Alphas obedience, p.10
Alpha's Obedience, page 10
Lev hesitated. His emotions had been so fucked up at the time, so contradictory. "It wasn't because of that," he said. "I was furious with him and deeply humiliated, but I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy."
"Then help me understand. You're not a bad kid, Lev. Everyone here agrees. So what happened?"
With a soft pull on his arm, Lev allowed himself to be guided back to the couch, where he sat down, his body feeling so heavy and empty at the same time. "Bray said you guys did a background check on me. What did you discover?"
"That you have two older brothers, both alphas as well."
"They're my half brothers. We have the same father but different mothers or in my case, a daddy. My father wanted to do everything he could to only get alpha sons, so he fucked around, then claimed the baby whenever he'd managed to impregnate someone with an alpha."
"Charming guy," Palani said dryly, and that made Lev smile despite his tears.
"You have no idea. He's… Both he and my brothers have been on my case for as long as I can remember. I was different, didn't share the same ambition. Or the same talents."
Palani frowned. "Talents?"
Lev gave a one-shoulder shrug. He'd shown Palani enough of his emotions already, so what did one more thing matter? If he was going down, at least he’d do it with full honesty. "I had to drop out of college, since I'm not smart enough. My father was furious. That's when he got me the job with Big Bennett."
That got a reaction from Palani, who raised his eyebrows. "He knew him?"
Lev nodded. "He's his lawyer. He knows a hell of a lot about the man's organization. And both my brothers have done work for him."
“It's starting to make sense. Your father wanted you to work for Big Bennett so you'd at least be of use to him. He must have liked having someone in the organization."
"Yeah. He suspected Big Bennett was keeping stuff from him, and he wanted me to find out what. He was right, by the way, since he had no idea about Melloni. Or about Big Bennett's involvement in the attack on the ranch."
"Did you tell him?"
Since he'd already admitted to blabbing to Watkins, he didn't see any reason not to confess this too. His chances of staying on the ranch were shot anyway, so maybe he could at least do some good by telling the whole truth. "I told him everything he wanted to know. You don't know my father. He’s not a man you want to say no to."
"Neither is Big Bennett, I would assume."
"You can't leave his organization. Once you’re in, you’re in for life. Of course, Father dear forgot to mention that little detail when he got me this job. But Big Bennett made it crystal clear, and after seeing what he did to a man who double-crossed him, I took his warning seriously."
Palani leaned back in his chair, folding his hands behind his head. "That's why you never said or did anything. You were not only scared of Big Bennett, but of your father and brothers as well."
Those stupid tears kept welling up, and Lev was getting sick and tired of looking like an idiot. "If I had tried to leave the organization, my father would've caught me and delivered me to Big Bennett himself, never looking back."
"And then Naran showed up…"
"I fell for his act hook, line, and sinker," Lev said, not even trying to keep the anger and bitterness out of his voice. "I should have known better because why on earth would a man like that be interested in me? I answered any question he had, even shared information he never asked for, all because I wanted to impress him. The joke was on me, of course."
"You're too hard on yourself," Palani said, surprising Lev with the warmth and kindness in his voice. “If you allow yourself to take a step back, you'll be able to see that you were the victim in some of this."
"No, that's not how it works. Watkins deserves the blame for what he did to me, but everything else, that's on me. I made the wrong choice, because even bearing the wrath of Big Bennett or my father would've been morally preferable to being complicit in the man's crimes."
He could've added that he'd never forgive himself, but he figured Palani could work that out himself. Unlike Lev, the beta was smart as a whip. He also wasn't gonna mention that he'd never forget what he’d done either. How could he, when he was still reminded of it in his dreams every night?
"We implicitly encouraged Watkins in his approach, so that part is on us. No, you don't get to argue with me about that," Palani said, his voice firm. "I hope you will accept my apologies on behalf of myself and Lidon."
