Now, here I am, sitting on the floor of my bedroom, back against the door, sobbing.

  7

  IGGY

  Second day into this mission, and I'm already saying all the wrong things. I fucked up then, and I’m fucking up now.

  I run up the stairs, careful not to wake the kids. Her bedroom door is closed, but I can hear her quiet sobs from the other side.

  I knock softly. When she doesn’t answer, I turn the door handle and push. She’s on the floor, against the door, barring my entrance. “Please let me in, Abby.”

  “No.”

  “Please, Abby. Let me apologize.” I push the door gently forcing her to scoot away. I slide into her room through the small opening and close it behind me. Sitting on the floor with my prosthetic is a bitch, but I do it anyway. She watches me struggle, which makes her cry even more.

  I exhale loudly. “I’ve fucked this up. I’ve hurt you again and I never ever wanted that, Abby. I swear to God, that was never my intention. I know I had you and Letty back then. I know that.” I don’t know how much to tell her. I keep fucking up and hurting her, and I don’t want to make things worse.

  “You coming back into my life is just bringing up so many old wounds,” she says, wiping her face with the back of her hand.

  I extend my arms forward to hug her. Touch her. Comfort her somehow, but she puts her hands up. “We just need to get through this crap with the police. Hopefully they find the murderer soon and we can go back to our normal lives.”

  “Okay.” I say, unable to squash this need to make her feel better, but I’m going to have to because she doesn’t want me near her.

  She sniffles one last time. “I’m sorry that happened to you.” She looks down at my leg. “Maybe one day I’ll be able to sit through the story, because I know that no matter what, I do want to know what you went through. But right now, I can’t. Right now, you’re here to help us, which I appreciate, and that’s it.”

  “Abby.”

  “That’s it,” she repeats firmly and opens the door, essentially kicking me out of her room.

  “I don’t hear you brushing your teeth, Lily… I don’t see your lights on, Oscar… Five more minutes.... Okay. Get. Your. Butts. Out. Of. Bed!”

  “Fine, you don’t have to scream!”

  I can’t help but chuckle even if my heart is heavy from the conversation twenty minutes ago. I hear feet stomping downstairs, and then two half asleep kids shuffle into the kitchen. “Hey. You’re still here.” Oscar scratches the back of his neck and yawns. I guess Abby hasn’t explained things yet. “Smells yummy,” Lily says as she stretches.

  I grab two plates and set them down, portioning off eggs, bacon, and toast. “Wow! Mom did not make this!” Oscar exclaims, as he digs in.

  “Thanks a lot,” Abby says from the doorway. No sign of her earlier breakdown; how she can so easily mask her emotions from her children is beyond me. “I can make breakfast every morning if it didn’t take me half an hour to wake you guys.”

  “Mom stinks at cooking.”

  “Oscar!”

  I try to stifle a laugh. “Don’t think it’s a good idea to say that, kid.”

  “Well, it’s true,” Oscar says with a mouthful of food as Lily nods in agreement.

  “I’m not bad. I just don’t have time to whip all this up, every morning.”

  “Well, while I’m here, I can do it. No biggie. I like to cook.”

  “While you’re here? You’re staying?” Lily asks. Oscar just looks over at his mother.

  “Yes. Iggy is going to stay here for a while. While he—he—”

  She can’t seem to find the words or a reason, so I chime in. “While I look for a house. I’m thinking of moving back to town and I need to go house-hunting.”

  “Cool,” Oscar says.

  “Get a house like Jenny Wellington’s. Her house has a pool and it has a slide and everything. Get one of those and since you’re friends with Mom, you could let us borrow it. Right, Mom?”

  Abby chuckles. “Right, honey.” She kisses Lily on the top of her head as she walks around the table to grab some coffee. She’s in those jeans shorts and flip flops again, and again, she looks fantastic. She’s fuller than when I knew her. Back then she was all arms and legs. Two kids and a lot of life has happened, and she’s filled out into her body in a way that would make any man want to move in and take care of her and never ever leave.

