The promise, p.26
The Promise, page 26
The silence stretched on for another few minutes. Isaac cleared his throat. “There is something I want to talk to you about.”
She turned to look at him. “Okay.”
“I wonder if I might court you.”
Once, being courted by Isaac had been exactly what she wanted. Levi had ruined that for her. She didn’t want to hurt Isaac. Maybe he could make her forget Levi if she gave him the chance.
“I reckon it would be okay.”
“I thought maybe you might prefer Levi. He has paid a lot of attention to you.”
Only to make you jealous.
“We want such different things, and besides, he’s leaving.” Levi had a dream to follow but it didn’t include her.
“I know he has his heart set on going back to Pennsylvania.” There was a wistful tone in Isaac’s voice that made her look at him sharply.
“Is that what you want? Do you want to go back to Pennsylvania?”
He shook his head. “There’s nothing there for me now. I like it here. I can learn to be a good farmer with Ernest’s help.”
“She is still there. The girl that made you throw away your phone.”
“That’s over and done. I’m never going to see her again.”
“Then we are both free, and courting is the next step. Let’s see where it leads.” Maybe she could even grow to love Isaac in time if Levi wasn’t around.
“Great. I know Mamm will be thrilled to hear it. You’ve made a big change in my life, Sarah. I found where I belong. I think we might be meant for each other.”
Why did it sound like he was trying harder to convince himself than her?
He smiled brightly, but his smile didn’t reach his eyes. “What are you doing tomorrow evening?”
She stared at her clasped hands. “Nothing. I’m free all week.”
* * *
“LEVI, CAN I TALK to you about something?”
Levi lowered Jasper’s hoof to the ground and patted the gelding’s hip. He was trying to get as much work done around the place as he could before he left at the end of the week. He worked hard at everything he could think to do to keep his mind off Sarah. It hadn’t helped. At least he didn’t have to worry about avoiding her. She hadn’t been around since the afternoon he told her their kiss had been an act on his part. He must be a far better actor than he’d ever imagined because she believed him.
“If you can talk while I work.” He turned to face his brother. Isaac was standing outside the stall, leaning on the top board.
“Maybe later, then.” Isaac started to turn away.
It dawned on Levi that his brother had something serious on his mind. “Hold on. I have time now.”
“You sure? Goot. I need your advice.”
“About what?”
“I asked Sarah if I could court her, and she said yes.”
“Is that where you’ve been every evening this past week?” Levi had suspected as much.
“Ja, I’ve been seeing her. I think she’s the woman I should marry someday.”
Levi hoped he didn’t look like he had just been kicked in the stomach. He bent over to retrieve the horseshoe he had pried off Jasper’s hind hoof as he tried to catch his breath. This had been his plan all along, but he wasn’t thrilled. His victory was like ashes in his mouth. The faint hope he cherished in his heart that he and Sarah could somehow be together flickered out. “Is that so?”
“Mamm loves her. She’ll be happy about it for sure.”
Levi loved Sarah, too. He hadn’t realized how much until this very moment. “What’s not to love? She’s a wonderful woman.” A woman who could never be his. He kept his face averted so Isaac couldn’t read the pain in his eyes.
“I think she is, too. You and I have had our differences and I know you wanted to court her, so I need to make sure you’re okay with this.”
Tell him no. Tell him he’s wasting his time. He’ll listen to me. Then I can court her.
He couldn’t do that to his brother. Or to Sarah.
Isaac was the right man for her. If only Levi hadn’t kissed her, leaving would be so much easier. “Sarah’s a great gal, but if you are that serious about her, I’ll step aside. I think she always liked you better anyway.”
“It means you won’t get the farm.”
Levi almost laughed out loud. “I’ll get over it. You’re the real farmer anyway.”
Isaac concentrated on straightening the harnesses on their hooks. “I know I talked a lot about not wanting to marry, but I’m ready for a new start. I want to stay here and farm this land. I want to make something of myself. I know Sarah could help with that. She’s good for me. It may seem like I’m rushing into this, but I’m ready to give it a chance and see if we are meant for each other.”
“It doesn’t sound like you need my advice.”
“Maybe I just needed to say it out loud. Mamm is almost well. I think she’ll be back to her old self in a few weeks. She’s happy with Ernest. They’ll be married soon. Sarah and I can take care of her if anything happens. The way I see it, you can return to Pennsylvania without worrying about us.”
“That’s good because I’m leaving on Friday.” Going back wouldn’t be the same now that he had met Sarah. Now that he had fallen in love with her.
Isaac stopped fooling with the tack and faced Levi. “You are?”
“I’ve hired a trailer to transport Wing to Arnold’s stable. I’ll train her there.”
Isaac smiled. “I’m happy for you. I know it’s what you wanted. Have you told Mamm?”
“I will today.”
“You’ll be glad to be free of me. I’ve been a millstone around your neck long enough.”
Levi shook his head. “You have never been that to me.”
“Maybe not, but I’ve always been the little brother you needed to look after. Anyway, if I can work up the courage to ask Sarah to marry me, you’ll have to come back for the wedding.”
