The red brick road, p.4
The Red Brick Road, page 4
“When I say things like that, you give me a hard time.” Honus said tersely.
“Well, when you say it, there’s nothing worthwhile going on to make that comment.”
“Well what about...?” Honus started to look over his shoulder.
Rooster began to run after the little man.
A large blueish bubble was rapidly descending toward Honus in what looked like a broad arc if the trail of little bubbles behind it was any indication. Continuing the arc in front of it had it landing exactly where Honus was standing.
“What the?” Honus looked down to where Rooster had been standing. Startled he wasn’t there, he looked around. When he saw that he was running after the little man, Honus started running too.
After just a few strides, he had caught up to Rooster. “Why are we running?”
“You ever heard that old saying ‘eat where the locals eat’?”
“No, I can’t say that I have. But I suppose it sounds like good advice.”
“Well, it also pertains to when the locals run.” Rooster said. “If you want to catch up with that little man, take me with you.”
Honus bent down and grabbed Rooster by the neck and picked him up. Holding tight, he sprinted to catch up with the man. “Why are we running?” He said when caught up with him.
The little man -who was almost as wide as he was tall- was breathing hard as he ran as fast as he could. “She... she... coming.” He managed to say. “Try...get... get... away.”
“Urp,” said Rooster.
Honus continued to run beside the man easily- it was really more of a jog for him thanks to the little man’s sideways physique.
The trio finally reached the middle of town and the little man skidded to a stop. He pivoted to look the way they had come. “She’s still coming,” he said as he breathed hard. He tried to put his hands on his knees but his belly got in his way. He opted to just rest his elbows on his stomach instead. “Here we go again. I wonder what we did wrong this time.”
Honus turned to look.
The blue bubble had adjusted its trajectory and was now still heading toward them, moving in a very fast, very unbubble-like manner.
“What is that?” Honus said.
“Urp,” Rooster said.
“You’ll go blind doing that,” Ned remarked.
“What?” Honus did a double take at the little man.
The little man pointed at Rooster.
Honus looked at Rooster- he still had him by the neck.
Rooster’s eyes were bulging out. “Urp!” He said again. His eyes seemed to be facing different directions.
Honus let go of Rooster.
Rooster flopped to the ground. “Oh, we’re going to have it out!” He flapped his wings as he strutted back and forth, catching his breath. “We are definitely going to have it out!”
“This is absurd.” Honus remarked. As the bubble reached them, he ducked.
Rooster stepped behind Honus’ leg.
Ned continued to breathe deeply. From past experience he knew there wasn’t really anything else he could do that would be helpful.
The bubble came to an abrupt halt just a foot above the ground. With a faint popping sound, it burst and a woman dressed in all blue fell the remaining distance to the ground. She performed a plie as she landed. “And that’s how it’s done. None of that flying around on an implement of cleaning or in a flash of fire that would probably burn you and put you out of commission for six weeks or so. Disgraceful. Uncouth even.”
“Oh great and powerful Wit.... Mistress of the North,” Ned said. He added as deep a bow as his belly would allow. “How great to have you bless our presence with...” He looked up. “Your presence?”
The Blue Witch narrowed her eyes at him, then looked at Honus. “Well, well, how nice of you to come, my scrumptiously tall young man.” She said with a friendly, albeit disturbingly high-pitched and warbly voice. She coughed and cleared her throat then continued in a normal voice: “And your little friend too.” She smiled at Rooster.
“Nice to meet you, Ma’am,” Honus said, glad to finally have something close to a normal conversation.
The Blue Witch looked around. “Come out, come out wherever you are!” She said in a sing-song voice. “And meet our newest visitor.” She waved her wand around, making Honus duck. “Who came from afar.”
Much to Honus’ surprise, several dozen similarly small people popped up from flower beds, from behind fences, and even from the little houses. “Huh.” He said. Worried, he looked down at Rooster.
“No, you’re right on the money this time.” Rooster said. “Well done.”
