Screw you too, p.14
Screw you too!, page 14
Josephine practically bulldozes her way through the lot of them. For a woman in her eighties, she has not slowed down one bit. “I’m Josie!”
Jessica looks taken aback, she blinks several times before composing herself and offering up a glamorous, albeit genuine smile, “It’s so nice to meet you all,” she turns her bright eyes to Josie. “Thank you for having me.”
“The pleasure is all ours, dear.”
CRAIG
I glance over at Nick, who is quite clearly ogling Jessica.
“Wanna pick your jaw up off the floor?”
“Ha!” Jay barks, slapping Nick on the back, “it was Craig and Lottie first, now you’re drooling over his sister.” Abbie shoots daggers in Jason’s direction, something he notices instantly. Jay makes a point of looking over his shoulder for the invisible culprit, “who said that?”
His saviour comes bounding into the room, he must have escaped Tilly. No idea how he got away unscathed. Tilly watches James like a hawk. “Dada!”
Jessica watches the toddler shoving Jason by the legs towards the kitchen, “he’s so cute!”
“Thanks,” Jay beams, all the while been manhandled by his three year old. “He takes after me.” Tiffy makes a point of elbowing Jason in the ribs as he passes her, then turns to greet Jessica. She’s the only one bar George who hasn’t jumped at her yet. “I’m Tiffany.”
Oh, someone has her poker face on.
I nudge my way between them, sparing Jessica another stare-down from a possessive wife. “Come on, I’ll—”
“Daddy!” I cover my crotch on instinct before turning to look for Satan. Tilly spots Jessica, stops in her tracks then screams, “stranger danger!”
She’s gone.
“You’ve met Tilly already,” thankfully Jessica finds the little demon amusing, she giggles softly, “I have.”
Josie is on my arse in seconds, “Craig, get the girl a drink!”
“Yeah, ok.”
“Now!”
“Keep your knickers on!” now I know where Tilly gets it from. I don’t know what Jessica drinks, so I pull out a selection of bottles and bring them inside in time to hear her speaking with Lottie.
“I read your book in one sitting,” Jessica gifts Lottie a smile that’s as bright as her platinum blonde hair.
Nick groans, inserting himself into the conversation, “are you traumatised too?”
“Nick!” Lottie thumps him in the arm.
“You didn’t have to put your sex life in there! The least you could have done was given a guy a warning,” Nick grumbles, his cheeks glow with a pink tint.
Lottie turns her back on him, “ask my arse.”
Jessica tries and fails to hide a laugh. She looks at me, and her brow furrows. “I just find the way you described Craig’s… conquests… before you odd.”
“The models you mean?” Nick interjects once again and it’s clear by Jessica’s expression that she thought it was a fabrication meant for entertainment purposes, or to tick a certain box. After all, that’s what big publishing houses look for. Box tickers. If you don’t tick enough, no matter how good your story, you get rejected, the thing they don’t realise is people are sick of box tickers books. That’s why the indie market has grown dramatically. People want something new, they want offensive, they want entertainment, they want dark romance and monster porn. Everyone has a kink, and the indies give the people what they want. Sure, some books aren’t as polished as they would be from a large publishing house, but a lot of these people cannot afford the editors, formatters, et cetera, needed to give it that polished look. It costs hundreds if not thousands for these people, it all adds up, and that’s before marketing. Yet, I never see anyone rip into a traditionally published author for a typo or two in their work, and they have teams of people behind them.
“Yeah,” Jessica blushes.
Tiffy snorts, she steps up beside Lottie and says, “you’re wondering how Craig went from runway to Lottie.”
“Oh no! I didn’t mean—”
Lottie beams, offering Jessica an olive branch, “it’s fine. I get asked that all the time.”
“Get what all the time?” I can’t help but frown as I wait for her to elaborate.
“Asked how you dated a specific type for years then ended up with this fat bottom gal,” she gestures to herself, and adds in a twirl and booty shake for good measure.
