I sighed under my breath, not angry at Scott, but frustrated with the situation. We were away from Faith, but she was still dominating our conversation. “I don’t know. Maybe she’s become conscious of the fact that she crashed our vacation. I mean, she knew that Mom set this all up. She pretended she didn’t and made out that it was all a big surprise just to frustrate me.”

  Scott grunted and took another sip. “What a crappy long weekend, huh?”

  “Yeah, it’s not what I had in mind.” My eyes drifted to the window and gazed outside at the stream of vacationers still heading away from different parts of the lake. Most had cleared out in the morning, but there were still families leaving in their loaded cars.

  Scott shifted in his seat. “How long should we give her at the cabin? If we wait much longer, it’ll be dinnertime.”

  I shrugged. “I said a few hours. It hasn’t even been one. Are you hungry?”

  “I am, but I can wait, so we can eat with your sister.”

  It was the right thing to do, but my stomach was beginning to rumble. The hike down the mountain had prompted my appetite more than normal. “Screw it. Let’s eat. I don’t want to be driving home at like ten at night or something stupid. At least if you and I have eaten, Faith can pick up something on the way out of town.”

  Scott’s face lit up at the prospect of a meal. It was a waste not to eat while we were so close to a working kitchen. Plus, the smell was getting to me more than I could handle.

  Our dinner went down quick and easy. After paying and tipping our waitress, we went for a short drive around the outside of the lake to kill some time. I had thought about going for a walk somewhere, but my feet ached from the long hike.

  Scott and I pulled up near the water by the same spot Faith had partied with the drunk guys on the first night we came to the lake. The sun had gone down, but no young people came out to revel in the evening. The long weekend was over. It was time for everyone to face reality, no matter how harsh it might be.

  “Seems peaceful now,” Scott said.

  “The lake?”

  “Yeah. I barely recognize it without all the cops chasing us down.”

  A laugh huffed out of me. “No kidding. That’s one night I won’t forget.”

  “Me too. I’ve never been arrested before.”

  “Did you enjoy it?” I asked, sarcasm rolling off my tongue.

  “It was okay. Could have been a bit more exciting, really. None of the officers hit me with their tasers. Such a waste.”

  I shook my head with a smile on my face that said it all. The weekend had been a bad joke no one wanted to hear. It couldn’t get any worse. Then my phone rang.

  “Who is it?” Scott asked as I held my cell up.

  I saw Faith’s name and photo on the screen. “It’s Faith. Probably wondering where we are.”

  “Just send her a text saying we’re heading back.”

  “I better not. It could be important.” I hit the answer button and brought my cell to my face with a moment of hesitation. “Hey. We’re on our way.”

  “Hello?” a male voice I didn’t recognize said. “Am I speaking to Kayleen?”

  “Uh, yes.”

  “Excellent. I’m sorry to be calling you like this, but I saw your number as a recent contact.”

  “Where is Faith?”

  “She’s, uh . . .” The man trailed off. The sound of a hand muffling the speaker sent a jolt down my back.

  “Hello? What is happening?”

  “Sorry about that. Faith, I guess her name must be, is here with me.”

  “Where is here?” I asked. Scott’s brow twisted in tight. I shook my head.

  “I think I’m your neighbor.”

  “My neighbor?”

  The man told me his address. It was right next door to the cabin.

  “Oh, God. What’s happened? Is Faith okay?”

  “Yes, she’s fine. At least, I think so. She’s sitting in my speedboat.”

  “Your speedboat?”

  “Trust me, I’m as confused as you are. I was watering my plants out the back of my house, and I spotted her in my boat. She must have crept in when I wasn’t looking because I’ve been home all day. Anyway, I went up to her and asked what she was doing. She didn’t respond, so I said I’d call the cops. She still didn’t answer and threw her phone at me.”

  “What?” I spat out.

