The power, p.20
The Power, page 20
“OH, FUCK YOU AGAIN. No one taught me anything. It’s my working theory. It makes sense to me. Answer my question, asshole,” Will demanded.
“A week ago Sunday, I came home from family dinner and was putting Mom’s leftovers in the fridge. Lucy and I were talking about fucking Hennessy and that damn file. She apologized. It makes me nuts when she apologizes for shit that’s not her fault.
“Out of nowhere, no warning, the rage surfaced and took over. Before I even knew what was happening, it told her to never apologize for something that’s not her doing. I freaked out,” Adrian explained.
“Why?” Will asked, completely unfazed. “She shouldn’t apologize for shit that’s not her fault.”
“Will, seriously? You seriously don’t think that’s alarming and wrong?”
“Of course, I do, Adrian. But it’s not like that shit has to stay in there forever. Pull it out.”
Adrian stared at his brother.
“You don’t know how to do that, do you? You’re not shy; you’re stupid,” Will realized.
“How do you take it out?”
William sighed. “The same way you put it in. Pull the rage forward—you know what I mean?”
Adrian nodded.
“Pull it forward, go back in your memory to when you did it. You’ll feel the difference. Undo it. It’s easier to do when you’re with the person. The longer it’s in there, the harder it is to undo. The bigger the compulsion—a good word for it, by the way—the more damage you do to the memory. It’s easier to undo your own shit,” Will said. “She won’t even remember that it happened. Something small like that, one fucking sentence that is tied to a bad habit? That’ll come right out. But I’d consider leaving it. She should break that habit.”
Adrian continued to stare at his brother. “Do you do this often?”
“Nope. Again. I have control. Balance. You, obviously, do not. Before I was balanced, I was a fucking mess. I do, however, give Noah little spikes of fear when he pisses me off. That shit’s fun and harmless.”
Adrian laughed. And then he really laughed. “Is that why he sees bees everywhere?”
Will started laughing with him. “Fuck yeah,” he said as he pulled the tray out of the oven and grabbed two forks. “I love that she did this in fucking banquet trays. She doesn’t understand why, but she knows you need a lot of food.”
Adrian’s laughter tapered off.
“So, compulsion. Fine. But you were together last week. You were fine at Sunday dinner. I thought you had all this shit straight. You put the rage together with Lou’s shit, right? After that, none of this shit should have affected her,” Will said.
Adrian reverted back to staring at his brother as he ate large bites of chicken and potatoes.
“Oh. Maybe this part’s different. Or maybe Lou’s not like us. But I really thought she was. She feels like it.
“Was there other stuff? Like the rage but not. Like, zingier lovey-dovey stuff? When you were with her? When you touched her?” Will asked.
Adrian nodded.
“What happened when you put them together? When you pulled the rage forward with that shit running wild?”
Adrian shook his head.
“What does the head shake mean, Adrian?”
“I didn’t put them together.”
“What do you mean? How did you keep them apart?” Will asked, mouth full of potatoes.
Adrian shook his head again.
It was William’s turn to look shocked. “Adrian, do you keep the rage pulled back all the time?”
“Of course,” Adrian said. “Holy fuck, yes. Unless I’m working out, yes. You don’t?”
“No, absolutely not. That’s gotta be fucking agony, man. I take fear from people and cycle it out all fucking day long.”
“Cycle it out?” Adrian asked.
William stared at his brother.
“I don’t know what you mean,” Adrian said. “The only way I’ve been able to unload it is exercise.”
“Wow. Holy fuck, man. You can’t keep it back all the time. When you let it co-exist with you, it pretty much takes care of itself. I don’t even know how that would work, Adrian. Do you not let yourself get mad? How do you keep it back?”
“I just keep it back. It hurts people. It can’t be forward all the time,” Adrian argued.
Will looked confused. “What the fuck are you talking about? You don’t pull it forward all the time. You just let it be. In the center. Not forward, not backward. Centered. Like having a car in neutral.”