  “Iggy, do you play football?” Oscar asks.

  “Of course.”

  “I’m trying out for the football team at school and need some help.”

  “No. Absolutely not,” Abby quickly interjects. “It’s fine. Don’t worry about it,” she mutters to me under her breath. “Honey, Iggy’s busy. He can’t help you with that. Plus, I thought we discussed this. I don’t like the idea of you getting hit repeatedly on the head.”

  “It’s flag football, Mom. We wear full gear but it’s flag,” he directs the comment to me as if I could convince his mother.

  “I can help you, bud. If your mom’s cool with it, of course.”

  “But…” She looks down at my leg. Does she think I can’t play because of my leg?

  “Anything you can do, I can do,” I whisper.

  “You’re not here for football,” she says quietly. She’s not going to let me in. Not even a little. But her son hears her comment.

  “He’s not allowed to play football? He’s here to look for a house but he can’t have a little fun while he’s doing that? That’s kinda mean, Mom.”

  She makes a weird little sound at the back of her throat and looks at me in annoyance. I don’t know if I should get involved or use her kids to worm my way into her life. It’s low, I know, but I want her to forgive me, and she can’t forgive me if she doesn’t even give me a chance to have a conversation with her.

  She rubs her forehead. She doesn’t even know she’s doing it, but it’s such an obvious tell—I remember it was something she used to do. “You want me to leave you guys alone?” I whisper. “I think you need to chat with your kids and tell them what’s really going on.”

  She rolls her eyes. She knows I'm right. “Yes,” she says. “No. I don’t know. Just…” She waves her hand around, then pulls a chair back and sits. I think she wants me to stay, but I’m not sure, so I just stay out of her way while she talks to them.

  “Remember last week when I saw that bad thing happen?”

  “The guy that hurt the other guy?” Oscar asks.

  Abby glances up at me, then back at Oscar. “The truth is a bad guy killed another bad guy.”

  Oscar’s eyes open wide, while Lily sighs, loudly. “Mom, you lied?”

  “I didn’t want you guys to be scared.”

  “Did something else happen? Why are you telling us now? Does it have anything to do with him being here?” Oscar points at me. The kid’s perceptive.

  “I’m telling you now because you need to keep your eyes and ears open. If you see someone strange, you have to tell me.”

  “Strange? What do you mean?” Lily asks.

  I decide to interject at that moment. I don’t think Abby will mind since it’s their safety we’re discussing. “If someone you don’t know, a stranger, tries to talk to you or you see something that is unusual, tell your mom or me right away. Bad people look just like everyone else, guys. They could even be nice and smile at you. They don’t necessarily have to be scary-looking.”

  Oscar is quiet and pensive; I don’t know him well enough yet to read what he’s thinking. Lily, on the other hand, is an open book, she bursts into tears. “Does that mean I can’t go to school anymore?”

  “No, it doesn’t mean that,” Abby says, as she pulls her daughter into her arms. “If you’re in school and you see something that makes you feel uncomfortable, tell a teacher, okay? They know what’s going on and they’ll make sure to call us right away.”

  “So, is this the real reason he’s staying with us?” Oscar asks again.

  “Yes, bud. That’s why I’m here. Your uncle Tim called me and asked me to hang out until that bad guy is caught.”

  Oscar is quiet for a moment, before he continues. “And what does any of this have to do with Iggy playing football with me? Is the park unsafe?”

  I try not to smirk because I’m not sure how she’s going to handle this one. The reason I can’t play football with him is because their mom hates me and doesn’t want me around them, but I know she’s not going to say that out loud.

  “No…um… I guess he can play football if he really wants to play. It’s up to Iggy, I guess,” she relents.

  “You can play while you protect us!” Lily exclaims. She hops off her mother and hops on my lap, which catches me off guard. I’ve never carried a child before, but Lily just hugs me, her arms tightening around my neck before she jumps down again. She is a ball of energy, and I love it. “Iggy, my mommy has her knives in that drawer over there, okay? They can be good weapons.”

