One good reason, p.37
One Good Reason, page 37
I tried to explain to her that yes I should have told him I was pregnant, but Law had been adamant since day one that he didn’t want kids. I kept it from him out of fear that he would tell me to get rid of it.
Yes he said that he was inclined to change his mind but when he said that, I thought he meant change his mind about falling in love. What else was I supposed to think since he never came out and said he all of a sudden wanted kids?
Regardless, now that I think about it, I should have told him and now I was regretting how I had handled it.
“Are we heading straight out, or do you need to make another stop?” Baker asked after sliding in the driver seat.
“Nawl. I’m done here.” Peering out the window, I looked around the city that raised me. I’d learned how to ride a bike here, had my first date right here in the heart of downtown. Everything that I was, I accredited it to my grandparents and this town. With the two people who raised me gone, there was nothing left for me here. I didn’t see a reason to let my family know of my departure. I was perfectly okay with purging them from my life.
This city had brought me some happy moments as well as some sad ones. The next time I stepped foot back down here, it would be to put flowers on my grandparents’ grave.
Sliding my shades on my face, I grabbed Mrs. Jessie’s hand. “I’m ready to go home now, Baker.”
Before dropping Mrs. Jessie off at her house, we made plans to catch up in a few weeks. Things had been heavy for a while and now that we were back home, I needed to rest up and get my mind together so I could get back to work. I’d been away long enough.
When the blacked out trucked rolled to a stop in front of my house, a despondent feeling hit me in the chest. It was so strong it brought tears to my eyes, but I refused to allow them to fall. I promised Gema I was done crying and got damn it, I was going to try my hardest to keep my promise.
“I think this is everything,” Baker said as he rolled my last bag through the foyer. “If you need me, don’t hesitate to call.”
Clearing my throat, I looked up at him. “Have you talked to him?”
“Who, Dutch?”
“Yeah,” I nodded.
“Yeah. He wanted me to let him know when I got you back. He’s around.”
“So, I’m the only one that hasn’t heard from him.” Swiping my tongue across my lip, I nodded my head. “I get it.”
“Give him time, Tali. You fucked him up with that. He will come around.”
“If you say so. Be safe.” After seeing him out, I drug my bags to living room and parked them by the couch.
The air in the house felt stuffy. As much as I wanted to keep Gema’s room in the same condition that she left it, I knew I wouldn’t truly be at peace until I’d packed her things up. Opening the curtains, I let the sunlight shine through the living room.
“Alexa, play Al Green on Pandora.”
When the music started, I threw my hair into a ponytail, stripped out of my clothes, and pulled out my cleaning supplies. When I was growing up, Gema and I would get up bright and early every Saturday morning and clean while listening to Al Green. Today, I was going to clean my house from top to bottom after I got Gema’s things packed up and put away in the garage. Well, I would clean as much as I could before I got tired.
“Talitha!” Rossi shrieked. “I’m so happy to see you here. Did you get the flowers we sent down?”
“Yes boo. I got them,” I confirmed. “They’re resting at Gema’s gravesite.”
“We wanted to come to the funeral so bad.”
“You didn’t have too. I know your heart. And I appreciate you guys for sending your regards.”
“Why are you here? You didn’t come to work, did you?” he asked and checked me out from head to toe.
“No.” I laughed. “I came to get something out of my office.”
“Okay. I was getting ready to say. Lawton told us you were still out on bereavement.”
“You spoke with Law?”
“He’s been here every day. He usually comes around noon and stays until four or five. You didn’t know?”
“I guess it must’ve slipped my mind,” I lied. I hadn’t saw or heard a peep from him in over a week, but I wouldn’t dare tell Rossi that.
“Oh okay.” He eyed me skeptically. “You look different. What is it?”
“Grief.” I sighed. “It’s been kicking my ass,” I admitted. “But I’ll be okay.”
“If you need a girls night, just say that.” he sang.
“Rain check,” I pleaded. “I’m trying to learn how to be alone. You know discovering things about myself that I never knew.”
“How’s that working out for you?”
“Bitch!” I drawled. “It ain’t. I’m ready to come back to work. I need something to keep my mind occupied but I also understand the importance of pacing myself.”
“Right. We don’t want you to rush and come back. Everything here has been running smoothly. You just lost your Earth; take all the time you need to heal. This place will be here when you get back.”
“You are absolutely right. Let me get going. I got what I came for.”
“Call me if you need anything, Tali. I mean that. Anything. Give me a call,” he contended after pulling me into a hug.
“I will. Tell everyone I said hey.”
“Will do tutts.”
Tucking the white envelope under my arm I left the building and hopped into my car. The day I found out I was pregnant was the same day that Louise called asking if she could come get Gema. It was also the day I’d met the infamous Dahlia. I was late to work that morning because I had a doctor’s appointment to confirm my suspicions. Instead of taking the sonogram home, I’d dropped in the drawer of my desk.
I stopped by today so I could grab it and take it to Law. I needed to talk to him so we could make things right. So, Lake Spivey was my next stop. When I pulled up to the gate, I used the card and let myself in. Law had given me a key to the house months ago so I could come and go as often as I’d liked. I was hoping he was home so my trip out this way wouldn’t be for nothing.
