Securing avery, p.22
Securing Avery, page 22
He frowned. “And no one seems familiar?”
Avery sighed. “No. And it sucks. I thought for sure I’d recognize the guy immediately when I saw him. But I’ve been through all the navy photos and I’m pretty sure the guy I saw wasn’t there. Now I’ve only got a few of the army and civilian guys left to look through.” She put down her cup of coffee. “What am I going to do if I can’t find him, Cole? The first unit will be leaving Afghanistan soon. Be honest, do you really think I’ll be in danger?”
She watched as Cole turned off the heat on the stove and slid a perfectly cooked omelet onto a plate. He turned to her and put his hands on her shoulders. He was wearing a tan T-shirt and his blue camo pants. He’d managed to shower without her hearing him, and she could smell his fresh, clean scent. It made her want to bury her face into his neck and just stay there the rest of the day, smelling him.
“There’s a chance, yes,” he said solemnly. “I wish like hell I could tell you that you’ll be fine, but, Avery, you were the one who told us what the Afghani said to you. That he’d been instructed to make sure you didn’t make it out of the country alive. The traitor obviously knows who you are, and if you can’t identify him, that puts you in danger.”
“I can identify him,” Avery insisted. “If I see him again. Just like people said, the official DOD photos are very staged and probably look nothing like the person does in real life. I bet I would hardly recognize you if I saw yours.”
Cole smirked.
“See? I’m right,” she said with a huff.
“I know you are. I don’t have a beard or mustache in mine,” Cole told her.
Avery’s eyes widened. “Seriously? I really want to see it now.”
He chuckled, then took a step closer to her and one of his hands moved from her shoulder to her nape, the other wrapping around her waist.
Avery shivered in response. God, she loved it when he held her like this. His eyes were intense as he looked at her. “I’m not going to let anything happen to you.”
As much as she liked the sentiment behind his words, she knew that wasn’t how things worked. “I appreciate that, but I have a feeling if this guy wants to get to me, he will.”
Cole frowned.
“You can’t be with me twenty-four hours a day, Cole,” Avery insisted. “You have work, as do I. As much as I’d love to have you as my own personal man-hunk shadow, that’s not feasible for either one of us. I just need to know how much danger you really think I’m in. If it’s a ten on a scale of one to ten, then I’ll do things very differently than if it’s a five. I don’t want to die, I’ve got too much to live for, but I also can’t spend my life locked behind doors, wondering if there’s a sniper’s bullet out there with my name on it. Does any of this make sense?”
Cole sighed. Then nodded. “Yeah, baby, it does. I hate it, but I understand. I’d say right now the danger level is probably around a two. It’s possible this guy knows people and can hire someone to get to you, but since things have been quiet for over two weeks, I think you’re okay.”
“And when those army and navy units leave Afghanistan?” she asked.
Cole pressed his lips together for a moment, then said, “Seven.”
Avery’s stomach rolled at hearing that. “Thank you for being honest with me.”
“Ideally, you’ll recognize the traitor in the last batch of pictures you go through,” Cole said. “Then he can be picked up and interrogated and you’ll be good to go.”
“And if I don’t?”
“Then you’ll need to be extra vigilant. Constantly aware of who’s around you, and you’ll have to be sure to never be alone. In a parking lot, on the floor in the hospital, or while grocery shopping. I won’t lie, it’s gonna suck, but I’m going to do everything I can to help out. To be with you so you can relax and just be you while you’re out and about.”
“For how long?” she asked.
“What do you mean?”
“Just that. How long? There will be more units leaving Afghanistan in the months to come. When will I know the threat is done? I mean, if this guy comes back stateside and realizes that I haven’t fingered him, will that be it? Will he think he’s won and leave me alone? Or will I always have to watch my back? How long will I be in danger?”
“I don’t know,” Cole admitted. He pulled her into him until they were plastered together from hip to chest. Avery grabbed hold of the side of his pants and looked into his eyes. “What I do know is, no matter how long it takes, you’ve got me. And my teammates. You aren’t alone, Avery.”
