Off limits the limits se.., p.3
Off Limits (The Limits Series Book 1), page 3
“So, why’d you two start at WCC?” Eve asks before taking a sip of her coffee.
It’s a perfectly innocent question, one I’m curious to know about her myself. But for Chelsea and me, it’s a little more complicated.
“Uh, well, my dad died.” Any time the topic of Dad dying used to come up, I’d beat around the bush and avoid talking about it. But at a certain moment in time, I realized…what’s the point? It doesn’t change anything. Dad’s still dead, and I’ve likely just rambled some other nonsense. So, now, I rip the Band-Aid off.
“I postponed so that I could help my mom at the store they opened together. Chelsea was sweet enough to stay with me.” I turn to her with a tight smile while my fingers tap against my paper cup.That’s when I get ‘the look.’ The one most people give me. The one full of pity. I’ve grown so used to ‘the look’ it hardly fazes me anymore.
After Dad died, ‘the look’ always made me want to shrink in on myself. There were only a few people who I didn’t receive it from. Lochlyn was the main one, as his expressions never changed. Even Chelsea had it for a long while. I found that only other people who had experienced loss were able to talk to me without pity.
As with most, the pity fades to a gentle smile, a hushed I’m so sorry and a quick change of subject to take the attention off of me.
“What are your plans after WCC?” Rachel flips her straight brown hair over her shoulder. It’s a few shades lighter than mine, but I’ve always been jealous of girls with naturally sleek straight hair. She could straighten it, but mine never came out that shiny.
“Cornell. For both of us. How about you two?” I answer without pause. It’s just that easy for me. It’s barely even something I have to think about.
“Cornell? Wow, you must both be pretty smart.” Rachel seems truly awestruck.
Chelsea and I look at each other and shrug. For us, it’s commonplace. Cornell holds a major role in both of our households.
“She definitely is,” Chelsea says as she cocks her thumb at me. “Me? Not so much.”
“Oh, come on, Chels, you got in, you’re smart.”
“Yeah, by the skin of my teeth.” Although Chelsea would never admit it, I know it’s a bit of a sore spot for her.
“I just study more than she does,” I say as I motion my hand toward her, looking back at Rachel and Eve.
“It’s just easier for you. I swear she’s just like my brother. He definitely got the brains in the family.”
“He also studies. A lot.” When I notice the furrowed brow as Rachel and Eve look at each other, I realize they don’t know much about us, so I rush to explain. “Chelsea has an older brother, Lochlyn. We’ve all been friends for fifteen years. Though I’m much closer to Chelsea.”
Their eyes widen. “Your brother is Lochlyn Reynolds? Like, the Lochlyn Reynolds?”
Chelsea just purses her lips and nods. “Yup. So what brings you two to WCC?” She’s always been good at dodging questions about Lochlyn. She loves him, but she doesn’t love to talk about him. Well, to anybody else but me. With me, I never hear the end of it, but it’s usually complaining, not praising.
“Oh well, my grades were shit. I didn’t get in anywhere else.” Rachel flicks her hand like it’s nothing, but her face says otherwise; the disappointment that settles over her features impossible to miss.
“Couldn’t afford anything else and don’t really know what I want to do after school. I didn’t want to get myself more in debt than I needed to while I figured things out.” Eve seems a little smarter, or at the very least, more self-aware. It’s possible she had the grades, just not the money.
I shrug while I fiddle with my coffee cup. “Not necessarily a bad plan. No point in putting yourself in debt to leave with a degree you may not use.”
“Exactly.” Rachel and Chelsea appear to have started their own conversation beside us. “So, what made you settle on Cornell? Kind of high sights, no?”
“I’m lucky that my parents were never stern about me going to college. It was expected I go, but they were okay with wherever I chose and whatever I wanted to major in. Cornell has always been my dream. My dad went there.”
“That’s a nice way to honor him.”