“I…don’t think I have a neutral.”
“I think your shit’s out of whack, Adrian.”
“How do I fix it, Will?”
“I think you get down on your hands and knees, beg Lou to take your dumb ass back, and then fuck like rabbits until her shit is all blended with your shit,” Will said. “I’m still unclear on what happened between Sunday dinner and when I saw her yesterday.”
Adrian’s cheeks turned a bit pink. “Ah, Sunday night, it came forward at a bad time and wouldn’t go back. It could have hurt her.”
“You split with Lou because your rage was forward while fucking? Are you kidding me?”
“I won’t hurt her, Will. She’s had a hard road. I won’t add to it. She’s better off without me in her shit,” Adrian said, voice ringing with sincerity.
Will sighed. “You are dead fucking wrong. She is sad and lonely without you. Henry is depressed and afraid that everyone is going to leave him like you and his mom did. And you’re fucking dying without her. You need to have this conversation with her. Explain. Merge the energies. She’s like us. You can feel it radiating from her when you pay attention.”
“I won’t do it, Will. I’d rather die than hurt her,” Adrian said, not looking at his brother.
“Adrian, I completely fucking get it. I really do—”
“No, you don’t,” Adrian snapped. “You don’t date. You have no relationships outside our family. That ‘ruined for all time’ shit makes perfect sense now, by the way. You can’t be with someone for the same reason I can’t be with someone. Add me to that fucking list. We can grow old playing fucking pinochle and cribbage together.”
William laughed at Adrian. Outright, full-on laughed at his little brother. “Oh my God. You have that so fucking wrong and so fucking right at the same time. We are a matched set of fucked up, you and I. Go talk to Lou, Adrian. You’re killing yourself. Literally. See you Sunday. Call me if you need me. Eat more.”
Adrian was late for dinner on Sunday.
“Sorry, lost track of time,” he said as he entered the dining room.
“We just sat down,” Hank said. “Are you okay? You look terrible.”
“Oh, yeah. I’m fine. I think I had the flu,” he said. “Doing better now.”
“Where are Lucy and Ree? No, honey, no kisses if you’re sick,” Darla said, pulling away from Adrian.
“Uh, they’re doing Lucy and Ree things? I don’t know. I haven’t seen them in a few days,” Adrian admitted.
“Why?” Darla asked, her eyes turned to slits.
“They moved into the house on Thursday. I haven’t been over there yet. I’ll stop by at some point during the week. What’s with you, Mom? You don’t look so hot,” Adrian said to change the subject.
Darla sighed. “Nice attempt to change the subject. What happened?”
Everyone at the table stared at him.
“Nothing. Nothing at all. The house was ready, so they moved into it,” Adrian said, trying to look innocent.
I haven’t done anything wrong. Why are they fucking staring at me? This is fucking ridiculous.
Will reached to smack Adrian upside the head. Adrian caught his brother’s hand before it made contact.
“Stop it,” Adrian growled.
“Aww, temper temper, little brother,” Will chided. “Henry’s been asking about you. Go see him.”
“Stop smacking me.”
“Stop being an idiot, and then I’ll stop smacking you,” Will said.
Adrian breathed deep as the rage tried to push forward.
“William, leave me alone.” The words vibrated with power.
“No,” Will said with an antagonistic grin. He made to slap Adrian again. “You mad, bro?”
“All right, I’m out. Feel better, Mom. I won’t spread my germs,” Adrian called as he left the house.
Hank looked confused. “What just happened there?”
“He’s not in a good place,” Will said. “Just making sure he realizes it.”
“What happened with Lucy?” Darla asked.
“Adrian’s an idiot,” Will said. “He needs to get his head out of his ass.”
“Hey, Will?”
Will rolled his eyes. He knew what was coming. It was the only thing Sam said to him these days. “Yeah, Sam?”
“What do you love? Why won’t you tell me?” Sam asked.
Jake groaned. “Really, man. All fucking week you’ve been doing this.”
“Jacob,” Darla scolded.
