Darkest power, p.8
Darkest Power, page 8
“What?” She grabs me by the shoulders. “What? Why are you looking at me like that?”
“You,” I whisper. “You have one lifetime left, and then you will cease to exist.”
“What?”
“You traded your life. That’s all I know. And if you trade one thing, you have to fix it by gaining something else of equal value.” I shake my head. “I can’t help you unless I know who it was you traded with.”
Her head lowers. “I don’t know. I remember nothing.”
“Who would?” I ask mainly to myself, then remember Bannik, the Watcher of the sector she was in.
Why is it even tempting me?
I shove the thought away and pull her into my lap. “We’ll figure it out.”
“You’re familiar.”
I don’t even realize I’m petting her head until I lower my hand. “I’m sorry that was really inappropriate—”
“Please don’t stop,” she sobs against my chest. “It’s been an eternity since anyone petted me.”
Is that a thing certain humans enjoy?
I hesitate, and then my hand comes down on her head, up and down; my palm caresses her head until she turns against me and rests her cheek against my chest. “It’s nice being touched.”
“How long has it been since anyone touched you?”
“I don’t remember. But it never felt like this.” She wraps her arms around me. “I’ve never felt safe, I don’t think. Not until this moment.” Her sigh reaches into me and whispers to my soul. “Will you keep me safe?”
I swallow the lump in my throat. I feel like I’m on the edge of a cliff ready to tumble down it, yet not ready at all for the consequences of my actions. “Always.”
She burrows her face into my neck. “Thank you. I think I’ll sleep now.”
What the hell is going on? This is when having all my power would be extremely useful, and yet I’m powerless to see her future, to truly go into her past for longer than a few seconds, to taste her soul and feel her need.
“Okay.” I cradle the back of her head in my palm and lay my cheek against hers as I murmur, “Sleep.”
Minutes later, Tarek walks into the apartment, takes one look at her sleeping against me, and smirks. “Good night?”
“I’m confused,” I whisper.
“An arrogant god confused? Best night ever.” A knowing grin slides across his face, and he winks. “She’s clearly connected to you… and not human. So figure it out, god. Our end might depend on her beginning.”
“She’s that important?”
His grin abruptly falls away. “What does your heart say?” he asks. “The same one slamming against your chest, telling you that this is different, important, not normal. Ask your heart and if you’re still confused, ask your family at dinner. It’s not like you can get out of it anyway, none of us can and the last time Timber did Cassius threatened to set his ass on fire with real fire from Hell. I’ve heard it’s blue and that it’s hotter than red, but what do I know?”
I almost curse.
He holds up his hands. “Hey, it’s not like you don’t have resources. When will you stop relying on only yourself? Maybe your big test is learning to share the burden you’ve always carried.” One bushy eyebrow quirks upward. “Ever think about that?”
He’s gone before I can answer.
I hate that he might be right.
Instead of arguing further, I tuck Kit against my chest and pull on a blanket, then try to get some sleep, wondering the whole time how I can help her, help my family, help myself… without getting lost again too.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
以心伝心
ishindenshin
“Heart to heart.”
~Japanese proverb
Kit
I sleep the best I’ve ever slept, or at least it feels that way, and I’m not even surprised when I wake up on Horus’s couch. It seems to be my new normal. The last few nights, he hasn’t let me sleep at my own apartment, and I can’t be mad about that. I feel safer with him.
With him and Tarek.
I stretch my arms over my head or try to then realize something is against me, something that smells good and is heavy.
Horus is splayed over my body, his face literally resting on my belly button; he’s so heavy I don’t know what to do. If I push him down, then… well… that’s not good. If I scare him, he might freak out, and at least one of us might get hurt. So I just clear my throat.
Lame.
“Ahem.” I do it once. Twice. “Ahem.”
It’s just as bad as if I tapped him on the back or snapped my fingers and then cleared my throat.
Horus sighs, and his hands move to my hips; he grips them, and the sigh becomes a groan. I can’t say I’m unresponsive as his fingers dig in. “So good,” he moans.