“Come welcome our visitor from afar.” She pointed her wand at a particularly round man that had just stepped beside Honus. “Come Mayor, say hello and meet the young man who fell from a star.”
Glad to be out of the scene, Ned slowly backed into a group of nameless extras.
“It was a chicken coop,” Honus admitted.
“He fell from a coop, he fell very far,” the Blue Witch said without missing a beat.
“In Kansas.”
The Blue Witch’s eyes lit up. “Oh? And Kansas he says is the name of the coop.”
“Kansas is the name of your coop?” The Mayor said. He shrugged. “We don’t name coops around here. He looked around. “What say you all?”
“Kansas, he says, is the name of his coop?” They all sang. They weren’t buying it either.
“And do you bring good news from your coop in Kansas?” The Blue Witch asked, hoping for some sort of dark, witch-killing news.
“Well, there’s not much good news in Kansas, normally. Kind of dull, really.” Honus said. “In fact, I was in the process of leaving when the wind began to pick up, and my house was getting pitched around. And suddenly the shutters started to unhitch, so I went out to try and get them fastened shut so they didn’t break a window.”
The Blue Witch nodded approvingly. “Nice. If that sentence of anti-rhyming doesn’t kill the song, nothing will. Mayor?”
The Mayor wrung his hands nervously as he approached. “Yes, yes, I suppose.” He glanced over his shoulder. The other Munchkins were not smiling. The one thing his constituents liked the most was singing. Hoping to appease them he gave a short bow and tried to start another, approved-by-his-constituents song. “As Mayor of Nexus City, in the county and country of Oz, I’d like to welcome you to Munchkin Land.”
“Tra-la-la-la. La-la-la,” sang all the other little people happily. “Tra-la-la...”
The Blue Witch sighed. She hoped to get out of Nexus Village without a song. Or at least a complete song. “Yes, yes. Very nice, Mayor. Well done, even”, she interrupted. She turned to face Honus. “So, what is it that you are here for?”
“I...” Honus looked down at Rooster. “Well, we are hoping to get back home to Kansas. Do you know how I can get there?”
The Blue Witch shuddered with joy. “Oh, I do indeed, my well-put-together young man. I do indeed.”
“Tra-la-la-la. La-la-la”, said the little people.
The blue witch raised a well-manicured eyebrow. “The best and easiest way to get back home is...”
“To ask the Wizard, of course,” the Mayor said helpfully. He was on the brink of another town-wide song. “So just follow the Yellow...”
The Blue Witch shot the Mayor a look. It hit him right between the eyes and gave him an instant, pounding headache.
“But that’s not really an option, now that I think about it.” The Mayor added meekly as he rubbed his temples.
“Tra-la-la-la. La-la-la, la-la-la”, said all the other little people.
Even Rooster joined in this time.
“Who’s this Wizard?” Honus asked. “Can he help me?”
The Blue Witch shook her head. “Sadly, no. He’s away on holiday. Gone for an indeterminate amount of time to an undisclosed location with no way to reach him. Your best bet is...” She looked East then West. Then South. “Is to go South. There is a very powerful witch there who has a magical talisman that can get you home.”
“What’s a talisman?” Honus asked. He smirked. “Magic? Really?”
The Blue Witch smiled sweetly at him. “Oh yes, it’s very magical and powerful and will get you home. All you have to do is take it from her and...”
“Well, I don’t steal,” Honus said, “that’s something I’ve never done.”
“Tra-la-la-la. La-la-la”, said Rooster. He looked around. “Oh, sorry. I thought I was getting the hang of the chorus.” He moved beside Honus. “So we... borrow” he winked slowly, “this magical talisman thing from this Witch,” he looked up and nodded at Honus, “with plans to return it as soon as we are done with it, and even include a thank you note. Then what?”
“Then you use it to get back home.” The Blue Witch said. “Obviously.”
“And she’s going to just let us use this thing?” Honus said, unconvinced.
“Well, she’s a very bad witch, that one. She torments the poor citizens all around.” The Blue Witch wheeled on the Mayor and pointed at him with her wand. “Isn’t that true, Mister Mayor?”
