Chrysalis, p.15
Chrysalis, page 15
“Be careful,” I said.
“Always.” He paused at the door, struggling with what he was going to say. He stared at me for a few moments before he finally spoke. “Will you be here when I get back?”
“Of course I will—”
“Don’t give me that bullshit,” he said impatiently. He strode over to me and slipped his hands in my hair. He kissed me, hard, and once again, I could only hold on for the ride. “Will you be here?”
“I shouldn’t be,” I finally croaked, still focused on those soft, wet lips, just a few millimeters from mine. I tried to lunge forward to close the gap, but his hands tightened in my hair as he held me still.
“But will you?”
His mouth descended on mine, and I didn’t have the strength to push him away. And when he pushed past the seam of my lips and explored my mouth with his tongue, I chased it, finally catching it gently between my teeth and sucking on it hard enough to make us both moan. By the time he pulled back, I would’ve promised him anything.
I could leave tomorrow. Now that I’d taken out my chip, it would be a while before they’d find me. I blew out a breath, knowing I was playing with fire. “Yes,” I said against his mouth, and he kissed me again.
“Don’t break your promise.” He pulled back with effort, adjusting himself. I knew the feeling. As soon as he left, I was going to beat off like it was my job. He cleared his throat. “I left you some stew on the stove. Make sure you eat.”
“I’m not—”
“You’re always hungry.”
True enough. He sent me a faint smile and walked away. I blinked rapidly without realizing it, activating my sight. Threat: minimal. That was entirely debatable. When it came to Gray, the threat was maximum to my heart.
I came awake to the sound of the front door closing.
Almost working on automatic before I was even fully awake, I grabbed the gun I’d put under my pillow. I knew immediately that it wasn’t Gray. That was further confirmed by the sound of their heartbeats—four of them. I could hear their pulses racing.
I rolled out of bed carefully and stood, listening carefully as they moved through the bottom floor. Luckily, I’d been keeping most of my belongings in a duffle bag Gray had given me. I slid it under the bed quietly and did a quick scan of the room to make sure nothing personal was left around. I yanked up the covers so that the bed looked made and then moved on silent feet toward the door.
I opened it quietly and slipped out into the cool hallway, closing it behind me with a quiet click. I didn’t worry too much about that click. If they were normal, they wouldn’t hear it at all. If they were something other like me, then I was already screwed—they would already know I was not only here but also awake.
I listened carefully as they moved through the bottom floor, making my way to the staircase. They certainly weren’t acting like they could hear me…or smell me like I could them. My nose twitched at the scent of stale sweat and cheap body spray.
I reached the living room and peered around the corner. I saw three shapes moving through the darkened interior. I gave a silent prayer of thanks to the fates that called Gray into work…or maybe they were monitoring his comings and goings, and the timing wasn’t coincidental at all.
I blinked rapidly, and my left eye quickly adjusted to the darkness, almost like night-vision goggles. Well. That’s certainly new. I needed someone to send me a fucking manual on this eye. I was starting to think it had everything but Bluetooth radio.
I followed them as they explored the house, checking in closets and rooms. Once they were certain the house was empty, I could see the change in their demeanor. They were less quiet and careful as they headed back downstairs, even giving each other a hard time about how long it took one of them to crack the code on the garage door. At one point, one of them ran into an end table, knocking off a beautiful crystal vase that I knew belonged to Gray’s mother.
I seethed as he laughed.
One of the other guys elbowed him. “Clean it up, Zee,” he demanded.
Zee gave him a look of incredulity. “Are you kidding me? Let the good doc clean up his own fucking house.”
“We don’t want him to know we were here, numbnuts. Now go get a broom. I think I saw one in the kitchen.” He swore as Zee stalked off for the kitchen, grumbling something under his breath. “Christ. I swear you recruits get stupider every fucking year. You’re never going to get into the program if you don’t shape up.”