Lev couldn't wrap his mind around it. Why Palani would think he owed him apologies? But if it made the man happy, he would accept them. "Does that mean I can stay for now?"
Sadness filled Palani's eyes. "Oh, Lev," he said with a deep sigh. "What are we going to do with you?"
14
"Do you ever tire of being so damn cheerful all the time?" Naran asked. He wasn't sure how it had happened, but Sivney had succeeded in bringing him outside yet again, two days after the last time, which had ended on such a disastrous note. Sivney had found them a spot under the trees again, since the direct sunlight was still too much for Naran's milky-white skin.
"Do you ever tire of being such a grumpy bastard?" Sivney fired back.
It was hard not to like the omega when he dished out truths like that. Not that Naran would ever admit it. He had quickly learned that sharing any kind of information with Sivney could be used against him, as the omega had no qualms about utilizing every tool available to him to persuade, cajole, or even blackmail Naran into doing what he wanted.
"Not really," he said, though that was not entirely true. Sivney had made him aware of how closed off and prickly he had become. No wonder no one wanted to be around him. He’d thought that was what he wanted, but he was questioning that now.
"Well, there's your answer then. If you don't get tired of moping and bitching all day, why would I get tired of being happy?"
"Because it's far more exhausting?"
"Is it? To me, being angry would suck the energy right out of me. It's far easier to let things go."
Naran considered that as he tilted his head toward the sun with closed eyes and breathed in the fresh air. It would be easy to state that Sivney was able to let things go because what had happened to him wasn't of the same magnitude as what had been done to Naran, but he didn't want to go there. He'd caught enough of the conversation between Sivney and Lev to know that Sivney had been wounded deeply by his ex-boyfriend. Naran didn't know details, but he'd never been one to assume.
"How do you do that?"
"How do I do what?" Sivney asked.
"Letting go. Everyone is always waxing poetic about the virtues of letting go versus holding on to something negative, but no one has ever explained to me how to do that."
When he opened his eyes again and looked down, he found Sivney studying him. He was about to make a snarky remark to draw attention away from his serious question, but Sivney was quicker.
"To me, it starts with the decision. You have to consciously decide you want to let go."
Naran quirked an eyebrow. "That's it? You just say to yourself you want to let go and it magically happens?"
Sivney's face tightened. "This is not something you want to make fun of. I've worked hard to get to this point, and I will not let you diminish that."
How was it possible that one itty-bitty omega could reduce him to nothing? No one had ever had the ability to make him feel small, but Sivney managed with a few words. What was even worse was that he wasn't wrong.
"Sorry," Naran said.
He fully expected Sivney to comment on his rare apology, but he should have known better than for Sivney to do what Naran expected. "Apology accepted."
When Sivney remained silent after that, Naran figured he'd fucked things up to the point where the omega wasn't willing to continue this conversation. He wanted to slap himself for ruining it again. It was hard when his mind was at constant war with itself. One half wanted to stay dark and snarky, keeping the annoyingly happy omega at bay if only for self-preservation. But the other half was curious and wanted to see what it would be like to engage in meaningful conversation again. At any given moment, it was a complete tossup as to which part would win.
"Do you want to let go?" Sivney then asked softly.
They weren't done, then, and it sent a rush through Naran that he still had a chance to salvage this. "To be honest, I don't know."
"Change can be scary," Sivney said, proving once again how insightful he was.
Naran nodded. "I've always been a man of routines, pretty set in my ways, I guess. You wouldn't expect that from a private investigator, but amidst all the crazy of my job, my routines brought me a sense of being grounded."
"That makes sense. It can also be a comfort, like an emotional crutch, to hold on to a certain feeling, like anger or resentment."
"Geez, what gave me away?" Naran said, and he was only half joking.
"You've been through a lot," Sivney said, his voice all understanding.
Naran shook his head. "You always call me out on my bullshit. Don't start coddling me now."
That made Sivney smile. "I'm growing on you."
"Yeah, like a fungus, but whatever. You seem to be the only one who can bear to be around me, so you'll have to do."
