Code blue, p.23
Code Blue, page 23
I snorted. “Well, I am breakable.” But then I lightly ran my fingers down the side of his face, along his jaw, and ran my thumb across his lip, light as a feather. I sucked his earlobe into my mouth and whispered, gruff in his ear. “I can be gentle too.”
His eyes rolled and his dick twitched.
Then I took his hands and held them above his head, widening his thighs with my knees. “Or I can be rough.”
He arched his back. “Fuck, Steve.”
It sounded like a plea.
“Want me to suck your cock?”
His eyes opened, dark and feral, and his dick twitched again. He was harder now, rolling his hips in search of friction.
“I’m going to need you to answer me,” I breathed, kissing down his neck.
He gasped out a groan. “God yes, fuck please. Yes.”
I smiled as I kissed down his chest, his stomach, until I found his cock straining in his shorts.
Jesus, yes.
I peeled back the elastic and revealed his erection. Sure, I’d seen him in the shower, I’d seen him stark naked, but not this close, and not this erect.
Pink, veiny, intact.
He was glorious.
His foreskin was begging to be played with, tongued, slid back and forth, and sucked, so I did that first.
Jeremy gripped the comforter at his sides before his head shot up to look at what I was doing. “Fuck,” he breathed. “Jesus what the . . . ?”
I smirked while I tongued his foreskin, his slit, and he fell back on the bed with a groan.
I settled in then, intent on enjoying it, working him over, sucking him hard and slow and all the way down into my throat.
His thighs trembled, his hands found my hair, and his abs flexed as he gasped in each short breath. “Gonna . . . gonna . . . fuck, I’m gonna . . .”
Hell yes, give it to me.
I cupped and massaged his balls and he cried out as he came, a low and guttural groan. His whole body tensed and trembled as he pulsed into my throat.
I hummed as I took it, and he twitched and jerked as I sucked him clean. He collapsed, utterly spent and heavy-lidded, a bewildered smile on his face.
I couldn’t help but feel a little proud. I crawled up his body and fell next to him. Jeremy turned his head and slow blinked. “What the fuck was that?”
“A blowjob?”
“No, what kind of wizardry was that?”
I chuckled. “Glad you liked it.”
He rolled to face me, snuggled into my chest, using my arm as a pillow, and after a few deep breaths, he was asleep. I kissed the top of his head, careful of his injury.
This man, this beautiful man, was heaven in my arms.
It still felt like a dream, even though I was certain when reality came crashing down—yes, when, not if—this thing between us would be over. I didn’t know what that meant for my job, or how awkward it would be between us.
But I was determined to enjoy every minute while I could. Even though it was easy to forget about the stalker, and about all responsibilities outside his bedroom door.
He snoozed on my arm and, knowing I couldn’t put off the inevitable, I thumbed out quick replies to messages and emails with my free hand.
After all, I was technically still supposed to be doing my job.
There was a message from Riko.
Change of plans. Meeting now scheduled for tomorrow 9 am. Expect Ambrose to contact you.
I replied. Thanks for the heads-up.
Then there were messages from Luke and Wes and Blake, all for Jeremy to call them.
And Maddox had sent about ten. I could only assume it was the longest they’d gone without being able to contact him at all. It was sweet of them, though I understood Jeremy needing a few hours’ break from the world.
I didn’t dare look at the internet or any social media sites again. I didn’t search Jeremy’s name or look for any drama. If there’d been any urgent updates, Ambrose would have called.
Besides, this bubble I was in with Jeremy was every dream come true. I didn’t want to be the one to burst it.
I didn’t have to. Consecutive messages from Ryan and Ambrose burst it for me.
Ambrose: Mr. Kim has requested a meeting 9am tomorrow in the conference room. Jeremy and yourself are expected to attend.
Short and not-so-sweet but to the point. I didn’t expect anything different.
Ryan: I’ve organized Sayed for a pick up at 0820 tomorrow. If Jeremy needs anything just let me know. New phone perhaps?
Jeremy sighed against my chest. “Is it anything important?”
