A man i used to know, p.11
A Man I Used To Know, page 11
“Later on we...sort of dated,” she said. “I guess you could say Tom was my first love. But it was always hopeless, Marie. As soon as we stopped being kids, we had no chance of holding a relationship together.”
“Why not?”
“Because we were so different.” Lila tucked her banana peel into the empty sack. She folded the plastic edges, pleating them aimlessly in her fingers. “I wanted to go to medical school, then build a career and a stable home. Tom wanted to drift around and have adventures. And he expected me to wander along with him.”
“Well, it looks like he’s living just the kind of life he wanted.”
“Yes, it does.” Lila’s face clouded with concern. “But now he’s dragging two little kids along with him, and I don’t think it’s right.”
“Where’s their mother?” Marie asked. “I thought maybe he just had custody for the summer and this was a vacation for them, but Kelly says no, they live in the camper all the time.”
“That’s what Tom said, too. Did Kelly tell you anything else?”
“Not a word.” Marie smiled without humor. “Pumping that child is about as easy as trying to get information out of Archie. I think Casey might be more willing to talk about things, but Kelly won’t let him. She glares daggers at him if he even volunteers a scrap of information about their life.”
“Very strange,” Lila murmured, feeling increasingly troubled as she watched the two children silt houetted against the water.
“What are you going to do about all this?” Marie asked quietly.
“What do you mean?”
“Well, considering the kind of injuries Tom Ben-net has, he’s not going to be able to travel as soon as he’s discharged. And I seriously doubt that he can live in a camper and look after his family, either. At least not right away. Are you going to bring him out here along with these kids?”
Lila looked at her friend, startled. “I hadn’t even thought about that.”
“Well,” Marie said bluntly, “I’d suggest you start thinking about it, kiddo. You may find you’ve taken on a pretty major project.”
Marie got to her feet and brushed sand from the seat of her jeans.
“And speaking of major projects,” she added cheerfully, “I’d better go home and practice for a while if I expect to go ballroom dancing next week.”
“That’s when you and Trevor have your first class?” Lila asked, getting up, as well.
“Next Thursday night Lila, I can hardly wait I plan to spend some happy days shopping for a new dress, and quite a few nights dancing with a floor mop to see if I can knock some of the rust off before then.”
Lila smiled, then hesitated, feeling awkward. “About tomorrow...”
Marie smiled and touched her arm. “Don’t worry, I’ve already planned to come out in the morning. I don’t think Archie is ready to look after these kids on his own just yet.”
“Oh, Marie,” Lila said gratefully, “that’s so sweet of you. I’ve canceled my appointments so I can have the afternoon off,” she added. “I’m planning to come home and take the kids back into town to visit Tom after lunch, so you’ll only have to stay until noon.”
“It’s a pleasure coming out here,” Marie said. “Archie and Kelly might be a pretty hard pair to get along with, but that little Casey is a darling.”
She smiled fondly at the small boy who squatted by the shore, chubby hands on his knees, staring intently at the muskrat as it drifted along the riverbank.
“This is so good of you,” Lila said again. “I don’t know how to thank you.”
Marie waved a hand airily and headed for her car. “What are friends for?” She paused and looked at the two children. “Goodbye, Kelly!” she called. “Bye, Casey. See you tomorrow, sweetheart.”
Casey glanced up from his study of the muskrat and waved happily, but Kelly went on skipping pebbles in silence.
Lila watched Marie drive away, then mounted the steps and sat by her father.
“I’m really sorry about all this upset and confusion, Dad,” she began. “And I’m sorry I was short with you earlier. I just don’t know what else to do with these kids right now.”
He carved a long curl of yellow pine, his pipe clamped between his teeth. “I don’t want them sleeping in my den,” he said.
Lila felt a rising helplessness. “But, Dad, we can’t—”
“I took the cot up to the guest room this afternoon,” he said, “and made it up with sheets and blankets. They can sleep together up there so the little fellow won’t be scared.”
Lila gazed at him in astonishment. “Thank you,” she said at last. “Dad, that’s really nice of you. I didn’t expect...”
Before she could finish, he gathered up his carving and his knife, got to his feet abruptly and left the veranda, trudging into the house without a backward glance.
CASEY WOKE UP and lay rigid with terror, staring at the wall where awful things crawled and slithered toward him.
They were shapes, like wolves and bears and monsters. They moved closer, reaching for him. Outside he could hear a mournful howling that sent shivers up his spine. He whimpered and sucked hard on his thumb, but he could feel the tears welling up inside him.
Cautiously he sat up and looked around, clutching the blankets to his chin. Kelly slept in a bed near his cot. She was curled into a tight little ball, her face buried against the pillow, bright hair gleaming in the moonlight.
Casey would have felt less frightened if he could see her face, but he knew better than to wake her up.
This .room was big and unfamiliar, not at all like their camper, where Daddy and Kelly both slept close enough to him that he could hear them breathing at night. The shapes on the wall danced and swayed, reaching for him, and the howling got louder.
He whimpered again and climbed down from the cot, then edged hastily through the door that stood open into a dimly lighted hallway. At least out here the shadows were gone from his sight, and he couldn’t hear the terrifying noise from outside.