“I just can’t imagine having to live in fear for months or years.”
“You won’t.”
“You can’t know that,” Avery insisted.
“I can, and here’s why. Because I know you,” Cole said. “You’re tenacious. You aren’t going to let this go. If you get through the last pictures and haven’t recognized him, you’ll go through them again. You’ll inspect every man you come into contact with and eventually you’ll recognize him.”
“And if he’s not navy? Not on this base?” she asked, his words making her feel good.
“I have a feeling whoever this is will want to make sure you can’t ID him. If he’s not navy, he’ll show up anyway. He might lurk in the background, but he’ll want you to see him. If you show the slightest bit of recognition, he’ll know he has to do something. If you do ever see anyone you think is him, you’re going to have to do your best to not let on that you recognize him. I’m serious about this, Avery, your life could be at stake.”
She nodded. “I know. And that makes sense. Maybe I could go to the welcome-back ceremony next week and see if I can ID him there.”
“Not a bad idea,” Cole conceded. “If you don’t ID him from the last of the pictures, I’ll talk to my commander and see if we can’t arrange something.”
His thumb lightly caressed the back of her neck, and Avery’s nipples puckered in response.
And just like that, thoughts of the traitor and her life maybe being in danger disappeared. All Avery could think of was the man standing in front of her and how much she wanted him.
“Why haven’t you kissed me again?” she asked softly.
“I’ve kissed you,” Cole insisted.
Avery shook her head. “You know what I mean. A peck on the lips doesn’t count.”
He looked pained. “The truth?”
“Always.”
“Because I know if I kiss you the way I really want to, I won’t stop. I’ll take you into the bedroom and love you the way I dream about every night. I’ll have you naked and writhing under me before you even know what’s happening. And I won’t stop at kissing your lips. I’ll taste every inch of your body before fucking you so hard, neither of us can think of anything but how good we feel together. And the last thing I want to do is rush you. Or do something that will make you regress in your recovery. You’ve been doing so well over the last week, I don’t want to screw that up.”
His explanation had Avery squirming in his grip. Her panties were wet and she desperately wanted what his vivid words had promised. “Yes,” she whispered.
But Cole shook his head. “As much as you saying that turns me on, I’m not ready.”
She frowned. “What? I thought guys were always ready for sex? And you were ready a week ago. What’s changed?”
“I like you, Avery. A hell of a lot. And we could fuck right this second and we’d both find it extremely pleasurable. But…I want more. I want it all. And I’m willing to wait until you want that too. I know you think all guys, especially SEALs, are horndogs, have slept with hundreds of women, and have no desire to settle down, but I’m not like that. I want what my friends have. I want a partner. Someone to spend the rest of my life with. To fight for. To come home to at the end of a mission and feel settled because she’s in my arms again. I want someone I can laugh with, cry with, and simply sit in the same room with and feel content. What I don’t want is a fuck buddy. Someone who only wants to be with me because I keep the nightmares at bay.”
Avery opened her mouth to protest, to tell him that wasn’t why she’d called him that night, wasn’t why she’d allowed him to stay over at her apartment every night for the last week. But he tightened his hand on the back of her neck and continued talking.
“No, I don’t think that’s why you’re with me, but honestly, you scare the shit out of me, Avery. I think about you constantly. I worry about you when you’re at work and have to stop myself from texting you a hundred times a day to see how you’re doing. Or to tell you something funny that happened to me. I’m not ready because I need to make sure this is what you want. That you’re all in. Because if you agree to be with me, and then decide later on that you’ve changed your mind, it would devastate me.
“So I can’t kiss you the way I really want to because it’ll lead to more. And I don’t want to pressure you into anything less than being one hundred percent committed to a relationship with me. I know this all makes me sound like some kind of pussy, but I can’t help it.”