"I wonder why no one else wants to subject himself to your sparkling personality. You're a regular fucking happy bunny, so I have no idea why everybody is staying away from you."
Naran's heart suddenly felt heavy. "I chased everyone away. And the only reason you're still here is that you're too damn stubborn."
He had no idea why he'd blurted out the truth, and for a second or two, he was scared Sivney would respond with snark.
"I know," Sivney said, his voice filled with compassion. "You can change that too, you know? I'm sure they know and understand this hasn't been easy for you."
He considered it. The idea of being among people again, of making friends here was as exhilarating as it was scary. His people skills had become nonexistent, thanks to his involuntary stay at Big Bennett's, and he'd turned from an outgoing, social guy into this bitter old man. Was Sivney right? Could he still change that? Would they be prepared to give him a second chance?
Then he released a deep sigh. "It still wouldn't solve the biggest reason why I've kept to my room."
"Lev."
He let out a short laugh. "I'm that easy to read, huh?"
"What happened between you two? And don't give me that bullshit about you seducing him and breaking his heart because it was a job. If it had been that simple, you wouldn't lock yourself in your room so he could have a chance at building a new life here."
Naran's chest tightened, making it hard to breathe. Sivney knew how to ask the hard questions, didn't he? This one had been coming for a while, and he couldn't keep deflecting.
"It was supposed to be a job, but somewhere along the way, I lost track of that. It's the first rule in my line of work: never get emotionally attached to either your client or the person you're investigating. Technically, Lev was neither, but I still should have stayed away from him."
He felt like he was ripping his heart out with every word, revisiting the weeks of blaming himself, of playing their every encounter over and over in his head. When things had taken the darkest turn, it had been the only thing that had kept him sane. The pain had been beyond description, and he'd retreated in his mind to the only thing he could think of that had ever brought him happiness: his boy.
"You love him," Sivney said with a sense of wonder.
Naran could deny it, but what was the use of that? He'd admitted this much, so he might as well make it official now. "I do. What an idiot am I, right?"
Sivney's smile was sweet, and there was no judgment on his face. "Well, I've never known love to make sense, but aside from that, he's a good guy. I can see why you would fall for him."
Naran thought of the way Lev would cling to him, the complete trust and surrender in his eyes when they were together. That shy laugh he would give whenever Naran said something nice, as if he couldn't believe it. The way his body had responded to Naran's every touch. But most of all, he thought of how Lev had needed him with this fierce, almost desperate need that had Naran soaring higher than he'd ever thought possible.
"Yeah," he said, his voice hoarse. "He's a good boy. Such a good boy."
Those words alone would have been enough to bring him to his knees had he not been sitting in a wheelchair. That's what he had called Lev, his boy. And every time he'd praised him, every time he'd called him a good boy, Lev's eyes had lit up. Hell, his whole face had beamed like a beacon, like a lighthouse, bringing in every ship from afar.
"So what's your strategy here? Do you really plan on staying in your room for as long as you're here?"
Naran blinked away the moisture in his eyes. "If that's what it takes. He needs a second chance at happiness, and this is a safe environment for him. You don't understand how lost he is, how much he needs the stability and structure this pack brings.”
Sivney pushed himself onto hands and knees, then managed to come to a standing position. It was far from elegant, and Naran had to smile at the frustrated look on the omega's face. Apparently, being pregnant wasn't all sunshine and roses.
"Don't you dare laugh," Sivney said, and Naran stuck his hands in the air.
"I wouldn't dare."
Sivney's mouth pulled up in a grin. "We both know you so would, but whatever. A few more weeks, and then it's done and I'll get my body back."
The omega stretched himself, and Naran couldn't help but notice how beautiful he was, pregnant or not. He had this shine, this aura around him that made you feel better, whether you wanted to or not. Naran had never experienced something like it, but it was damn addictive. As much as he grumbled about Sivney's daily visits, he'd started counting down the time until the omega would knock on his door again.
