When a moth loved a bee, p.28
When a Moth loved a Bee, page 28
Her back snapped straight, and this time, she did flinch away. Her cheeks burned, and she clamped both hands over her breasts. “I’m sorry. I—”
Leaning away, I hung my head. “No, it’s me who should be sorry. I didn’t mean to…well, I did. But…” I sighed and wedged my palms over the painful hardness between my legs. “It’s taking everything I have not to touch you, Runa. Not because I want to make you mine but because every part of me screams that you already are.”
Her breathing turned soft and almost fragile. “I’m not afraid of you. I know you’d never hurt me. Not like…”
I swallowed a growl. “Never. I would rather Salak rip out my throat than cause you pain like he did.”
“And I would love nothing more than to help you find your true name.” She shrugged sadly. “You aren’t a stranger anymore. You never really were. A part of me is desperate to know who you are so I can remember who I am in return, but…I don’t have that power. Solin was the one who took me into the trance. He was the one who held my hand and introduced me to the fire who gave up my secrets.”
My back tensed as I forced my body to behave, pressing down on my hardness, willing it to stop torturing me. “He taught you. You know how to do it now. You could do it again.”
“No.” She shook her head. “I don’t know how to draw the symbols on my skin or where to find the mushroom that must be eaten to ground us to this world. Plus, the damaq root is toxic, and I wouldn’t risk killing you by giving you an improper dose.” Her chin came up. “That’s why I have to go back.”
I bit my tongue so I didn’t say something I’d regret.
“Solin said he wanted me as his acolyte,” she murmured. “If the offer still stands, it’s one I can’t refuse.”
My temper gathered, blackening my blood until a few shadow spirals licked over my feet. I glanced down, willing them away before she noticed.
Luckily, her gaze went behind me to the now empty cave. Only Kiu and one other female remained.
“Where did they all go?” she asked, her eyebrows knitting together.
“They’ll be back before dawn,” I bit out, struggling to dispel my temper and torturingly painful lust. “The moon calls to them.”
Her eyes narrowed as her breath suddenly hitched.
“What?” I immediately reached forward, cupping her cheek without thinking. Only worry filled me now, not selfish want or cursed desire. “What happened? Are you well?” Panic made me grab the awfully woven basket I’d laboured over, placing the food I’d found on her lap. “If you’re faint, here. Eat. I gathered these for you.”
Her gaze dropped to what I’d given her. Her mouth parted with disbelief. “Y-You foraged for me?”
I shrugged. “You can’t eat meat.”
“But—”
“I need to feed you, Runa. I won’t let you starve when every part of me wants to take care of you.”
Her fingers skimmed over the berries I’d watched birds devour to ensure they weren’t poisonous, pretty flowers that deer nibbled so I knew they were safe, and the dandelion greens I’d eaten myself as I’d wandered alone and lost. Over that time, I’d learned what foods my stomach could and couldn’t handle, but I didn’t have extensive knowledge—only the rudimentary schooling that loneliness had given me.
“I can’t believe you did this.” Her eyes locked on mine, and the faintest golden glow ringed her usual amber. They burned with gratefulness. “Thank you. So much.”
My back prickled, unable to accept her thanks. “I also brought you this.” Shaking out the deer skin, I kept my voice low, almost as if Natim the fawn would hear me and know what it was. “I understand wearing the skin of Natim’s mother will not sit well with you, but…you seem more comfortable clothed than bare, and…I want you to be comfortable.”
She winced as she eyed the hide. “I’m grateful. Truly. I just—”
“You felt her spirit pass. She has no more need of it.” I pushed it toward her. “Keep it. If you choose not to, I understand. I only want to make you feel safe.”
“And you have. In so many ways.” She tore her gaze off the hide and plucked a plump berry from the vibrantly coloured salad. “I misjudged you when we first met. You are nothing like I thought.” I didn’t look away as she placed the red fruit on her tongue.
Once again, the heat in my blood seared, and I clasped my hands between my legs with a soft groan.