Remembering the bottles in my hands I turn to Jessica and ask, “what’s your poison?” She takes a west coast cooler as expected.
“Care to take the lead on this one, Batman?” Lottie nudges me playfully.
“It’s simple,” I slide my arm around my beautiful wife, pulling her against me. “I wanted Lottie, I couldn’t have Lottie, so I made sure that anyone I brought back looked as far away from Lottie as possible.”
Jay grins like an imp, adding, “yeah after the Jenny incident.”
“Thanks for that.”
“Oh my God!” Nick almost chokes on his beer.
Lottie turns to look at me, “what am I missing?”
Nick composes himself, just about, “you never said it was—” he cringes and storms off to safety, knowing Jason is going to fill in the blanks with or without my consent.
“He was seeing this girl, Jenny. Red hair and curvy. He brought her to your barbecue if I remember right.” I love how quick off the mark he is to sell me out.
“Oh, that Jenny!” Lottie’s jaw is ajar, her eyes flick from one side of the room to the next as she pinpoints the culprit.
It was one of the first times I ever saw Lottie, the second time I got a chance to speak to her one to one. Nick invited Jason and me over. Jay had already met Tiffy, and they were in the early stages of dating. Lottie was still with Michael.
“Long story short,” I’d rather embarrass myself right now than have Jason do it for me. “We were together one night and I—” I thought I’d never have to tell this. I can feel the blood rush to my face.
“What did you do?” Jessica presses, eyebrows raised into her perfectly styled hair.
Jason sees me struggling to find the words, and like the bastard he is, he decides to go ahead and blurt it out, “he called out Lottie’s name halfway through.”
All the women in the room gasp and turn to me wide-eyed. Including my nan. Great. Just what I needed her to hear.
Lottie stifles a laugh, “you never told me that.”
“You never asked.”
“Craig Barnes!” Josie growls, “I hope you apologised to that poor girl. She must have been mortified.”
“Nothing like what I’m feeling right now, I’m sure.”
I’m collared into cooking for everyone. Penance for my crimes as Josie called it.
After everyone lets up interrogating Jessica, Lottie introduces her to the kids.
“Presents!”
“Matilda!” Lottie growls, safe to say Tilly is officially over the stranger danger thing and is now demanding payment.
“Kissmas and birthday.”
“Matilda,” I warn, glaring at her over the barbecue set.
“Now!”
“Matilda!”
She’s gone running into the bouncy castle, laughing her little arse off.
Ellie doesn’t take the news as well, “but… my nana Ellie is in heaven.”
“Yes, princess. She is,” I purposefully avoid eye contact with Jessica as I say it. We haven’t discussed my mam yet. Not because I don’t want to. It’s just… my mother is a precious topic to me. I didn’t want to tarnish her memory by even mentioning her in the same sentence as the asshat.
“How is she your sister?” Ellie presses.
Jessica hunkers down to eye level, “your daddy and I have the same—”
“Stork!”
“Stork?” Ethan echoes, looking at me like I’m off my head.
“Yep, sort of like the Grinch, big mix-up,” that’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
“There is no stork,” Jamie contends, the little shithead.
“Jamie!” Tiffany yells, clicking her fingers and pointing at her side. Jamie knows better than to defy his mother.
“How are babies made then?” Ethan looks at me, demanding answers.
Jamie grins over his shoulder and shouts, “sex.”
Sweet loving hell.
Ethan looks more confused than ever, “what’s sex?”
Tiffy thankfully comes to my rescue, “a special hug, now move along or I’ll murder you both.”
JESSICA
It’s incredible being here and seeing everyone. It’s good to know that despite everything, my brother had a loving environment to grow up in. His nan is a hoot. The kids are hilarious. I feel better already.
The way he looks at Lottie is something you can’t fake. He adores her.
Lottie still unnerves me a bit. She seems lovely but she did threaten to murder my father, seeing how devoted she is to Craig, I no longer think that it was an empty threat. I think she is capable of hurting someone to protect her family.