I rubbed his back. “Meeting tomorrow at nine with Arlo Kim. Car will be here at eight twenty. If you need anything, let Ryan know. You need to call all the boys, they miss you. And Maddox is having withdrawals.” He snorted and I handed him my phone. “You can read all the messages.”
I had nothing to hide from him. Certainly no dating apps or booty calls or anything like that.
My entire life was work. The only emails and messages I got were from Ambrose, Roscoe, Ryan and Amber, or any of my team. There was nothing in my phone I wouldn’t want him to see.
He wriggled down the bed a bit, and using my stomach as a pillow, he took a selfie.
“What are you doing?”
He chuckled. “Madz hasn’t seen my new haircut.” He showed me the photo. You couldn’t tell he was lying on me. The shirt I was wearing just looked like a cushion of some kind. And then, scrolling through the contacts, he sent it to Maddox’s number.
“You called Maddox’s number often?” he asked.
“It’s saved in the contacts, but I don’t think I’ve ever called him. Roscoe, yes.” I chuckled. “Jealous?”
“You’ve never called me before.”
“And you’ve never called me.”
He turned his head, eyes narrowed, and he looked about ready to say something snarky but my phone rang with a FaceTime. It was Maddox.
Jeremy held the phone up so only his face was on the screen, much like the selfie he took, and he answered. “Hey, Dickbag.”
“The fuck did you do to your hair?”
He snorted. “I shaved it.”
“Well, I can see that. Do you need to talk about why? Are you okay, dude?”
“I’m fine. Much better this afternoon. Do you think Ambrose will like it?”
Maddox laughed. “I think he’ll shit a brick when he sees you.”
“I had a strip shaved into the side of my head,” he added. “I was just finishing the job.”
“How’s your head, anyway? The scar looks good, from what I can see.”
Jeremy brought the phone in close so Maddox could get a better look before he zoomed back out. “It’s not so bad.”
“Jeez, Jer, you could at least put a shirt on. Are you lying on your bed in your underwear? Christ, poor Steve. What would he say if he walked in on you right now?”
Oh hell . . .
Jeremy laughed and aimed the camera at me. “Dunno. Ask him.”
Maddox dropped his phone.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Maddox walked into Jeremy’s living room, his eyes as wide as his smile. “Nice of you to get dressed and out of bed. Got the blinds drawn for a reason? Keeping it cozy?”
Jeremy rolled his eyes. “We’d still be in bed if you didn’t insist on storming the fort.”
I half raised my hand. “For the record, I was dressed.”
Maddox, still grinning, pointed at me. “You’re next. First, you,” he said, grabbing Jeremy by the arm, “are coming with me. We need to talk.”
He dragged Jeremy down the hall, leaving me alone with Roscoe, who looked the same mix of stunned and amused as Maddox. “So . . .”
I let out a slow sigh, trying not to smile. “So . . .”
“Things are going well.”
I laughed. “I don’t even know, to be honest. It’s great but will probably be all over by tomorrow.”
“Why tomorrow?”
“Well, the meeting at nine with Ambrose and Mr. Kim. Because I’ve had a few run-ins with Ambrose and Ryan in the last few days, so I’m guessing the meeting might be about that and possibly me being taken off detail. Or whenever Jeremy realizes his temporary insanity has passed. Whichever comes first.”
“I don’t know what the meeting tomorrow is about. Ambrose said it was just another update, but you know how that goes.” Roscoe stared at me, smiling. “And I don’t think Jeremy will plead insanity. I think he’s finally figured something out, made his peace with it, or just said to hell with it. He likes you, that much is clear.”
I couldn’t dare believe that.
I didn’t know what was going on between Jeremy and me, but I was absolutely certain I was way more invested than him.
I let out a long sigh and ran my hand through my hair. “I dunno, Roscoe.”
“Has he . . . ? Have you—” He made a face. “—done anything?”
