One good reason, p.12
One Good Reason, page 12
I knew he was eating because every so often I would hear his utensils on the glass plate. The air around us was thick and uncomfortable. I felt like my throat was constricting with every second that passed. I couldn’t quite wrap my head around the conversation that I’d just had with Gema’s children. I knew what my mama’s issue was with me but the other ones I couldn’t figure it out. I had never done anything to any of them, and yet, every chance they got to teamed up against me, they did.
It felt like I swallowed a rock when I swallowed the piece of fish that I had been holding in my mouth. So much so that I dropped my fork and clutch my neck, my eyes closed as I sucked in several deep breaths. I was trying to keep myself from having a panic attack and as it stood, my efforts were futile. Law must’ve realized something was wrong because before I could move, he was out of his chair and at my side.
“Talitha.” His hand wrapped around my wrist as he repeated my name several times.
Grabbing his elbow, I sucked in as much air as my lungs could hold. When I pushed the air back out, a wail spewed out of my mouth. My chest heaved up and down as tears rushed down my face. I felt like I was dying, hell, death would probably be better than living in this fucking nightmare.
The more I cried, the more my vision blurred. Arms wrapped around my waist before my body was hoisted in the air. When I realized I was being carried bridal style out of the living room, I laid my head on his chest and let go of everything that I was holding in. At some point, Law had sat down with me still attached to him.
“Ssshhhh,” he cooed as he rocked us back and forth. “It’s going to be okay.”
The urge to protest was at the tip of my tongue but I was just so hurt. I don’t know how long we stayed locked in that position but at some point my tears had dried up. Numbness had set in and there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it.
Closing my eyes, I let out the one thing that I swore I would never admit. “Sometimes I want to end it all. Then I think about how selfish that would be. I fear what it would do to Gema.” My voice was hoarse from all of the crying I had done but I was suffocating and needed to get this off my chest. “I’ve been fighting with them since Papa Joe died and sometimes, I think maybe if I just let them have her, my life would be so much better. I didn’t have to do it. I did it because I know she would’ve done it for me.
She did do it for me. I do it out of love. But my God. It would be so easy to just give up. Say fuck it and let them kill her. Cause that’s exactly what’s going to happen if I left her in their care! They don’t care about her. They want to be around just to say they did something when she finally does pass. My Mama so concerned about being over everything cause she thinks it’s going to earn her some brownie points.
They don’t even realize that Gema’s will been made out. Her and Papa Joe had that shit done after I went off to college. Gema’s will is in a safety deposit box at the bank. I never wanted anything from them. Never needed anything, hell, them rescuing me was enough for me. I didn’t make them leave me anything. They chose to do it because they knew their kids were fuck ups and money hungry. Yet, I’m the villain. I’m the bad guy. I’m always the one in the wrong,” I was rambling on and on, but I couldn’t stop now.
“I have no social life. No friends. No anything. My day-to-day is consumed with all things Gema. When I get a break at work, I’m scheduling doctor’s appointments or ordering prescriptions at the pharmacy. Paying bills at the house, paying Mrs. Jessie, making sure the insurance on the house is paid…
The money my Mama gets every month from the people she rented Gema house to, I don’t see any of that. She pockets it all. I pay for everything where the house is concerned. I don’t ask them for nothing. If Gema needs something, I make sure it gets done. And this is the way they treat me!”
“Your family is selfish,” Law finally spoke up.
“Selfish as hell. And on God, if I could just cut them out of our life, we would be happier. But they’re her kids and I know she loves them.”
“Cutting them off may be the solution. Especially if this is what you have to deal with all the time.”
“If only it was that easy,” I scoffed. “Uncle Meat don’t never come down. He moved away and ain’t looked back since. Willearl don’t stay sober enough. Louise hangs on to my Mama every fucking word. Betty Jo plays peace maker sometimes, but the other half is spent with her agreeing with the fuck shit. I’m really out here on my own.”
“What does Gema say about it?”
“Tells me not to let them get me so worked up. But it’s hard not to, especially when it’s coming from multiple angles.”
“I’m sorry that you’re dealing with this.”
“I’m used to it, and that’s what’s so fucked about it.”
“But you shouldn’t be.”
“I know, but what other option do I have.” When Law didn’t say anything, I added, “My sentiments exactly. I’m sorry for ruining your dinner.”
“You didn’t ruin my dinner, Talitha. I’m happy I was here to keep you from going off the deep end.”
“It’s gone take more than some tears to break me, Law. I’ve been dealing with this since I was twenty. I’m numb to it most of the time. I guess it really bothered me because the one time I do something that isn’t centered around Gema, I’m looked at like the bad person.”
“That’s not a good thing though, Talitha.”
“It’s life and it’s what I’m used to. Outside of a few old people ailments, my Gema is in good health and that’s really all I could ask for.”
“What can I do to help?” His voice was solemn. I knew he was feeling sorry for me. Pity was the last thing that I needed. From him. From anybody.
“There is no helping me, Law. That’s the thing. I’ve been rescued once; I won’t let it happen again.” My statement was a double entendre. Whether he picked up on it or not was on him, not me.