She swallowed the mouthful, moaning. “I didn’t realise how hungry I was.” Her hand dove into the falling apart basket, selecting dandelion leaves and flowers, eating faster and faster until the tightness around her eyes faded a little. Raising the mostly empty basket, she asked, “I’m so sorry. Did you want any? You haven’t eaten either.”
I balanced on a lie and the truth. In the end, I chose truth. “I have eaten, Runa.” I pointedly caught her stare. I didn’t need to tell her what I’d eaten, only that I had.
“Oh.” She nodded, finishing off the greens with a wince.
Once the basket was empty, she placed it on the cave floor. Reaching over, she stroked Natim, a smile twitching her lips as the little fawn stretched in his sleep and nuzzled closer to his littermates. Not looking at me, she murmured, “As much as I appreciate you feeding me, I wasn’t faint before. I gasped because I…I had a memory. Or at least…I think it was a memory.”
My stomach clenched. “What memory?”
She yawned as exhaustion crept over her. With her belly sated, the tiredness that’d stalked her since I’d found her in the thunderstorm settled heavily. “The moon. When you mentioned the moon. I saw something.” She frowned, her shoulders slouching. “I saw you standing bare beneath it. I saw beasts with starlight for skin and black shadows licking at your feet.”
I froze, searching my mind for that memory.
I tried to recall beasts that wore stars for flesh but came up blank. Shaking my head, I muttered, “I don’t remember.”
“Me either.” Her eyelids drooped. “I only remember the moon speaking to you. Speaking to us.”
“What was the moon saying?”
“Hmm?” Her mouth went slack as she tipped to the side, unable to fight the tug of sleep. “I…”
I caught her before her skull could crack against the cave floor. I didn’t know if her exhaustion had come on so quickly from the long day and whatever trance she’d endured with the man named Solin, or if I’d unwillingly fed her something poisonous. Either way, the time for conversation was over.
I cradled her close, bringing her bare skin against mine like I’d longed to do all day. Snatching the clean deer hide, I spread it out over the cool cave rock and placed her on top of it. She shivered once and rolled onto her side.
I hoped the deer’s spirit had long since passed, leaving its old home to find another. I hoped Runa would find peace in her dreams so she was happy here. With me. So she’d never want to leave now we’d finally found each other.
Kiu’s yellow eyes glowed in the darkness as I inched closer to Runa and lay down beside her. Gritting my teeth against the pleasure of closeness, I wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her hips into mine.
She moaned low in her sleep and then went completely lax, giving herself up to my embrace.
The joy of that.
The absolute homecoming.
I fell asleep with my body cocooning hers, watched over by a wolf and moonlight.
* * * * *
I woke just before dawn to guttural grunting.
My heart sped up with worry, my first thought for Runa’s safety. Sitting upright, I froze as round-bellied pups whimpered around us. Kiu raised her head, her lips stretching into a pant that looked suspiciously like a grin.
“These belong to you,” I whispered, careful not to wake Runa as I gathered up the four bronze and grey pups that’d tumbled out of their nest and come to share ours. Placing the pups carefully back against Kiu, I ran a hand over the fawn. He opened hazy jewel-black eyes, shook his head so his ears flopped, then wriggled closer to the pile of warm wolflings.
The noise came again, wrenching my eyes to Runa. She lay tucked up on her side, her arms wrapped tight around another pup who snored contentedly in her hold. Grateful that she still slept, I twisted on the deer hide and looked toward the cave’s entrance. Silhouetted against the first blush of day, Salak thrust into a female from behind. His front legs held on around her shoulders, his teeth bared as he drove his hips into hers.
I froze.
I’d seen Salak take his females before, yet this…this felt different.
This felt raw and intimate because Salak had a cave full of mates who he loved and protected, and for the first time since I’d joined the alpha’s family, I had a mate too.
A mate who slept beside me.
A mate who I wanted more than anything.
