Weekends, p.8
Weekends, page 8
She was so happy when she saw the reply. I still loved her and would see her again. Candi breathed a sigh of relief then hit reply.
Oh Baby,
You don’t know how happy I was to see that you still want to be with me. I have fallen in love with you and I never meant to hurt you. Thank you for forgiving me and I promise I will not put anything on my page about us. I may post that I am very happy every once in a while. I want to talk to you so call me when you read this.
Missing you so much,
Candi XO
She closed up the laptop and slid it under her chair. Reclining her chair back to the lying down position, Candi closed her eyes and went to sleep.
**
I called her at noon. Figuring she would have gotten at least some sleep. I was finally calmer about the whole situation.
“Do you need more sleep? I can call later.”
“No, I’m glad you called. I’m just lounging on the deck resting. So, would you like to come up here for a weekend soon? It will be a while before I have a long weekend again.”
“No Candice, I don’t want to go up there. You know I don’t want to go up there.”
“Dana this has to be a give and take for it to work. I want to see you and spend time with you. Don’t you have a three-day weekend coming up for Labor Day?”
“Yes, I do. Are you off that weekend?”
“No, I’m not, that’s why I wanted you to come here for the weekend so we could spend some time together.”
“I’m sorry Candice, but no, I won’t be coming up there. I don’t want to go up there.”
“Ever, you won’t ever come up here to stay with me?”
“I wasn’t planning on it.”
“Wow, I wasn’t aware this was going to be just a one-way relationship. Damn it Dana, that isn’t fair.”
“You know that I never wanted to go back up there. I don’t have anything up there. It was a small moment in time from my life. I wasn’t wanted by my fucking parents so they just dropped me off. I spent seventeen years up there feeling like I was a stranger in a strange land. Once I was able to get out and away I never wanted to go back. I should have never gone up to that damn alumni weekend.”
“So, you regret even meeting me then. Ok, now I am up to date. You don’t need to call me anymore or email me. You have made it abundantly clear where I stand. Unbelievable.”
“No, you misunderstand what I’m saying.”
“Really, so you don’t regret coming up here that weekend? You don’t regret meeting me?”
“I… I have to go Candice. I’m sorry.” I disconnected the phone.
**
Candice was totally thrown. She couldn’t believe that I would expect only her to make an effort. Well, this one was over. That was so not fair. In her mind, it was my turn to step up.
I pulled back into myself. At work they noticed that I was unhappy once again.
“Dana, what’s going on?”
“What do you mean? I’m working on the education grant for the GED program. Am I supposed to be working on something else?”
“No, I mean what’s going on with you personally? You’re withdrawn. Is everything ok with Candice?”
“Oh, that’s over I think. Long distance relationships just don’t work.”
“Really, did I ever tell you how I met Maryellen?”
I thought for a minute. “No, I don’t think you ever did.”
“Skiing, I was on a class trip through my high school. We had gone to Vermont during winter break. Maryellen was there with her family for the week and we collided, literally. I had two lessons through the group tour. She had been skiing for years. It was really silly and we both lay there in the snow laughing. We got very close that week and exchanged addresses. We wrote to each other all through high school and then went to the same college, on purpose.” She smiled at me. “Distance makes the heart grow fonder my dear Dana.”
“How cliché. I’m happy it all worked out for you but it won’t for us.”
“Why do you feel that way?”
“She wants me to go there and visit her on the long weekend coming up. I don’t want to go back there again and she knows it. She can’t get a three-day weekend for a while yet.”
“Ok, well that sounds fair. She came here for you, now you go there for her. What’s the problem?”
“You know I don’t want to go back there.”
“Is this really about her at all or something else?”
“I told you I was a drop off baby. I don’t know if my real parents are still there or not.”
“Why don’t you do one of those DNA tests to see if you can find them?”
“No, I’m afraid they might find me. I don’t want to see them. They lost that right the day they abandoned me.”
“They could just as easily live right here in this town and you wouldn’t know it; neither would they most likely. Don’t let that stop you from having any chance at finding love. Love is too precious to simply toss away without any effort. At least think about it some more Dana.”
“I guess I have a lot to think about. Thanks for trying, you’re a good friend.” I got back to my paperwork.
EIGHT
I spent the rest of the week and weekend thinking about it. I supposed that Shirley was correct in her assumption that my birth parents could live here as well as anywhere else. My abandonment had hurt me all of my life. How could they have hated me so much as to drop me off on the steps of a church?
I tried to find out who they were when I found out about my existence, when I was twelve. I was trying to trace my family tree for school. It was a project we were all doing for history class. So, I sat with my mother and father after dinner and I asked for their histories so I could draw up the tree. They chose then to tell me the truth. I had no family. I had no tree. When I refused to pass in the homework, I got a failing grade for it. The minister and his wife wouldn’t even fight on my behalf with the teacher.