I don’t say yes out loud; I just think it.
Tiny electrical charges zap outward from where his hands hold on to my hips, radiating down my legs to my toes and upward over my ribs and to my neck and into my ears, setting the tips on fire. I cannot remain still and begin to writhe beneath him.
He’s right… it’s all so good…
“Stay still,” he rasps.
If my entire life brought me to this moment, I might say that it was worth it to die young with the way his fingertips dig into my skin and then pull my hips down like he’s slowly crawling up my body… He covers me, taking his weight on his elbows, and his mouth finds mine.
A bright spark nips my lips.
This is my destiny.
His mouth.
It’s what I’ve been waiting for.
And it’s so familiar.
It’s mine.
A tear runs down my cheek.
He’s always been mine.
What is this feeling?
Why is this man mine without me ever knowing him? We’ve never met, and yet I’m responding in a way that makes my heart ache so much I can barely stand it. I’ve never been the type of person to have a one-night stand, let alone just shack up with a guy who says he’s a god, even though I’ve seen and felt proof. It’s all so foreign, but at the same time right. It’s right to be in his arms. My breaths come out too fast though, and I can’t suck in more air.
I start to hyperventilate.
He pulls back, his expression still clouded with desire. “Kitsune?” But his eyes are gold. “Are you okay?”
Rain pours down around us in the forest while he smiles down at me, his eyes still etched in concern.
Who’s Kitsune?
Not me.
I jerk back and fall onto the ground with a thud… then realize it was all just a dream. He’s still passed out on the couch, and I’m on the cold hard floor, finally able to remember something that never really existed.
The same face.
The same memory.
Same past.
Same loneliness.
I wish people truly understood what it felt like to be lonely. Sure, I can be starving, thirsty, I can be depressed, and anxious, but to truly have no human connection at all. To walk through life without… I think I’d rather die. How funny; not even a self-proclaimed god can save me.
Figures.
I take a deep breath and stand, but I have no opportunity to step away before Horus’s hand snakes out and grips my wrist. He lifts my arm to his face and sniffs, then locks eyes with me. “Kitsune.”
“What did you say?”
He jumps to his feet. “I dreamt of you.”
“What?”
His eyes fill with tears. “I know you. I had visions, dreams. You’re… something important.”
“You said that.”
“You healed me,” he whispers. “I was bleeding, and you fixed it. I was out of my element, out of my zone of protection. I was weak, and you… healed me.”
“What are you talking about?” I ask.
He shakes his head. “How far do you think someone would go to save you?”
“What?”
“Wait for me,” he says the words like they’re so final. “Wait for me.”
“Wait for what?”
“Retribution,” he says. “I’m going to tell you who you are. I’m going to save us and repay the debt.”
“What freaking debt?” I yell.
His smile is sad. “Once upon a time, a fox gave me her bead in order to heal me. I never forgot it. I gave it back, but I also never forgot her. But then she lost it again… I’m going to find it.”
“A fox?” I ask. What do beads do, and why does that feel like I should know this story?
“A fox.” He nods. “I finally know. And I know who to ask. Just wait for me and try not to piss off Tarek.” He sighs. “A fox bead is the most precious thing to a fox with nine tails. It heals, it protects, it’s what makes them divine.”
I’m still thinking about how he’s worried about pissing off Tarek. “Forget the bead. What about pissing off everyone else?” I’m clearly thinking about the immortals that I’ve tried not to think about.
“This isn’t about them.” He starts walking out of the room when a chill erupts around us.
Cassius opens the door like he just appeared out of thin air, which is strange, except Horus doesn’t seem phased at all, as if he expected him to either try to stop him from making a choice or warn him that it would have consequences. “So you’ll go, then?”
“Yup,” Horus says, nodding eagerly. “Later this evening. I’m sorry I’ll have to miss any future family dinners.”
Cassius nods like he knew the answer all along. “I’ll keep her safe. Just remember, your powers are limited, and you can’t return if you don’t win. And where you go, we cannot.”