Casey hesitated, then sank onto the floor and wrapped his arms around his legs. He buried his face against his knees for a while, struggling not to cry. Finally he rolled his head and peeped sideways, trying to accustom his eyes to the darkness.
The hallway opened onto a big loft overlooking a room below. Casey already knew the lower room had a stone fireplace and soft couches and pictures on the walls. The ceiling soared high above him, covered in some kind of wood.
He couldn’t believe how big this house was. The vast spaces all around him felt strange and scary. He gulped and sobbed, sucking hard on his thumb, knowing that if he started to cry out loud, Kelly would be very angry with him.
Or the terrifying old man with the shaggy eyebrows might wake up and kill him.
Down the hall in the other direction was a series of doorways. The scary old man lay behind one of them, but Casey couldn’t remember which.
While he watched, one of the doors opened and a figure appeared in the darkness.
The shape was tall and white, wearing a flowing robe. Casey thought it was probably an angel. He remembered one of the cowboys’ wives saying that his mother was an angel now, living in heaven.
What if this ghostly figure that approached down the hallway was his mother?
The thought was too frightening to endure. Suddenly Casey’s mind filled up with the Bad Thing, the memory that he never allowed himself to think about because it was too horrible.
He began to cry in earnest, rocking back and forth on the floor, his face hidden against his knees.
Arms picked him up and cradled him, and a voice murmured softly in his ear. He was conscious of softness and warmth and a sweet fragrance, and realized he was being carried somewhere. The angel took Casey through a door into a strange place and settled in a chair, cuddling him in her lap.
“Now, what’s all this?” she whispered. “Why are you crying, darling?”
Casey gulped and swallowed, burrowing against her warmth. He realized it wasn’t an angel at all, but the lady who’d brought him and Kelly here to this big house, the pretty lady with the dark hair and nice smile. She was wearing a nightgown and some kind of long white robe that felt soft against his face.
The lady held him tight and began to rock in the chair, humming softly. Casey felt himself soothed by the sound and motion. Gradually, mercifully, the Bad Thing began to fade from his mind, and went back into the box where he kept it locked tightly away so it couldn’t hurt him.
“Casey,” she said against his ear. “Are you all right? Were you having a bad dream?”
“There were monsters on the walls,” he whispered. “And outside, too. I could hear them.”
She kissed him. “Those aren’t monsters,” she said, her voice low and husky. “They’re just shadows, darling. The moon is outside in the sky, smiling at you, and when it shines through the tree branches outside your window, it makes shadows on the wall.”
“The moon is smiling at me?” he asked.
“It certainly is.” She reached out beside her to pull back the curtains at her window. “See?”
She showed him the round moon and the face in it, and how it smiled down at him like a happy face. Casey was so interested that he forgot to cry and snuggled happily on her lap.
“And the sounds you hear outside are the owls and the nighthawks and the crickets making music. Like a symphony concert”
He shivered again and nestled close to her. “Doesn’t all sound like music. Something is screaming.”
“Those are coyotes.”
“Coyotes?” he asked fearfully.
She laughed. “Coyotes are nice animals. I love them. They’re really gentle and playful, just like dogs. And this time of year they have fuzzy little baby coyotes, so the mommies and daddies are out looking for food. When you hear them call like that, they’re just talking to each other, making sure everybody’s safe.”
Casey considered this, his thumb in his mouth. “Are the babies outside in the dark, too?” he asked.
“No, they aren’t They’re all snug and cozy in their little dens, waiting for their mommies and daddies to bring food for them.”
“Isn’t anybody looking after them?” Vividly, Casey remembered the scary nights when he and Kelly were all alone in the camper and Daddy was far away in the hospital. He began to tremble again.
“They’re very safe in their little dens,” the lady said family, hugging him. “Their parents check in all the time to make sure they’re all right, and the baby coyotes know there’s nothing to be scared of so they just roll up into tight little balls, very close together, and sleep until morning.”
He considered this, comforted by the image of the furry babies sleeping all warm and safe. Through the open window he could still hear the howling sounds, but they weren’t scary at all anymore. Instead, they sounded busy and friendly, like people calling to each other at the rodeo grounds.
“Are you all right now, dear?” she asked.
He nodded against her breast, beginning to feel drowsy and content.
“Is anything else bothering you?”
She was so comforting that for a moment he considered telling her about the Bad Thing, and seeing what she would say.
But he never talked to anybody about that, not even Daddy or Kelly or the man Daddy had taken him to see afterward, who gave Casey dolls and toys to play with and tried to make him tell what he was afraid of.
If he talked about it, everything would be real again and he couldn’t bear that....
He shook his head against her soft dressing gown.
“Well then, shall we take you back to bed now?”
“All right,” he whispered.
She carried him down the hall and into the room where Kelly slept, put him down on the cot, then sat beside him, tucking the covers up around his face and smoothing his hair.
Her touch was warm and soothing. She began to sing, so softly that Kelly didn’t even stir.
“Daddy sings a different song for me,” Casey murmured sleepily.
“What song is that?”
