Piece of my heart, p.14
Piece of My Heart, page 14
I came first. I held out as long as I could but eventually gave in to the inevitable. Sarai didn’t complain, but I felt the way her body tensed when she realized that I’d finished.
“It’s okay,” I whispered into her ear, more to myself than her. “Shh.”
I reached down between us and slid my fingers to her clit, willing my body not to go soft yet. She was nearly there. Her fingernails scratched at the shoulder of my jacket as I pressed, and her breath stopped as I rubbed gently, then harder.
When she came, it was with an exhalation against my throat and tremors shaking her thighs. Then the sky opened up, and the drizzle that had mostly been contained by the branches above us turned into a deluge that poured down on our heads.
“Cold!” Sarai squealed, pulling up her hood. “Oh, shit, it’s running down my back.”
I’d lifted her to her feet and pulled her leggings to her waist before she could say anything else. I was mostly dry because she’d shielded me from the rain, but as soon as she was up, the cold air and rain hit my lap like a cup of ice water.
“Fuck,” I yelped, hurriedly pulling my jeans up. I scrambled to my feet and laughed as Sarai tried to find a place to hide from the rain. “It’s no use,” I told her, grabbing her hand. “Let’s just go back to the house.”
I took one last look around the fort, memorizing the old memories and the new ones, then led her back toward home.
Chapter 10
SARAI
Was I being an idiot? As we trudged back through the wet forest, our shoes sticking in the mud and our coats completely waterlogged, I wondered where the hell my new impetuousness had come from. I was a planner. I made lists. It was the only way that I could function without anxiety taking over my life.
So why had I agreed, without thought and with embarrassingly little hesitation, to marry Alex?
I knew how I’d explain it to my aunt and uncle. I loved him. He was sweet and intelligent. He made everything fun. He made me laugh. He made me feel good about myself. He made me feel like I could conquer the world. When he looked at me, I felt it all the way to my bones.
But those weren’t practical reasons, and I was practical.
So why had I agreed?
My stomach twisted with worry.
Then Alex turned his head toward me and gave me a blinding smile. “Want me to give you a piggyback ride?”
“No way,” I replied, my anxiety fading as I squeezed his hand. “I’m worried you won’t be able to make it back to the house on that sore knee.”
“Oh, is that right?” he teased. He let go of my hand and took off at a jog. “The knee’s fine.”
I raced to catch up, but the minute I reached his side, he sped up.
“Are we racing now?” I asked, jokingly shoving at him.
“You can’t catch me,” he sang, putting on a burst of speed.
We ran back to the house, laughing as we slipped and slid on the wet ground. I’d worn a pair of cute rain boots that I’d assumed would work perfectly in the Oregon weather, but on our way to Alex’s childhood hangout, I’d realized they were woefully unsuited to the mud. The rubber bottoms came only about an inch above my foot; the rest of the boot was suede. Whoever marketed suede boots as rain boots surely hadn’t ever actually worn them in the rain.
We reached the back porch out of breath and soaked through to the skin.
“Let’s strip here,” Alex said, pulling off his jacket.
“Excuse me?” I asked, not sure that I’d heard him correctly. There was no way in the world that I was going to strip outside his parents’ house.
“Just the outside layers,” he replied, helping me unzip my coat as my teeth started to chatter.
We quickly took off our boots and went in the back door, which led to the kitchen. We were greeted with the smell of dinner cooking in the oven and the sound of a large group having five different conversations and speaking over one another. We’d been gone so long that Alex’s family had all arrived for dinner, and I was standing there with soaking-wet hair, looking like a drowned rat.
“Why in the world did you keep her out in the rain so long?” Liz scolded, her hands occupied with a pie. She pressed down the edges with her fingertips, not even bothering to watch what she was doing as she eyed our wet hair and clothes.
“I know why,” Bram muttered. Ani smacked his shoulder, then paused and kissed the place she’d swatted.
“I took her out to the old fort,” Alex said, sneaking a piece of sausage off one of the hors d’oeuvre platters.