“Sorry, Mom. But all week long with this. Every single fucking time he sees William, all day long…”
“He called me at one thirty this morning to ask me, too,” Will said.
“I’d stop asking if you’d just tell me. I need to know,” Sam said, rubbing his head.
Will sighed. “Here we go, Sam. Stop me when you hear something close to whatever the fuck it is that you’re looking for: I love my family, I love my friends, I love a good beer, I love the sun on my face, I love dogs, I love Italian beef sandwiches, I love deep dish pizzas…”
Sam sighed as Will continued to list things that didn’t matter.
17
Adrian wasn’t sure what to do after leaving his parents’ house.
I need food. I’ll go find food, he thought.
An hour later, he was stuffed with pizza and calmer.
Did I even say hello to my family? What happened?
Lost in thought, he wasn’t paying attention to where he was going. He looked up and found himself standing on Lucy’s doorstep, his car parked in her driveway.
Holy fuck. I lost some time again.
Lucy was pulling open the door.
Oh, no.
She looked good. Really good. The bruising was gone in her face. Blond hair pulled up, blue eyes shining in the dim light, radiant tanned skin everywhere. She was in a tank top and shorts.
“Adrian. Hi,” she said, opening the screen door. “You just missed Ree. I can wake him up if you want to say hi.”
“Hi,” Adrian said, staring at her.
“Do you want to come in?” she asked, confused.
“I do. I really do.” He didn’t move.
“What is going on? You look terrible.”
“I don’t know. I mean, I kind of know, but not really. I don’t understand it.”
“Do you want to talk about it?” she asked, eyebrows raised.
“How are you? How is Ree?”
“Okay on both fronts. He misses you. We both miss you,” she said with a shrug. “Worried about you.”
He nodded. “Me, too.”
“Adrian, come inside. Or go. Either one. But don’t stand in the doorway anymore.” Lucy grabbed his hand and pulled it toward her.
And just like that, Adrian gave up the fight. Couldn’t even really remember why he was fighting to begin with. His arms wrapped around her as his lips met hers, the happy energy surging through him.
“I’m sorry,” he muttered to Lucy as he kissed down her long neck to the sensitive skin around her collar bone. He wasn’t sure what he was apologizing for, but he was sorry. For being away from her. For coming back to her.
“Okay,” she muttered back, arms wrapping around his neck.
Hands wrapped around Lucy’s waist, they both groaned as the happy energy cycled when Adrian’s finger touched the skin where her tank and shorts met. He was tugging her shirt off before the front door was all the way closed.
Holy hell, this is the most intense make-out session of my life, Lucy thought as her body tingled with anticipation.
She reached to pull Adrian’s shirt off, enjoying the feel of his muscles under her hands. Her bra was gone; she wasn’t sure how that happened. Adrian’s thumbs were gently circling and pinching at her nipples, making it hard to breathe. He made a very satisfying groaning sound when she nibbled his earlobe.
Lost in exploring the feel of him, Lucy was surprised when her legs bumped against the edge of her bed. Adrian pulled off her shorts as she pulled at his pants. Her body arched up as he sucked a nipple in his mouth and then closed his teeth around it.
When her hand wandered down below his waist, he caught it, pinning both her hands above her head with his left hand. She tugged against his hold when his fingers slipped inside her, rubbing a spot that made her body coil like a spring.
Adrian kept trying to slow down. He kept meaning to draw things out. The rage that was screaming for Lucy wanted no part of it. When her body tightened with anticipation around his fingers, he knew she was ready. Without another thought, he was pushing into her, slowly stretching her.
The energy was going batshit crazy. Adrian was having trouble remembering to breathe. Then it hit him. Lucy’s breathing matched the energy. Her body twisted to meet the surges of raw power.
Oh my God. She can feel it.
Her hips pushed up to meet him and hurry things.
“Slow, Lucy. Slow,” he muttered against her mouth, letting go of her hands.
“Adrian, not this slow,” she muttered back.
