Caretaker, p.6
Caretaker, page 6
She cupped her knees as she sat on the beach, her toes digging deeper into the sand in front of her. She closed her eyes to listen to the crashing waves. As the peace of that moment washed over her, tears began to roll down her cheeks. She was interrupted by a man calling out for his dog along the shore. She turned her head toward the sound of his voice and her eyes locked with a weathered older man with a scruffy grey beard and a faded fisherman’s cap.
“Sorry to interrupt Miss, but I’m looking for my dog. She’s about yea high with black and white markings, answers to Anani. Have you seen her?” He paused for a moment, then concern etched his face. “Are you okay?” he asked.
Lyana nodded before bursting into uncontrollable sobs. The man sat down beside her and offered a shoulder for her to cry on. As she sat there with this stranger, she saw so clearly the moments of disappointment through the years and how they were bleeding into her own family. She saw the abuse she’d experienced, and the anger she felt toward her mother. The pain, the disappointment. The hurt. All the pieces of the past she was holding onto. There, sitting next to a stranger on the beach, she found herself face to face with all of it.
“Please help me. I can’t do this anymore. I surrender! The words rolled off her tongue, even surprising herself.
Wait … what am I doing? I don’t even know this man.
She quickly tried to gain her composure, pushing herself off his shoulder and wiping her face with her sleeve.
“I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.”
“That’s okay, Miss. I’ve been around this sun more times than you could imagine, and I’ve seen a few things. Believe it or not, this isn’t the first time this has happened to me, and I certainly don’t expect it to be the last,” he said with a wink and a gentle smile. Something about his demeaner and the softness in his eyes eased Lyana’s mind.
She took a deep breath and opened her mouth to speak, but the words wouldn’t come. For the first time in a long time, she felt seen and not alone.
“I don’t know what you are going through,” the stranger started, filling the awkward silence, “but I do know that life can come with a lot of pain. Letting go is very difficult, but I have learned in my long life that it’s only when you let go that the healing comes. There is much hope in hopelessness; for at the end of the dark night, there is light.”
There was no way he could have known. Those were the same words her grandmother had spoken over her. It was an old Persian proverb; one she had passed down along with her necklace to Lyana when she was a young woman.
In that moment there on the beach, Lyana felt connected to something greater than herself. She knew then she wanted to live a life grounded in freedom from the past.
She determined to let it all go. Everything she had bottled up for years, the anger and the hurt. She accepted her part in all of it and vowed to break the chains around her heart. The moment felt bigger than she, orchestrated and out of her hands.
Life-changing.
Thunder rolled as the dark clouds moved in. Lyana heard a faint bark in the distance. The old man called for Anani and she came toward them, splashing in the waves running along the beach as fast as she could. She had found her own adventure amongst the sand dunes and beach shrubs.
“I wish you all the best,” the man said as he stood. When he tipped his hat, she noticed an unusual tattoo on his left hand. She was only able to see a small portion peeking out from behind his coat sleeve and tried not to stare, but it reminded her of something she had seen before. His hand lowered as he turned and walked to his dog.
Lyana picked herself up from the sand and couldn’t get back to Eliza’s fast enough. The weight of her past was finally gone, and the only person she wanted to speak with was Ian.
When the two finally spoke, it was the most vulnerable they had been with one another. They opened up about all the ways in which they were holding back in life and marriage, afraid that if they allowed themselves to be truly happy and build a foundation of love that it would all be taken away. The thought had been too much for either of them, and both retreated into their own version of safety. For Lyana, that meant sitting with her anger and allowing resentment to control her life. For Ian, that meant pouring himself into his career and avoiding conflict. As the truth poured out, they promised to do better, to be more honest, to build the life they always imagined, to create something better and change the course for their own children.
Lyana hoisted the last suitcase into the trunk. She hugged her sister in a lingering embrace.
“Thank you for having us these past few weeks. I still don’t know how, but I just know things will be different this time.”
As she pulled out of the driveway, watching Eliza wave in the rear-view mirror, her thoughts turned toward seeing Ian again and their fresh start. Both kids fell asleep within minutes, exhausted as they were from the past few weeks of non-stop play with their cousins. She turned on the radio and settled in for the long drive. Lyana couldn’t help but smile as a familiar voice rang out.
And when the evening comes, we smile
So much of life ahead
We’ll find a place where there’s room to grow
And yes, we’ve just begun
The time spent apart was exactly what they needed and set their family on an entirely new path of togetherness, openness, and healing. It was hard work, but with the help of an amazing counselor, there was joy in their home, a wholeness that neither of them had felt before. Ian was more intentional about finding the balance between work and family, always putting family first. Lyana spent time each morning in silent reflection and meditation, starting each day centered and at peace. She learned to let go and live one moment at a time.
The two wanted a spot to celebrate those moments together, so they replaced the tattered lawn chairs that had sat on the balcony since the day they moved in with the bistro table they picked out together. It wasn’t extravagant, but it was all theirs.