Things changed after that. I couldn’t find anything to help me. No hospital records in the area that showed a child born that I couldn’t account for. I had to accept the fact that they dropped me off and took off after. Every time I looked at photographs or magazines or watched television, I always looked at the faces to see if they resembled me. I felt completely alone, and their, no acceptance of my lifestyle in high school was the last straw. I considered myself alone in the world. That was best for me. I didn’t want to try to add to my family, it wasn’t worth the trouble.
As much as I loved Linda in high school, and I did love her, I still felt without a family. She was the closest it came though. She knew that I felt like I was alone in the world. She knew I felt like a tenant instead of a daughter, maybe that’s what compelled her to speak with Candice that night. Who knows?
It kind of hurt me that Candice didn’t understand the way I felt about being up there. If I don’t give in and go there, I don’t think she will make the trip back to me. The question is; do I want to be with her again? Yes, I do.
My three-day weekend was coming up. There had been no phone calls and no emails so far.
Candi,
I miss you. I miss talking to you. I miss laughing with you. I miss loving with you. I have three days off this coming weekend. I want to see you. Do you want to see me or have you moved on? I will understand if you have moved on. Just let me know soon ok?
Dana XO
I hit send and waited patiently for a reply. I stared at the screen for an hour, still nothing. I logged out and shut it down. It was Saturday, maybe she was still working. I had to go to the grocery so put my list together and headed out.
Candice had a smile as big as a Cheshire cat. She had just gotten home and had been in a bad mood all week. She had plans of going out this weekend to drown her sorrows since she hadn’t heard from me in so long. This was just what the doctor ordered. She had made no comments on her page about our relationship either way. Any emails with questions just went without answers. She didn’t want to say it was over yet. Candice was holding out hope for me to come around. When one of her friends asked her if she wanted company for the long weekend, she replied.
Sorry Lindsay,
I have company coming for a visit and I don’t want to be disturbed, if you get my drift. Thanks for the offer and we’ll get together for a party another time. I’ll introduce you to my love soon I hope.
Take Care,
Candi
Once she was done with her emails she closed it down. She needed to go to bed soon but wanted to talk to me first. She climbed in bed and dialed my phone.
I had just stepped back in the door and my phone rang. I looked at it and didn’t know the number. I never answer if I don’t know who it is so let it go to voice mail. Once the groceries were put away, I checked the laptop for emails but there were none. Damn, guess I was too late. I shut it down and went upstairs. I was lying on my bed crying when it rang again. I looked at it, and it was Candice.
“Hello”
“Hey Baby”
“How are you?”
“I’m great, I read your email and I’m very happy. Will you really come and spend the long weekend here with me?”
“If that’s what I have to do to keep you in my life, then yes. I’m sorry I was so unwilling to share the burden. It wasn’t that I wanted you to do all the driving, you know that right?”
“Then tell me what is really going on Dana. I want to know.” She was snuggled in bed and her eyes were heavy.
“It was the place. It was my life. But I shouldn’t take it out on you. I’m sorry.”
“Mm, I love to hear your voice Sweetheart but I need some sleep. Can we talk more later? I promise to dream of you.”
“Of course, I’m in bed as well. I was going to cry myself to sleep but maybe I’ll nap and dream of you. I’ll talk to you soon.”
“Sweet dreams.” Candice disconnected and fell off to sleep.
I ended my call and lay back. I wasn’t sad anymore but stress was still building about going there again.
**
The week was long. I told Shirley I was going to see Candice over the three-day weekend. She was proud that I was willing to put in the work and give it a try.
“You will never regret trying, even if you don’t succeed. The only regrets are for the things we never try in life. Don’t give up too easy or too fast. The best things in life are never the easiest. Enjoy your time.”
“You really are one big cliché, aren’t you? Thanks.”
I spoke to Candice on Thursday night again. We wanted to make the most of our time together.
“I could head there right from work. If I can sneak out a little bit early, I could be there by ten or eleven pm. What do you think?”
“I don’t want you to be over tired driving. If you feel ok to do it then that’s fine but if you’re tired, then don’t.”
“Ok, will you wait up for me?”
“I am going to be working a double shift on Friday so I will be getting done at eleven pm. I’ll put the key under the turtle next to the door for you. Just let yourself in and make yourself comfortable. When I get home, we will crawl in bed for as long as we want. Working a double gives me Saturday off, but I will have to work on Sunday for a regular shift. I’m trying to switch it so I can have Sunday off and work a double on Monday since you have to drive on Monday anyway, but so far no luck on swapping.”
“Well don’t get into trouble because of me. I’ll bring my book so I’ll be fine. I’ll plan on seeing you tomorrow night then. Are you still sure you want me to come there?”
“Absolutely, I can’t wait to have you in my arms again. It’s been too long.”
“Ok, it’s a plan. I have stuff to do so I’ll let you go for tonight.”
“So soon? We still haven’t tried the phone sex thing yet.”
“And I have no intention on trying it. See you soon Babe. Sleep well, stay safe.” I disconnected laughing.
“Damn” Candice said as she set her phone aside.
**
I tried to rush through the day on Friday. Shirley knew I was trying to sneak out early. I finished up what I had to do and left at four-thirty pm. Not much earlier but every little bit helps. My bag was in the passenger seat and I headed straight for the turnpike.