“Yeah, I’m not sure how he’d feel about me postponing it, but…here I am.” It’s always been one of my biggest worries. What would he think of me? Of me risking my future and dreams of Cornell.
“I’m sorry if this is inconsiderate, but what made you decide to stay? Was it hard?”
My brows shoot up and I start playing with the lip of my coffee lid. “My parents own a household supply shop named Sterling's, in town. They opened it years ago. It had been their dream or something, I don’t know. But my mom felt a little…overwhelmed. To say the least. So I stayed behind to help her as the dust settles and she gets used to running it alone. Staying was the hardest decision of my life.”
“That’s really noble of you. I don’t know, well, anybody who would do that for their family. It’s really nice of Chelsea to stay with you.” Her green eyes dash to my right to see if Chelsea turned her attention toward her name.
“Chelsea’s my best friend. She’s really more like my sister, always been there for me. You know how sometimes in middle school and high school, new cliques form and you go different ways? That never happened with Chelsea. She always fell into the popular crowd and I, well, I didn’t. But Chelsea never let me feel left out or behind for that matter. She made sure I was invited to the events, and if I wasn’t, she’d avoid too, if possible.” A slight shift in my seat and an adjustment of my shoulders allow me a second to gather my thoughts.
“I never asked her to stay behind with me. She did it to be supportive and believed we’re going through life together. It’s just that simple.”
“You’re really lucky to have a friend like that.” Eve’s voice is quiet as she runs a hand through her strawberry-blonde hair.
“I am. So, no thoughts on what you want to be when you finish school?” After the quick subject change to take the attention off myself, I take a sip of my hazelnut coffee, rendering myself incapable of speaking, so Eve has to.
I may be willing to talk about Dad’s passing and my life choices, but that doesn’t mean I want to continue to do so.
“Not really. I’m not super passionate about anything, I guess. I don’t know I just can’t see myself doing anything specific for the rest of my life.” She picks at the cardboard sleeve of her cup.
“It’s definitely intimidating. I mean, I know so many people who don’t either. Chelsea has no idea.”
“Really? She seems so confident and collected.” Eve turns to take in Chelsea, who’s talking excitedly with her hands, her blue eyes bright.
“Oh, she is. She’s very sure of herself. Somebody who knows what she wants and goes after it. Aside from school. Cornell was sort of pushed on both of them.”
“That’s unfortunate.”
“Her brother seems to have taken to it just fine. But Chelsea’s a little more…difficult.”
“I heard that.” Chelsea turns to look at me.
“I said it nicely. I could have said you’re a giant pain in the ass.” I bump my shoulder into hers as I tease her.
“I guess you could say I like to push back, especially against those in charge of me.”
“And set all the rules.”
“Oh, well, of course.” We all burst into fits of laughter.
A quick glance at my phone and I jump to stand. “I hate to break this up, but I have to get to the store. Chels, are you coming by today?”
“No, I’m going to go meet Brendan.”
“Okay. Tell him I said hi. Rachel, Eve, it was really nice to talk to you guys. We should get together again soon.” Chelsea swears up and down she’s my only friend, but I’ve had a few outside of her that I mostly only saw when she was otherwise occupied. It didn’t make me the greatest friend, but they understood. They’ve all gone away to college in other states, so I don’t hear from them anymore. Making new friends would be nice, and Eve definitely seems like somebody I could become close with.
“Mom, when was the last time you were home for dinner?” As usual, we’re having a strained conversation in the office at the store.
“What are you talking about? I was home last night.”
“Yeah, at like ten. That’s not dinnertime.”
“I have a lot to do here.” Her tone is clipped and her lips press together, a sure sign she’s lying, and knows it.
“You have wonderful employees and a great assistant manager. I think it’d be okay for you to leave and have dinner with me once in a while.” My tone is bordering on angry, and acid rises in my stomach, though it’s all pointless.
“Oh, but you’re almost nineteen. You don’t want to have dinner with your poor old mom.”
“Actually, I would like to have dinner with you. We haven’t had dinner together since my graduation. And it’d been months before that.”