I wasn’t going to answer that, but in the end, I conceded a nod. “He’s still not sure about what any of it means,” I said quietly. “Neither am I. He wants to do stuff, and he’s certainly not shy. But I’m waiting for him to say that being with a guy is not for him. That all this stress he’s been under and being held hostage by me in his house made him do stuff he wouldn’t normally be comfortable doing.”
“Like Stockholm Syndrome?”
“I guess. I dunno.”
“No. You’re not holding him hostage. Steve, I’m telling you, he’s liked you for a while. He just didn’t know what to do with it or how to move forward. Being confined with you helped him with that. Maddox said Jeremy requested you stay with him when there was talk of rotating shifts or something.”
“He likes routine and his privacy. He was used to me and Riko.”
“But then he asked Riko to leave.”
“Yeah. He said he couldn’t deal with anyone being around today.”
“Except you.”
I sighed and nodded. “Yeah.”
“Steve. He wants this.”
“But he’s . . .”
“What? A world-famous star that could have anyone in the world and for some stupid reason they want you?” Roscoe pointed to his chest. “You don’t have to tell me about that. I thought Maddox had lost his damned mind when he showed interest in me. But you see, what’s different with these guys is trust. Oh, they could have anyone in the world, for sure, but who can they really trust? A handful of people, and that’s it. Maddox trusted me for years first. We had that foundation of absolute trust, and that’s a rock-solid base. And I’d bet you anything you like that Jeremy’s the same with you. He trusts you. And for these guys, that’s the most precious thing they can have.”
It made so much sense when he put it like that. “I guess.”
“So if he’s unsure about being with a guy, he can trust you not to pressure him. He trusts you to walk him through it.”
“I don’t know what I’m doing either. I have no experience with this. I haven’t had any kind of relationship since . . . a long time ago.”
Shit.
“But you know him.”
I sighed again. “I’d like to think I do.”
“So maybe you need to trust him, Steve. Trust him like he trusts you.”
My gaze shot to his, and my mouth was suddenly dry. “Trust is . . . not something . . . trust is . . .” I swallowed dryly and regrouped. “I trust my team. I trust the five guys in the band to keep me on my toes. I trust Ambrose to piss me off at times. Professionally, I trust procedure and protocol. Personally, trust isn’t something . . . it’s hard for me.”
“Trust him. Will it be perfect? Will it be forever? No one knows. But trust him when he says he wants to try.”
His words hit me so damn hard it felt like a physical blow.
“Right, now where is Steve?” Maddox said, walking out of the hallway. He was smiling. “It’s Steve’s turn.”
Jeremy was one step behind him, looking embarrassed and apologetic. He also looked tired, and seeing the scar on his head reminded me that he needed to be taking it easy.
I stood up, ignoring Maddox, my focus only on Jeremy. “You okay? Headache?”
“Hm,” he replied.
Which meant yes.
Maddox turned to him. “Why didn’t you say something?”
“You were busy dissecting my life. I didn’t want to interrupt.”
Checking my phone for the time, I grabbed his pills with some juice and made him a very quick sandwich. “You’re due to take two. Plus, you should eat something.” I added some grapes and strawberries. “Here, please eat.”
Jeremy gave me a small smile and took his pills gratefully. I wanted to caress his face, ease that line of worry on his brow so badly, but it wasn’t appropriate in front of company.
“Jer, I’m sorry,” Maddox said quietly.
He ate some fruit. “It’s okay, I get it. You’re crazy jealous that I never looked at you.”
Maddox laughed. “Piss off.” Then he shrugged. “Not jealous. More curious. I mean . . . You never even considered it? We had a lot of opportunities over the years. Shared beds, shared bathrooms, shared cars. And you never once—”
Jeremy looked at Roscoe. “How do you deal with the ego?”
It was Maddox who answered. “Do you wanna know what he does to me?”
“No,” Jeremy and Roscoe answered at the same time.
I laughed, which of course made Maddox look at me. “You,” he said. “I haven’t begun your inquisition yet. First question, was that shirt sprayed on?”
Jeremy chuckled. “Leave him alone. I made him wear it.”
“Because it was tight?”
“It was a contributing factor.”