I’ve been giving my father the cold shoulder. I’m not in the wrong for wanting to get to know my own brother. He should have never kept Craig from us.
I catch Craig dancing with Josie to The Beautiful South, Perfect Ten. He spins her and laughs with her as they serenade each other. It’s the most adorable thing ever. No one could be that devoted to a grandparent and be a bad person. Behind that rough exterior, it’s clear to see that Craig is a sweetheart.
My phone rings and I step to the side of the bouncy castle to answer it.
“Hi, Daddy,” I say lowly into the phone. I could have ignored him again, but I can’t avoid him forever.
“Hi, pumpkin. Where are you? I came to see you today and Danny said you went out for the day.”
“Yes,” I glance back at Craig and Josie, chewing my bottom lip. “I won’t be back until later tonight.”
“Out with friends?”
“No. I’m with Craig.”
I hear him inhale sharply, “Jessica—”
“I have every right to get to know my brother.”
“It’s complicated, Pumpkin.”
“For you, yes. Not for me,” I know I must come across as snotty right now, but I don’t care. I’m a grown woman, I can make my own decisions. If I want to be part of Craig’s life, our father cannot stop me.
“Jessica, look—”
“I have to go, Daddy. I’ll call you later.”
“But—”
“Bye!”
Craig’s approaching with another drink for me, “everything ok?”
“Yeah, it’s fine,” shoving my phone back into my pocket, I then reach for the drink he’s offering me. “Do you need help with the food?”
“No, I’m good. Josie might need a hand with the snacks for the kids though.”
“I’m on it!”
CRAIG
Lottie moans, clutching her head and shielding her face from the light as if she’s going to go up in flame. “I can’t do life right now.”
“Being a bit dramatic now?” adjusting Lottie in my arms, I carry her upstairs.
She started complaining of a headache shortly after the grub was served up. Soon after she ate, she began complaining about seeing spots and we were on high alert for a migraine. Lottie had some tablets in her bag, just in case. She took them, but now she’s basically out of it.
Jessica ushers the kids into the house and closes the door, “can I help at all?”
“Nah, she’s good. Aren’t you, baby?”
“Why are you talking so loud?” she whines, burying her face in my chest.
“See?” I gift Jessica a grin before hauling arse up to our bedroom. I made good time considering I’m carrying my own personal Moaning Myrtle up the stairs.
Yanking back the covers, I put Lottie on the bed, she groans and rolls into my pillow.
“We need to get you out of those clothes,” I say before she gets too comfortable.
“I can’t, I’m dead.”
“Come on,” I strip her down and Lottie opts for one of my T-shirts instead of her pyjamas. She wriggles into it with a pout. I can see her left eye is already swollen. Lottie grunts, leans forward and falls against my chest. “Don’t leave me.”
“I’m here, baby,” wrapping my arms around her, I pull her closer.
“Rub my back and tell me I’m pretty.”
“You’re gorgeous.”
“Liar. I look like the elephant man.”
“Still beautiful,” pressing my lips to her crown, I hear her sigh then she reclines against the pillows. Her eyes already heavy from the tablets. “Try to sleep it off, baby.”
“Don’t leave me, “she whines again.
“Daddy!” Tilly calls.
“Kill it!”
I can’t help but laugh. Lottie would walk through hell for her kids but right now, with a migraine, Matilda is at the top of the list of people who need to be away from Lottie right now, considering how loud she can be.
I pull the duvet cover over her and tuck her in, then pull the curtains closed before leaving Lottie to rest.
The two eldest are fine. They’ve parked themselves in front of the TV. Matilda, on the other hand, is scruffy. I don’t know how she did it to herself considering she was on the bouncy castle for the best part of the day, and it’s dry out, she still managed to cover herself in mud.
“Come on, Satan, bath time.”
The child is running around the house in her nappy looking like some sort of stunted tribal warrior while I run her bath.
