Code red, p.24
Code Red, page 24
“I know. I saw.”
He chewed on his lip for a bit. “I know it’s not funny. And I know I’m doing it, but I can’t stop it. I know you don’t think of Jeremy or Wes like that, and I do trust you. It’s not that I don’t.” His eyebrows knitted. “And I know it’s just your job, but I still don’t like it. I can’t stand it, if I’m being honest. You touching Jeremy’s back today, just . . . I saw red.”
“I would never look at or touch another man that way,” I whispered.
“I know. It’s just . . . I’ve never had someone.” His eyes met mine, anxious and vulnerable. “I’ve never had anyone in my life. Anyone permanent, that is. If you know what I mean. And now I do. Finally. And I’ll be fucking damned if I’m gonna let someone take that away from me.”
There was a lot to unpack in that, and I wasn’t sure where to begin. “Okay, see, here’s the thing. No one’s taking anyone from anyone, least of all taking me from you.”
He let his head rest on the back of the seat, his tiredness beginning to kick in. “I’ve never had anyone,” he whispered. “Anyone that meant anything to me, anyway. Not like you. It’s my first taste of real life, Roscoe. You’re the only real thing in my life. And I know, rationally, if I try to keep too tight a hold on you, it will push you away, but at the same time, I’m too scared to let go.”
I put my arm around his shoulder and pulled him closer. “I’m not going anywhere. And even if there are times when we can’t be together, I’m still yours, okay?”
He smiled that slow, tired smile. He reached his hand out from underneath my coat, took my hand, and put it to his chest, over his heart. “I’ve had a lot of important days in my life,” he murmured. “A lot of days that some bands and some singers can only dream of. I’ve won awards, sold-out stadiums around the world, smashed sales records. But today you told me you loved me . . . and that wins.”
I leaned in and kissed him. “I love you,” I whispered before kissing him again, soft and sweet.
“The real me.”
God, it sounded like a question. The quietest, saddest question I think he’d ever asked me.
“The real you. The you that grew up in the suburbs. The you that hates crowds, despite being in front of a hundred thousand people tonight. The you that doesn’t like tofu but eats it when your grandmother cooks it because she thinks you like it and you don’t want to upset her. The you that leaves your crap all over the bathroom floor, that hogs the bed, that loves animal wildlife documentaries.”
He looked at me and smiled.
“The you that needs silence and solitude because you find people exhausting,” I added. “The you that writes a song a day, but your lyrics are more like poetry. You compose a lot of music that you never show anyone. The you that loves the rain and that likes to hold hands. That’s the you I love. The real you.”
His eyes became glassy and he nodded. “Christ, Roscoe.” He wiped his eye on his sleeve and let out a half groan, half scoff. “I’m really gonna need you to take me straight to bed when we get to the hotel. I don’t want to meet with the others. I want you to show me how much you love me.”
“Steve?” I called out. “How far out are we?”
“Three minutes,” he replied.
Maddox smiled and raised an eyebrow. “Eager, are you?”
I took my coat that he’d been using as a blanket. “Put this on.”
“Why?”
“You’ll see.”
The thing was, that coat was huge on him. It was one of those puffer jackets that even looked big on me, so it made him look tiny. I pulled the collar up to hide most of his face. Then, as the van slowed, I moved to the seat next to the door. “Hey, Steve? Maddox isn’t feeling too good. He can’t get warm. I’m gonna take him straight up to the room.”
“Okay, sure thing,” Steve said.
Maddox gave me a sly smile. He whispered, “Roscoe, that’s naughty.”
“Act miserable.”
When the door opened, I took our bags, stepped out, and held Maddox’s arm as he climbed down. I heard the click of cameras as I escorted him inside. But then, of course, Luke and Blake were ahead of us and were waiting for the elevator with Amber, so Maddox needed to play along a little longer. “Nice coat,” Luke joked as we all stepped into the elevator. “It’s a bit big on you. Might wanna try something from the kids’ section next time.”
“Very funny, asshole,” Maddox said, his voice quiet.
“He’s not feeling too good,” I said. “He can’t get warm.”