The Mayor hopped backward. “Oh yes, she’s the worstest of them all, that one.” He lied. “I can’t imagine how things could get worse around here if she wasn’t tempering the current...Ahhh, with her tormenting us all the time.” Actually, out of all the witches, the Witch of the South was the one that came around the least- she hadn’t been in town for over a year. That was when she had happened by during their annual bar-b-cue and left in disgust when she saw them roasting a very large boar. “Why I remember the last time she...”
“See?” The Blue Witch said sweetly. “So just swipe her talisman and use it to get home. You and your little rooster.”
“What’s a talisman?” Honus said again.
The Blue Witch took a deep breath. Then a second with her eyes closed. For the third one, she opened her eyes since she had gained control of her fury. “Well,” she said finally, “Not that I know exactly what it is but if I were to guess, I’d say it was a five pointed star looking crystal with gems set in it, that she wears around her neck on a long gold chain so it sits right between her breasts as if she really needed something to bring attention to them sitting there all natural and perky, like perfect porcelain D-cups.” Her smile had turned into a frown as she spoke. It returned as she said: “I guess.”
“So how do we get it?” Honus asked. “If she wears it around her neck.”
“Figure something out,” the Blue Witch said flatly. “Something really most sincerely terminal, if at all possible.”
“Got it,” Rooster said. “Find this witch. Take her star. Do a piece of work on her if we need to. Go home.”
“How do we find her?” Honus said. “Is it far, her home?”
The Blue Witch grasped her wand tightly pretending she was choking the young man in front of her to death. When she got to the point where his bulging eyes became lifeless, she said: “It’s very simple since you find yourself in Nexus Village, my tasty young man.” She panned her long wooden wand over her head and then brought the hilt of it down at her feet. The rapport it made reverberated off the tiny houses. “Start right here.” She looked at the spiral at her feet- the red and yellow roads started right there in a tight spiral and went off in different directions. She knew that the yellow one led to the Wizard but that wouldn’t solve her problem. Yet. The red one would lead directly to the Witch of the South. “You just follow the Red Brick Road.” She said cheerily.
“Follow the Red Brick Road?” Honus said as he looked down at the spiral of the two roads.
“Follow the Red Brick Road!” The Mayor affirmed. It wasn’t the most popular song but it was in the top ten. Especially during the holidays.
“Tra-la-la-la. La-la-la,” said Rooster.
Several of the little people nodded. “Follow the red brick road,” they all said in unison.
“And at the end of the road is where...” Honus began.
“FOLLOW THE RED BRICK ROAD!” Screeched the Blue Witch.
Honus ducked. “All right, all right. The Red Brick Road; we’ll follow it.”
“Well let’s get going Honus.” Rooster said. “How far are we going to go?” He asked
“It’s not far at all,” the Blue Witch lied. “It’s one of the more pleasant paths around.” She lied again. “And it’s a direct path there so you can’t get lost,” she added a third lie just to keep things even.
“Where’s the yellow road lead?” Honus asked. “Now that I think about it, we were on a blue road back at that circle.”
“The yellow road is closed for repairs; they’re adding curbs or rumble strips or something. And the blue road has lots of dead ends at places that don’t have what you need; the Witch of the South’s talisman.” The Blue Witch gripped her wand tightly. “Why don’t’ we just leave that road for another time?” She said sweetly. “If reviews are good, we can discuss that road next time. How’s that?” Her thoughts went to a particularly annoying candy maker. “It’ll be a scrump-dilli-umtious reunion.”
“Okay,” Honus said, not understanding. “Do I need any supplies or anything? Usually before taking a trip, you need supplies and such. Like maybe a bedroll and some food.” He thought back to his own backpack under his bed- he had put together a week’s provisions, a bedroll, extra clothes, as well as some money to buy any extra items as the need arose. “Or maybe some money?”
“You’ll find all you need along the road,” The Blue Witch said. “Folks are always friendly around here,” she lied again since she was on a roll.