“Oh, the one I was never allowed to go to?” his cousin Trevor asked. His arm was around a pretty blond woman whom I hadn’t met yet, and I assumed it was his girlfriend, Morgan.
“Evans kids only,” Bram and Alex said at the same time. Bram lifted his beer and saluted Alex with it.
“Then how come she gets to go?” whined Ani jokingly.
“Because they’re getting married,” Trevor joked back with a roll of his eyes.
There was a beat of silence.
“No fucking way,” Ani yelled, her eyes wide.
“Oh, shit,” Trevor mumbled. “Sorry, man.”
“I was going to tell you,” Alex said to Bram, grunting as Ani practically leaped across the room and slammed her body into his hard enough to make him step back. Her arms wrapped around his chest as she jumped up and down, jostling them both. “I was just waiting for you to get here so I could tell ya in person.”
Bram nodded easily, but there was something in his eyes that worried me. Something that passed between them that made me uneasy.
“I didn’t expect this,” Ani said, letting go of Alex so she could move toward me. “But I actually like you, so I’m not going to ask all the is this too soon? questions.” Her arms wrapped around me, and I had no choice but to hug her back.
“Alex,” Dan called, turning our attention to the table where Alex’s dad was sitting with his aunt and uncle. “Your girl’s freezing, son. Maybe get her in a hot shower before all the introductions and announcements?”
“Shit. Sorry, sweets,” Alex said, wrapping an arm around my shoulder.
As he led me out of the kitchen, everyone started laughing. I was too embarrassed to turn around, because I just knew that they were laughing at us. But then Liz’s dry voice called over the chuckles, and I felt my lips twitch.
“Son, if you leave those jeans in the laundry room, I’ll try and get that dirt stain off the ass of them.”
“Aw, shit,” Alex whispered, pushing me even faster down the hallway.
I laughed.
* * *
Later, after introductions had been made and congratulations had been handed out, we sat down to a table brimming with food. Turkey, stuffing, potatoes and gravy, multiple different types of fruit salads and cranberry sauces, some orange thing with marshmallows that looked like vomit but Alex seemed to love—there was so much food that I wasn’t sure how we would even put a dent in it.
“Nothing is made with pork,” Alex said quietly into my ear. “I’m not sure about all the rules, but I told my mom no pork.”
I met his eyes and leaned in for a kiss. “Thank you.”
“If there’s anything else that you can’t eat, just pass it along,” he said, giving me a small smile.
“I wish Katie was here,” Liz said as we passed dishes around and filled our plates.
“She said that they were going to do a big dinner with the neighbors this year,” Ani replied. “So thankfully, she’s not homesick.”
“She’s still homesick,” Trevor said. “But I’m glad that she’s occupied today.”
“My sister hates missing family holidays,” Alex explained. “But Shane’s stationed in Southern California, and they have a million kids, so they can’t make it to all of them.”
“Too expensive,” Liz said.
“Too much hassle,” Bram said.
“Too many kids,” Ani joked.
“No such thing,” Alex’s aunt Ellie scolded, smiling at her granddaughter, who’d been seated next to her in a high chair.
When I’d met Trevor’s girlfriend, Morgan, before we’d sat down, I’d instantly liked her. She was quiet, and she seemed like a deer in the headlights when surrounded by this noisy family, but she was holding her own.
“Do you have a big family?” Liz asked, smiling at me.
I swallowed the food I’d been chewing and shook my head.
“Just my aunt and uncle in our immediate family,” I replied. “But tons of extended family.”
“Alex told me you lost your parents,” she said sympathetically. “I’m so sorry.”
“Thanks,” I replied softly. “I’m lucky to have my aunt and uncle still.”
“They’re lucky to have you, too,” Liz said sweetly. She must have noticed how emotional her words had made me, because she smoothly steered the conversation back around. “We don’t have much extended family anymore, but our immediate family is growing practically by the hour.”
“Literally, if Alex’s muddy jeans are anything to go by,” Bram said, quietly but not quietly enough.
