The promise, p.27
The Promise, page 27
“I would miss you terribly, but you have to do what your heart says is right. A woman leaves her family and clings to her husband. That’s the way it has been done for thousands of years.”
“By braver women than I am.” She took another bite of banana bread.
Laura Beth chuckled. “This is my advice. Pray the Lord will show you the path to take. Sleep on it, and in the morning I think your decision will be clear.”
“Why do I think I’m not going to get much sleep?” Sarah rose and kissed her sister on the cheek before making her way upstairs to her bedroom.
Early the next afternoon, Sarah drove to the Raber farm still in a state of indecision. A sleepless night of prayer and soul-searching hadn’t given her the answer she was looking for.
Levi held the answer. She had to speak to him.
She found him in the barn packing harnesses into a large box. “Hello, Levi.”
“Hey, Sarah. Haven’t seen you in a while. What’s new?” He didn’t look at her.
“A lot, actually.”
“Like what?”
“Your brother asked me to marry him.”
Levi paused but he didn’t turn around. “What was your answer?”
“I told him I had to think it over.”
“That’s reasonable, but isn’t this what you wanted?”
“I thought so.”
He turned around then. “Isaac is a great guy. He loves it out here. You are getting exactly what you want. Why get cold feet now?”
“Don’t you know?” Please say you do. Am I making a fool of myself?
He shook his head. “I don’t.”
“I have feelings for someone else. You. I can’t forget the way you made me feel when you kissed me.”
He bowed his head and slowly shook it side to side. “Sarah, Sarah, we were playing a part. I was, anyway.” He looked up at her. “The point of the whole thing was to get Isaac jealous and it worked. Now I can go back to Pennsylvania because I know you’ll take good care of him.”
Her heart plummeted to her feet. “Is that all it meant to you?” she whispered.
He turned away. “That’s what it meant.”
She had her answer. She pressed a hand to the ache in her chest. She could feel her heart breaking.
“What if I don’t marry Isaac?”
Levi didn’t look at her. “Then I’ll have to delay leaving until he finds a woman who will. I promised my father I’d take care of him.”
“I see. Then you’ll be happy to know you won’t have to stay here. I’m going to say yes.”
Sarah quietly left the barn and went toward the house. It was amazing that she could keep walking as if nothing had happened when her heart was broken into a million pieces. He didn’t love her. But she loved him enough to keep her end of their bargain. She would see that he got his freedom.
In the house, she found Henrietta mopping the kitchen floor. “What are you doing?” Sarah tried to take the mop away from her.
“I can do it. Leave me be. If I get tired, I’ll take a rest.”
“I want you to stop right now. I have something to tell you.”
“Oh?”
“Isaac has asked me to marry him,” Sarah said quietly.
Henrietta smiled. “What did you tell him?”
“That I needed more time. That I wanted to be sure.” She was sure now. If she married Isaac, Levi would go back to what he loved.
“And are you sure?”
Sarah managed a little smile. “Henrietta, I was in love with Isaac when I was sixteen years old.” It wasn’t quite all the truth. She had been in love with the idea of being in love with him. The reality was much different. She cared deeply for Isaac. Maybe it was love, but it wasn’t the heart-pounding, soul-stirring kind of love that she had for Levi.
“I would be delighted to have you as a daughter-in-law.” Henrietta reached out and pulled Sarah into her embrace.
“I will make Isaac a good wife,” Sarah whispered.
“I know you will. You are exactly the kind of woman he needs.”
Sarah prayed that she had spoken the truth. That the affection she had for Isaac would grow into love.
The outside door opened, and Isaac walked in. “That combine is a piece of junk. I need to replace half the cutting blades.”
Henrietta threw her arms around her son. “I’ve been sad because Levi is leaving us, but you have made me very happy.”
“What did I do?”
“You asked the right woman to marry you.”
He smiled at Sarah. “What did the right woman say?”
Sarah tried to smile but couldn’t. “She said yes.”
Isaac pulled her into his embrace. “Danki.”
Henrietta looked out the window. “Ernest is here again. I can’t wait to tell him.”
Henrietta smiled. “You two should go see the bishop right now and pick a date for the wedding. We have a lot to get done before the banns are read.”
Isaac looked at her. “What do you say?”
“Sounds like a good idea. I would like to say goodbye to Levi first.” She couldn’t let him leave without seeing his face one last time.
Isaac looked at her closely. “Okay. I’ll ask Ernest what he thinks he can do for the combine. Don’t be long.”
“I won’t.” She squared her shoulders and headed out the door.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
LEVI DREW THE brush over Wing’s soft hide in slow, steady strokes. The task was repetitive and calming. Normally. Today wasn’t a normal day. He wondered what one would look like in the future. How could a day without Sarah ever feel normal?
Brush, brush, wipe with a cloth, brush, brush, wipe with a cloth again.
“Aren’t you worried that you will rub away all her hair?”
He stopped the motion. Why did she have to show up now when his emotions were so raw? It cost him every ounce of strength he possessed not to turn around and beg her to come away with him.