Candice had worked her seven am to three pm shift and was now working the three pm to eleven pm shift. Some were lucky enough to work twelve hour shifts so only worked four days but not everyone had that option and she was still considered a newbie. She rarely got weekends off and she never got the twelve-hour shifts. Thursday evening, she had made sure the camp was cleaned and the laundry was done. She had a serious talk with her cat. “Sexy, you haven’t met Dana yet. You were being lazy when she was here. You better be nice to her when she gets here or I’ll feed you to Bucky, the local cop’s dog. You won’t win.” Candice had scratched the cat’s neck and gave her some love. She was very happy that company would be here soon.
I was taking my time on the drive since I knew Candi was working anyway. I stopped and had some dinner at a fast food place. I rarely go to those places but a restaurant would take too long and cost too much. I made one other stop for fuel and got a coffee to go then got back on the road. When I finally pulled into her driveway, I saw her Jeep was there. That surprised me, but looking at the clock, it was eleven forty-five pm.
Candice had been pacing the floor. She had tried to call me but I don’t answer the phone when I’m driving. She came out the door as I was parking. I pulled my bag out behind me and closed the door. She pulled me into her arms.
“Oh, thank Christ, I thought I was going to have to go out and try to find you on the road. Why the hell didn’t you answer your phone?” She took my bag and we started to walk to the door.
“I never answer my phone when I’m driving Honey, you know that.”
“We have got to get you a blue-tooth or hands-free device. Don’t make me worry like this?”
“I still wouldn’t answer it and I thought you were working so I was taking my time and driving carefully.”
We came through the door and she tossed my bag aside. She pulled me into her arms again. Hugging turned to kissing. “That’s better. So, the trip was ok?”
“Yes, there were no problems today. So, did you not work?”
“Honey I just got home about a half hour before you got here. I am very tired but I would have gone out looking for you if you weren’t here by midnight.”
“You’re so silly. Hi by the way, nice to see you.”
“Oh, it is so good to see you.” She pulled me in and squeezed again. “Do you need anything before bed?”
“Is it ok if I have a cup of tea? I just need to wind down for a few minutes.”
“Of course, I’ll put on the water. Did you bring a special tea that you like?”
“Yes, let me grab that.” I was opening my bag to get the tea when a creature made its way over to me.
“Meow”
“Wow, who are you? I didn’t see you the last time I was here.”
“That’s Sexy. I’ve had her since I moved here. She was here when you were last time but she was sleeping on the bed. She is kind of lazy since I had her fixed as soon as possible. Now she just lazes around, eating and sleeping.”
I had been giving her some love but now handed the tea to Candi. She was pouring the hot water into the cups. She put a bag in each one.
“This will help us sleep better.” I assured her.
“But not immediate right. I mean I would like to make love to you first.”
“Maybe we can wait until tomorrow for that. I know I’m tired and you must be as well.”
“I am tired but I want you more.”
We brought our drinks to the couch and sat down. I skooched around so my leg was sideways, and I was facing Candi. I smiled over at her. I could see she was tired, her eyes were dark, but she didn’t want to give in. This tea would relax her and we could snuggle in for the night. I wanted to make love to Candi but right now I wanted sleep more. We sat and just stared at each other. I think we just wanted to make sure the other was really there. When the tea was gone, it was time. I brought both cups to the sink and rinsed them out then set them in the rack to dry.
“Where is the trash?”
“Under the sink.”
“Where is the bathroom?”
“Over here off the bedroom.”
“Ok, I’m going to hit the bathroom first then I’ll be ready for bed.”
“I’m right behind you Love.” She got up to close the house.
“Sexy, you get the couch for the night.” She gave the cat a couple of treats and made her way to the bedroom closing the door behind her.
I came out of the bathroom in shorts and a tank top. I set my bag on the chair and stepped over to the bed. “Which side do you sleep on?”
“That one. Is that what you’re wearing to sleep in?”
“I was, is it not ok?”
“Naked would be better, but whatever you want is fine.” She went into the bathroom.
I smiled and shook my head. “I can do naked for you.” I took off my clothes and set them on the chair with my bag. I climbed in bed and was ready for sleep.
Candi came out of the bathroom and tossed her clothes on the other chair. She climbed in bed and pulled me to her.
“Mm, this is perfect.” She closed her eyes and we were both out quickly.
**
Saturday morning, I woke before Candi. She was still sleeping soundly. I got up and pulled on my shorts and sports bra and tank. Sneaking out quietly, I headed out for a run. Sexy snuck into the bedroom.
Making my way around the loop, it was surreal. I did not want to be back here. My plan was to stay at the camp with Candi and just spend my time with her. As I came back into the yard I saw the dock and lake. I knew the water would be colder than the last time but I couldn’t help myself. Walking down to the dock I decided to sit on the edge and check it out. I dipped my toes in and quickly pulled them back out. Holy crap that water was cold. I got up and did not jump in. I made my way back up to the camp.