My finger itched on the trigger. I ached with the need to take them out, to let them bleed out right there on Gray’s plush Berber carpet. But I knew that someone had sent them. And if they didn’t return, that person would know it had something to do with Gray. No, it was best to let them do their thing and report back that I wasn’t here.
I blinked off my night vision in case one of them turned on a light. One would think someone breaking into a house would avoid doing that, but I was starting to realize I wasn’t dealing with the best of the best.
One of them knelt and started picking up the bigger shards. “What’s the big fucking deal?” he asked grumpily. “Cross isn’t here.”
“The big fucking deal is that there’s no way he won’t come back here,” the leader said, watching him dispassionately. “If he does remember, he’ll be back to protect Laurie.”
“And if he doesn’t remember?” The other guy returned with the broom and started sweeping up the mess, his face in a ridiculous pout.
“He’s drawn to this guy. We’re standing in the home of the only chink in the legendary Christian Cross’s armor.” He snickered as if love was a concept too stupid to even contemplate. “Trust me when I say he’ll be back.”
I stood in the foyer long after they left, registering zero heat signatures in the house other than my own. If I didn’t make start making some better decisions, I was going to get both of us killed.
I pulled out my burner phone and checked the list again. At least I knew who Chaos was now. Not a fan. Beelzebub was still off the table…for obvious reasons. I stared at the phone for a while before I made the call to Aunt Deb.
Even though it was almost two in the morning, someone answered almost immediately. “Don’t hang up,” the voice demanded.
I gripped the phone, tempted to do exactly that. “Do you know me?” I asked gruffly.
“Of course I know you, you idiot.”
Wow. Still not impressed with Aunt Deb’s personality. She was kind of a D-bag. “Okay,” I said slowly. “This probably goes without saying, but who the fuck are you?”
“I’m your handler. And frankly, the best friend you have.” I didn’t respond, a little shell-shocked, and he went on slowly as if I was a small child. “Nick. Nicholas Shelby?”
“I’m sorry, I don’t know—”
“Where the fuck have you been?”
“I have…I have a best friend?” I blinked.
“Did you just wake me up to hurt me or what?” Nick asked dryly. “We need to meet. Tomorrow. There’s a bounty on your head so high I’m tempted to claim it.”
I frowned. “How do I know you won’t?”
“You don’t,” he said shortly. “Third Avenue at two o’clock. There’s a coffee shop on the corner. Come alone and wear a blue ballcap.”
“I don’t have a blue….” I trailed off when I realized he’d hung up on me. Good to know my instincts were on the money. Aunt Deb was definitely a fucking douche.
It was a long time before I could fall asleep, and when I did, it was a night disturbed with dreams. My mother was there again, and this time, I was helping her bottle-feed calves. They were cute and repulsive all at the same time, slobber coming down from their mouths in a long stream. Let them take the lead, she told me, a smile on her pretty face. A strand of hair blew across her face and she swiped it back. They know what to do.
And then she was urging me again to run and hide, distress in every line of her body. Run and hide, baby. Run and hide. I sat bolt upright, my chest heaving, sweat dotting my brow. I stared at the wall in the darkness, trying to figure out what woke me up.
My sensitive ears picked up the sound of the shower running down the hall, water gently pattering against the tile. Then the sound of Gray’s heartbeat, strong and sure. I dropped back onto my pillow with a sigh as he started to hum. His tone-deaf humming brought a crooked smile to my mouth.
He had no sense of rhythm and couldn’t sing his way out of a paper bag. But the sound of him going about his everyday routine of showering was comforting…until it wasn’t. It took me a few minutes to realize what he was doing, and when I finally placed the sounds, I groaned. Really?
I rolled over and buried my face in my pillow. The last thing I needed to hear was Gray getting off in the shower. Except I couldn’t not listen. I didn’t know how to turn my new supersensitive hearing off, and to be perfectly honest, I wouldn’t if I could.
Fine. I would listen but only because I had to. But I wouldn’t participate because that would be intrusive. I squeezed my eyes shut and lay perfectly still, my dick hard and throbbing against my stomach. Gray seemed to be drawing things out, his breathing hitching as he got close and then slowing as he backed off again. He let out a soft hiss, and I couldn’t help but wonder what he’d done that could be painful. Oh, fuck did I wonder.