Avery moved her hand up to his mouth and covered it. “You aren’t a pussy,” she told him sternly. “I can’t believe you’d even say that. Most men wouldn’t have the balls to admit what you just did. But…you’re right. I’m reluctant to commit to whatever this is between us because it’s so confusing. I’ve never felt the kind of chemistry with anyone else that we have, and it scares the shit out of me too. I can’t help but wonder if, after we fuck, it’ll dissipate and that will be that.”
Cole shook his head, but Avery didn’t remove her hand.
“I’m not saying that I think you’d purposely do anything to hurt me, you aren’t that kind of guy, but over time, when the need and want fades, and you’re stuck having someone in your bed who can’t sleep without the fucking light on, I don’t want you to question what the hell you’re doing. If you’ll start to pull away, and then I’ll be left by myself once again, wondering what the hell happened.”
Cole reached up and took the hand over his mouth into his own, then wrapped them behind her back, effectively trapping her between himself and the counter. “That won’t happen, sweetheart. I don’t give a shit about the light. We can spend the rest of our lives sleeping with the light on and it won’t faze me. But that right there is why I’ve been holding back. We’re going to burn hotter than I can even imagine when we finally make love, but I want to make sure you know down to the marrow of your bones that I’m here because I want to be. Not because of the sex. Not because of what you think I want from you. I just want you, Avery. Exactly how you are. Forever. And it’s old fashioned, I admit it, but I need the reassurance that this isn’t just a fling for you before we move our physical relationship forward.”
“So you want us to get married before you’ll kiss me? Make love with me?”
Cole shook his head. “No. I know this sounds insane, and I’m not explaining it well. I just need to know that you’re as committed to making things work as I am, before we go down that physical path. Because, you might’ve missed this, baby, but once I make you mine, I’m not letting you go. And I don’t mean that in a creepy stalker, ‘no one can have you but me’ way. But I know deep down that you can destroy me. If you let me make you mine, then decide it’s not what you want, I’ll never recover. That scares the hell out of me. When you’re ready to be mine, really be mine, you let me know and I’ll kiss you….and more.”
Avery’s heart was beating hard in her chest and she felt like she couldn’t get enough air.
Was Cole for real? His words were a little on the chauvinistic side…she wasn’t a piece of property that would “belong” to anyone, but she couldn’t deny that she loved the idea all the same. “If I’m yours, would you be mine? I won’t tolerate cheating,” she told him. “If you ever sleep with another woman behind my back, or sext anyone, or even kiss someone else the way we kissed before I called you in the middle of the night, I’ll be done. Out. No matter how much you beg or apologize, it’ll be over.”
“I won’t.”
His words were simple and heartfelt.
Avery wanted to agree right then and there that she was his. That she was ready. But deep down, she knew she wasn’t. Her life was up in the air right now and the last thing she needed was to add Cole to the mix.
Of course, he was already involved. They were practically living together and they’d only been on a handful of official dates. But she’d called him, and he hadn’t hesitated in coming to her side. And his presence was allowing her to sleep at night.
She didn’t want to enter a true relationship with him until she knew she wasn’t using him in any way. She didn’t want him to be a crutch. She wanted to be whole for him. Avery had no idea when that might happen, but it was more than obvious he was an honorable man, and she wanted to respect that.
“I’ll let you know,” she said softly.
The flare of heat in his eyes was almost enough to make her declare she was ready right then and there.
“You’re worth it,” Cole said tenderly.
“What?”
“You’re worth waiting for,” he clarified. “I don’t care how long it takes, you’re worth every minute.” Then he took a deep breath and stepped away from her. “Your breakfast is getting cold, you need to eat.”
“You’re always feeding me,” Avery mock complained, missing the feel of him against her more than she could admit.
“And I probably always will be,” he admitted. “Knowing you went two weeks without food still haunts me. You’re going to have to humor me.”