Maddox laughed. “God, you sure you’re not gay?”
Jeremy shot him a look.
Maddox put his hand up. “Sorry. He’s not gay or homosexual. He’s not bisexual. He’s Steve-sexual.”
“Fuck off.” Jeremy threw a strawberry stem at him.
“Leave him alone,” I said, repeating Jeremy’s line. I knew Maddox was joking—they joked shit like this all the time. But Jeremy hadn’t got his head around labels yet. He didn’t know what applied and what didn’t.
But Steve-sexual?
“Yeah, leave me alone,” Jeremy said. Then, to my surprise, he grabbed the front of my shirt and pulled me close and laid his head on my collarbone.
I put one arm around him, not sure just how much I should hold him. He clearly needed the contact.
“Say something smart now, dickbag,” Jeremy mumbled. “I fucking dare ya.” He lifted his head and smirked at his best friend. “I have a Steve. He knows six kinds of martial arts, so please, go right ahead and piss him off.”
Maddox replied with a laugh and a slap on my shoulder. “You’re so cute together. Love to see it. But,” he added, “I do have questions that are non-shirt related.”
Roscoe came into the kitchen and took Maddox’s arm. “We’re leaving.”
“But—”
“But it can wait. You’ve seen all you needed to see.”
I smiled at Roscoe and he smirked as he all but dragged Maddox out of the house. Jeremy stayed right where he was. If anything, he held me a little tighter.
I kissed the side of his head. “You okay?”
“Tired.”
“Did he say anything to upset you?”
He snorted. “Nah. Just a hundred questions that I couldn’t really answer.”
I rubbed his back before I pulled away and lifted his chin. “You don’t need to have all the answers, Jer. Just be you.”
“I don’t know who that is anymore,” he whispered. His eyes searched mine. “I don’t know what I want. I don’t know where I want to be. And not just with me and this. Because that’s confusing enough. But everything else . . . I don’t know what Atrous is anymore or what we are as a band. I don’t know. I’m just so tired.”
Holy shit.
I cupped his face and pressed my lips to his. “You need a break. Time to rest and think.”
“You know what I really want?” he asked, his voice soft.
“What’s that?”
“A real life. A normal life. I don’t know what that’s like. I’m a grown ass adult who can’t cook, who rarely drives. I own two cars—never drive them. I have nothing in my life that’s normal. I have the guys, who all live a crazy life just like me. It’s all we know. I just want simple things. I want to do something normal.”
“Like what? Let’s go do it.”
He smiled sadly. “There’s papzz at the gates, or so Maddox said. Apparently the hospital story has gained some credibility. There’re photos of Maddox and Roscoe leaving the hospital. I think Ambrose is gonna do some press release. I don’t fucking know. I don’t care anymore.” He sighed. “I’m so tired.”
I kissed his forehead and pulled him back in for a hug. I hated that every single aspect of his life was so heavily scrutinized. “Wanna go lie on the couch again? Take an actual nap this time?”
“Hm.”
Taking his hand, I led the way to the couch and propped up some cushions. We ended up with me on my back and him on his side between my legs, his head on my chest, my arms around him.
It was better for his scar that way, and I could kiss the top of his head while he snoozed.
Reaching out to the coffee table, I pulled the laptop closer and viewed the CCTV screens. Yes, there were still papzz at the estate gates, some cars pulled off the sides of the road. It was stupid because they weren’t getting in the first set of gates, let alone Jeremy’s front gate, and all it did was piss off the neighbors.
And yep, not a few minutes later, a cop car pulled up and dispersed the crowd.
They’d be back though, no doubt.
They always came back.
While Jeremy slept, I thumbed out messages to my team, checked emails, and replied to Ryan’s inquiry if Jeremy needed anything before tomorrow morning. I put in a request for his iced Americano, knowing he’d appreciate that tomorrow when we got to the office. I even said please and thank you.
Then, because Jeremy was still asleep, I brought up the footage from where he went into the pool and cracked his head.
I had a rough idea of what time it happened, because that was the time my watch stopped.