I couldn’t read his tone, and my throat tightened in embarrassment as I stared down at my plate. It was hard to know if Bram was teasing or not.
“Ani, you need to put out more,” Alex replied conversationally as his hand found my knee beneath the table. “My brother’s clearly frustrated.”
“I will literally claw your face off,” Ani ground out. “Don’t bring me into this.”
“Enough,” Dan said, his voice calm. “I know good goddamn well that you didn’t mean to embarrass anyone at this table, Abraham, but maybe you’d like to apologize anyway?” It was posed as a question, but it was absolutely an order.
“That came out wrong,” Bram said instantly. “Just giving you shit, Alexander.”
“Not the time or the place,” Alex murmured back.
“Noted. Sorry.”
The table went silent for only a second before Morgan spoke up.
“You’re from New York, right?”
I raised my head and locked eyes with the only other person at the table who felt what I did. She was the only other outsider. These people were kind and welcoming, but the two of us were still finding our places in a very tight-knit family. It was like being the new kid at school, wondering where you’d fit in when everyone else already had their groups of friends.
“I was actually born in Missouri,” I said, giving her a grateful look. “My parents moved there from New York before I was born.”
“That must have been a culture shock,” Alex’s uncle Mike commented.
“Yeah, I think it was,” I replied. “Moving from Missouri to New York when I was a teenager was a big adjustment.”
“I bet,” he said, nodding.
“It must be hard living so far from your family,” Trevor said. His voice was so kind that I almost cried then and there. Alex had described Trevor as the best of their group, the kindest, the most selfless, the sounding board, and I suddenly knew exactly what he’d meant. Trevor was just…good. I couldn’t explain it any better than that.
“It is hard,” I said, clearing my throat. “But I like it in Missouri, and we visit each other when we can.”
The subject turned to other topics, and I listened quietly, commenting here and there but never really joining any of the conversations happening around the table. Trevor was right; it was hard being away from my family. But I had to admit that it also made my life easier in some ways. I glanced over at Alex, who was laughing at something his uncle had said. I was thankful that we’d been able to get to know each other and fall in love without any family interference. While I loved his family and they’d been great, I was grateful that when we’d met and started dating, we’d sort of been in our own little bubble.
I was having fun in Oregon, and I loved meeting all the important people in Alex’s life, but I wasn’t ready for our bubble to include others. Even the thought of telling my aunt and uncle that we were getting married made my stomach tighten into knots. We’d be congratulated and celebrated, sure, but after that it would be a constant barrage of questions and planning for a big wedding that my aunt expected and I dreaded.
The longer dinner went on, with people laughing and joking and food being consumed in mass quantities, the more I relaxed into my chair.
This family reminded me of home. The camaraderie and inside jokes and love that were apparent in every word spoken, even when they argued. It was like sitting down at my aunt’s table in New York. I let the feeling wash over me.
“You have to go with us,” Ani said, pointing at me as the men got up to clear the table and bring out dessert.
“Where are we going?” I asked. I hadn’t been paying attention to whatever she and Ellie were discussing.
“Black Friday,” Liz said, setting down a stack of newspapers filled with advertisements. She passed them around the table. “We leave at three in the morning and hit all the best stores.”
“You can look up the sales online,” Ani said, digging into her paper. “But it’s our tradition to look through the ads in the Thanksgiving paper.”
“Be sure to set aside the comics for me,” Ellie said, glancing up from her ads. “Christmas is coming up.”
“She uses them as wrapping paper,” Liz explained.
“I don’t just shop for the holidays,” Ani said, waving at us to get started looking through our own ads. “I get Arie stocked up on clothes, too, and get stuff for the house.”
“We’re not going to the home stores this year,” Liz said. “You took hours last time.”
“I needed good blinds.” Ani rolled her eyes.
“And now you’ve got them,” Ellie replied. “I’m not going in a single hardware store this year.”
“You can wait in the car?” Ani said hopefully.