Maybe he’d pinched his nipples—they’d always been pretty sensitive. Or maybe he’d squeezed his dick so he wouldn’t come. Or maybe he’d slipped a finger inside himself—a little penetration during a sloppy blowjob could usually send him hurtling right over the edge. I hadn’t realized I was moving my hips against the sheet in tandem with his rhythm until I felt the orgasm at the base of my spine. But then he stopped. Just stopped. He turned off the water.
I frowned at the familiar sound of a towel moving against skin as he dried off. And then the click of the light switch and his light footfall as he left the bathroom. I let out a long sigh into my pillow. If I didn’t have bad luck, I’d have none at all. Was it too much to ask to hear Gray come? I hadn’t heard it in so fucking long…and the way things were going, eavesdropping was the only way I was ever going to hear it again.
That light footfall didn’t pass my room.
My ears perked up as he paused outside my door. I could almost hear his indecision, as loud as if he’d hooked his brain up to a PA system. I tried broadcasting my wishes through the door, encouragement that he stop torturing us both and come on in. Things were unsettled between us, yes, and no easy resolution was on the horizon. But that was tomorrow kind of thinking…the kind of thinking someone did when he wasn’t ready to hump his mattress like an animal.
Just when I thought he’d walk away, I heard a soft curse. And my door opened. I didn’t move a muscle as he crossed the room and paused at the side of my bed. “I’m awake,” I said.
“I know. I can always tell,” came his soft reply.
I turned my head to look at him, just a shadowy figure in the dark. I could almost taste the indecision rolling off him in waves. I didn’t know what to say to make that better, and I damn sure didn’t want to make it worse. In the end, I just reverted to childhood, saying the one word we’re taught from the very beginning was magic.
Apparently, please was the right thing to say.
I didn’t move as he settled over me, fitting his limbs over mine like a warm, human blanket. From the feel of things, he was only wearing a towel around his waist, and I wanted that towel gone. His hardness settled in my crease, but he didn’t seem all that concerned about that as he traced the backs of my hands with his fingertips.
He sighed into my hair, and I felt the warmth of that breath on my scalp. “What would you say if I wanted to—”
“Yes.”
He huffed in amusement, stirring my hair once again. “I didn’t even finish my question, Cross. You don’t know what you’re agreeing to.”
“When it comes to us, there’s nothing that’s off the table.”
I could almost feel his frown. “Since when?”
“Since now,” I insisted. “I want to do things differently this time around. I want to do us differently.”
“There is no us, Chris.” His voice was just a whisper against my skin. I shivered involuntarily, and I wasn’t sure if it was from the sensation or his words. “If we’re going to do this, I need you to understand that. I can’t go through this again.”
I wasn’t going to lie—that stung. “And by this, do you mean building a life together? Loving each other?” I didn’t try to hide the bitterness from my tone. “What exactly are you referring to by the word this?”
“All of the above,” he said bluntly. “If you can’t handle that, let me know now.”
I didn’t respond for a few seconds as disappointment coursed through me. I wished I didn’t understand what he was saying and why. But there was no room for ambiguity in those words. If I wanted Gray, I only got to have him on his terms. And frankly, that was only fair. I nodded slowly, and he let out a breath.
I pushed back against him to let him know that I could handle anything he could dish out. “Do it.” I tried to let him know how much I wanted him without saying everything he’d just told me not to say. “I need it.”
I need you. I frowned as the words twined themselves around and through my brain like a sinuous fog that wouldn’t be denied.
“You sure?” Gray thrust against my ass a couple of times. “I’m willing to do it the other way.”
“Not this time. I remember how good it felt when you used to fuck me. I want to feel that way again,” I said, already meeting his lazy rhythm. “I want it.”
Want it? The voice in my head laughed at my coarseness. No, you don’t just want it. You want him. Only him.