Thirteen
“Here you go,” Lyana handed Ian a fresh cup, holding hers in the other. She grabbed a blanket with her free hand, and they made their way outside.
As the two sat bundled in blankets, cupping their coffee mugs and soaking up the brisk morning air, Ian’s attention turned to the lamp-post sitting at the entrance to the house. He squinted, focusing on something that looked familiar. He scoured his memory, trying to recall where he had seen the symbol before. Several minutes passed, he was still unable to place it.
He stood, intending to make his way over to inspect the symbol more closely when he glanced over and noticed Lyana was lost in one of her moments. He returned to Lyana. “Ly … Be with me,” he whispered as he sat and gently held her hand.
The time she went away seemed to be growing longer with each episode, and the episodes had become more frequent since they arrived at Farr Hill.
After a minute or two, she looked up at him and offered a tired smile.
Ian desperately wanted to ask where she’d gone, what she’d seen. He wanted to understand. He wanted to help.
Instead, they enjoyed the rest of their morning routine in peaceful silence.
Later that day, after the kids had returned home from school, storm clouds rolled in and the sky began to darken. The family was gearing up for a quiet and comfortable weekend at home and in typical Friday tradition, were discussing what they would order in for dinner. The impending storm solidified their cozy weekend plans of movie watching, popcorn making, and family time.
Zach’s fascination with the storm had sent him on an internet search for every piece of information about the storm he could possibly share with his family, meanwhile Ariel was sifting through takeout menus.
“I’m checking out the satellites and wind patterns and from what I can tell, the storm should be here in the next hour,” said Zach.
“What about lobster rolls or fish and chips?” asked Ariel.
The two began talking over the top of each other. It was several minutes before Ian decided to interrupt the competing monologues.
“Guys, if the weather gets too bad, I am not running out for food!” he said, peering out the window, examining the darkening sky.
They agreed on fish and chips.
Lyana called in the order while Zach joined his father at the window.
“Twenty minutes,” Lyana said after hanging up. “Better go now.”
As Ian began to head out, he noticed Zach’s concerned expression.
“I’ll be quick,” Ian said. “And careful,” he added. Ian patted Zach on the shoulder, then left to get the food.
By the time he started back, the rain and wind had picked up dramatically, just as Zach predicted. The wipers could barely keep up, making the winding roads difficult to see. Although they had been there a few months, Ian still wasn’t that familiar with the roads, and this was his first time driving in the dark during a storm.
As the driveway neared, he sank further into his seat, gripping the wheel and leaning forward, squinting through the windshield to see more clearly.
Night here was dark, really dark—not at all like their previous neighborhood in the city lined with houses and streetlights. Out here there were no lights and the roads were crowded with tall, shadowy trees.
Ian turned onto the driveway, headlights illuminating the winding road. He knew he was nearly home when he saw the guiding light of the lamp-post. For a fleeting moment, he wondered how Marshall was faring with the storm. He realized he didn’t even know where Marshall lived on the property.
As he drew closer to the house, he saw Lyana running around near the garden. He stopped before pulling into the garage and jumped out of the car to see if she needed help.
The rain was coming down in a torrent as the two of them worked together to cover the vegetable garden with row covers from the garage. After placing the final peg in the corner, they covered themselves with their rain jackets and ran to the garage. The car was still running with the headlights on.
Soaked, water running down both their cheeks, they shared a moment of laughter.
“You’d better get the car in the garage,” said Lyana, water cascading from her hair. Ian was struck by how lovely she looked—like she had just stepped out of a movie. This was one of those moments he wished he could live in forever. He smiled at her, then ran back into the storm and pulled the car into the garage. Lyana grabbed the food from the passenger seat and the two made their way inside.
Ariel burst down the stairs. “I’m starving! Is the food ready?”
“Give us a minute to dry off and change clothes,” said Lyana.
Lyana towel-dried herself in the kitchen and started prepping plates of food while Ian went to shower and clean up.
• • •
“Mom, it’s getting really bad out there!” Zach yelled from the living room. He had been following the storm on radar and insisted it was about to get even worse. He was only able to count to three this time before the next boom of thunder.
“Let me see what’s going on.” Ian had returned from his shower and the two intently sat watching the news. Flash flood and severe thunderstorm warnings scrolled across the bottom of the screen.
“Lyana, it looks really rough out there. I can’t think of a storm we’ve weathered worse than this.”
Lyana looked over and offered a raised eyebrow. She almost mouthed, “Really?” but thought better of it. They had weathered worse. Metaphorically, anyway. But he knew that.
She brought the dinner plates into the living room, pausing to glance at the television between trips, then snuggled in on the couch with her food. The kids were sprawled out on the floor, eating in front of the TV. Ian was on the opposite end of the couch. All intently watched the storm reports as the wind whipped at the house, rattling the windows.