Amber grew worried. “He needs to be in isolation. I’ll send the doctor to your room.”
Isolation, when someone was sick on tour, was standard procedure and—after Maddox’s heat exhaustion episode last week and now this—I was beginning to think this was not my brightest idea.
Maddox shook his head. “I just need a hot shower, some honey lemon tea, and a decent night’s sleep. That’s all. No one needs to panic. Roscoe already made me wear his coat like I’m five years old. I’m fine, really.”
The doors opened and we walked out onto our floor. “Tell the others we’ll see them at breakfast,” I said as we walked off to our room.
Maddox opened the door. I slung the do-not-disturb tag over the handle and locked it behind me. Maddox laughed. “Don’t take up acting,” he said, taking the coat off. “You’re a terrible liar.” Then he pulled off his boots. “Amber was about to call an ambulance, but Blake and Luke totally know what we’re doing.” He unzipped his jeans and peeled off his shirt, rubbing his hand slowly over his abs and pecs. “How do you want to fuck me, Roscoe?”
I went to him and pulled his hips against mine. “There’ll be no fucking tonight.”
He was about to protest, so I cupped his jaw in one hand and began to walk him backward toward the huge bed. “I’m gonna make love to you. Slow, so slow. I’m gonna take you to the edge and keep you there until your body can’t take it anymore.”
“Holy fuck,” he breathed, his pupils dilated, his skin broke out in goosebumps.
I slid my hands under the waistband of his jeans and pushed them down over his ass. “Get on the bed.”
I followed him onto the mattress. I worshiped his body, every inch of his skin. He wanted to know what love felt like, so I showed him. With my body, my hands, my mouth, and finally my cock. I held him so tight as I moved inside him, and he clung to me, fingers digging into my back as he writhed with pleasure.
I kissed him, deep and unforgiving, as he came. He was so wrung out, so boneless and emotional and exhausted that he fell asleep holding onto me. A tear rolled down his cheek, tracking to the hair at his temple. I wanted to ask if he was okay, but he was already asleep.
So I kissed his forehead instead, whispered, “I love you,” hoping that even his sleeping mind heard me, and closed my eyes.
“Told you it would work,” Maddox said, smiling. We were sitting in the common room having breakfast. We were side by side, our knees touching, our feet tangled. Other staff were buzzing in and out but we didn’t have to hide here. We were the first ones there, which was also a first. I’d already been to the gym and when I’d gotten back to our room, Maddox was showered and ordered me to hurry up because he was starving.
He wore his usual black jeans, black hoodie, and black military boots. His long, dangly black earrings swayed as he laughed, and he looked . . . happy.
Maddox Kershaw hadn’t looked genuinely happy for a long time, and I couldn’t help but cherish knowing it was partly because of me.
Between sips of coffee, bites of cut fruit and thick-cut toast and eggs, he was scrolling the internet on his phone. He wanted to see what the reaction had been to him pulling me into the van after the concert; his ploy to show fans that we weren’t apart or miserable or whatever else they thought. And it had worked.
“All the fans love you again,” Maddox said. “Even the crazy ones. And they love the fact that I got out of the van wearing your coat, holding your arm.”
There were also a few retractions and apologies from some entertainment channels, so Ambrose’s apparent method of fixing the online threats toward me had been threats to sue them into oblivion. I couldn’t even be mad about it.
Those retractions and apologies had garnered some traction, with fans claiming that Platinum Entertainment truly protected its employees, blah blah blah. If only they knew that Maddox had had to yell for Platinum Entertainment to respond as such . . .
“Are you feeling better?” Amber asked. I hadn’t heard her come in. I almost sat up straight, removing my foot from around Maddox’s, but I stopped myself. We didn’t need to hide anymore.
“Oh yes, much,” Maddox replied smoothly. “Thanks. Hot shower, hot tea. Fixed me right up.”
“Good, I’m glad to hear that,” she said, making her way over to the breakfast buffet.
Maddox leaned over to me and whispered, “And when I say hot shower and hot tea, I mean a hot dick in my ass and coming so hard, I went to an alternate reality.”