“Right,” the Mayor said, stretching the conversation out to grab another song. “It’s a lot like if you come down to the river. Bet you gonna find some people who live.” He snapped his fingers. “You don’t have to worry ‘cause you got no money...”
“People by the river are happy to give!” The little people all sang. “Down by the big wheel that keeps turning.”
“Turning?” Rooster asked.
“Turning!” The people all sang.
“We will discuss the Chocolate River another time,” The Blue Witch interrupted.
“Only if there are reviews?” Honus asked.
“Yes; only then.” The Blue Witch answered truthfully. Ending her three-week streak.
“Alright-ee then,” the Mayor said, wanting not only the strange young man and his actually fairly normal rooster to leave, but also the Blue Witch. Especially the Blue Witch. “Off with you young man. Follow the red brick road, like the good wit... err like she said.”
Honus nodded. “Okay.” He looked down at the spiral and stepped onto the very center of it. He walked in a tight circle as the red spiraled out. “Follow the Red Brick Road,” he said as he moved along the tight spiral.
“You can just start going in that direction to the edge of town,” the Blue Witch said as she pointed over her shoulder. “It’s not like you’ll lose the path between here and there. Honestly.”
“Tra-la-la-la. La-la-la, la-la-la!” Rooster said.
All the townsfolk replied in kind.
The Blue Witch sighed. “I’m beginning to worry about this place called Kansas. And their public education system.”
Honus moved along the red bricks, looking down as he went. “Thank you for your help, Ma’am.” He said as he walked off, Rooster close behind.
The Blue Witch let her hands drop to her sides, wand clattering against the colored road. “The things I go through.”
“You know, we had several of the guilds here who could have said something encouraging,” the Mayor said. “In song even.”
“Next time, perhaps,” the Blue Witch said. “When our next Kansas dolt arrives.”
“Promise?” The Mayor said hopefully. “Really?”
“I so solemnly swear to you Mayor of Munchkinland, Overseer of the Nexus,” she answered, fully expecting the Mayor to not be in office by the time the next one showed up- after all, it had been a good ten years between the previous visitor and this one. “The guilds get to sing next time.”
“Lollipop too?”
“Yes; even those hell-raising hooligans.” The Blue Witch said.
“You know, if you don’t mind me saying, the odds are that the Witch of the South is going to kill that kid before he has a chance to even get close to her magical star of power.”
The Blue Witch nodded at the Mayor. “I do mind you saying, actually.” She looked at the young man and rooster as they walked off. “And that’s if he even gets to her castle.”
“Want me to send a Lollipop Guild Enforcer to help him out?”
The Blue Witch smirked. “Well, well Prince Denis; maneuvering to keep your position of authority?”
The Mayor shrugged “Just trying to be helpful,” he lied. “You want me to send one or not?”
The Blue Witch looked off to where Honus was walking. “I can’t imagine your diminutive constituents being any sort of help outside of your city’s boundaries,” she remarked.
“That’s where you’re wrong. Those Lollipop Guilders might be little, Miss Blue, but you cross them and you’ll be on the receiving end of a world-class, Teamster-style ass-kicking.”
“You don’t say.” The Blue Witch said. She panned her wand in a large circle, conjuring a bubble. “Send one their way. I’ll keep an eye on them as far as I can.”
The mayor nodded. “Sure thing, Miss Blue.” Things were looking up- with a Lollipop Guild Enforcer along for the trip, he was now certain that the talisman would come to him instead of the Blue Witch. The rumors were that the Blue Witch was planning on eliminating the other three witches as well as The Wizard himself. The mayor shuddered at the thought of the Blue Witch ruling the lands unchecked and unchallenged. At least with the talisman, he could help the Witch of the East, whom he was on good terms with, to keep her power. Everything hinged on getting the talisman to her. If things went well, he would go from ‘Prince Denis’ to ‘King Denis’. “You can count on me.”
“I won’t.” The Blue Witch said as she completed the circle. A sphere of magical energy surrounded her and lifted her off the ground. “But I’ll be in touch anyway.” She said as she lifted off.