Realizing that I was still wrapped up in his arms, I leaned my head up and adjusted my body so I could stand. I wasn’t a bitch; I was grateful for him being here in this moment and I needed to express that.
Standing in front of him, I peered down into his eyes. “Thank you so much Law for listening to me vent.”
“You don’t have to thank me, Talitha. You needed a friend in this moment.”
“Still. You didn’t have to sit here and listen. You could’ve brought me in here and left. My life is a lot, I come with a lot. I know it and everyone around me does. I don’t like to bother anyone with my issues cause I never want to feel like a burden so please accept my thanks because you’ll probably never get to see me this raw and uncut again.”
Rising from his spot on the bed, Law towered over me. “In that case… you’re welcome, Talitha.”
Gazing up at him while his eyes were cast down on me, I was tempted to kiss him. The longer we stood there staring at each other, the faster my heart galloped in my chest. When Law opened his mouth to speak, my breathing labored. Clearly, we both had it on our mind and instead of going in for the kiss I was desperate to receive, he rubbed the pad of his thumb across my bottom lip. His gaze was so heavy that my body started to feel like shards of glass was prickling it. I cowered under his heated stare. When I turned my head to break the intense stare, Law grabbed my face between the palms of his hand and turned it back to him.
“I want to kiss you so bad right now, Talitha,” he swore.
When I felt like my knees were getting ready to go out, I gripped his elbows to steady myself.
Bringing his face closer to mine, he whispered, “I want nothing more than to rip you out of this robe and make love to you. God, I desire to make you feel so good.” Shaking his head slightly, he expelled a deep sigh. “But I can’t. Not like this at least. When I have you, I want you willingly, not battered and bruised.”
“Law…” I croaked out.
“I want you so bad that I’m physically hurting.” Dropping one of his hands from my face, Law wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled my body into his. I felt him. He said he was physically hurting and the harden member between his legs let me know how true that statement was.
“Lawton,” I whimpered like a wounded fucking cat. I wanted to beg him to have his way with me, but this was my boss. I wanted to cross that line so fucking bad right now, and maybe it was emotionally fueled. If I wasn’t in such an emotional funk, I wouldn’t dare be standing this close to him. I was though because my heart was crushed and I wanted to feel good, even if only for a few minutes. My hands gripped his arms tighter when he leaned in and placed a kiss on my forehead.
Instead of pulling back, he allowed his lips to linger causing me to close my eyes and suck in a deep breath. Eventually, he pulled back and gazed down at me before removing his hands, stepping to the side, and walking out of my bedroom. I couldn’t move; my feet felt like they were cemented to the ground. I stood in place for what felt like hours while I talked myself out of sprinting out of my bedroom to go look for him. Law had more willpower than I did in this moment, and he made the right call when he walked out. Knowing that, I still felt a ping of rejection.
Once I was able to get myself together, I pulled the covers back and slid into bed. I would stare up at the ceiling until my body calmed down enough for me to fall asleep.
CHAPTER 11
Lawton
Walking away from Talitha last night proved to be a harder task than I thought. I don’t recall ever having a pull that strong to any female other than Adele. Something about the way her body shook in my arms while she cried had me wanting to kill anybody that had ever hurt her. I wanted so bad to make her feel good last night. I couldn’t and wouldn’t dare take advantage of her in that state.
While she was on her call, I tried so hard not to listen which proved to be impossible. One because she had the damn phone on speaker, and two, because she was loud as hell as she argued back and forth with her family.
I don’t know what it was about her mother that set her off but every time she spoke it seemed like the fire in Talitha incinerated more. Without me even knowing the history between the two, it was easy to decipher that something had happened while she was in her mother’s care and Gema stepped in and raised her.
If anyone knew what it felt like to have a woman push you out and not fuck with you, it was me. I wouldn’t dare tell her she needed to fix her relationship with her mother. I wanted so badly for the rest of the family to figure out a way to coexist with Talitha for Gema’s sake. I knew it was a hard enough task having to be someone’s primary caregiver and they wasn’t making the job easier on her.
Had I known she would go through all of this, I wouldn’t have invited her. I could’ve set something up back in Atlanta for us. I brought her here for business, no doubt, but selfishly wanted to be with her out of her element. I wanted to see her in an environment where she couldn’t run off. The more time I spent with her, the more drawn I was to her. Holding her while she was in her most vulnerable state had me desiring her even more.
I never had a desire for Dahlia. We lasted as long as we did because I enjoyed her company and I loved her. As I reflect on the relationship that we had, I can wholeheartedly say I was never in love with Dah. I loved the idea of her and the sense of security she provided because I knew she would always be around. Loneliness was my biggest fear outside of abandonment, and Dahlia provided that comfort.
Adele was a different case. I was in love with her. I wanted forever with her and unfortunately, she didn’t share the same sentiments. Adele reminded me of a love that I never received when I was growing up and I think that’s part of the reason I hold onto her as much as I do.
The gala was later this evening and I had planned for Talitha and I to have breakfast this morning, but I had spent the better part of the day hiding out from her. I was trying to practice restraint. I thought sleeping it off would bring me down, but I woke up with a hard dick and her face heavily on my mind. She was on my mind to the point where I had to relieve myself in the shower.