“Dream on,” Liz murmured. “Oh, the sweaters at Macy’s are fifty percent off.”
I opened up my stack of newspaper ads and started browsing, but I wasn’t really looking for anything. We still had to fly home on Sunday, and there was no way I was going to ship a bunch of stuff home—it would completely cancel out any deals I found while we were shopping. There were mumbled thanks handed out as the men brought coffee and pie to each of the women, but no one looked up from their papers.
“We’re dragging Morgan and Sarai with us tomorrow,” Ani announced. “Just so you know. Trev, you’re on Etta duty.”
“Sounds good,” Trevor said, kissing the top of Morgan’s bent head. “Get some new towels for the bathrooms, yeah? Ours are too scratchy for the baby girl.”
“Our towels are fine,” Morgan replied, sending him a soft smile.
“Get new ones anyway.”
“Get the towels,” Ani ordered. “Don’t ever argue when they tell you to buy something.”
“I’ll remember that,” Morgan said with a laugh.
“They’ve welcomed you into the coven,” Alex teased softly in my ear as he set a piece of pie and a hot cup of coffee to the side of my newspaper. “You gonna go in the morning?”
“Do I have a choice?” I joked.
“We’ll lock the bedroom door. When you don’t open it, they’ll leave without you so they don’t waste time and miss any sales,” he whispered conspiratorially.
He walked away, and I focused on my paper again. Well, maybe I’d just get a few things…
“We’re going out to smoke cigars,” Dan announced proudly.
“Cigars?” Liz’s nose wrinkled in distaste.
“Got a few from a client,” he replied, grinning. “No better way to end a meal.”
“Don’t come back in this house smelling like smoke, Daniel,” Liz said, raising one eyebrow.
“Aw, baby,” he said, still grinning. “You know I won’t.”
“You better not.”
I glanced across the table to where Alex was standing with his brother, and our eyes met in amusement.
I felt the heat in my belly first, then in my chest, and up my neck, until I felt my face warm. This was why I’d agreed to marry him. I wanted to spend the rest of my life feeling this indescribable, inexplicable feeling when our eyes met across a crowded room. Actually, I couldn’t imagine anything else.
No one ever imagines the absence of that feeling. If they did, they’d avoid it altogether.
* * *
“It can’t be time to go already,” I mumbled against Alex’s shoulder, trying to ignore the alarm I’d set for two thirty. It was pitch black and raining outside. I groaned as I threw myself to the side and slapped at my phone. We’d been up until midnight, visiting with Alex’s family and playing dice around the kitchen table. Even the two little girls had stayed up late, finally falling asleep in family members’ laps. I felt like I hadn’t slept at all.
“They’ll be here in thirty, babe,” Alex replied, his voice hoarse from sleep and full of amusement.
“I know.” I slid my feet to the floor and stood up before I could convince myself to sleep for just a few more minutes.
I grabbed my toiletry bag and headed to the bathroom across the hall as quietly as I could. The house wasn’t very big, and I’d noticed that sound traveled through the house like a big tunnel. That had probably helped when Liz and Dan had children living with them, but it made things a little hard when you were trying to move around without waking anyone up.
It took me only about fifteen minutes to do my makeup and hair, and by the time I’d finished, I was wide awake. I was actually kind of excited to go shopping. I liked other women. I liked spending time with them and talking about clothes and shopping for deals and making big dinners. Once, when I was young, and I came home from school angry at another girl for some reason that I couldn’t even remember now, I’d said something nasty about her to my mother, and instead of giving me the affirmation I’d wanted, she’d looked at me in disappointment. No, she’d said softly. Do not do that. Women are the only people on this earth who will ever fully understand your joys and pains, your disappointments and triumphs. No man can ever understand a woman’s heart; only other women can do that. When you try to diminish a woman’s worth to make yourself feel worthy, you’re not only hurting her, you’re hurting yourself. Do you understand? I hadn’t understood her words then; they’d just been another thing for me to be angry about. Later, though, as I’d grown and dealt with my own heartbreaks, her meaning had become clear.