“She was mine once,” he says low in his throat. “She was lost to me. So I’m going to win, no matter what.”
“All right, god of the sky. All right,” Cassius says. “Let the Creator be with you.”
I lunge toward the door. It slams shut.
Cassius looks me up and down, then flicks his fingers, causing me to fall back onto the couch. “Sit, fox.”
“Fox?” A frown tugs at my brow. I’m so confused I want to cry. “Where’s the fox?”
He points to the couch, and my gaze follows his motion. In that moment, I nearly pass out as I notice nine fluffy furry tails resting against the sofa cushion and… attached to me. One of them twitches, and… I feel it! Only to have everything disappear into thin air. “Wh-what?”
“ Nine-tailed fox. Kitsune. You’re a kitsune and the only person able to figure out why you’ve been repressed…” He draws in a deep breath and then slowly releases it. “…rests in the Abyss. Pray that he’s feeling generous. Pray your past love finds him and convinces him to help, or all will be lost. You have hours before he leaves, and even now, I sense the loss in you; I wonder why?” He shakes his head. “I cannot make choices for people, I can’t make decisions, but all I’m allowed to see are all of the outcomes, depending on the path any being takes. Right now, the path is rocky, but it always has been between you two. For how could a fox ever fall for a god, and how could a god ever fall for a fox when he’s on the other side of the world. He was hunting. He got injured, and while he could have self-healed after a few days, someone came and licked his wounds, binding themselves to him. I sometimes wonder if it was destiny or random. I guess it’s not in my nature to ask now that things are moving forward. Just like walking into that bar for training. Just like being unable to sleep for fear of what the moon brings.”
He’s talking in riddles.
My fingers tremble as I reach for the tails; they fade in and out; they’re a mixture of orange and white, so pretty I start to cry, but in an instant, they’re gone.
As if they never existed in the first place.
Cassius stares me down with a grin. “It’s Friday, isn’t it?”
I’m still stuck on the tails, but I nod anyway, even as I will them to return. Not seeing them feels like being naked and exposed, without any sort of protection from the elements or from things that might want to hurt me.
“Immortal family dinner tonight.” He starts pacing in front of me. “Are you doing okay?”
Loaded question. I’m still mourning the loss of tails I never knew I had but remember touching years ago. I frown. How many years?
Lifetimes? Past loves?
And now some random god I just met is hellbent on going to the Abyss, wherever that is, to find out how to rescue me? When did I ever ask for rescue? And why does it feel so familiar? Like he’s done this countless times and in each of those times…
He lost.
I shake the dark thoughts from my head. “Yeah, I think my shift starts soon. Can I… um… maybe join you for dinner tonight since you just dropped a bomb on me and Horus just left muttering something crazy about the Abyss. And what is the Abyss anyway?” I hope my inquiry sounds casual, but clearly, it doesn’t because Cassius doesn’t answer. Maybe it’s best that I don’t know. Maybe the silence is the only response I’m going to get.
I touch my lips.
It burns where Horus kissed me, and I could have sworn it wasn’t the first kiss between us.
I’m still overanalyzing everything when Tarek comes barreling out of the kitchen. “Geez, Horus is in a mood, I passed by him on the stairway, and he didn’t even give me a high five, just grunted and said something about beads. Is he taking an art class we don’t know about?”
Next to me, Cassius stiffens.
“Anyway…” Tarek tosses each of us a Red Bull. “Family dinner starts at midnight, don’t be late. Please, for the love of gods, come to dinner. It’s so boring without drama, and I think you guys will bring plenty of it. Oh, by the way, your tail’s showing.”
I gasp and look behind me.
He cackles. “Never letting that one go.”
“Tail?” Cassius looks behind me.
“Stop staring at her ass.” Tarek laughs. “Ah, sometimes I love my gifts; other times, I’m annoyed at how damn good I am at using them. Could have sworn you saw what I saw, but maybe it’s different for angels with one percent evil in them.”
Cassius glares. “Watch it.”
“Cheers.” Tarek lifts his Red Bull. “So I take it Horus has left the building in order to brood and prepare?”