Unlocking the door, I pushed it opened and was immediately greeted with the scent of cinnamon. The smell was so pungent it caused my stomach to turn. Jogging down the hall, I went into the guest bathroom and emptied the contents of my stomach into the toilet. God, I hated that smell even before I found out I was pregnant.
After rinsing my mouth out with mouthwash, I toed up the steps to the master room. Doing my usual perusal around the room, I noticed that my things were still where I’d left them. The night we got the call about Gema, everything was a blur and moved in slow motion, I remember us not having time to pick up after ourselves.
Either Law was staying at the condo, or he wasn’t sleeping in this room. Walking out of the bedroom, I headed down the hall and peered into the guest bedroom. A few items belonging to a woman was strewn around the room. I didn’t know what to make of it, so I backed away from the door and left out of the house the same way I entered. I had no choice but to wait for him to come to me. I don’t know if five days was enough for him to move on to something else, but I could say for sure a woman had been in the house. Tucking my tail, I pulled out of the driveway and headed back across town to my house.
On my way home from Law’s, I decided to stop by the grocery store and grab a few things. I was craving some of Gema’s egg rolls and had run out of the things I needed to make them. Standing at the island, I laid out the ingredients and worked to roll the perfect egg roll. I remember Gema said me using egg wash was the reason they bubbled up on the outside, so I decided to follow her recipe and use the flour and water to seal them up.
The chiming of my doorbell made me groan. I wasn’t expecting company and whoever was on the other side of the door better hope by the time I made it to the front I was pleasant, or they would be getting cursed the fuck out. Wiping my hands on my towel I tossed it over my shoulder and ambled toward the door.
“The hell?” I mumbled when I looked through the peephole. Snatching the door opened, I leaned against the frame. “Can I help you?”
“Talitha, correct?” Law’s stiffed face friend asked.
“How’d you get my address?”
“Oh honey, I can find out just about anything,” she tittered.
“Okay. Why are you here? If you’re looking for Law, he’s not here. In fact, I don’t know where he is.”
“Actually, I’m here to speak with you. Can I come in, darling?
“I guess.” I furrowed my brows and stepped to the side. “Would you like a glass of water or something?”
“No.” She shook her head. “What I have to say won’t take long.”
“Um,” I hummed and leaned against the back of the couch.
“You’re expecting,” she whispered and cast her eyes on my stomach.
“I am. What’s the point of this visit, Adele?”
“You hurt him. He called me the night he found out. He sounded wounded. I haven’t seen him that upset in years.”
“Did you show up to my house unannounced to plead a grown ass man’s case?”
“No. I came here because you hurt someone I care a great deal about. I knew the minute I laid eyes on you that you would be the one to ruin him. I saw the way he stared at you with so much love in his eyes.
The way he feels about you, only one other woman has ever had the pleasure of experiencing. You hurt him when you kept the details of your pregnancy from him. I don’t know what you have to do to fix it, but fix it… and do it now. He can’t crumble. I need him. We need him.”
“Who the fuck is we?”
“Me!” she shouted. “I need him. If he’s off in his head, he’s not operating at his fullest potential. I let him go because I knew I couldn’t give him anything more than myself. I’ve worked hard at building him up and I will hurt you and anybody else that fucks it up for him.”
“Excuse me.” I leaned up from the couch. “Are you threatening me?”
“You damn right I am. I didn’t turn him into the perfect man for a little girl to come in and wipe away years of my hard work.”
The night at the restaurant and the conversation about his first love suddenly started to make sense. “Are you implying?”
“I’m not implying anything. I’m telling you to fix it, Talitha. You either fix it or let him go permanently. He’s too good for you but for some reason he loves you. I don’t see it, but he does. And lucky for you, his happiness is the only thing that matters to me.”
“It was you! You’re the married woman he was having an affair with. You’re the one who broke his heart the first time. You were his mother’s best friend; you’d been around him his whole life. How could you?”
“I’m not proud of anything that happened between us in the past. I let him go because I knew we couldn’t be more than what we were. That wasn’t my fondest moment, I’ve paid for those ten times over. What transpired between us in the past and is neither here nor there. I’m telling you.” She pointed her finger at my chest. “To fix it. Fix him now!” Looking me up and down, she scoffed and walked out of my house, slamming the door behind her.
He lied to me. Lied about who she was to him. I knew when I met her that she gave me funny vibes. I sensed that shit and when I asked about it he passed it off like it was nothing. He’s butt hurt because I kept my pregnancy a secret, but he’s been carrying this shit around. And instead of coming clean that night, he looked me in the eyes and lied to my face.
And she’s demanding that I fix it. Fuck that! I’m not fixing anything. I’ll fix it alright.
CHAPTER 37
Lawton
“Talitha, you can’t go in there!” I heard Chari yell.
Hopping out of the chair, I stalked toward the conference room door. Before I had the chance to pull it open, Talitha was storming into the room. She was angry. And as far as I was concerned, there was only one of us in this equation that had the right to be mad.