“I like to keep her shiny. I think she likes it, too.”
He didn’t turn around. He couldn’t look into her eyes and not tell her that he was in love with her.
“When are you leaving?” she asked.
“My ride will be here at four o’clock.”
“You’ll come back for the wedding, won’t you?”
“Sure.”
“Isaac and I will understand if you can’t make it. We know it’s a long way.”
He was going to need an excuse because there was no way he could watch her vow to love, honor and obey another man. “A lot will depend on Wing’s racing schedule.”
“You must be happy to know it has all worked out.”
He stopped brushing and looked at her. Did his brother know how fortunate he was to have this wonderful woman care for him? “What makes you think I’m happy?”
“I know it can’t be easy to leave your mother and your brother behind, but you’re going to have a chance to do the thing you love above all else. I’m truly happy for you, Levi.”
He gazed into her beautiful eyes and realized his loss wasn’t important. Her happiness was all that he wanted in life. “We both got what we set out to do. I’m going back to Pennsylvania to race horses and you are going to begin a wonderful life in your slice of paradise. We are both blessed.”
He thought he saw a flash of pain in her eyes, but she looked away so quickly he knew he had to be mistaken.
“Isaac needs me.”
Levi stepped up to the stall gate and laid his hand on hers. “I hope he tells you that he loves you every day. You deserve to be loved like that. I hope he tells you that he can’t breathe when you’re not near him. I hope he tells you that your happiness is like the moon, the sun and the stars in his universe.”
“Isaac isn’t one for romantic talk like that.”
“Then I need to have a discussion with him before I leave because God has chosen a very special woman for him and he needs to let her know just how special she is.”
Isaac walked into the barn. “There you are. Didn’t you hear me calling?”
She gave him a bright smile. “I was just about to answer you. I wanted to say goodbye to Levi before he left us.”
Isaac blinked hard. “I wish you weren’t leaving today, brother. Sarah has agreed to marry me.”
“She told me. Congratulations to both of you. I’d stay longer but I want to get Wing back in time to rest up before her first race.” Levi opened the stall door and stepped out into the alleyway. He held out his hand. “I wasn’t going to leave without saying goodbye.”
Isaac took his hand and pulled him into his embrace. Isaac stepped back and wiped his cheek. “I’m going to miss you.”
Levi cleared his throat. “I’m going to miss you, too, pesky little brother. I’ve got one piece of advice before you go. Don’t ever let the sun set without telling this amazing woman how much you love her.”
Isaac nodded as he slipped his arm around Sarah’s shoulders. “That’s pretty good advice. I wish I had heard it sooner.”
“We should go,” Sarah said, looking out the door.
“Where are the two of you off to today?” Levi asked.
“We’re going to see the bishop and pick a wedding date.”
Levi made himself smile at her, but Sarah didn’t smile back.
“The first step in making it official.” Ernest came from the tack room at the back of the barn. He had several leather straps in his hand. “I promised your mother I would fix the handhold straps on the passenger side of her buggy. She claims my driving makes her want to hold on to something tight.”
“She never enjoyed going fast.” Levi stepped back inside the stall and resumed brushing Wing.
Isaac tugged on her hand. “We should get going.”
Isaac led her away. She looked back over her shoulder. Levi lifted his hand in a wave. She waved once and then she turned away.
“It isn’t very often a fellow gets to watch a man make the biggest mistake of his life,” Ernest drawled.
Levi resumed brushing Wing’s already gleaming coat. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“I’m going to tell you about another man, one just about your age, who also made the biggest mistake of his life.”
“I’m really not in the mood for one of your stories.”
“That’s too bad. I’m going to tell it to you anyway. There were two men who were as close as brothers and they were both in love with the same woman.”
“I’ve heard this one.”
“Then listen again. These two men, close as brothers, loved the same woman. They knew she would have to choose between them. Now, this woman cared for each of these men. But one fella loved her so much that he knew he couldn’t ask her to make that choice. So he bowed out and he let his best friend marry the woman that meant more to him than life itself. Know why? Because her happiness was everything to him.”
“It sounds like he made the right choice.”
Ernest shook his head. “No, he didn’t make the right choice. He didn’t trust her enough. She wasn’t some weakling that needed a man to decide for her. She deserved the chance to make that decision. To tell both men where her heart lay. So one man stepped aside and has regretted it every day since.”
“It isn’t the same with Isaac and me. Isaac will give Sarah all the things she wants. They’ll have a life here in the community she loves. She’ll raise her children with her family close by. Isaac will be content farming with tractors instead of horses.”
“You only forgot one thing.”
“And what is that?”
“You didn’t tell her that her happiness was the sun and the moon and the stars in your universe. Are you brave enough to give her a choice? Are you going to bow out as cowardly as I did? Is believing you gave her something she wanted better than hearing her choose another man over you?”
Ernest walked away, leaving Levi’s emotions in a whirlwind. He wasn’t a coward. He was as brave as the next man. And yet Ernest was right. The one thing Levi couldn’t face was hearing Sarah’s rejection. He loved her, but the life he wanted wasn’t the life she wanted.