  “That’s when I recognized her from the cabin next door. She seemed harmless enough, so I thought I’d try calling someone on her cell before I got the police involved. You were the first person on her list.”

  I sat in my car, speechless. What was I supposed to say?

  “Is there any chance you can come and get her?” he asked.

  “Yes, of course. I’m so sorry about this. I don’t understand what she’s doing.”

  “It’s fine. Please come and pick her up now. I can smell the alcohol on her breath from where I’m standing.”

  “Jesus,” I let out. “I’ll be there in a few minutes. Again, I’m so sorry.”

  I ended the call with my neighbor and explained the situation to Scott. He dropped a few cuss words and slapped his face with both hands. “What is going on? Why is your sister drinking now of all times? Didn’t she get enough last night?”

  I didn’t answer. Instead, I started my car and drove to my neighbor’s address, breaking the speed limit as I went. When we arrived, I found the man who I assumed was the one from the phone assisting Faith down his driveway toward my car.

  “You weren’t wrong when you said a few minutes,” he said, giving me what I suspected was a polite smile.

  I gave him one in return, but my attention was soon drawn to Faith’s head rolling about on her shoulders. Scott rushed along and took over the task of handling her as we apologized again and again. The man seemed to be okay about it all and handed Faith’s cell back as we left.

  “I guess that’s the end of the weekend for you all,” my neighbor said as he fiddled with a set of keys. A worn key ring in the shape of a grizzly bear hung off his finger.

  “Uh, yeah. Definitely.”

  “I’ll leave you to it, then.” The man walked back to his home without looking back, leaving us to deal with the mess that was my sister. Scott helped Faith move toward the cabin while I drove my car. I jumped out ahead of them and unlocked the back door. I paced the walkway along the cabin, squeezing my fists tight. My legs began to cramp, and I didn’t know if it was from the hike or from the overwhelming levels of rage that coursed through me.

  “She looks bad,” Scott said to me.

  “I don’t give a crap.”

  “No, I’m serious,” he said. “Look at her.” Scott lowered Faith to the wooden flooring outside the cabin door and showed me what he was talking about. Faith’s eyes darted around in confusion. She didn’t appear to be able to focus on either of us.

  “Faith? Can you hear me?” I asked, holding her head in my hands. I glanced to Scott. “She feels cold. And her skin is blue. How is that possible? She’s wearing a coat.”

  “What’s her breathing like?”

  I shrugged, unsure how I was supposed to determine such a thing.

  “Here,” Scott said, as he moved in close to Faith. He held his ear up to her mouth and didn’t move for at least ten seconds.

  “Well?”

  “Not good. It’s slow and inconsistent. I think she’s got alcohol poisoning.”

  “What? How much did she drink?” I asked out loud. We had no way of knowing. The guy next door was so keen to get rid of Faith from his property that we didn’t have time to find out.

  Scott gripped my shoulder, pulling my focus. “Babe, I think we need to take her to a hospital right now.”

  “Okay,” I said, nodding. The look in Scott’s eyes sent a pang through my nerves, making me realize how critical the situation had become.

  “Go open one of the rear passenger doors of your car so I can load her in. You can sit in back with her while I drive. We need to keep her awake until we can take her to the hospital.”

  “All right,” I said. “It’s not far away. Just in town.” I ran to the car. My keys slipped from my shaking hands and fell to the walkway of the cabin. I felt my heart almost burst through my chest when they narrowly avoided falling through a slight gap in the aging wooden planks.

  “Try to stay calm,” Scott called out. “Hurry, but don’t panic.”

  “Okay,” I said without looking back. I scooped up the keys and took in a deep breath as I paced over to the car. My fingers fumbled with the remote button but eventually unlocked the doors. I opened the closest one for Scott to bundle Faith into the back.

  “Here we go,” Scott said as he walked Faith along with her arm loosely hanging over his shoulder.