Just like that, the rage drove him forward. He was fully inside as she came hard around him. “Oh my God,” he groaned as the waves of her orgasm continued to roll.
Adrian tried to wait, tried to wait for the orgasm to pass, for her to catch up. But it was too late. He was moving without conscious thought, slow and steady at first, and then faster. Harder. Lucy moaned his name as she came again, then everything exploded.
Hours later, Lucy woke up, still wrapped with Adrian.
Holy fuck, what happened? she wondered.
Adrian’s arms tighten around her in sleep as she tried to scoot away to use the bathroom. “No.”
“I’m just going to the bathroom. I’ll be right back,” she muttered to him.
His arms didn’t loosen.
“Adrian, let go. I’ll be right back,” Lucy said, trying not to laugh.
His arms still didn’t loosen.
She pushed against his arms. She couldn’t move him.
Lucy didn’t want to wake him but didn’t have much choice. “Adrian,” she said quietly while touching his face. “Let go.”
His arms loosened enough for her to wiggle free.
The rage clawed at the inside of his brain after Lucy got out of bed. Adrian woke to a wave of vertigo mixed with a stomach roll. He was just sitting up when Lucy walked out of the bathroom.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you,” she whispered as she searched through a basket of clothes.
The sick, rage feeling quieted at the sound of her voice.
“S’okay,” he said, searching through his memory. He thought he might be missing parts of the night. “How are you?”
Lucy snorted a cute little sound as she pulled on pajamas. “I’m just great,” she said with a grin. “How are you?”
He smiled a bit at her. “I didn’t really intend to pounce on you like that.”
“I didn’t mind. At all,” she said, chuckling.
“You’re really okay?”
“Of course. Why wouldn’t I be? I’m going to go find the rest of our clothes, so we don’t scar Ree for life.”
The rage roared back in his brain as soon as she was out of sight.
Food. I need food.
“You’re seriously making eggs at two a.m.?” Lucy asked as she walked into the kitchen.
“Hungry,” Adrian mumbled. “Sorry, I know it’s the middle of the night.”
Lucy grabbed a bowl out of the fridge then glasses for water and a pair of plates. “I’m willing to go along with this, mostly because you’re doing it shirtless. Thanks for that.”
Adrian smiled but it lacked his usual warmth.
“You look so tired, you could be Sam,” she said.
“Mmm,” he said. “I’ve been out of sorts.”
“I can tell. Ready to talk about it?”
“Can’t,” he said to the eggs.
Her eyebrows quirked. “It’s top secret? That far out of sorts?”
He nodded, but Lucy wondered if he actually heard her.
“Having eggs?” Adrian asked.
Lucy shook her head. “There’s watermelon in the bowl. That sounds better to me. Plus, I want to see if you can eat half a dozen eggs at one time.”
“I can,” he said with a little smile, piling the eggs on the plate. “Thank you. For leaving the food. For opening the door.”
Lucy sighed. “Do you need hot sauce for the eggs?”
Adrian cleared his throat. “No, it’s fine.”
“So tell me again. Why can’t we talk about whatever is going on?” Lucy asked.
Adrian tipped his head back to look at the ceiling and then cracked his neck. “I’m sorry, Lucy. I just can’t. It won’t make any sense. My brain is not right.”
Her brow was furrowed with concern. “You can tell me. I hope you know that. I wouldn’t tell anyone else. I hate seeing you like this.”
The energies were warring within him. The rage battered his brain, causing a splitting headache at the same time the other energy was trying to tug him toward Lucy. She was talking again, walking toward him. She tried to touch his hand, but Adrian pulled it away.
The hurt was evident on her beautiful face. She was still talking, but he couldn’t understand her.
I’m causing that pain. I’m hurting her. Right this very minute, I’m hurting her, he thought. I shouldn’t be here. I need to go. I need to leave. This is not safe. Not good for her.
“Adrian, can you hear me?” Lucy asked. “Are you going to be sick?”