Wing whinnied softly and nudged him with her nose. He laced his fingers together around her neck. “I want to see you be the best you can possibly be. I want to raise your foals and see them win. But what will that be worth if Sarah isn’t there with me? If she can’t share those moments with me?”
Without Sarah, he wouldn’t feel like a winner. There wasn’t a trotting trophy in the world he wanted to hold without Sarah by his side. It would be meaningless.
He left Wing’s stall and walked out into the farmyard. A pickup pulling a horse trailer turned in from the county road and came to a stop in front of the barn. The driver rolled down his window. “Are you the fellow going to Lancaster, Pennsylvania, with a horse?”
Levi looked toward the house, where his bags were packed in the living room waiting for him to throw them in the back of the pickup. Ernest and his mother came out of the house and stood on the front porch and waved. Ernest was right. Sarah deserved to make her own choice.
And maybe he deserved to have the woman who put the moon and the stars to shame cast her light on him.
He turned to the driver. “I’m the fellow that’s sending a racehorse to Pennsylvania, but I’m not going with her. I want you to call the owner of Arnold Diehl Stables and tell him I’ll be in contact with him about my plans soon.”
“I didn’t know the Amish owned racehorses.”
“In Lancaster, Pennsylvania, they can. Here in Kansas we stick to tractors.”
“A fellow learns something new every day.”
“I’ll help you load her.”
Ernest approached Levi after Wing was safely loaded in the trailer. Levi stepped in with her and laid his head against her cheek. “I hate to let you go. You know that, don’t you? Gott has given you the heart of a champion. You were born to race and to win. You can’t do that here. You go be the winner I know you are. I’m gonna try and convince a Kansas gal that I can’t live without her. If she says no, I’ll follow you.”
He gave Wing one last pat on the cheek and left the trailer. He closed the end gate and signaled the driver to pull away. Ernest clapped his hand on Levi’s shoulder. “You’d better go find Sarah and let her make the decision.”
“Ernest, if this goes the way I hope it does, you’re going to have to teach me how to drive that combine.”
“It’s easy. And you won’t only be farming. We need a good horse trainer in Cedar Grove.”
Levi smiled. “I’d like that. I may just hang out my shingle. Can I borrow your tractor?”
“Of course.”
Levi climbed aboard and the engine turned over on the first try. As the motor roared to life, he took a moment to pray for Sarah and for his brother. If Sarah chose Isaac, Levi could wish them well and leave for Pennsylvania tomorrow. If she chose him, Levi wasn’t sure what his relationship with his brother would be like.
CHAPTER TWENTY
ON THE DRIVE to the bishop’s home, Sarah wrestled with her conscience. She was doing this for the right reason, but it didn’t feel that way. Was she wrong? Isaac needed her. She saw that Levi didn’t need her. He didn’t love her. Why was she planning a wedding date when neither brother loved her?
She deserved to be loved the way Joshua loved Laura Beth. That was all she really wanted. Isaac deserved to marry a woman who loved him. One who thought he made her life complete, not someone who hoped that love would grow in time.
This marriage was a lie tied up in a bow to look like a gift to Henrietta and Isaac, but it was still a lie. As much as she cared for Isaac and his mother...she simply couldn’t go through with it. She grasped Isaac’s arm and leaned close to his ear. “Pull over and stop.” She had to shout to be heard over the tractor engine.
“Why? Did you forget something?” he shouted back.
She nodded. “I forgot to tell you the truth.”
He pulled the tractor over to the side of the road and turned off the engine. The sudden silence was unnerving. Gradually the sound of the wind sighing through the waving golden wheat in the fields beside the road and the noises of insects filled in around them. Isaac stared at her intently. “What do you mean by that?”
She laid her hand on his arm as he gripped the steering wheel. “I care about you, Isaac, but we would both regret it if I married you. I’m sorry. I never should’ve let it go this far. I thought I could do it, but I can’t. Please say you understand?”
He didn’t look angry or hurt; he simply looked like a lost child. “Why are you saying this?”
“Because I don’t love you, Isaac. And you don’t love me.” She looked away. “I love someone else, and even though you deny it, I think you still do, too. The man I love doesn’t want me, but that doesn’t matter. It’s not right for us to get married just because it’s comfortable. We both deserve to be loved.”
Was Levi already on his way? Would she ever see him again? The pain of losing him pressed down on her until she couldn’t breathe. Tears burned the backs of her eyes. Why did she have to love someone who didn’t love her?
She took a steadying breath and turned back to Isaac. “What matters is that I don’t hurt you more than I already have.”
“It’s Levi, isn’t it? And he’s leaving today.”
She smiled through her sadness. “He’s doing what he has dreamed of doing since your mother sold your property in Lancaster. He’s going to reclaim what your father built. His heart is there, and I’m happy for him.”
Isaac took off his hat and raked a hand through his hair. “Are you sure about this? I would be a good husband to you.”
She laid her hand on his cheek. “Oh, Isaac, I know that. But you deserve someone who loves you unconditionally. And so do I.”