  I held the door open for them as if there were a strong gale about to blow it shut. The second Scott climbed in with Faith, I told him to stay with her. There wasn’t enough time for us to swap places, so I rushed around to the driver’s side and practically dived in.

  I turned over the ignition and glanced back. Faith’s head rolled from side to side along with her unfocused eyes.

  “I’ve got her,” Scott urged. “Just concentrate on driving, babe.”

  “Yeah, okay. I’ll get us there,” I said, unsure whom I was trying to reassure. I shoved the car into drive and drove us slowly out to the road with no idea where the night would take us.

  35

  After

  Tonight I will start the damn video EEG test. It’s all I can think about. Part of me wants to get the whole thing over with as quickly as possible. Meanwhile, another voice in my head is telling me to run away. It doesn’t matter, though. The test is happening either way.

  Lily and I attend Group like it’s any other day. For once, she isn’t so vocal about Elsie or Stone’s questions and acts like something has broken her a little.

  While one of the other patients tells us all something he’s said a million times before, I zone out and concentrate on Lily.

  How long does she have left in here before the doctors and psychotherapists declare her competent to stand trial? If that happens, will her day in court send her to prison? I can almost picture her doing time and surviving well on the inside. Her dominant personality would keep her high enough up the food chain. That, or it would get her into a world of trouble.

  “How about you, Lily?” Elsie asks.

  Lily’s eyes stay focused on the ground, where they’ve been the entire session. “How about me what?”

  “Were you listening to Zach’s story?”

  “Nope.”

  “Well, that’s disappointing. Part of the purpose of group therapy is to absorb and understand other patients’ problems. I’m sure Zach listens when you talk. It would be nice if you could do the same.”

  Lily chuckles. “Serious? After what you said this morning, you want to pull this crap with me.”

  Elsie glances at the other patients as they each sit up and take notice of Lily’s aggression.

  “That is a conversation best discussed in private, don’t you think?”

  “I don’t think so. This is group therapy, isn’t it?” Lily asks with her arms stretched out wide. “I thought we were supposed to share our thoughts and feelings with one another.”

  “Lily, please. You know this isn’t the time or place to—”

  “Why are you locking Kay up?”

  The other patients mumble to themselves. Some show a look of confusion on their faces I can’t quite read.

  Elsie brings a hand to her face and squeezes the bridge of her nose. “It’s none of your concern what happens to—”

  “It’s entirely my concern. I want to hear what you people are planning on doing to her.”

  “Lily,” I say. “It’s fine. They are just running some tests. Nothing else. I promise.”

  “That’s what they told you they’re doing. They’ll probably transfer you to another hospital. We’ll never see each other again. I’ve seen it before.”

  I shake my head. “That’s not going to happen.”

  “She’s right,” Elsie says to Lily. “We are just running some tests. There’s no reason to be concerned.”

  Lily crosses her arms and turns away. “Whatever. We’ll see. I know I’m right.”

  Elsie gives me an awkward smile. I guess she and Stone had to tell Lily that I might not be around for a few days to prepare her for my absence. It’s kind of sweet that Lily cares so much.

  After Group, Lily and I head out to the gardens like always. Lily mutters things under her breath until we reach a distant corner, away from the nurses. They can still see us, but we’re too far from the nearest one to be heard.

  “Please tell me you won’t let them do this to you, Kay?”

  I shake my head. “There’s nothing to worry about. I’ll be gone for a short time and be back before you know it.”

  “They won’t let you back in here. Not if this video EEG shit tells them what they want it to.”

  “Wait. How do you know that’s what I’m having done? Did Elsie tell you?”

  “No. I asked around. Spoke to the right people. It’s easy to gather info in here, but that’s beside the point. You shouldn’t do this test.”

  “Why? What’s so bad about something that can help identify why I’m having seizures?”

  “That’s not my problem with it. It’s what happens after. I don’t think you understand.”

  “What do you mean? Elsie told me if they can confirm a diagnosis then they can begin to take a positive step toward my treatment.”

