Slay complete series, p.94
Slay Complete Series, page 94
I nodded, because I’d assumed a response like that, an unwillingness to even try to figure out what his daughter might want or need from him. Even knowing it was coming, it made me want to remove his balls with my bare hands.
With gritted teeth, I forced myself not to launch myself on him. “Good thing I figured it out for you already.” I pulled my mobile from my jacket pocket, opened up my email app and hit send on the message I’d drafted on the ride over, the device plugged into the car charger as I’d typed. “I’ve sent you a statement. I recommend releasing it word for word since I don’t trust any of your alterations would be suitable. Of course it’s your decision whether you decide to release it or not, and if you can find a better way to make amends with Celia, then go ahead. If you can’t, I recommend you stick to this script.”
He scowled as he circled around me to his desk. A few clicks later, I watched his eyes scan the screen as he read what I’d sent, his skin going pale. “I can’t just release this. Not without coordinating with Murphy and the board. There could be financial repercussions from saying something like this. It isn’t just about our family here.”
“Atonement isn’t supposed to be easy,” I said, coldly. “In my experience, it only means something when it comes at a price.”
“I don’t know,” he said, rubbing his fingers over his brow.
I’d had enough, my patience completely worn out. “Take the time you need to make it real, Warren,” I said, putting the discussion to a close. “Difficult as this may be, you and I both know this is the least you can do to make things right.”
I left without a glance back, and only when I was in the lift did I finally sigh with relief. I felt good. Well, better than I had. Adrenaline surged through my veins and for the first time in the last twenty-four hours, I remembered an emotion that wasn’t based solely in rage.
But I was still angry. And still a wreck. Still not in any sort to be around my wife, so when I got back to the hotel, I grabbed the dry cleaning waiting for me at the front desk and changed for my work day in my new hotel room instead of going back to the one I shared with Celia.
FOURTEEN
CELIA
As soon as Elsa arrived in the morning, I handed off Cleo and set off for Midtown. I was frustrated and paranoid, worried Edward would follow me and think the worst so I took a cab instead of calling for Bert, and I left my cell at the hotel.
The phone was a source of distress, anyway, and it felt good to be unleashed from it. I’d spent most of the night texting and checking for replies from my husband. He didn’t answer any. He hadn’t even read any after midnight, which increased both my anxiety and my anger.
Because what was he planning to do?
What had he already done?
Was Edward the one harassing Hudson? It was still possible. Based on his reaction, I was certain that Edward hadn’t known Hudson had been the man I’d been protecting before last night, but that didn’t mean Edward hadn’t gone after him for another reason.
I comforted myself with the fact that the threats I’d read hadn’t been in Edward’s handwriting. That got him off the hook, didn’t it?
Whether it did or not, I clung to it as truth.
But then I couldn’t stop playing out other worst-case scenarios in my head, imagining what Edward would do to Hudson if he hadn’t done this. Imagining what he’d do in return. God, it was awful. They were both so powerful, and while I’d seen the best of each of them, I also knew how diabolical they could be at their worst.
It made my stomach hurt to think about.
When I could distract myself from ruminating, I didn’t feel any better. In some ways, I felt worse. Fuck Edward for putting me through this. Fuck him for disappearing on me. Fuck him for being so rigid and domineering and manipulative.
And fuck me for loving him as desperately as I did.
Needless to say, I probably wasn’t in the most ideal frame of mind when I showed up at Pierce Industries just before nine in the morning, but there I was, pissed and ready to lash out.
“He’s on his way up,” Trish said when I demanded to see Hudson.
Not bothering to sit down, I waited, my stare pinned on the elevator across the hall.
He saw me immediately. Our eyes met, and whatever spark of life had been in his before he’d seen me vanished, leaving his gaze cold and stony.
Without saying anything, he unlocked his office and gestured for me to go in. He followed closely, shutting the door behind him.
I’d told myself on the ride over I’d be civil. I’d told myself I’d be restrained.
Both promises went up in smoke as soon as I was alone with him in the office. “You really fucked up, Hudson,” I said before he’d even made it to his desk. “And you can’t blame that on me. This was your doing. You’re the one who brought this to my house.”
I hadn’t realized how much guilt I was feeling until the words came out. I didn’t want to be the person harassing Hudson and his family. I didn’t like that version of me. I was a different person now, but if Edward wreaked havoc on his life, it would be my fault. Hudson would point the finger at me.
But I’d tried to prevent it! I’d tried and risked my relationship doing so. It was Hudson and his busybody wife that had fucked everything up, and I was here to make sure he got the record straight.
Unfortunately, Hudson wasn’t in a mood to listen, which probably stemmed in part from my hostile approach. He slammed his fist down on his desk. “Did you do it? Are you behind this? Yes or no? Once and for all.”
I flinched, the accusation hurting more coming from Hudson than when his wife had only alluded to it. “No! I told you, I didn’t—”
He cut me off. “Then I didn’t fuck up. We need those journals. We need them to solve this. Whatever it took to get them, I don’t regret it.”