My breath caught as the alpha sank his sharp teeth into the scruff of a female I’d named Verio. It was the word for swiftness as she was the fastest hunter. Salak thrust deeper and Verio dropped her head, submitting to him while digging her paws into the ground for better balance.
I watched the primal moment, knowing I ought to look away. Before, when Salak shared his affection with a pack member, I always turned my back and gave them privacy, but this time…I kept watching.
The flesh between my legs hardened until I trembled with pressure and pain.
Another female leapt into the cave, returning from her nightly roam, padding slowly toward the two lovers. She nuzzled Verio’s nose who stayed pinned beneath Salak. The two females shared a lick, but the alpha snarled, sinking his teeth into his chosen’s neck with possession.
His snarls switched to the same guttural grunts that’d woken me, and my entire body tingled.
I couldn’t look away. Couldn’t stop watching, imagining how it would feel to share my body with another’s. How it would feel to share it with Runa.
My eyes tore from the mating wolves and landed on the girl who’d walked in my dreams and now slept in my present. Eyelashes remained soft on her cheeks; her lips slightly parted with slumber. Her muddy-white hair glittered with the faintest glow of the brightening dawn.
Out of everything I’d seen on my travels, she was the most perfect.
My belly clenched as images in my mind unfurled. Of rolling Runa onto her hands and knees. Of pushing away the wolf pup she cradled. Of climbing on top of her—
I swallowed a groan as my body jerked. Sharp bolts of pleasure arrowed between my legs, vibrating through my hardness until my hips begged to rock. My pulse pounded as heavy pressure gathered at the base of my spine.
Horror filled me as I glanced at my bare lap and witnessed what such thoughts had done.
My body now stood stiff and angry.
It ached.
Throbbed.
It made me hungry. Greedy—
The female let out a sharp yip, waking Runa from her sleep.
I stiffened as she twitched beside me, her arms unlocking around the pup. My attention split, staying on Runa as shame coated me, all while I couldn’t take my eyes off Salak as he hunched deeper into Verio, his hips thrusting deep as he let out a heavy huff of pleasure.
Every part of me burned.
I couldn’t look at Runa as my hands fisted by my hips, unable to even graze myself without exploding. Had I been inside Runa in the life we couldn’t remember? Had we shared such pleasures like Salak and Verio? It seemed unthinkable that we hadn’t.
Slowly, Salak unlocked his jaws from Verio’s scruff and licked her gently. The other female padded to her nest in the middle of the cave and lay down.
The heavy tension in the air dissipated now the mating had finished.
Runa yawned and sat up, clasping the wriggling pup to her chest as it squirmed to stay near.
Another wash of guilt cloaked me.
She’d slept beside me, believing I would protect her from all things, yet she was utterly clueless how close I was to yanking her upright and plunging deep inside her.
She can’t know.
She’d begun to trust me.
I couldn’t break that trust by showing her I was no better than the Nhil hunter.
Clearing my throat, I shifted away from her while trying to hide the angry stiffness between my legs.
Stretching, Runa blinked away sleep and carefully placed the pup back into Kiu’s nest. She stroked Natim with a gentle smile on her lips before twisting to face me. I couldn’t meet her eyes, but it wasn’t me she first noticed.
Her cheeks blushed bright red, and her eyes widened as her attention locked onto Salak and Verio. Dawn etched their fur with watery pink light while the two wolves remained joined.
Runa slid onto her knees, her fingers gripping her thighs as if to grant herself bravery. For a long moment, she studied the mated pair before casting her eyes to mine.
I gritted my teeth at the awareness in her amber gaze, then flinched as she asked, “I’ve seen Nhil lovers sharing pleasures. I’m not naïve to what couples do in the dark, but…mortals usually separate once their joy has ended.” She shifted closer, making me turn to stone. “Why have they not—”
“It’s the joining tie,” I croaked. “I didn’t understand it at first either, but…it seems they must stay joined to ensure the bond brings new life.”
“How long must they…?”
I didn’t answer her. I didn’t trust my voice as she bit her bottom lip and filthy thoughts filled my head.
A painful few heartbeats passed.