I bit my tongue, knowing that if any of those words escaped, this was over before it even began. I discarded all the other things running through my head too, that ranged from fuck me to love me, and went with the safest one. “Touch me.”
“I am,” he murmured, continuing those feather-light touches on my skin that were only serving to make me crazy.
I tried to be patient as he kissed his way down my spine, but patience had never been my strong suit. Those strong, capable hands skirted over my waist and traced the dip above my ass. I wriggled, thoroughly fed up with his molasses pace. He waited until I was still before starting the entire journey all over again. He was taking me apart, one tiny piece at a time, and I wasn’t even sure how.
“Is this payback?” I finally groaned.
He chuckled darkly, nipping my ass cheek. He tapped a finger at my entrance and rubbed firmly around the rim. “If I wanted to exact revenge, you’d know it.”
“That’s not exactly comforting.” I tried to get up on my knees, to show him exactly what I was ready for.
He pushed me flat. “It wasn’t meant to be.”
I didn’t have to wait much longer as he licked a stripe down my crease. All I could do was release my breath in a single whoosh as he licked me again. My dick jumped against my belly, and I knew I was making a mess against the sheets. He played with my rim with his tongue but stopped just short of actually entering my hole. I gritted my teeth in frustration and tried to get to my knees again. If he wasn’t going to give me his tongue, the least he could do was give me his dick.
But he was a man with a plan and uninterested in deviation. He forced me back flat and used his knee to spread my thighs further apart. He smoothed his hands over my ass, feeling, exploring, squeezing my cheeks for no reason at all. I should’ve expected the slap that followed, but I jumped anyway. Crack!
I sucked in a breath, but I didn’t make a sound. He was going to have to do a lot better than that. I was a survivor. A fighter. A goddamned warrior—
Crack! “Hey!” I glared over my shoulder as he smacked my ass again. I could see a glimpse of white as he grinned. “I don’t think I consented to get beaten like a dirty rug.”
He chuckled. “I thought you were a tough guy.”
I swore I’d pay him back when I got my chance. I was going to make him beg me before I gave him any release. Maybe I’d even make him call me sir. I was going to—
“Oh, fuck.” I let out a low groan as his tongue slid inside of me.
Done playing around, he lifted my hips with his hands, so he could bury his face between my quivering cheeks. I couldn’t help but cry out as he lapped and sucked and thrust his tongue inside me, working my hole open impatiently. I reached back and sank my fingers into his silky hair, pulling him closer. Deeper. I held his head exactly where I wanted it most, and he didn’t seem to mind in the least.
I could hear the slick sound of skin against skin as he stroked himself. I hated that I couldn’t see what he was doing, but it was probably for the best. One glimpse of him working himself over would probably send me right over the edge. Without conscious thought, I fucked myself on his tongue, and he made a noise of approval, keeping his tongue nice and stiff for me.
Thank you, thank you, thank you. I bit down on my tongue to keep my babbling inside. I changed my plan of revenge to one of thanks. This was worthy of some sort of gift basket. Thank you for eating my ass like groceries, and here’s some of your favorite fig jam.
This time when I tried to get up on my knees, he let me. He slid two fingers inside of me, and I rocked back on the intrusion, already ready for more. He slid another finger in next to the first two, and I made a sound of frustration. It was all unnecessary—his tongue had done one hell of a job with the prep work. When he added lube to the mix, I let out an annoyed huff.
“We’re good,” I managed even as I fucked myself on those fingers. “I don’t need any more.”
“I’m sure you don’t need me sucking your dick either, but here we are,” he murmured, running his tongue along my taint. And then he sucked me in his mouth, all the way down, and all I could do was let out a hoarse cry.
My toes actually curled. It felt different from this angle. Better, even? I felt rather than heard his chuckle around my dick as he started a bobbing rhythm in tune to the fingers pumping in and out of my ass. By the time he finally suited up and lined his cock up with my entrance, I was ready to blow. I gripped my dick hard, hard enough to hurt, just so I’d make it a couple of pumps at least.