His pupils were fully dilated; there was no color in his face at all. He pulled his hand away when she tried to touch him. “I’m not going to hurt you, Adrian. I just want to help.”
“A week ago Sunday, I came home from family dinner and was putting Mom’s leftovers in the fridge. Lucy and I were talking about fucking Hennessy and that damn file. She apologized. It makes me nuts when she apologizes for shit that’s not her fault.
“Out of nowhere, no warning, the rage surfaced and took over. Before I even knew what was happening, it told her to never apologize for something that’s not her doing. I freaked out,” Adrian explained.
“Why?” Will asked, completely unfazed. “She shouldn’t apologize for shit that’s not her fault.”
“Will, seriously? You seriously don’t think that’s alarming and wrong?”
“Of course, I do, Adrian. But it’s not like that shit has to stay in there forever. Pull it out.”
Adrian stared at his brother.
“You don’t know how to do that, do you? You’re not shy; you’re stupid,” Will realized.
“How do you take it out?”
William sighed. “The same way you put it in. Pull the rage forward—you know what I mean?”
Adrian nodded.
“Pull it forward, go back in your memory to when you did it. You’ll feel the difference. Undo it. It’s easier to do when you’re with the person. The longer it’s in there, the harder it is to undo. The bigger the compulsion—a good word for it, by the way—the more damage you do to the memory. It’s easier to undo your own shit,” Will said. “She won’t even remember that it happened. Something small like that, one fucking sentence that is tied to a bad habit? That’ll come right out. But I’d consider leaving it. She should break that habit.”
Adrian continued to stare at his brother. “Do you do this often?”
“Nope. Again. I have control. Balance. You, obviously, do not. Before I was balanced, I was a fucking mess. I do, however, give Noah little spikes of fear when he pisses me off. That shit’s fun and harmless.”
Adrian laughed. And then he really laughed. “Is that why he sees bees everywhere?”
Will started laughing with him. “Fuck yeah,” he said as he pulled the tray out of the oven and grabbed two forks. “I love that she did this in fucking banquet trays. She doesn’t understand why, but she knows you need a lot of food.”
Adrian’s laughter tapered off.
“So, compulsion. Fine. But you were together last week. You were fine at Sunday dinner. I thought you had all this shit straight. You put the rage together with Lou’s shit, right? After that, none of this shit should have affected her,” Will said.
Adrian reverted back to staring at his brother as he ate large bites of chicken and potatoes.
“Oh. Maybe this part’s different. Or maybe Lou’s not like us. But I really thought she was. She feels like it.
“Was there other stuff? Like the rage but not. Like, zingier lovey-dovey stuff? When you were with her? When you touched her?” Will asked.
Adrian nodded.
“What happened when you put them together? When you pulled the rage forward with that shit running wild?”
Adrian shook his head.
“What does the head shake mean, Adrian?”
“I didn’t put them together.”
“What do you mean? How did you keep them apart?” Will asked, mouth full of potatoes.
Adrian shook his head again.
It was William’s turn to look shocked. “Adrian, do you keep the rage pulled back all the time?”
“Of course,” Adrian said. “Holy fuck, yes. Unless I’m working out, yes. You don’t?”
“No, absolutely not. That’s gotta be fucking agony, man. I take fear from people and cycle it out all fucking day long.”
“Cycle it out?” Adrian asked.
William stared at his brother.
“I don’t know what you mean,” Adrian said. “The only way I’ve been able to unload it is exercise.”
“Wow. Holy fuck, man. You can’t keep it back all the time. When you let it co-exist with you, it pretty much takes care of itself. I don’t even know how that would work, Adrian. Do you not let yourself get mad? How do you keep it back?”
“I just keep it back. It hurts people. It can’t be forward all the time,” Adrian argued.
Will looked confused. “What the fuck are you talking about? You don’t pull it forward all the time. You just let it be. In the center. Not forward, not backward. Centered. Like having a car in neutral.”
“I…don’t think I have a neutral.”
“I think your shit’s out of whack, Adrian.”
“How do I fix it, Will?”