I willed my body to calm.
I begged the hardness to stop torturing me.
But then her gaze dropped from Salak and Verio and landed squarely on my lap.
“Oh…” Her skin flushed.
I waited for disgust.
For fear.
Closing my eyes, I grunted and dropped my chin. “Runa—I…give me a moment.”
Her hitched inhale made me cringe.
I expected her to bolt out of the cave and not stop running until she was back with the Nhil. I’d promised her she was safe with me, yet with every breath, I found it harder and harder not to beg her to touch me. To put me out of my agonising misery.
I kept my head bowed as my blood churned, thundering in the spear I couldn’t control.
It’d been agonising before.
But now...with her eyes on me, with her silent shock drifting all around me, it was excruciating.
“Are you…in pain?” Her voice remained so soft, so kind. Shifting closer, she unknowingly revealed her bare body to my savagely hungry eyes. Her nakedness wasn’t an invitation. Her natural form was nothing more than her version of a pelt or fur or feathers.
Yet the way I was feeling, the way I craved?
I wanted to devour her.
Touching my shoulder, making me flinch as if she’d stabbed me in the heart, she murmured, “Tell me what I can do.”
I groaned. Long and low.
Do?
I could never request the things I wanted her to do.
She came closer, her warm skin making mine prickle with misery. “You look in agony.”
Her nearness made the pounding in my blood a thousand times worse.
I felt as primitive as a wolf.
As feral as a beast.
She placed a hand on my upper arm, her fingers trembling.
My mind flooded with pushing her onto her back. Mounting her. Biting her. Thrusting, thrusting, thrust—
I scrambled away, pressing hard against the cave wall. “I’m fine,” I growled. “Stay back. I just need a little time. Just…don’t touch me—”
Concern painted her cheeks, and her eyes glowed with the affection that’d started to form between us.
That affection broke my heart.
Runa crawled closer, her breasts swinging, true worry painting her stunning face. She didn’t stop until she was close enough to embrace me. Her eyes remained locked on mine, her breath shallow.
The torture of her closeness was only overshadowed by my shock that she’d seemingly forgotten the consequences of what happened every time we grew too near.
“Runa…” I choked, pressing harder against the wall, trapped with nowhere to go. “I need you to move away.”
“You’re in pain.” Her worry overshadowed the unspoken rules of distance between us. Her hand reached for mine. I jerked it into my belly, doing my best to avoid her. Only…her fingers went with me, slipping away to land directly on the overheated spear currently punishing me between my legs.
I jolted with a savage grunt.
A groan ripped through me as her feathering touch became the best and worst thing I’d ever endured.
“You’re holding yourself back…because of me.” Amber-tinged sadness filled her gaze as she drew her fingers away from my stiffened flesh. “You’d rather hurt than touch me because you’re not him. You would never touch me without my permission.”
I clenched every muscle in my body as her fingers returned and hesitantly skimmed over me as if she wasn’t entirely aware of what she’d done.
But I was.
Way, way too aware.
“Wh-What are you doing?” I panted. “Don’t—”
Her gaze met mine, full of kindness. “You’re in pain.” Resolution tightened her jaw. “Let me try and help you.”
A haggard chuckle fell. “You can’t heal this like you did my arm. It’s not a malady—”
“It’s a discomfort,” she whispered, her chest puffing up with courage. “And I won’t let you suffer.” Pursing her lips, she braced her shoulders, and her fingers found my flesh again, tightening around me.
I jerked. “Fuck.”
I didn’t know where such a violent word had come from. I didn’t know if it was the dead language we shared or the Firenese she’d taught me. But it made my blood burn.
Runa sucked in a breath. “I don’t know that word.”
I shook my head, my spine pressed hard against the cave wall. I didn’t want to talk about languages or all the things we’d forgotten. I just needed her to stop before it was too late. “Runa, don’t—”
“Forgive me if I touch you wrong.” Her shyness and hesitant fingers drove me to breaking point. “I’ve never…I mean, I don’t remember ever—”