I snorted and nudged him. “Don’t get me thinking about it.”
He laughed. “Are you picturing it right now?”
Luke walked in, followed by Blake. “Oh, I see someone’s feeling miraculously better,” Luke said, putting his hands on Maddox’s shoulders.
Maddox shot me a humored glance. “Yep. Hot tea, hot shower. Fixed me.”
“Is that what they’re calling it these days?” Blake asked. He readjusted his dick. “I need to get me some hot tea and hot showers.”
Luke laughed and shoved Blake toward the food. “You need to start taking cold showers.”
Jeremy came in next and Wes not long after, and once they were all seated with Maddox, I went in search of Ryan. He was coming down the corridor on his way to the common room. “Got a sec?” I asked.
“Uh, sure.” He looked toward the doors to where breakfast was, which I understood.
“I won’t keep you. I know we’ve got a big day and you must be hungry . . .” I let out a breath. “I just wanted to apologize for last night. When Maddox grabbed me to ride with him in the van. I didn’t know he was going to do that. If I did, I would’ve given you a heads up.”
“It’s fine,” Ryan replied. “No harm, no foul. We were in a secure location. But maybe tell him if we’re in an open crowd, maybe it’s not a good idea.”
I nodded, relieved. “I already told him that.”
Ryan sighed. “For what it’s worth, I asked Ambrose to switch us back. I told him that separating you would only cause more problems, and what happened last night is a prime example.”
“What did he say?”
“He said no.”
I resisted rolling my eyes. “Thanks anyway.”
“Is he, uh, is he feeling better?” Ryan asked. “Amber said he wasn’t feeling too good last night?”
I felt guilty that they were concerned. “Yeah, he’s fine, thanks.” I looked down the corridor to the elevators. “Is Ambrose still here?”
“Nah. He’s gone with production.”
I nodded. The stage production crew would be tearing down the stage and equipment getting it ready to fly out to Brazil tomorrow. “Yeah, of course.”
“He said he’d catch up with you later.”
“Oh yay.”
Ryan laughed. “Something to look forward to.”
I clapped his upper arm. “I better let you go eat.”
“Yeah, busy day,” he said, and I followed him back into the common room.
Maddox and the guys were laughing about something, so I refilled my coffee and stuck by Amber and Ryan. We went through the day’s schedule: a live radio interview, then a photoshoot in La Boca, and the guys wanted to see Recoleta and Palermo Soho, and finally an organized late dinner at some fancy place at the Puerto Madero waterfront.
And at exactly 8:57 am, we were in the elevator on our way down to the parking garage. Steve gave Maddox a stern glare. “No funny business today, if you don’t mind.”
Maddox grinned at him and gave him the Scout’s salute. “On my honor, I will do my best . . .”
I couldn’t help but smile. It didn’t help that I found him ridiculously cute, and his happiness was contagious. He was definitely the kind whose mood affected those around him. Seeing him in such a good mood put a smile on everyone’s face.
But, like a good employee, I took Wes and Jeremy into the second van and Maddox linked his arm through Ryan’s and pulled him to the last van.
Maddox was grinning and even Ryan was smiling as they climbed in, and the photographers through the security fencing click, click, clicked away.
I got a text message before I even had my seatbelt on. Of course it was from Maddox. That should keep them guessing.
I felt Jeremy’s eyes on me, and when I looked up, I realized I was smiling. I tried to stop.
“That hot tea and hot shower last night must have sure been something,” Jeremy said, seemingly amused.
I rolled my eyes. “Any discussions pertaining to said hot tea or hot shower are strictly off limits.”
Wes laughed. “You probably should have told Maddox that before he was gloating at breakfast.” I shot him a look and he laughed some more. “Just kidding. But your face just told us everything we needed to know.”
I groaned. “Ooh, I know,” I said, pretending to be excited. “How about the three of us play a little game of shut the fuck up? Let’s see who wins.”
Jeremy burst out laughing and he shoved Wes. But then he gave me a nod, still smiling. “I can see why you and Maddox get along.”