I hadn’t heard a peep from her side of the suite so if I had to guess, I was certain she was avoiding me as well. Time was slowly inching by so at some point the avoidance would have to end. That and the fact that I hadn’t ate anything yet.
Grabbing the iPad off the nightstand, I placed an order for brunch. Both of us needed to eat and what time like the present to end this awkwardness. After receiving confirmation for the order, I hopped out of bed and swaggered into the bathroom to handle my hygiene for the second time today.
Once I was done, I threw my robe on top of my pajamas, slid my feet into my house shoes, and walked out of the room.
The suite was eerily quiet. If it wasn’t for the low hums of the television from behind the closed door, I would’ve assumed I was alone.
“Knock knock.” I tapped on her room door.
“One second,” she called out. It took a few minutes for her to come to the door but when she did, her swollen face did nothing to soothe my aching heart.
Running my finger under her eye, I noted, “Your eyes are puffy.”
“That’s what happens when you cry yourself to sleep,” she joked but the humor didn’t quite reach her eyes.
“You’re killing me, Howard,” I groused.
“I know. I’m emotional as hell, Law. I’ve tried to pull myself out this slump. It’s hard.” She sniveled before backtracking, “But I’ll get there.”
“You want to leave? We can skip the gala and head back to Atlanta if it’ll make you feel better.” All Talitha had to do was say the word and I would have the pilot at the hangar waiting for us. If going home would make her happy, I would grant her that. Whatever she needed me to do, I would do it for her.
“No,” Talitha sighed. “We didn’t come all this way for nothing.”
“We can figure it out, Talitha. If you think going home will help your mood, we can go. I promise… I won’t be mad.”
“Law, you drug me to New York so you could pimp me out to your rich friends. I wouldn’t dare cut this trip short.” This time when she laughed, her whole face lit up. That simple gesture casually slowed my racing heart.
“Get dressed and meet me out here. I haven’t eaten shit and I know you haven’t either.”
“I’m not hungry, Law.”
“Get dressed. Talitha.”
“You do know that I’m grown.”
Biting down on my bottom lip, my eyes roamed her frame and eventually made their way back up to her face. She was still in the robe that she had on last night. The way it casually fell off her shoulders let me know that she was probably still bare under neath it. “Oh. That I’m well aware of.”
“Get out Lawton Harvey!”
“I’m getting out but if you’re not out by the time the food is delivered, I have no problem dragging out of this room, Talitha.”
“I’m going to call Gema and tell her threatened me.”
“Make sure you tell her I had every reason to do so,” I countered before walking out and closing the door behind me.
A few minutes after I’d exited her room, there were knocks on the door of the suite. I took a few minutes to get myself in check before going to open it. The cart containing the food was pushed into the room and after tipping the attendant, I busied myself setting up the table for us to dine.
Just as I was finishing up, Talitha was sauntering out of the room. The robe hanging off her shoulder earlier was now open displaying the black and pink silk Victoria Secret set of pajamas. On her face was some type of white mask, and if I had to guess it was to help with the puffiness.
“Aren’t you a sight for sore eyes?” I joked with her.
“I’m not in the mood, Law,” she giggled. “I figured I needed to be in pristine condition if you’re planning on pimping me out to your rich friends.”
“You’re going to hold that over my head I see.”
“Oh honey.” Ducking her chin, Talitha batted her eyelashes. “You have no idea how long.”
“Whatever.”
Pouring myself and her a glass of orange juice, I sat at the table and picked up the newspaper that was delivered with the food.
“For it to be a hotel, this food is actually pretty good,” Talitha noted.
Pulling the newspaper down from my face, I looked over at her. She was currently holding up a piece of bacon.
“Surely the bacon isn’t that interesting.”
“It’s not,” she laughed. “It tastes like beef bacon but from the looks of it, I would have to say it’s pork.”
“It’s neither,” I confirmed. “I ordered turkey bacon.”
“You’re fucking with me right.” She frowned.
Grabbing the white mug with the hotel logo stamped on it, I brought it up to my mouth and took a sip of the piping hot coffee. “Maybe.” I shrugged.
“God, you are so facetious.”
“I’ll be anything you want me to be as long as you’re smiling.”
Dropping the bacon on the plate, Talitha slumped her shoulders. “About that…”
“No need. It happened and this is where we are. I don’t want you to feel like you have to be on guard or walk on eggshells around me. You’re human and unbeknownst to the rest of the world, you hurt just like everyone else.”
“I know I do,” she clarified.
“Then don’t act like it’s a crime to show those emotions. You don’t have to be guarded with me, Talitha. You aren’t the only person in the world who has issues that they’re trying to work through.”
“Sure.” She snorted. “I’m sure your issues are vastly different than mine.”
“They might not be the same however, I have issues as well. I’m just good at hiding them.”
“What kind of issues, Law?” she queried. “Because from where I’m sitting, I would love to have rich people problems. At least I could go fuck off some money when I get in moods like this.”