“Done!” she charges into the room, ready to free herself of her nappy.
“Not yet.”
“Done.”
“The water is too hot, go play in your room for a minute.”
“Hurry up!”
“Yes, boss.”
Jessica snorts, handing me two towels. I’m assuming Ellie got them for her. Ethan wouldn’t bother his arse unless they were blocking the Xbox.
Jessica leans against the doorjamb. “Not at all shy about saying what she wants, is she?”
“Tilly? She doesn’t care… unless your name is Mickey Mouse.”
Ethan pops his head in, looking sheepish, “is Tilly going for a bath?”
“Yep.”
He charges down the hallway just as Tilly comes bounding out of her room to check on her bath, “release the Kraken!”
She steps up beside me, “done?”
“Done.”
“Release the Kraken?” Jessica presses.
“Oh, you’ll see.”
Not even five minutes later, Tilly has the bathroom flooded and us drowned.
Jessica was not expecting half of her makeup to be washed off but that’s what happens with a toddler. Nothing is safe.
“Oh my gosh!” Jessica laughs, ringing out the ends of her crop top.
“Ollie the ocopus, splash, splash! Die!!” Tilly takes the purple octopus, slamming it down on the unsuspecting bath toys floating on the surface. “Nom nom nom.”
“Look,” Jessica laughs, squatting down to play with Tilly. “That one’s getting away.”
“Not for long. Nom nom,” Tilly whirls on me when she spots me coming with the shampoo. “Freeze, or you’re next!”
“You need to have your hair washed.”
“You need to have YOUR hair washed.”
“Tilly.”
“Never,” the water from the bath splashes out, if I wasn’t drenched before I most certainly am now.
“That’s it,” I growl.
Tilly drops Ollie the octopus. “Uh-oh.”
I reach in, securing her in place with one arm while I quickly wash her hair with the other.
“Stranger danger! HELP! Off! Off!” she tries to fight but
I’m not about to let up. “Stinky daddy, stop! I bite you!”
“Try it and see what happens.”
She freezes. Then scoffs and folds her arms, allowing me to rinse her off.
“All done.”
“Bout time!”
Jessica is getting great amusement out of this.
“Ready to come out?” I hold up the towel, ready for her highness to move her moody butt.
“You gots the powder?”
“In your room.”
“You gots jammys?” she presses.
Why does she never ask Lottie these things?
“In your room.”
“Chocci?”
“No chocolate this close to bedtime.”
“Chocci!”
“No,” I reach in and pull the little gremlin from the bath and carry her into her room.
After I towel her off, she struts across to her bed and falls belly down, “powder my butt!”
As soon as Matilda is ready for bed, I bring down pillows and a duvet for Jessica. She had a few drinks at Josie’s so there was no way I was letting her drive home. I’ll bring her to collect her car tomorrow.
“Has Lottie always suffered from migraines?” Jessica asks when I’ve a spare second to sit down.
“For as long as I’ve known her, yeah. She gets them more since she got signed. Countless hours looking at screens doesn’t help.”
“A friend of mine gets Botox to help with hers.”
I throw my head back and laugh, “I’m not even suggesting that. I’ll be clubbed over the head.”
I leave Jessica around half ten to go to bed, I’m shattered. Lottie is practically a corpse in the bed. I had to shake her to make she was still alive, she told me to piss off and went back to sleep.
I wake up, dazed, and confused. Mainly because I am spooning Lottie’s pillow and have with a raging hard-on. It takes me a minute to tune into the sounds of the house, I can hear Lottie downstairs talking to Jessica. I best get dressed and join them, jeans will do, any excuse to wear a belt right now.
“Morning!” Lottie chirps as she pours me a mug of coffee.
“Morning, baby,” I tap away at my phone, boosting the water. I’m in desperate need of a shower right now, I’m still half asleep. Turning to Jessica, I ask, “sleep ok?”
“Like the dead,” she smirks.