Then Sivney stood in front of him, leaning slightly over and forcing him to meet his eyes by holding his chin. "And what about you, Naran? What about your happiness? Don't you deserve a second chance as well?"
It took everything he had not to slap his hand away. Not because he hated how Sivney's hand felt so soft against his skin, but because he craved it. He yearned to be touched again. No, it was because the omega managed to pierce through his defenses like it was nothing.
He had to clear his throat before he trusted himself to speak. "My happiness is not important. If I have to sacrifice mine so Lev can be happy, then that's a price I'm willing to pay. He deserves it. I don't."
15
Lidon nuzzled Vieno's neck, wrapping his arms around him and holding him close as the omega gently rocked himself on Lidon's cock. "Mmm, you feel so good, sweetheart."
Vieno let out one of those little whimpers that always made Lidon's heart go all soft and mushy. "I missed you," the omega whispered on a sigh.
Lidon smiled against his skin. He was still as needy as ever, and Lidon loved it. Oh, he couldn't find words to express the depth of his love for all his mates, but with Vieno, it showed differently. Palani and Enar wanted him, but Vieno needed him. And that feeling was entirely mutual, as Lidon always felt better after spending some intimate time with him.
He thrust up inside him, catching the most beautiful moan from Vieno's lips. "Ah, sweetheart, the sounds you make… I'll never get enough of those."
They had both come already, but Lidon wasn’t satisfied yet. That first round had been to get the edge off, but this, this was sharing much more. It was like their souls were as connected as their bodies, something he couldn't explain but that he felt deeply.
He nibbled on Vieno's bottom lip, and the omega eagerly opened up for him. They kissed for minutes, drinking each other in, lazily exploring while their bodies swayed and rocked, rolled and dipped.
"I think my heat will come soon," Vieno whispered after a few minutes.
Lidon pulled his head back so he could look at him. "Did you talk to Enar?"
Vieno nodded. "He agrees. My body is getting ready again."
"How do you feel about that?" Lidon asked, proud of himself for that question. That whole soft and sensitive thing was not his natural inclination, but he had learned, hadn't he? If that was what Vieno needed, then by god, it was what Lidon would provide. He would be anything and everything the omega needed him to be.
Vieno's smile showed he shared Lidon's pride. "I love you for asking that, my alpha. I'm okay with it. A little scared, I'll admit, but I know you will all take good care of me."
Lidon rested his forehead against Vieno's, then kissed the tip of his nose. "You know we will. Just communicate, sweetheart. Let us know what you need from us… Or what you don't want."
Behind him, someone cleared his throat. Dammit. "Alpha, please accept my apologies for this intrusion, but something urgent has come up."
Sean wouldn't interrupt him in the middle of sex if it wasn't important, that much Lidon knew. "Can't Palani take care of it?"
"He's sleeping," Vieno said. "Remember? You sent him to bed, because he was exhausted. Enar is with him to make certain he stays in bed."
Lidon mumbled a frustrated curse. "What's the situation?" he asked without changing position.
“A group of about twenty people is headed toward the front gate, about ten minutes out. They're slow, and some of them seem to be wounded. What do you want us to do?"
"Where the hell is Bray?" Lidon wanted to know.
"He pulled two double shifts, alpha. He's asleep, and I have strict orders from Kean not to disturb him unless someone is dying or there is a fire."
It seemed he was shit out of luck. "I'm sorry, sweetheart," he said to Vieno, but the omega pressed a finger on his lips.
"Go. I'll be here. You know that."
With a last kiss, Lidon lifted Vieno off his cock, then scrambled off the couch, not giving a flying fuck that he was still naked. Still, he got some perverse satisfaction from the way Sean's eyes dropped to his cock, then widened before he looked the other way. Lidon wiped himself off with a baby wipe, which seemed to be everywhere these days. Quite handy, if you asked him. Seconds later, he was dressed.