“What will you do if she turns you down?” What if she did? Levi held his breath as he waited for his brother’s answer.
“I’ll probably pester her until she says yes. Gott brought her into my life for a reason at a time when I needed her the most. I do need her. Without her I’m going to fall apart or go back to my old ways. I have to believe it means we are meant for each other.”
“You’ll have to join the church. I know you weren’t keen on that at one time.”
“It won’t be that bad. It’s not like I have much choice if I want to wed Sarah, and think how happy Mamm will be.”
“Then I wish you the best of luck.”
The ceremony couldn’t take place until after they finished their baptismal classes and joined the church. It would be several months at the earliest. Unless distance dulled his feelings for Sarah, he couldn’t stand by and watch her wed his brother. He would be back in Pennsylvania by then and he’d find a good excuse not to attend. “You’d better treat her right from now on.”
“I will.”
As his brother left the barn, Levi sat on a bale of hay in the alleyway. He had heard it called a broken heart often enough, but he never knew it was a true physical pain that would slice through his chest and make it hard to breathe. He might love Sarah with all his being, but his brother needed her. How could he be selfish enough to contemplate wooing her away from Isaac?
Would it be right to tell Sarah how he felt? She cared about him. He’d known that the moment he had kissed her because she had kissed him back. But how could he ask her to choose him over his brother?
He sat for a long time trying to imagine a scenario where no one ended up being hurt. He couldn’t see a way out of his dilemma. Levi knew he had to leave.
It was the best thing he could do for Sarah and for Isaac. That way the two people he cared most about would be happy. They deserved their happiness more than he did. He hadn’t fulfilled his promise to his father yet.
He got up and headed to the house to break the news of his leaving to his mother.
* * *
“I’D LIKE TO talk to you for a little bit, Sarah.”
She looked up from the mending she was doing for Henrietta. “What is it, Isaac?”
He shot a glance at his mother and Ernest playing a game of checkers on a small table in between their chairs. He gestured toward the door with a nod of his head. “Come outside with me.”
He sounded unusually serious for Isaac.
She followed him outside, where he sat down on the swing. She took a seat, too, remembering the way Levi’s lips had felt against hers when he first kissed her in this very spot to make Isaac jealous. The wonderful kiss she shared with him at the lake was the one she would remember him by.
Isaac seemed preoccupied. Sarah looked across the farmyard to see if Levi was exercising Wing. The horse had made a complete recovery, but Levi keep a close eye on her so that the colic didn’t recur. Sarah couldn’t see him. Maybe he was in the barn. She hadn’t seen him in more than a week. If she was being honest, she would have to admit that was why she had suggested they spend the day at Isaac’s home instead of hers for a change. Levi was leaving and she needed to see him.
“I have something I want to ask you.”
She turned her attention back to Isaac. He sounded so serious. “All right.”
“We’ve become pretty good friends, haven’t we? We’ve gone out every day for almost two weeks. You aren’t tired of me, are you?” He looked so nervous that she almost laughed. What was going on?
“We have become wonderful friends, and I’m not tired of you.” She answered slowly, wondering where the conversation was going.
“My mother likes you a lot. I hope you know that.”
“That’s goot because I like her, too.”
He rubbed his hands on his thighs. “I mean...she almost thinks of you as a daughter.”
“That’s wonderful, but didn’t you say you had something you wanted to ask me?”
“I did. Sarah, would you consider marrying me?”
She was shocked speechless.
He noticed. “I’m sorry. I know this is sudden. I don’t mean right away. You don’t have to answer now. I meant if things continue to go well between us. I think you’re a wonderful woman. I know you will make a wonderful wife.”
She heard one of the horses whinny. She looked toward the corral. Levi was bringing out Wing.
Isaac leaned forward to see her face. “Sarah?”
“I heard you, Isaac. I’m humbled that you wish me to be your wife.”
He leaned back. “Do I hear a ‘but’ in that statement?”
“I’m afraid you do.”
He shrank back. “What is it? Do you need more time? Is there someone else?”
Was there someone else? She could admit it and end her relationship with Isaac, but that didn’t mean she would have one with Levi.
Levi had overshadowed Isaac in her heart. She cared for them both, but she knew without a doubt that if Levi asked her the same question she wouldn’t hesitate to accept him. She needed to know how Levi felt about her. She had to know if the kiss had simply been to make Isaac jealous, as Levi claimed, or was there something else behind it? She wanted to believe it meant something to him because she was in love with him. She had to know for sure, even if it meant hearing he didn’t care.
She took Isaac’s hand between hers. “This is very sudden, and I thought you were in love with someone else.”
He got to his feet and moved a few paces away. “I wondered if that might be the reason for your hesitation. I did care for someone else.” He turned back to face her. “That relationship is over and done with. In time we’ll grow to care for each other like in the old days. It will make Mother happy to see me join the church and marry you. Even Levi is thrilled for us.”
She blinked several times. “You spoke to Levi about this?”