  “Lily, he doesn’t need a knife. He probably has a gun.” Oscar looks at me for confirmation.

  “A gun!” Lily’s eyes widen. “Really? Wow. Cool. Can I see it? Where is it?” She looks at me, expectantly.

  “No. No. No,” Abby says.

  “Guns are not cool, Lily. They are very dangerous.” I want to make sure the little girl doesn’t get any ideas.

  “But you do have one, right?” Lily asks.

  “Yes, but it’s for protection and I’ve been trained.”

  “You’re so dumb, Lily.” Oscar rolls his eyes.

  “I’m not dumb! You’re dumb!”

  “Enough!” Abby yells. “Let’s focus. Do you understand what we're trying to tell you both? You need to be careful. Until this is all resolved, you need to be very vigilant.

  "Vigilant?" Lily asks.

  "Aware of your surroundings," Abby clarifies. "No going outside alone, okay? Understand?”

  “Mommy, that makes me scared,” Lily whimpers.

  “Sweetie, it’s very serious but you’re going to be okay as long as you’re careful.”

  Lily looks genuinely concerned, and it breaks my heart. “Come ’ere, Lily.” She turns around and looks at me with those big, green eyes that remind me so much of her mother’s. “Your mom told you how we were friends when we were young, right? Well, we weren’t just friends, we were best friends. I would never, not ever let anything happen to my best friend or you two kids.”

  “What if something happens to you before the bad guy gets catched?”

  “Caught,” Oscar corrects.

  Immediately I understand. They’ve been alone for a long time. Her entire life, actually. They have always depended solely on Abby, and now they’re supposed to put all their trust in me. Abby’s not the only one in the house who seems to have control issues. “I’m not going anywhere.”

  “You don’t know that,” Oscar argues. I look up at Abby whose eyes are still red from earlier, and now they’re watery again.

  “I do know that. I have the most important job in the whole world right now and nothing will happen to me while I’m doing that job. I’m giving you my word.”

  “Cross your heart?” Lily says.

  I cross my heart, and she lets out a little sigh.

  “You’ll be careful too? Cross your heart,” I tell her.

  “I cross my heart, Iggy.”

  “Great. So, we’re all on the same page, then,” I say as they finish their breakfast. Everyone seems lost in their thoughts, and I can tell Abby is worried about them. I wish I knew how to make it better.

  “Hurry up, guys. We need to get moving,” she says as she rubs her forehead. The kids run up the stairs to grab their things.

  I clear the table and when I turn around, Abby’s holding on to the edge of the counter, her head down, her back to me. I can see her shoulders rising and falling, and I would bet she has her eyes closed and is counting to ten. She used to do that all the time, mostly when her words got stuck on her tongue.

  “Hey.” I place my hand on her shoulder. “It’s going to be okay.”

  “You don’t know that,” she says, just like her son. I wonder if she realizes it. I also wonder if she realizes I’m touching her. “If something happens to either of those kids, Iggy…” her voice trails off.

  “Listen to me.” I turn her around by her shoulders. “I know you might not trust me anymore. I know that we have a lot of shit between us. But you know, deep down in your bones, that I’d never let anything happen to you or to them. I wasn’t bullshitting them, Abby. I meant it. Nothing will happen to them. I will not leave your side for a minute if that’s what it takes. I’ll put guys on you at work and I’ll stay with them at school or we can take them away for a week or two until shit settles...”

  “No, they’ve been through enough. Their school’s safe.”

  “Then we’ll take it one day at a time, okay?”

  She nods her head, then softly exhales.

  “Abby, I’d really like to hug you.”

  “Hug?” She looks at me as if I have an ulterior motive.

  “Yeah, a hug. It’s when one person—in this scenario, I would be that person—opens up their arms wide, and another person—you would be the other person—walks in and puts their head right here,” I point to my chest. “Then I close my arms and squeeze. If the spirit moves you, you could even wrap your arms around me and squeeze back. But that’s optional.”