“I think you get down on your hands and knees, beg Lou to take your dumb ass back, and then fuck like rabbits until her shit is all blended with your shit,” Will said. “I’m still unclear on what happened between Sunday dinner and when I saw her yesterday.”
Adrian’s cheeks turned a bit pink. “Ah, Sunday night, it came forward at a bad time and wouldn’t go back. It could have hurt her.”
“You split with Lou because your rage was forward while fucking? Are you kidding me?”
“I won’t hurt her, Will. She’s had a hard road. I won’t add to it. She’s better off without me in her shit,” Adrian said, voice ringing with sincerity.
Will sighed. “You are dead fucking wrong. She is sad and lonely without you. Henry is depressed and afraid that everyone is going to leave him like you and his mom did. And you’re fucking dying without her. You need to have this conversation with her. Explain. Merge the energies. She’s like us. You can feel it radiating from her when you pay attention.”
“I won’t do it, Will. I’d rather die than hurt her,” Adrian said, not looking at his brother.
“Adrian, I completely fucking get it. I really do—”
“No, you don’t,” Adrian snapped. “You don’t date. You have no relationships outside our family. That ‘ruined for all time’ shit makes perfect sense now, by the way. You can’t be with someone for the same reason I can’t be with someone. Add me to that fucking list. We can grow old playing fucking pinochle and cribbage together.”
William laughed at Adrian. Outright, full-on laughed at his little brother. “Oh my God. You have that so fucking wrong and so fucking right at the same time. We are a matched set of fucked up, you and I. Go talk to Lou, Adrian. You’re killing yourself. Literally. See you Sunday. Call me if you need me. Eat more.”
Adrian was late for dinner on Sunday.
“Sorry, lost track of time,” he said as he entered the dining room.
“We just sat down,” Hank said. “Are you okay? You look terrible.”
“Oh, yeah. I’m fine. I think I had the flu,” he said. “Doing better now.”
“Where are Lucy and Ree? No, honey, no kisses if you’re sick,” Darla said, pulling away from Adrian.
“Uh, they’re doing Lucy and Ree things? I don’t know. I haven’t seen them in a few days,” Adrian admitted.
“Why?” Darla asked, her eyes turned to slits.
“They moved into the house on Thursday. I haven’t been over there yet. I’ll stop by at some point during the week. What’s with you, Mom? You don’t look so hot,” Adrian said to change the subject.
Darla sighed. “Nice attempt to change the subject. What happened?”
Everyone at the table stared at him.
“Nothing. Nothing at all. The house was ready, so they moved into it,” Adrian said, trying to look innocent.
I haven’t done anything wrong. Why are they fucking staring at me? This is fucking ridiculous.
Will reached to smack Adrian upside the head. Adrian caught his brother’s hand before it made contact.
“Stop it,” Adrian growled.
“Aww, temper temper, little brother,” Will chided. “Henry’s been asking about you. Go see him.”
“Stop smacking me.”
“Stop being an idiot, and then I’ll stop smacking you,” Will said.
Adrian breathed deep as the rage tried to push forward.
“William, leave me alone.” The words vibrated with power.
“No,” Will said with an antagonistic grin. He made to slap Adrian again. “You mad, bro?”
“All right, I’m out. Feel better, Mom. I won’t spread my germs,” Adrian called as he left the house.
Hank looked confused. “What just happened there?”
“He’s not in a good place,” Will said. “Just making sure he realizes it.”
“What happened with Lucy?” Darla asked.
“Adrian’s an idiot,” Will said. “He needs to get his head out of his ass.”
“Hey, Will?”
Will rolled his eyes. He knew what was coming. It was the only thing Sam said to him these days. “Yeah, Sam?”
“What do you love? Why won’t you tell me?” Sam asked.
Jake groaned. “Really, man. All fucking week you’ve been doing this.”
“Jacob,” Darla scolded.
“Sorry, Mom. But all week long with this. Every single fucking time he sees William, all day long…”
“He called me at one thirty this morning to ask me, too,” Will said.