“‘Casey Boy.’ It’s about pipes. I like it.”
To his amazement, the lady knew the song. She began to sing again, in a voice so sweet that he could have listened forever. He smiled and reached out to grasp part of her robe, holding it contentedly in his hand, and felt himself drifting off to sleep.
CHAPTER TEN
AFTER LUNCH the next day, Tom closed the door of his hospital room and managed to dress himself in a pair of jogging pants and a T-shirt. Even bending and lifting his legs was agony. He felt a clammy sweat break out on his forehead and had to lower himself carefully into one of the vinyl armchairs until the wave of nausea passed.
He heard a knock on the door and the pert red-haired nurse popped her head inside. Her eyes widened when she saw him sitting in the chair, fully dressed.
“My goodness,” she said. “Where did you get the clothes?”
“I asked one of the orderlies to go outside and fetch them from my camper,” Tom said. “My kids are coming to see me in a few minutes. They’re probably scared enough about all this without seeing their father sitting around in a dress and slippers.”
“That’s a pretty scary thing to see, all right,” the nurse said with a grin.
Tom rested in the chair, watching as she fussed with his chart and the supplies on his nightstand.
He knew the woman was attracted to him and would have liked to draw him into conversation. But Tom wasn’t in the mood for flirting, not when Lila would be here in a few minutes, and his kids, as well.
Finally he closed his eyes and rested his head against the back of the chair, waiting for the pain to subside. The nurse looked down at him for a moment, then slipped away.
A few minutes later he heard voices in the hallway and sat erect, grasping the arms of the chair. The door opened and Lila looked inside.
“For heaven’s sake, look at you,” she said. “Tom, you’re up and dressed!”
He grinned weakly. “I’m making progress, but you’ll have to forgive me if I don’t get up to greet you, Lilabel. Putting these pants on almost did me in.”
“I wouldn’t doubt it,” she said severely, frowning at him. “Considering your injuries, you should still be in bed.”
“Always scolding me,” he teased. “Lila, you haven’t changed much in fifteen years.”
Her cheeks turned pink and she hesitated awkwardly in the doorway.
Tom watched her, his heart aching with love. “You still blush like a schoolgirl,” he said.
“I know. There’s nothing I can do about my blushing. It’s the bane of my existence.” .
“Don’t ever change,” he told her softly. “You’re so beautiful, Lila.”
He was overwhelmed by love for her. All the old feelings came flooding back, stronger than ever, and he cursed the injuries that kept him from striding across the room, sweeping her into his arms and carrying her to that bed to show her exactly how he felt.
Suddenly he remembered their argument the day before, and noticed her stiff, nervous stance as she paused with her hand on the doorknob.
Oh hell, he thought wearily. Nothing’s changed at all. After all these years, she still feels the same way about me. Except that now she’s had fifteen years to harden her position.
“Did the kids come?” he asked.
“They’re waiting down by the nursing station. I thought I’d better check first and make sure you were up to a visit.”
“I’m anxious to see them.”
She came into the room and stood looking down at him. “Tom...”
“Yes?”
“I’m really sorry about our argument yesterday. I was out of line.”
“You’ve already apologized,” he told her calmly. “There’s no need to talk about it anymore.”
“But I have no right to express an opinion on how you’ve been raising your kids. It’s none of my business at all.”
He’d forgotten how beautiful her eyes were, smoky blue under the dark even eyebrows.
When she was a girl, Lila’s eyes had often seemed to change color. They’d be light blue when she was feeling dreamy, and darken almost to violet in the midst of anger or sexual passion.
Tom shivered, remembering the way she’d felt in his arms, all silky and fragrant...
Their lovemaking had been such a delicious mystery to him in those days. As a young man he was enchanted by the way his tomboyish playmate had become a passionate, sensual woman, and how perfect she was in every way, as if designed to satisfy the urges of his own body.
“God, I loved you when we were kids,” he murmured, looking up at her. “Nothing in the world has ever felt like that, Lila.”
Again her face colored. “Tom, that was all so long ago. Can’t we just forget about it?”
“Can you?” He met her eyes steadily. “Can you really forget the way it felt when we held each other? I can’t, Lila. Not if I live to be a hundred.”
“It was a different world,” she said. “And we were completely different people.”
He couldn’t resist a teasing grin, though he knew it would annoy her. “Damn, sweetheart, now I’m all confused. I thought your major complaint about me was that I’m still the same man I used to be. Now you’re telling me I’m completely different?”
She stared at him, and he could tell that she was struggling with herself to keep from giving him a curt answer. Finally she composed her face and turned away, heading for the door.
“I’ll get the kids,” she said over her shoulder. “They’re both excited about seeing you.”
Tom’s smile faded and he sat tensely in the chair, watching the doorway where Lila had disappeared. After a few minutes the door began to open a crack, then a little more.
Casey appeared, looking wide-eyed and frightened. He wore a pair of clean blue jeans, neatly patched, with a cowboy shirt, his little boots and a tooled leather belt. His hair had been brushed until it shone, and his round face was clean and bright.
“Well, hi there, cowboy,” Tom said huskily. “How’s my boy?”