  The corners of her lips tilt upwards. “I know what a hug is, Iggy.”

  “You seemed confused for a second there.”

  “It’s been a long time since an adult human has hugged me. It’s usually little humans hugging me.”

  “Well, would you like to try it?”

  “I was never one to refuse a hug.”

  “I know. You told me that a week after I met you. I got an F on a test and I thought Letty would get mad and you offered me a hug. I thought you were weird. But then we hugged and you were right. I felt better.” Bad things never happen during hugs. Hugs make things better. They’re better than kisses because you can’t be sure the other person wants to kiss you back. But no one can refuse a hug. It’s the best thing ever.

  I open my arms, and she walks right into them. “I can’t believe you remember that.”

  “Of course I do. I remember every single moment, every single conversation we ever had.” My chin is on the top of her head, and her arms hang limply by her side, but then she lifts them and circles them around my body.

  I exhale and squeeze her.

  “It’s going to be okay. I promise. Everything is going to be okay.”

  She squeezes a little bit more, and I try to ignore how good she feels in my arms. “Thank you, Iggy.”

  “No problem, babe.” Then the moment is broken, and we go through the same ritual as yesterday. We take the kids to school, then we drive back home so Abby can get ready for work.

  8

  ABBY

  At least four teachers and three students have asked if I was okay today. I don’t even know how I replied. I’m in a daze and just going through the motions, thinking of everything that happened today, yesterday, fifteen years ago…

  The hug shook me. And the way I felt in his arms unsettled me.

  I think I need Iggy out of my life. I don’t know if I’ll be able to focus until he’s gone. Iggy was my entire world for a long time. And then one day he was just gone. That’s not something easily forgotten, and I can’t just go about my business while he’s wandering around my house, as if we didn’t have this enormous past weighing heavily on us.

  I decide to make a call during my lunch time. I scroll through my phone until I find Jack Daniels’s saved number, and I call him.

  “Detective Daniels,” he answers.

  “H-hi, Mr. Daniels this is Abigail Williams. You are handling my case—“

  “Hello, Abby. I know who you are. How are you doing?”

  “Fine. Well, not fine, but hanging in there.”

  “Did something happen?” he asks, alarmed.

  “No, just, I wanted to know if there’s any updates on my case.”

  “Isn’t Iggy staying with you? I assumed that he was updating you on the case. I apologize if—”

  “No. No. He’s here. Well, not here, but at home. I’m just…you know…” I don’t know exactly why I’m even calling him, and now I feel like a fool. “He’s living with us,” I blurt out.

  I hear a quiet chuckle. “Of course he is.” And this time he laughs loudly into the phone as if there’s some sort of inside joke I’m missing. “I thought you were old friends. Should he not be staying with you?”

  “We are old friends but him living in my home, well, it’s not an ideal situation. Anyway, I was just hoping there was something new or something that could speed things up.”

  “So he can get out of your house?”

  “Something like that.” Even as I say that, I feel like an asshole. The guy is living with me to help us, and I’m being an ungrateful shrew. But Jack doesn’t know our past.

  “I wish I had more to tell you, Abby. We have all hands on deck when it comes to your case and I believe that Iggy has his crew working on it too. I don’t want to scare you, but it’s really a dangerous situation and I know I’ll sleep better at night knowing you have someone watching over you and your kids.”

  “Yes of course. I don’t mean to sound ungrateful or anything. I just… Well, if there’s anything new, just let me or Iggy know. Sorry to have bothered, Mr. Daniels.”

  “No bother at all. Have a good day, Abby.”

  “You too,” I say and hang up. Argh!

  Then I dial Tim. “What’s up, Abby?” he answers after the first ring.

  “I can’t believe you and Claire hired Iggy.”

  “I thought you already gave Claire an earful about this.” He chuckles. Oh my God, why is everyone finding this so damn amusing?

  “I did. But I haven’t given you one. I mean…it’s Iggy. What on Earth made you think that Iggy would be the best candidate for the job?”

 

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