“I’d stop asking if you’d just tell me. I need to know,” Sam said, rubbing his head.
Will sighed. “Here we go, Sam. Stop me when you hear something close to whatever the fuck it is that you’re looking for: I love my family, I love my friends, I love a good beer, I love the sun on my face, I love dogs, I love Italian beef sandwiches, I love deep dish pizzas…”
Sam sighed as Will continued to list things that didn’t matter.
17
Adrian wasn’t sure what to do after leaving his parents’ house.
I need food. I’ll go find food, he thought.
An hour later, he was stuffed with pizza and calmer.
Did I even say hello to my family? What happened?
Lost in thought, he wasn’t paying attention to where he was going. He looked up and found himself standing on Lucy’s doorstep, his car parked in her driveway.
Holy fuck. I lost some time again.
Lucy was pulling open the door.
Oh, no.
She looked good. Really good. The bruising was gone in her face. Blond hair pulled up, blue eyes shining in the dim light, radiant tanned skin everywhere. She was in a tank top and shorts.
“Adrian. Hi,” she said, opening the screen door. “You just missed Ree. I can wake him up if you want to say hi.”
“Hi,” Adrian said, staring at her.
“Do you want to come in?” she asked, confused.
“I do. I really do.” He didn’t move.
“What is going on? You look terrible.”
“I don’t know. I mean, I kind of know, but not really. I don’t understand it.”
“Do you want to talk about it?” she asked, eyebrows raised.
“How are you? How is Ree?”
“Okay on both fronts. He misses you. We both miss you,” she said with a shrug. “Worried about you.”
He nodded. “Me, too.”
“Adrian, come inside. Or go. Either one. But don’t stand in the doorway anymore.” Lucy grabbed his hand and pulled it toward her.
And just like that, Adrian gave up the fight. Couldn’t even really remember why he was fighting to begin with. His arms wrapped around her as his lips met hers, the happy energy surging through him.
“I’m sorry,” he muttered to Lucy as he kissed down her long neck to the sensitive skin around her collar bone. He wasn’t sure what he was apologizing for, but he was sorry. For being away from her. For coming back to her.
“Okay,” she muttered back, arms wrapping around his neck.
Hands wrapped around Lucy’s waist, they both groaned as the happy energy cycled when Adrian’s finger touched the skin where her tank and shorts met. He was tugging her shirt off before the front door was all the way closed.
Holy hell, this is the most intense make-out session of my life, Lucy thought as her body tingled with anticipation.
She reached to pull Adrian’s shirt off, enjoying the feel of his muscles under her hands. Her bra was gone; she wasn’t sure how that happened. Adrian’s thumbs were gently circling and pinching at her nipples, making it hard to breathe. He made a very satisfying groaning sound when she nibbled his earlobe.
Lost in exploring the feel of him, Lucy was surprised when her legs bumped against the edge of her bed. Adrian pulled off her shorts as she pulled at his pants. Her body arched up as he sucked a nipple in his mouth and then closed his teeth around it.
When her hand wandered down below his waist, he caught it, pinning both her hands above her head with his left hand. She tugged against his hold when his fingers slipped inside her, rubbing a spot that made her body coil like a spring.
Adrian kept trying to slow down. He kept meaning to draw things out. The rage that was screaming for Lucy wanted no part of it. When her body tightened with anticipation around his fingers, he knew she was ready. Without another thought, he was pushing into her, slowly stretching her.
The energy was going batshit crazy. Adrian was having trouble remembering to breathe. Then it hit him. Lucy’s breathing matched the energy. Her body twisted to meet the surges of raw power.
Oh my God. She can feel it.
Her hips pushed up to meet him and hurry things.
“Slow, Lucy. Slow,” he muttered against her mouth, letting go of her hands.
“Adrian, not this slow,” she muttered back.
Just like that, the rage drove him forward. He was fully inside as she came hard around him. “Oh my God,” he groaned as the waves of her orgasm continued to roll.