A crash of thunder so loud it shook the house startled Ariel, who let out a brief, but piercing screech. She recovered quickly and suggested they put on a movie to help pass the time. Lyana knew what she really needed was a distraction. This storm was obviously making her nervous.
As Zach called out movie choices from the DVD collection, Ian gathered empty plates and took them into the kitchen.
“The Goonies?”
Ian called out his “yes” to add to the chorus, then rejoined them in the living room. Everyone settled into their favorite spot for the movie night.
The storm had worsened. When lightning flashed, the entire house lit up. Lyana thought there was something both eerie and beautiful about the way the lightning brightened the room. She looked over at Ariel to see how she was faring. She was huddled into a ball. Lyana was about to say something when the brightest flash yet lit up the room. Zach barely got out a “one” before thunder followed.
And then the power went out.
Goonies never say die.
They were surrounded by darkness. The kind of darkness Lyana hadn’t known since she was little, when she lived in a small town where the light pollution was minimal and moonless nights would paint her tiny world black.
Lyana rushed to the pantry to look for anything she could use to light up the house.
“I think I have a flashlight in the study,” said Ian.
Lyana frantically opened and closed each drawer and cabinet. She knew she had put the matches and candles in the pantry somewhere.
Where did I put them?
She finally found them in a drawer she’d already searched through and gathered as many as she could in her hands. Lightning struck nearby again and lit up the kitchen behind her. When she looked up, she found herself face to face with the old mirror, but this time it wasn’t her own face staring back at her that caught her attention. The reflection was of a child standing behind her, a little girl. Lyana was stunned into silence by what she saw. The little girl looked lost and alone. She was hugging a stuffed toy like it was her lifeline. Her pale skin stood in stark contrast to her bright red hair and dark eyes. Lyana held the matches and candles a bit tighter as the little girl behind her inched closer and reached out her hand.
“Mom, did you find them?” Ariel shouted from the living room.
Lyana dropped the candles and matches and quickly spun around. The pantry was empty. The girl was gone. With the next flash of lightning, she knelt to gather up the candles and matches. As she stood, a part of her hoped to see the little girl again, but a quick glance in the mirror revealed only a reflection of herself standing alone in the dark.
Her heart racing, she squeezed her eyes shut and took a deep breath. She struggled to shake off the unnerving vision as she returned to the living room.
Fourteen
Ian was searching for where he had put the flashlights he and Zach used on their camping trip the previous year. He knew they had packed them for the move but couldn’t remember where he had placed them.
Unable to find them in his study, he used the wall to guide him as he made his way through the darkened hallway, lightly brushing his hands along the wainscotting. He stopped suddenly when his fingers grazed an unexpected ridge.
A door?
They hadn’t been in the house all that long, but he was certain he had explored it thoroughly. He hadn’t seen a door here before. His hands made their way to the edges, exploring to be sure it was a door. When his fingertips landed on what felt like an iron handle, he slowly twisted it, expecting to hear a squeak. Instead, it turned silently. He pushed open the door and stepped gingerly inside.
The door closed with a soft click behind him. The room was lit by a single candle. Ian walked closer to the light. He stood stunned at what was in front of him: a fully decorated Thanksgiving table with beautiful silver candelabras on either side of the centerpiece. Everything was covered in dust and cobwebs as if it had been set for many years. He reached out for the matches next to the candelabras and lit one of them. The room brightened and the dust and cobwebs instantly disappeared.
The table was just like he remembered. Thanksgiving had always been his mother’s favorite holiday and she would spend days preparing. It wasn’t a holiday she had celebrated as a child growing up in Ireland, so when she came to the states and experienced it for herself, she immediately fell in love with the tradition. Thanksgiving was a time to celebrate with friends and family, and she always loved a good party.
A familiar orange tablecloth, lined with ivory and gold plates, flowers and candles, decorated the table, along with the best glassware which had been purchased just for the occasion. The candles were glowing, reflecting ever so slightly off the gold on the plates.
That’s when he heard her. He closed his eyes. This isn’t real. This can’t be real! She’s gone. I am only dreaming. But when he opened his eyes again, everything was still the way it was all those years ago.
She was there. Humming while she prepared. The smells were exactly as he remembered. And he was there, too, as a young boy. Helping his mother.
Ian and his mother had always been close. She was always his biggest supporter. The two of them had an unbreakable bond, like many sons and mothers, but theirs went even deeper because of all they had endured together. She was his protector when he was young, and he became hers when he was older. There was a deep love and adoration between them.
Losing her was so hard and broke him in ways he never imagined. He knew the day would come, but he still wasn’t prepared for it.
As he stood there staring at the scene from his childhood, he was confused.
How is this possible? What have I stumbled upon? Why am I here?
The fleeting thought was interrupted by his father appearing. An angry gust of wind preceded him, extinguishing a few candles and his mother’s happy humming. The little boy tensed up. Their demeanor completely shifted with his arrival.