He was curt and dismissive, and I knew in my bones that this entire interaction was unproductive, but I was now not just angry and worked up and worried but also I was goddamned hurt. By both Hudson and Edward. And while I was still learning how to deal with strong emotions, these were some of the most potent I’d had in a long time. They spun in my belly and pressed upward, demanding to be let out. They ruled me.
So instead of leaving, I spewed on. “I have always been real with you,” I told him with raw sincerity. “No matter what I’ve done, what schemes I’ve pulled. I have still always been honest with you, when we were face-to-face. So when I say I didn’t do this, you should know I’m telling the truth.”
Hudson sank into his chair and looked up at me with disdain. “How could I know anything?” he asked with feigned innocence. “I don’t know you anymore. Remember?”
The sharp pain in my chest made it impossible to speak, impossible to even breathe. All I could do was nod and stare and nod some more. What had I even expected? That Hudson would just intuitively understand all I’d done to protect him? That he would apologize or acquiesce or that he’d console me and tell me not to worry about a thing?
Even if it were possible for him to set aside everything that had happened after he met Alayna, even if he knew that I’d tried my damndest to keep him out of this, he was still going through a crisis of his own. Someone was threatening his family. His focus was there, as it should be, on the drama that was already happening to him. He couldn’t be expected to be concerned about drama that was yet to come. He couldn’t be expected to be concerned about me.
Then why was I concerned about him?
Without another word, I spun around and left Hudson’s office. It was time I got my own priorities straight. Hopefully both of those priorities would be waiting for me when I got back to our suite.
* * *
Edward wasn’t at the hotel when I got back. He didn’t return that evening either. My messages remained unanswered, as did my calls. By bedtime I’d stopped reaching out all together. He’d come back when he was ready, no sooner, and that was that.
I’d done this to him once. I’d taken off from London and hid away at my parents’, refusing to talk to my husband except for short yes or no texts.
Reminding myself of that fact did nothing to calm the intense storm inside me, but at least it helped my head keep it together.
Thankfully, once I put away my phone, I had a task to keep me preoccupied. The diaries had arrived in a box from London by special delivery just after eight pm. While Cleo gnashed at baby cereal in her high chair, I spread out the books across the dining table, eleven black leather-bound journals containing the record of my cruel past.
I picked one up and leafed through it, my stomach churning as my eyes scanned familiar names and places. There was a lot written in them that I’d forgotten. Much more that I didn’t want to remember. Going through them with Hudson was going to be tough, and for the first time since he’d disappeared, I wished Edward was back specifically to guide me through the task. I still wanted to fight with him, but I wanted him to comfort me, too. Wanted him to wrap me in his arms and let me feel my feelings and tell me what to do.
I can take care of myself.
With a sigh, I put the book back down and worked out a plan for how to get through them. Then I put in an order for breakfast room service and left the journals for the next day.
When I woke up the following morning, my priority was firm in my mind—put our differences aside and find the person who was terrorizing Hudson and Alayna. I’d been too wrapped up in myself to realize how serious the situation was. There was someone angry with things Hudson and I had done in the past. Someone who very much wanted to even the score. His family’s lives were in jeopardy. If it wasn’t Edward behind it, there was a very good chance that my family would be threatened next.
And if it was Edward...well, I needed to know that too.
“Come on in,” I said cheerfully when the Pierces appeared at my door. I nodded to the room service cart that had arrived only minutes before they had. “I’ve already ordered tea and coffee.” I assumed Hudson still drank black coffee, but his wife…? I directed my next words to her. “I didn’t know which you preferred in the morning. I also have an assortment of fruits and breakfast pastries, in case you haven’t eaten yet. I know sometimes it’s hard to remember to take care of yourself in times of stress.”
“I’ve already eaten,” Alayna said without feeling. Then, warmer, she added, “Thank you.”
I refused to be anything but a perfect host. “They’re here if you change your mind.”
“How about we just get started?” Hudson said, as efficient as ever. “Where are the journals?”
“Since you’re obviously not hungry either, Hudson, they’re in here. Follow me.” I walked them down the hall and around the corner to the dining room.
“Is Edward working with us as well?” Hudson asked as they followed behind.
I was glad I wasn’t facing them when I answered. “No. He went into work.” It could have been true for all I knew. Point was, my marital troubles were not of interest to Hudson, nor were they important today. “It’s just us and the nanny.”
When we reached the table, I turned to face them. As composed as Hudson usually was, I was surprised to see him viscerally react to the sight of the journals, as if their mere existence churned his stomach.
I know the feeling, bud.
It felt oddly reassuring to have that in common.
“I don't know if you had a plan about how to attack this,” I said, suddenly nervous. I tucked a stray hair behind my ear. “But I was thinking that you and I, Hudson, could each grab a journal and start reading through it. When we come to a name of someone involved in an experiment, we could record the name as well as any other details that may be important regarding the subject. Such as whether or not we believe they might still have hostile feelings toward you or me. Most of those references in the letters seemed vague, but if we come across anything that seems to possibly be referenced, then we can note that as well.”