“The Abyss.” I frown again, wishing I understood more. “He said something about past lives, saving me, and the Abyss.”
Tarek stops mid-drink and lowers his can, his eyes going unfocused. “Are you sure that’s what he said?”
“I was here,” Cassius adds. “I can only see the possibilities of his choice; I have no idea if he’ll—”
“Make it,” Tarek finishes. “Well, that kind of ruins family dinner before it even starts.”
“What do you mean ‘make it’?” I ask though I am absolutely certain I really don’t want to know.
Tarek and Cassius share a look before the door to the apartment is shoved open, revealing Timber, looking ready to go to war. “Where is it?”
“Away,” Cassius says. “To a place you cannot travel.”
Timber’s grin is downright sinister. He moves his head, and the overhead lighting flashes on his blond hair, even though it’s shaved close to his head. His eyes go black. “Watch me, angel.”
“Cease.” Cassius holds up his hand. The entire room drops in temperature. “You may have been the lord of the underworld at one point, Timber, but right now, I have more power than you do, and the Creator has already made their choice. The best thing for you is to wish your brother good luck before he leaves and to help protect the reason he’s leaving in the first place.”
All eyes fall to me.
A chill washes over me, and I gulp.
Timber goes still, his eyes lock lifelessly on mine. His all-black suit suddenly seems to match the mood of the entire room and his teeth clench. “What if he doesn’t survive?”
“Your guilt betrays you.” Cassius crosses his arms. “He saved you, so you want to save him, but that’s not your journey, Timber. That’s your guilt. Go grab chicken for family dinner.”
Timber shifts on both feet, staring down at the ground. His hands shake at his sides. Clearly, he doesn’t want to move in any direction other than his brother, but after a minute during which no one speaks or even moves, he nods his head. “Chicken.”
“Chicken,” Cassius repeats. “Just focus on the chicken.”
“This life,” Timber says. “Not easy.”
Cassius’s lips form into a sad smile. “Life was never meant to be easy; it was meant to be long, filled with turmoil. Nothing lasts forever. There are only hellos and goodbyes. The point of life isn’t to live forever, even as an immortal. It’s to live for each small moment. Right now, yours just happens to involve chicken and a family dinner. Baby steps, god of the underworld, baby steps.”
Timber squeezes his eyes shut. “Okay. Chicken it is.”
Tarek grins between them. “Don’t worry, you’ll see, what should come true always does, and what happens isn’t something you can prevent even if you want to, even if you had the power to.”
I take a deep breath and look toward the bedroom where I stored my uniform. I realize that the only thing I can do right now, in all this confusion, is walk through that door, grab my uniform, put it on, and serve drinks. I can smile. I can live my life one second, one minute at a time, and pray that it’s enough for when Horus, a man I never saw coming…
Descends into the Abyss.
All because he wants me to know myself.
He doesn’t love me.
He doesn’t need me.
He’s a god.
And I suddenly realize that the gods of old that seemed so selfish are the exact opposite, because who am I that he would travel into darkness—just so I could feel the light?
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
惚れた病に薬なし
horeta yamai ni kusuri nashi
“There’s no medicine for falling in love.”
~Japanese proverb
Horus
Hours pass, hours of training her on the job. I need a few minutes to think so I go to the bar to set up for the customers. I need silence. And being too close to her was tempting. What if I just say that we don’t return her past to her and what was lost. Memories we can make new, but parts of her that help her exist as she was created? I can’t do that. As a god of the past, I would have been able to create her as new. I would be able to do with her what I did with my brother. But I used the last of my power to rebuild a soul on him, leaving her this soulless creature to walk the earth for maybe another fifty years if she’s extremely lucky, only to die without a soul. A being, no matter how powerful, won’t join the Creator if they have no soul, and she’s already burned through what was given to her by living so many lifetimes in search… of what? Me? Everything around us feels extremely mundane, human. But I still can’t shake what I’ve seen with her and what I feel. Every single time I look at her, I don’t see her the way I’m supposed to.