“I did. He doesn’t have any objections.”
“He doesn’t?”
Isaac sat beside her again. “I’m handling this badly, aren’t I? If Levi had an objection, it would not sway me. I don’t need his permission.”
She stared into his worried eyes. “Do you love me?”
He looked down. “I know I will in time. Maybe not the way you want just now, but I can see spending the rest of my life with you. You make me a better person. I’ll never give you a reason to regret saying yes.”
She cupped his cheek with her hand, knowing what she was about to say would hurt him. “If the woman you thought you loved in Lancaster was standing here beside me, would you still be asking me to marry you? Or would you be asking her?”
He flinched and turned away. “That’s not a fair question. She isn’t here.”
“You’re right and I’m sorry. I’m honored by your proposal and I will consider it.”
He looked up and smiled. “Danki. I know you’ll make the right decision. I’ll spend my life proving that to you if you say you’ll have me.” He got up and walked away.
The right decision. What would the right decision be? Sarah stared at him as he crossed the farmyard to the tractor shed. She searched for Levi and found he was leaning on the corral fence looking her way. What was he thinking? Did he want to hear her answer, or didn’t it matter to him? If he didn’t love her, then he wouldn’t care what she said.
As she stared at him, he turned away and went back inside the barn. Was that her answer?
* * *
SARAH ARRIVED HOME later than usual. She was surprised to see Laura Beth and Joshua were still up. They were sitting in the kitchen. She went in to join them.
“Is Mrs. Raber worse?” Laura Beth asked.
“She’s upset about Levi leaving but otherwise she is fine. Getting better all the time.”
“Then why the long face?” Joshua pushed a plate of banana bread toward her.
She broke off a piece and nibbled at it. “Isaac asked me to marry him.”
She saw the astonishment on Laura Beth’s face and knew exactly how she felt. “Already?”
“I was stunned, too.”
Joshua leaned back in his chair. “Don’t leave us in suspense. What did you say?”
“I told him I had to think about it.”
Joshua wagged his eyebrows. “You are getting more sensible by the day.”
His wife gave him a stern look. “This is no time for teasing. Sarah, do you know what you want?”
“I thought I did. I’ve spent years waiting for this very day to come, not knowing who my future husband would be but convinced I would know him the moment I saw him. It was a childish fantasy. Now that the day is here, it’s not quite what I expected.”
“I’m sorry. Being in love with the idea of being in love is a common problem for young people.”
“Is that what I was doing?” She felt tears sting the backs of her eyes.
“It is real while you are going through it. It takes time for the newness to wear off a relationship. Do you know what you want to do?”
Sarah shook her head because her throat was too tight to speak.
Laura Beth recognized what was wrong and put her arms around Sarah. “Everything will be okay.”
“No, it won’t.” Sarah burst into tears and sobbed on her sister’s shoulder.
Joshua got to his feet. “I think I forgot to shut up the henhouse.” He hurried outside.
Sarah drew a shaky breath. “He never forgets to take care of the chickens.”
“I know. He’s a wonderful man, but he doesn’t handle crying women very well.”
“Tell me what to do,” Sarah said as she sat down at the table.
“It’s late but you could start mending. The pile of Caleb’s clothes with rips and tears is growing larger.”
Sarah shook her head as she rolled her eyes. “You know that’s not what I meant.”
“You want me to tell you whether or not to accept Isaac’s offer of marriage.”
“Yes, that’s what I need to know.”
“And do you really expect me to have the right answer?”
“You’re my big sister. You know everything.”
Laura Beth chuckled. “I know a lot, but not everything. I’m afraid in matters of the heart only the owner of the heart can answer that question. Do you love him?”
“I care about him deeply. I don’t want to hurt him. He isn’t a strong man. He needs me.”
“When he kisses you, does the whole world fade away until you are the only two people standing on it?”
“Isaac hasn’t kissed me.” Her voice cracked.
Laura Beth’s eyes widened. “Does someone else make you feel that way?”
“Levi. He only kissed me twice and he said it was to make his brother jealous, but, Laura Beth, they were the most amazing kisses.” Sarah’s eyes filled with tears.
Laura Beth leaned back in her chair. “That complicates matters. Are you in love with Levi?”
“I think so. I don’t know how he feels about me, but he is leaving tomorrow. His mother is upset about that but she is so happy I’m going out with Isaac.”
“I think it best not to base your future on what Mrs. Raber thinks.”
“I know that, and I know I have to make up my own mind. Honestly, I think Isaac would be a good husband. I think he would be a comfortable husband.”
“Oh, I see. Sarah wants comfortable?”
“Is that so wrong?”
“Of course not. As long as both of you can live with that decision. I take it you don’t believe Levi loves you?”
“I’m not sure. But I do know he doesn’t want to live here. He wants to go back to Pennsylvania and raise racehorses.”
“Is that unacceptable to you?”
“To leave you and Joshua and Caleb, not to mention all my friends, Ernest and Henrietta? I can’t imagine doing that. Would you want me to go that far away?”