  “Is that what you want? To learn the truth?”

  I pace around for a few steps. “Yes. I do. I’m sick of waking up each day not knowing what I did to my—”

  I cut myself off from saying anything more. I’ve never told Lily what I did to Faith.

  “It’s okay. I heard about your sister. Again, I asked around. I don’t know the specifics, but I know that they’re trying to charge you with her murder.”

  I turn away from Lily. Tears fill my eyes. “You must think I’m a monster.”

  “Hey, I wasn’t there. I don’t know what really went down. Besides, I know you. The real you. You’re not that person.”

  I sniff and wipe my eyes. “I don’t remember a thing about any of it.”

  Lily laughs. “Assuming you even did it, right?”

  “What?”

  “Think about it. You have no clue what happened to your sister, other than what these people tell you. Is she even dead? How can you trust what they say?”

  I spin around and look Lily up and down. She’s serious. “They’re not lying to me. This is a mental hospital. These people are here to help us. Are you feeling okay, Lily?”

  “I’m fine. Better than ever. But you should be getting ready for the end.”

  “The end? What are you saying?”

  “Exactly as it sounds. These people are shoving you through the system. Prepping you for processing. Soon you’ll be out of here and off to who knows where.”

  As Lily rambles on, I realize that she is a patient undergoing psychiatric treatment to evaluate her competency to stand trial for an armed robbery. She, like me, is unwell. All I can do to help her situation is to play along and prevent her from hitting the ceiling again.

  “Okay. I understand. But there’s nothing I can do to stop this test from happening, so I have no choice but to go with it and fight them from inside the system.”

  Lily shakes her head with enough fury to strain a muscle. “No. It’s not safe. They’ll work it out. You need to get out of here. We both do.”

  I step in close to Lily and do what I can to calm her down. “You’re right. We do. But we can’t let them work out we’re trying to leave. One of them is probably listening in on us right now.”

  “What do you think we should do?”

  I glance around the gardens, pretending that I’m in on whatever it is that is deluding her. “I do the test and you keep an eye on things out here.”

  “No, you can’t.”

  “Yes, I can. Think about it. While they’re watching me, I can watch them back. If they try anything, I’ll come find you, and we’ll run from here together.”

  Lily takes a moment to comprehend the insane words coming out of my mouth. “Okay. That’s a good idea. We give them the illusion of control. Make them think they have us all figured out.”

  I nod and don’t reply, absorbing Lily’s reaction. She calms herself down and seems to accept my ridiculous concept, making me wonder if she believes any of what she said to me, or if it’s her way of dealing with me being gone for a few days.

  We sit down on the grass in a corner of the gardens. There’s still over six hours to go before I’m wired up and locked in for testing, so I take a moment to close my eyes and relax as best I can.

  Despite me knowing that Lily’s thoughts were coming from a mind on the edge of an episode, there was one idea in there that I can’t seem to ignore. Is Faith even dead? I have no proof other than what I’m told. Just because she hasn’t come to see me doesn’t mean she’s gone. Still, why did I try to end my life? I must have known the truth in that moment.

  The thoughts in my head expand and take over. Faith might still be alive. Maybe I never killed her. Or maybe everything they’ve told me is true. Either way, I need to know. Am I really considering doing this?

  I decide I need to at least try to access my memories before I undergo the video EEG. And there’s only one way I know how.

  With my left palm facing up, I squeeze my forearm with my right hand as hard as I can on the exact spot where I cut myself.

  36

  Before

  The emergency room of the nearby hospital in town wasn’t overly busy. I imagined it would have been slammed a few nights ago with the influx of vacationers. There were plenty of opportunities for people to hurt themselves during peak times.

  We still needed to wait a few minutes for a doctor to become available, and we were told by the triage nurse to keep Faith awake as best we could.

  “Come on. You need to open your eyes,” I said to Faith as her head rolled around.

 

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