someone who will have to send his own daughters there. Your granddaughters.”
“Oh, Stella.” He takes two steps toward me but stops before he gets close enough to touch. “You don’t have to worry about that. You and your sister? You’ll always have enough money for whatever you want.”
“What do you mean?”
“You’ll have a dowry, Stella. Joseph will have more than enough money for chaperones once you marry.”
The horror that’s been in my throat ever since Joseph brought up marriage finally comes out. “You already have us married, don’t you?”
“He’s a good man, Stella.”
Sister Laura says when one man calls another a “good man,” it’s code. Meaning, He’s in the club. He’s one of us.
“Do I even get a say in this? Do I get to provide any input at all about who I’m going to spend the rest of my life with?”
“No, Stella.” His voice is so severe it gives me a chill. “You absolutely do not.”
CHAPTER 57
If I had any doubts about leaving, they are now completely erased. No way I’m marrying Joseph Clarke. No way I’m living that life. No way I’m going to be a baby machine instead of the person I want to be.
I tell Sister Laura Monday morning. I imagine it will be hard, but the truth is, it’s easy.
“I need to talk to you.”
She keeps walking but looks at me out of the corner of her eye, a question on her face.
“Remember when you said I can’t have what I want here?”
She glances at me before dropping her attention to the ground. “Yes.” The hesitation in her voice is so thick I can almost touch it.
“You started to say something else. You said, ‘unless,’ but you never finished.”
She pauses and turns to face me, scratching her nose. She’s hiding something. She always scratches her nose when she’s not being forthright. “When did I say that?”
“When I told you I wished someone would kidnap me.”
Sister Laura winces like someone slapped her.
“You said, ‘Don’t say that unless—’” I try to read her face, but she won’t look at me. “What were you going to say? Unless what?”
Sister Laura finally returns my stare. “Why are you asking me this now, Stella?”
“Because I want to change my life. Because I want to know about unless.”
Sister Laura turns and walks faster. I hurry behind her, unable to catch up. She keeps motoring ahead, but I desperately want her to stop and answer my question.
“Are you going to tell me?”
She tilts her head back at me. “We can’t talk about this now, Stella. Just keep up.”
Respect your chaperone.
I slow my pace, frustrated, and she comes to an abrupt stop.
She spins around, walks back to me, and whispers at me in a harsh voice. “There’s a constable up ahead. On the corner.” She takes my arm, leading me to the intersection we just passed. We cross the street and walk down the sidewalk on the other side. “Just act like everything’s normal, Stella,” she says under her breath.
When we’re directly across from him, Sister Laura offers the constable a friendly wave. “Good morning to you, Constable,” she says as if we haven’t clearly gone out of our way to avoid him.
When we’re past him, she talks to me out of the side of her mouth. “Later, Stella,” she says. “Tonight.”
I start counting the hours.
* * *
It’s after ten o’clock that night when Sister Laura finally comes to my room.
“There is a way.” Her voice drops to a whisper “But…it’s dangerous.”
“Aren’t you the one who told me anything worthwhile is dangerous?” This was her response when I read about the Mirabal sisters.
“That’s true. Especially here.” She glances out the window. “But I still want you to know up front.”
“I understand it won’t be easy.”
Sister Laura lets out a sound that’s a cross between a laugh and a gasp.
“What?”
“It’s just…you. You’ve come so far.”
“What do you mean?”
“When I got here, you were so afraid. So broken.”
“I’d just lost my best friend.”
“Sister Helen was your best friend?”
“Of course.”
Sister Laura puts a hand over her mouth. “That’s really beautiful, Stella. Sister Helen would be so touched.”
“You knew her?”
She nods at me. “I met her as soon as I enrolled at the conservatory. We became friends right away. And I saw her at meetings, of course.”
“Prayer meetings?”
Sister Laura raises her eyebrows.
“They’re not really prayer meetings, are they?”
“It’s better you don’t know, Stella. But maybe now is the time to tell you I was chosen by Sister Helen. To replace her.”
“What do you mean?”
“We talked about you. She saw something in you. She thought you were…how do I say it? She thought you were a special person. And she said she wanted me to take her place if anything happened to her.”
“She was worried?”
“We all are, Stella. It’s dangerous to teach girls. If you teach them too little, they might make a mistake. If you teach them too much, you might get in trouble with the Minutemen. Remember when you asked why I stayed?”
“Yes.”
“That’s one of the reasons. So I could be that person for…” She inhales deeply and looks at the ceiling.
“For me?”
“Yes, for you. And for my last charge. And for my next one. For all of you.” She drops her gaze from the ceiling and looks right at me. “For anyone who wants to reject what’s expected. For anyone who wants to get out.”
“Is that why you’re here? To help us get out?”
I’m sure it’s true now. I’m sure that’s what she meant when she said “unless.”
“Yes, that’s a big part of it. That’s not true of all chaperones. But there are more of us every day.”
“So you’ll help me?”
Her face is a cross of pride and apprehension. “I’ll introduce you to someone. She’ll help you. I can’t actually do it myself.”
“Why not?”
Sister Laura lets her eyes drop shut for a second before opening them again. “Because I want to stay alive, Stella.”
CHAPTER 58
It happens fast. Faster than I thought possible.
Sister Laura pulls me into the restroom inside the back door of the State Street Gym two days later. I don’t see her at first. The woman in the corner. But once Sister Laura locks the door and turns me around, I come face-to-face with her. She has wavy gray-brown hair, tiny brown eyes, and lightly crosshatched skin. She’s older than I expected—almost as old as Sister Helen—and doesn’t look anything like the kind of person who breaks the law. She looks like someone’s grandmother. Maybe that’s the point.
“Stella, this is Angel. She’s the one who’ll arrange your passage.”
Angel shakes my hand the same way Sister Laura did when I met her. “It’s so nice to meet you, Stella. I’m excited about your journey.”
“Nice to meet you too, Angel.”
As soon as I say her name out loud, it hits me.
Angel.
That was the last thing Sister Helen said to me. She got it out one syllable at a time. Ain Jell. Angel. Is this what she was trying to tell me?
Find Angel?
Get out?
CHAPTER 59
We talk money first.
“I hate to be coarse, Stella, but I have to ask. Can you afford this? Do you have money saved?”
Sister Laura nods. “She does.”
I wheel on her. “How do you know that?”
“I know.”
“You’ve gone through my things?”
“It’s my job,” she says, but her face flushes. She’s embarrassed. What she doesn’t know is that most of what I had is now gone.
I turn back to Angel. “How much?”
Angel tilts her head, studying me. “I’m guessing you’re a girl of means. We use a sliding scale, and you’ll have to pay the full rate.” I don’t say anything, waiting, and she adds, “It’s two thousand, Stella.”
“Two thousand?” How will I ever get that much money if I gave so much to Willow?
“Can you get it?”
I nod slowly, remembering all the places Mom hides money. I’m not certain I can find two thousand dollars, but I’m going to try. Maybe it will be okay if I just get close.
“I know it sounds like a lot,” Angel says, “but the costs are extraordinary. Vehicles, fuel, and food for the three days it will take you to make the journey. And we have to pay people to keep their mouths shut more often than not. It takes a lot of money to have you kidnapped.”
“Kidnapped?”
Sister Laura jumps in. “It’s not really a kidnapping, Stella. That’s just what they’ll say on the Freedom Channel after you’re gone. So no one knows what really happened. They’ll say you’ve been kidnapped. And people believe whatever they’re told.”