And the rest of the day went exactly according to plan. The radio interview went well—mostly in English but also with some help from some translators—the sightseeing and touristy things were fun despite the need for SWAT-like security.
The people were friendly and polite, and the boys even posed for a few photos with some locals after their photoshoot. The food was amazing, the atmosphere of the city was welcoming. And what I was most thankful for, it wasn’t like a sauna, given it was winter.
I mostly stuck with Wes and Jeremy but there were a few times when I found Maddox by my side. Just walking along the street or standing in line at a market stall or food kiosk, and we sat next to each other at the restaurant, our thighs touching under the table. We talked and laughed as a whole group, all of us, and for a few fleeting moments, I imagined what it might be like if we lived a normal life.
And by normal, I meant no SWAT-like security, no clearances before we entered anywhere, no paparazzi, no cameras.
Maybe we’d never know, but I saw glimpses of what life with Maddox could be like. And so help me God, I wanted it. Part of my heart ached for it.
How was it even possible to long for something you’ve never known?
That normality that Maddox longed for, fought for . . . I understood now.
The next morning was another early start. We were flying to Brazil, which was only a short flight, but logistically the distance didn’t matter. We had to be at the private terminal by eleven, which is why I was surprised when Ambrose had asked to see us at 8:00 am in his hotel room. I thought he’d have been gone for hours already.
I also didn’t know what to expect in his room. I was secretly hoping there wasn’t an open suitcase on display or his underwear lying around, but what I wasn’t expecting was a room set up like a government tactical headquarters.
He had two laptops, iPads, clipboards, and his bed looked like he hadn’t ever slept in it. There was no suitcase at all that I could see. God, did he sleep at all?
“Take a seat,” he said. “Sorry I didn’t catch you yesterday.”
He was clearly very busy.
“I didn’t have a second to spare,” he continued. “Rave reviews about the concert, I must say. Five-star performance by everyone involved, so thank you for that.” He smiled at Maddox. “But then I did spend some time, which I couldn’t afford, dealing with this.”
He turned one of the laptops around. It was a picture from after the concert. Maddox grabbing my arm, a grin a mile wide, and pulling me into the van with him. There were headlines and comments that had been exactly what Maddox had predicted.
Back together.
All smiles in Argentina.
Maddox looks so happy!
Moscoe are back together—were they ever apart? Moscoe forever!
Not that any of that meant much to Ambrose, because he was pissed. “This change in manager units was to better the security around you two. Then you go and pull a stunt like that.”
“I asked you to fix it, and you didn’t,” Maddox shot back.
“I was handling it,” Ambrose replied.
“I handled it better!” Maddox said a little too loud. “I will not stand by when one of us is threatened.”
“Social media can be a dangerous tool,” Ambrose tried. “Weaponizing your fans—”
“They were already weaponized. They threatened to kill him.” Maddox put his hand on my arm. “Actually fucking kill him, and you think for one second that I wouldn’t do anything about it? You’re damn lucky I didn’t walk out on that stage and tell the world what I thought.”
Ambrose took a deep breath and exhaled slowly.
“I know you were only trying to help, but it is not your job to fix anything, Maddox. You jeopardized your lead security by changing vans at the last minute. These things are planned for a reason. And that’s to make sure all five of you are escorted safely into your vehicles with minimum exposure outside, from the building to the vehicle. You’ve seen the footage. You saw Jeremy and Wes left alone for a split second, you saw Ryan have to hurry to get them into the car, and Robbie had to double back. This is not just about you, Maddox.”
Maddox frowned. “I’m confused. The other day you called me the whole brand. Am I the brand or not?”
The sarcasm was a bit much. I groaned. “Maddox.”
Maddox hadn’t taken his eyes of Ambrose. “Yeah, I’m sorry I caused a split second of confusion. But I wanted the situation with Roscoe fixed, so I fixed it.”
“I was fixing it.” Ambrose was not happy. “We sent injunctions to all the social media sites requesting the removal of any accounts who had threatened harm to any one on our team and forwarded their IP addresses to the authorities. We requested official apologies and retractions from any site that posted anything pertaining to further harm. There are procedures in place for this, Maddox. Legal procedures.”