Adrian tried to wait, tried to wait for the orgasm to pass, for her to catch up. But it was too late. He was moving without conscious thought, slow and steady at first, and then faster. Harder. Lucy moaned his name as she came again, then everything exploded.
Hours later, Lucy woke up, still wrapped with Adrian.
Holy fuck, what happened? she wondered.
Adrian’s arms tighten around her in sleep as she tried to scoot away to use the bathroom. “No.”
“I’m just going to the bathroom. I’ll be right back,” she muttered to him.
His arms didn’t loosen.
“Adrian, let go. I’ll be right back,” Lucy said, trying not to laugh.
His arms still didn’t loosen.
She pushed against his arms. She couldn’t move him.
Lucy didn’t want to wake him but didn’t have much choice. “Adrian,” she said quietly while touching his face. “Let go.”
His arms loosened enough for her to wiggle free.
The rage clawed at the inside of his brain after Lucy got out of bed. Adrian woke to a wave of vertigo mixed with a stomach roll. He was just sitting up when Lucy walked out of the bathroom.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you,” she whispered as she searched through a basket of clothes.
The sick, rage feeling quieted at the sound of her voice.
“S’okay,” he said, searching through his memory. He thought he might be missing parts of the night. “How are you?”
Lucy snorted a cute little sound as she pulled on pajamas. “I’m just great,” she said with a grin. “How are you?”
He smiled a bit at her. “I didn’t really intend to pounce on you like that.”
“I didn’t mind. At all,” she said, chuckling.
“You’re really okay?”
“Of course. Why wouldn’t I be? I’m going to go find the rest of our clothes, so we don’t scar Ree for life.”
The rage roared back in his brain as soon as she was out of sight.
Food. I need food.
“You’re seriously making eggs at two a.m.?” Lucy asked as she walked into the kitchen.
“Hungry,” Adrian mumbled. “Sorry, I know it’s the middle of the night.”
Lucy grabbed a bowl out of the fridge then glasses for water and a pair of plates. “I’m willing to go along with this, mostly because you’re doing it shirtless. Thanks for that.”
Adrian smiled but it lacked his usual warmth.
“You look so tired, you could be Sam,” she said.
“Mmm,” he said. “I’ve been out of sorts.”
“I can tell. Ready to talk about it?”
“Can’t,” he said to the eggs.
Her eyebrows quirked. “It’s top secret? That far out of sorts?”
He nodded, but Lucy wondered if he actually heard her.
“Having eggs?” Adrian asked.
Lucy shook her head. “There’s watermelon in the bowl. That sounds better to me. Plus, I want to see if you can eat half a dozen eggs at one time.”
“I can,” he said with a little smile, piling the eggs on the plate. “Thank you. For leaving the food. For opening the door.”
Lucy sighed. “Do you need hot sauce for the eggs?”
Adrian cleared his throat. “No, it’s fine.”
“So tell me again. Why can’t we talk about whatever is going on?” Lucy asked.
Adrian tipped his head back to look at the ceiling and then cracked his neck. “I’m sorry, Lucy. I just can’t. It won’t make any sense. My brain is not right.”
Her brow was furrowed with concern. “You can tell me. I hope you know that. I wouldn’t tell anyone else. I hate seeing you like this.”
The energies were warring within him. The rage battered his brain, causing a splitting headache at the same time the other energy was trying to tug him toward Lucy. She was talking again, walking toward him. She tried to touch his hand, but Adrian pulled it away.
The hurt was evident on her beautiful face. She was still talking, but he couldn’t understand her.
I’m causing that pain. I’m hurting her. Right this very minute, I’m hurting her, he thought. I shouldn’t be here. I need to go. I need to leave. This is not safe. Not good for her.
“Adrian, can you hear me?” Lucy asked. “Are you going to be sick?”
His pupils were fully dilated; there was no color in his face at all. He pulled his hand away when she tried to touch him. “I’m not going to hurt you, Adrian. I just want to help.”