“It has not been that long, Shay. Stop being so dramatic.” Part of me wants to tell her exactly how long it’s been, that before my graduation it had been several months. But at the same time, I can’t bring myself to call her out, to even risk bringing her more pain, shoving my own aside.
“Mom, you can’t even look at me.” Her eyes haven’t left the book in front of her. It’s a new catalog from one of our vendors, but there can only be so many new things she’s looking at. Surely nothing that takes this much focus.
“What are you talking about? Of course I look at you. I’m just very focused on what I have in front of me right now.”
I sigh, defeated and hurt. So much for getting used to it. “Okay, Mom. Should I leave?”
“Oh, honey, you’re welcome to stay. How’s school?” With a quick lick of her finger, she flips the page, but still keeps her face down.
Shock. I feel shock. Mom hasn’t asked anything about me in over a year. “Um, school’s good.”
“Are you liking the college?”
“Yeah, it’s not bad.”
“Ever think of staying another year?” The way she asks is so nonchalant it takes me a moment to realize she’s incredibly serious.
My stomach free-falls to my feet. This isn’t her checking in on me, caring. This is her trying to ask me to stay, something I’ve been worried about.
“No, Mom. I don’t. I’m going to Cornell next year.”
“Are you sure, sweetie? It’s just so far away. And you’ve been so helpful around here for the past year.”
“I’m sure.” Helpful. All she wants from me is my assistance to run the store.
“Maybe you can just think about it. Rethink your plans, you know.”
“I’m sorry, I have to get out of here.” My heart is hammering against my sternum and I’m not entirely sure I won't be sick.
Storming out of the office, I make a beeline to the backroom, crashing through the door and sliding to the floor, trying to catch my breath. I need something. I need to talk to somebody. But for some reason, the only person I feel could calm me down is the one who spent weeks in this stockroom out of the goodness of his heart.
I put my head between my knees and try to take deep breaths, thinking back to some of the conversations I’d had with Lochlyn in this room, not caring that he shouldn’t be on my mind.
A few days after our conversation regarding my mom’s thoughts on him, he expanded on his muttered comment.
“I know you were probably wondering what I meant when I grumbled about my path the other day.” We were in the backroom again, a place that seemed to be somewhere we chatted openly.
“Oh, it’s none of my business. You don’t have to tell me.”
“Simply put, my dad, in all his self-proclaimed wisdom on what’s best for me, has decided that I will be going to Cornell, get into Cornell Law, where I will get my graduate degree, and then work for him. As a fucking lawyer.”
"I take it you don’t want to be a lawyer?”
A low laugh escaped him. “No, I definitely don’t want to be a lawyer.”
“What do you want to be?”
He looked up at me, eyes wide and brows high as his hair fell across his forehead. “You’re the first person to ever ask me that. I’ve never put much thought into it. I was informed of this plan for my life a long time ago. But, I don’t know, I’ve always liked music a lot. Maybe something in the music industry. I’m interested in business. Like, your parents opened this place themselves, ran it. I don’t know, just…not a lawyer.”
“Music, huh? You realize that’s one of the first things we bonded over.”
“You have good taste in music.” I smiled, noticing as he absentmindedly scratched at his ribs, where he has the song lyrics tattooed. He’s the only person I know that likes the same alternative music I do. “You know, my parents wouldn’t even let me learn an instrument, aside from the one required for school? I wanted to learn guitar. They wouldn’t let me. It didn’t 'fit in' with their plan.”
“I’m sorry.” There were aspects of the lives of the Reynolds children that I knew, but much of this was a shock. What harm can learning an instrument cause?
“Did I ever tell you why I started getting the tattoos?”
I shook my head, mouth pressed into a line.
Lochlyn shifted his feet and leaned in closer, closing the two-foot gap between us. “It was a tiny way to have control of my life. When I asked what would happen if I didn’t follow through, didn’t go to Cornell, or decided to go for something that was what I wanted, they said they’d cut me off. It’s not like I have access to all the money in the world, but it’s kind of hard to do anything with none.” A tick of his jaw showed the frustration his tone didn’t.