It was a pretty straight-forward plan, one that removed Alayna from reading the journals, which was selfish on my part.
But they were, in fact, journals. They were private and terrible and not the kind of thing I ever wanted anyone reading. It had been bad enough when Edward had read them. He’d been enraged and disgusted. I couldn’t imagine the contempt Alayna would feel reading them, especially when she already hated me so intensely.
I would have thought Hudson would feel the same way, but when no one spoke, I wondered if I’d thought wrong. “If you have another plan…”
“No,” Hudson said. “This is good.” He removed his jacket and sat down to work.
I followed suit, taking a chair across from him.
“What should I do?” Alayna asked.
It wasn’t my place to keep her away from the journals. I looked to Hudson for that.
Thankfully, he seemed to be on the same page. “You can do the recording, Alayna. As Celia and I read, we will call out information. If you could track it and sort it, I think that would be the best use of your time.”
I worried momentarily that she might object to being kept on the sidelines. From what I knew of Alayna, she had always been headstrong and ready to buck against anyone who tried to hold her down.
But she surprised me, taking to the job enthusiastically and even setting up a shared spreadsheet on the laptop she’d brought.
We dug in then, working throughout the morning. It was difficult reading, as I’d expected it would be, but I concentrated on detaching myself from the stories I read, and that helped the process go smoother. We developed a sort of rhythm between the three of us, Hudson and I shouting out details, Alayna confirming them before entering them into her computer. It was a good process.
That wasn’t to say there wasn’t tension amongst us because there definitely was. It wove around us like the tight weave of a spiderweb, keeping us trapped in its sticky silk-like thread. The only time it broke was when Elsa brought Cleo. Alayna was a sucker for a baby, it turned out, and no one could remain somber around mine.
It was only a momentary reprieve. As soon as Cleo was burped and back with the nanny, the contention was back, worse than before. It didn’t just surround me, either. Alayna and Hudson bickered as well and eventually they excused themselves to take their clipped conversation to the hall.
Admittedly, I was pleased that, for once, their argument couldn’t be blamed on me since I’d been on my best behavior, which was probably petty, but also it was a big thing. I hadn’t ever spent time in a room with the two of them without scheming and plotting to turn them against one another. It was new for me, and as silly as it was, I took it as evidence of how far I’d come.
When Hudson returned, he came back alone. “It’s a little much for Alayna,” he said, vaguely. “We’re on our own for the afternoon.”
I held back a dozen snarky comments that came to mind. “Probably for the best. No one should have to deal with our shit except us.”
“Amen.”
If only my husband felt the same.
Reminding myself of my agenda for the day, I pushed the thought away. “I’ll call down and tell room service one less dish for lunch.”
When that was done, we resumed working, only breaking when our food arrived then quickly resuming when we’d finished. Our process had altered with Alayna’s absence. Now we took turns reading, the other recording on Hudson’s laptop. It was easier than it had been, despite being down one person. We both knew our stories so well that we could fill in the details that the other had read almost at the same time as they were recited out loud.
The tension was far less noticeable as well. In fact, there was almost a sense of camaraderie. Whatever our past sins, Hudson and I had committed them together. That created a bond between us that could never be broken, no matter what changed about us as individuals.
Maybe that’s why I’d been so quick to keep Hudson a secret, because we’d been linked like that. I was bound to protect him. Whatever Edward thought, he was wrong—I hadn’t chosen Hudson over him. I hadn’t made a choice at all.
Eventually, Hudson closed his laptop. “I think that’s enough for today.”
I looked at my phone. Almost five o’clock. Where had the time gone? “Did we figure anything out?”
He hesitated. “Not really. Did you?”
“No,” I answered honestly. Nothing we’d read connected to any of the letters Hudson had received, and I still was no closer to figuring out if Edward was involved. “We still have a few journals to go through.”
“Back at it tomorrow?”
“Of course.” He was about to stand when I stopped him. “Are you scared?”
“Of the person sending the letters?” He settled back in his chair. “Yes. I am. Someone is very angry, rightly so, I presume. Valid anger is one of the most dangerous weapons I’ve encountered.”
I’d seen my husband use valid anger as a weapon. It had almost gotten me killed. I’d lived, but what about Camilla’s husband? I was sure Edward had killed him. Would he go that far with Hudson?
A chill ran down my spine. “I feel like I should tell you I’m sorry.”
Hudson seemed to assume my apology was for the past since his eyes scanned the journals laid out in front of us. “I was as much a part of this as you were.” He waited a beat. “Sometimes I’m not so sure I shouldn’t be apologizing to you.”
It was peculiar how the cold I’d felt a second ago could so quickly turn to warmth. I didn’t want an apology from Hudson, never had, but he’d considered it, and that meant something. Small that it might be, it was still something.
I flashed a brief smile. “It won’t do any good, for either of us, at this point.”
“No, I don’t believe it will.”
I stood as he did, planning to walk him to the door, but my thoughts were still tied up in the journals. “Should we be doing something? For all those people that we…” I couldn’t find the right words.