“You lied!” she shouted and punched me in the chest. “I asked you about her and you lied to my fucking face.”
Grabbing her wrist, I squeezed them and growled, “I’m in the middle of the meeting.”
“I don’t give a fuck!” she snarled. “You lied. She was your mothers best friend.”
This is about Adele?
“Chari clear everyone out. Get them set up in the room down the hall. I’ll be there in a minute.”
“She took advantage of you.”
“I’m a grown ass man. No one can do anything to me that I don’t want done.”
“She groomed you! I was molested. I did years in therapy learning the signs. And you keep her around claiming that she’s a friend. That’s not a friend, Lawton! That’s a predator. Then you had the unmitigated gall to call her. You told her about my baby.”
“I had to tell someone. You kept the shit a secret from me, Talitha.”
“Because I was scared that you would tell me to get rid of it, stupid. What did you expect me to do? Tell you and wait for you to say you don’t want it. God. I knew. Something told me that if I told you how I felt about you, I would be left out here alone. That I would be left standing on the cliff begging you to rescue me!”
“It was never going to be you!” I roared. “Me, Talitha. I was always going to be the one standing on the edge of a cliff begging you not to let me fall. I dedicated everything to you. You wanted anonymity, I respected it and gave it to you.
When Gema passed, you needed someone to catch you when you fell. Did that! I’m human. I love. Love hard as hell… I told you I don’t do relationships that ends with marriage and kids. The way I loved you. Love you. The way I love you is insufferable. Suffocating to say the fucking least.
The shit makes me question myself daily. Question if the love I thought I felt for Adele was ever real. I’ve went over and over in my head wondering why it was so easy for me to go against everything I thought I didn’t want and desire to give it to you! The first time you cried in my arms, I knew then that I’d give up everything to make you happy. Because at some point Talitha, you made me feel like I was enough. For once in my life, I didn’t fear being abandoned. Didn’t feel like I was being tolerated. You think I don’t know the shit with Adele was inappropriate. Like I’m not smart enough to know that she groomed me for her own personal desires.
You know why I latched on to Adele so hard? It’s cause she gave me the love that my mother never cared to give. Was it wrong? It absolutely was. But I accepted it because I was a kid longing to belong, to be loved. That’s the reason I’ve kept her around as long as I have. Adele never switched up on me. Character flaw or not… day in and day out she’s remained the same. You can say whatever you want about her to make yourself feel better. But you, Talitha Howard, you ruined me. I told you my biggest fear and you turned around and did just that. You don’t think I knew what I was doing when I nutted in you. Has it ever crossed your mind that I may have intentionally done the shit? I don’t do anything without thinking of every consequence.”
“You did this on purpose?”
“You got damn right I did. You want the truth. There it is. I asked you if you were in the space to receive my love. You hesitated. I thought if I gave you something I swore I didn’t want, you would realize how fucking much I cared for you. You did the opposite. You hid it instead of talking to me about it.”
The two of us were standing in the middle of the conference room at my very busy tech firm having a verbal sparring. Everybody in the fucking building was now privy to my business and that shit had me livid.
“Who are you?”
“Who I am no longer matters. Who you don’t want me to be is the fucking devil. Don’t force my hand, Talitha. You won’t win.”
“Make sure you tell her if she pops up at my house again, I will drag her ass.”
“She came to your house?” I asked, because I didn’t even know Adele was still in town.
“Yes she did. Telling me I needed to fix this. She didn’t build you up for me to tear you down,” she mimicked. “I should’ve beat her ass.”
“Not with my baby in your stomach, you shouldn’t have.”
“That twisted bitch will never be around my child! Fucking pedophile,” she seethed.
“I don’t give a fuck who’s around as long as I am. I love you. I’ve spoken my peace. If you can’t accept me then we can figure out a way to parent this child as amicably as possible.”
“You think I don’t want to be with you?”
“I don’t know what you want Talitha. You don’t talk to me. You keep your feelings bottled up. It’s always me expressing myself.”
“I show it.”
“Do you?” I countered. “If you did… why do I feel left out?”
“I told you why Law.”
“That’s not a good enough answer for me.”
“I don’t want to fight with you.” She sighed and plopped down in one of the chairs. “I can’t take being at war with you. I haven’t even finished grieving Gema.”
“Talitha, I’m not trying to be at war with you. All I’m trying to do is love you. That’s all I want. To love you. I know how hard things are for you. I stayed away because we needed space. Not because I wasn’t happy about the baby. Hell, I probably want the baby more than I want you,” I chuckled.
“Don’t start with me Harvey,” she groaned. “Honestly, losing Gema was hard. But the thought of losing you is harder. I can’t lose you, Law.”
“Love. You’re not losing me. Tell me what I need to do, and I will do it. But Talitha, you have to be willing to meet me halfway. I can’t do it by myself. I’m damaged just like you are. I might be a little more put together but I’m struggling.
I’ve brought my Mother here so we can work on our relationship and now I’m fighting with my love. You don’t think I’m tired.”
“I know you are. Can we call a truce?”
“The way you rolled up in here showing your ass, I don’t know. Can we?”