Avery knew there were worse things to have to deal with when it came to a boyfriend. So she picked up her coffee cup and walked over to the small kitchen table. She ate while she watched Cole make himself a few eggs.
They ate breakfast together, discussing what they had planned for the day.
“Oh, before we got sidetracked, I was going to ask if you wanted to go over to Gumby’s house this afternoon after you finished looking at pictures. Phantom is going back to his own apartment tomorrow and we thought we’d throw a small ‘going home’ party for him.”
Avery wasn’t sure she would feel like being social after work and after looking at pictures, but she knew Cole had been spending more time with her than his friends lately and she felt bad about that.
As if he could read her mind, Cole said, “It’s okay to say no. And of course it’ll depend on if you ID the traitor or not. If you do, we’ll have other things we’ll need to do.”
Shaking her head, Avery made a decision. “No, I want to. I haven’t met Caite, Sidney, Piper, or Zoey yet, and I’ve heard so much about them from you. It’s more comfortable for me to come back here and hang out, but I do really want to meet them and see the guys again. Especially Phantom. Any word on that woman, Kalee?”
“Not yet, but our computer-genius friend Tex is doing his best to see what he can find. How about this, we’ll stop in for a bit, but I promise to get you back here before the sun sets. I know you don’t like to be out and about after dark.”
Avery was both touched at his consideration and pissed at herself for being such a scaredy-cat. “Sounds good.”
Cole reached out and grabbed hold of her hand, preventing her from standing to bring her plate to the sink. “It’s only been a few weeks, give yourself some slack.”
Taking a deep breath, Avery nodded. “I just…I hate this. I was strong enough to live through what they did to me and now I feel like I’m letting something stupid like the dark take me down.”
“It’s not stupid,” Cole said. He ran his thumb over the back of her hand and let her go.
Avery put the dirty dishes in the dishwasher then went to finish getting ready for work. In twenty minutes, she and Cole were on their way to the hospital. She had a car, could’ve driven herself, but he’d insisted he didn’t mind dropping her off and picking her up. And since Avery loved spending as much time with Cole as possible, she’d agreed.
He pulled up in front of the hospital and leaned over, gripping the back of her neck and bringing her lips to his. His kiss was as chaste as always, but now that she understood why he was holding back, it didn’t bother her anymore.
“Be careful,” he told her, just like he did every time he dropped her off.
“I will.”
“Call or text when you get to the police station.”
“Of course.”
He let go and Avery climbed out of his car. He called her name before she could shut the door.
“Yeah?” she asked, leaning down to meet his gaze.
“I’m proud of you. Your determination to identify the traitor to our country is so damn honorable, I don’t have the words. On behalf of every American killed or hurt by insurgents and terrorists, thank you.”
Avery felt herself tear up. She managed to nod at him.
Cole smiled, and she shut the door and headed for the entrance of the hospital. His words were just what she’d needed to hear. Yes, what happened to her had sucked, but it wasn’t all about her. Two men had lost their lives over there in Afghanistan. And thousands more had died while fighting for their country. The traitor, whoever and wherever he was, had directly contributed to the danger for even more American men and women. His actions had increased the tension between the locals and the soldiers and sailors in the region tenfold.
Not to mention missions like the one she’d been on, to help the local women with healthcare, were on hold for the foreseeable future.
Avery had no idea what would happen if she wasn’t able to identify the traitor that afternoon in the last batch of pictures she had to go through, but she wouldn’t stop until she’d figured out who he was.
“I’m going to find you, asshole,” she muttered as the automatic doors opened for her. She put her hand over her chest, making sure Cole’s Budweiser pin was still attached to her T-shirt under her scrubs. Just having that with her gave her confidence, and it made her feel as if Cole was there with her at all times.
Scott Wheatland listened to the base general give a speech to the units that were scheduled to leave Afghanistan over the next week. So far, he hadn’t been thrown in the brig, which seemed to be a good sign that the lieutenant hadn’t identified him yet.