“My dad flipped shit when he saw the first one. I told him I was eighteen, didn’t need his permission, and it can be covered by a shirt. That if I wasn’t wearing a shirt at work, I had bigger problems than a tattoo. The sword was a little harder. I just needed something that I was deciding.”
“I had no idea.” The lyrics on his ribs made sense suddenly; the song being about taking control of your life.
“I’ve never told anybody.”
“Nobody? Not even Chelsea?”
He snorted. “Definitely not Chelsea. As far as she’s concerned, it’s my ‘rocker ways,’ as she likes to call them. I like a certain type of music; it doesn’t mean I lead a lifestyle or something.” I’d learned to read Lochlyn well enough to sense he was growing beyond frustrated. But I was hung up on the fact that he hadn’t shared this with anybody, except me.
I wasn’t quite sure what to say. “You’ve really never told anybody?”
His eyes locked on mine. “Nobody.”
“Why me?”
“You’re easy to talk to. You listen. I find you…soothing, calming. Why did you tell me some of the things you’ve told me?”
Because I’m pretty sure I’m in love with you. “Same reasons. You’re easy to talk to. I feel comfortable around you. Maybe for some of the elderly advice.”
Chelsea and I often teased him about being old and wise. Lochlyn was an old soul, who always had good advice, and his parents leaving him in charge made him grow up fast.
He smirked and rubbed a hand over the back of his neck while he looked at the ground. It made my insides turn to mush and a tingling settle between my thighs every time he did it. I loved it, especially when he used his right arm and the lyric poked out from his shirt sleeve, as it did that time.
A smile stretched across my own face. Until Lochlyn’s eyes locked on mine with a look that took all the silliness away and made my heart race. We stood there, in some sort of staring contest, for a few minutes before he cleared his throat, turning to go back to work.
Sitting on the floor, thinking about that moment, that exchange and the comfort I felt around him, calms me enough for my heart rate to return to normal, for the feelings of nausea to subside. I would love nothing more than for him to be in this backroom at this very moment. His advice and the soothing tone of his voice would be incredibly welcome.
Instead, I try to think about what he’d suggest, what I think he’d tell me to do. Before he went back to school a few weeks ago, he gave me his number, said I could call him any time if I needed to talk to somebody, but I don’t want to be a bother.
Later in the night, three days before the anniversary of my dad’s passing, I fill out the paperwork I need to confirm that I want to end my deferment and start at Cornell the following fall. It’s been my plan all along, and I’m not putting it off any longer. Some part of me hopes that Lochlyn would be proud of me. I know my dad would be.
Chapter 4
For Thanksgiving, the Reynolds invite my mom and I over for dinner. Logan had called to tell us she’s not coming home, wanting to spend the day with her boyfriend instead. I’m not surprised, but Mom cried.
The Reynolds are gone a lot, but they come home for major holidays, putting on the face of a perfect family. Not knowing what else to do, we decide to go. Chelsea’s been beside herself with excitement for days.
“We’ve never done a holiday together! It’s going to be so fun.” We’re standing at the buffet table in her living room as our parents talk.
“We see each other every day. We’ve always seen each other after Thanksgiving dinner.”
“I know, but now we get all day!”
“What’s Brendan doing?”
“He’ll be with his family. I asked my parents if he could come for dessert, but, of course, they refused. They’re barely around, but when they are, they want to play the responsible parents and have ‘family time.’ Whatever that means. He may swing by after.”
“That’ll be nice if he can.” I hesitate, wanting to know about Lochlyn, but still manage to keep my voice casual. “What time does Lochlyn get home?”
“He’ll probably be here any minute. He was supposed to come back yesterday, but Heath wanted to go to some party. My brother probably shacked up with some chick last night. Or two.”
The thought sends ice trickling through my veins.
