Zero tolerance, p.10
Zero Tolerance, page 10
“Hands on the wall, Lilly.”
I want her naked. I want her tits in my face, in the palm of my hands, want to see them bouncing up and down while she’s riding my dick. But I need this. All the anger I’ve been burying while Chance is awake licks at my insides, seeking a way out. I’m way too pissed to look at her while I fuck her.
“Bend.” I slap her ass when she doesn’t move quick enough. “Give up that pussy.”
For a second, I consider fucking her ass instead, but I go straight for her hot center. Impaling her until I’m balls deep. The sensation paralyzes me for a second.
She grunts and wiggles. Her nails scratch over the wall, an unpleasant sound that jaggedly races down my spine. I place my hands over hers, trapping her fingers.
“This isn’t a friendly fuck, Lilly,” I warn.
She gasps and drops her head as I slowly pull my hips back, then slam into her again.
Her arms tremble from the effort of holding herself up against the wall.
I drop one arm, curling it around her waist, holding her steady. “Poor Lilly,” I whisper against her ear. “Suddenly all full of cock.” I stop, buried deep inside her. “Been waiting almost three fucking years for this.”
“I’m—”
I twist one hand in her hair, pulling her head back. “Don’t. I don’t want to hear it again.”
She squirms, pushes against me. “Please.”
“You want more?”
She whimpers and nods.
I want to strip her down and kiss every fucking inch of her, but I can’t. Instead, I shove inside her body hard and fast. Over and over. Listen to her moans and pants. I want her to fucking remember how good this was and feel like shit for throwing it away.
“Remember that dick, Lilly?” My fingers find a small, hidden zipper under all her hair. Gripping it with my teeth, I drag it down halfway before it sticks. I don’t want to take my other hand off her so I leave the dress alone, only baring her shoulders and some of her back. Not nearly enough.
“Remember this?” I groan against her neck. “Did you miss me at all?”
“Yes. So much.” She whimpers as I slam into her again. “I forgot how fucking big you are, though.”
Dark laughter rumbles out of me. “You can take it.”
I tug on her hair again. “You always loved that big dick in you. Owning your little pussy.”
She gulps and nods quickly.
“I think I’m going to fuck your ass next.” I lift her skirt higher and slowly trace my knuckles down her lower back and stop to squeeze one plump ass cheek. “What do you think of that?”
She freezes, shaking her head. Something is off. Her whole body trembles and not in a good way. “Whatever you want,” she finally answers. This timid, unsure version of Lilly isn’t what I remember. “Go ahead.” She drops her head, her long hair falling over her shoulders, covering her face.
Yeah, that’s not how I want her. Giving in. Giving up. That’s not how I want any of this.
Cursing, I pull out, snap off the rubber and toss it in the small trashcan by her bed.
“Why…why’d you stop?”
“I don’t want a guilt fuck.”
She turns, resting her back against the wall, keeping her hands under her ass. Doesn’t bother fixing her dress where it’s falling off her shoulders. “You said this wasn’t friendly fucking.”
“Angry fucking’s fun. You letting me fuck you out of guilt—not my thing.”
“Z—”
Not wanting to hear another word from her, I storm off into the bathroom, only remembering at the last minute not to slam the door. I consider locking it, but don’t give a fuck if she wants to watch me jerk off.
And that’s exactly what I plan to do. Owning up to how bad I want to fuck Lilly woke my sleeping beast of a cock and now he won’t settle down.
I have way too much pride to accept some shitty guilt-fuck apology. No thanks. I’d rather fuck my hand for the rest of my life than fuck someone who isn’t one-hundred percent into me and what I’m doing to her.
I’m an evil bastard, though. Turned on because I know I left her worked up and unsatisfied.
Yup. As I stand under the hot, stinging spray of the shower, I picture her sprawled out on her bed, frustrated and needy. It’s the perfect image for me to get off to. I come hard, groaning loud enough for her to hear.
And I hate every single second.
Fifteen
Lilly
Z and I haven’t spoken all morning. I’m too chicken to even look in his direction.
Chance was up early. He crawled into bed with me, dragging his stuffed dinosaur and a book along. We read for a while before he asked if Z was still here. As soon as the yes passed my lips, he took off.
As I chased after him, it occurred to me that maybe I spoke too soon. Z had been pissed. Maybe he gave up and went home.
But I should’ve known better. Following to make sure Chance doesn’t hurt himself on the steps up to the loft, I heard Z’s voice greeting Chance.
They did story time and the alphabet together before coming downstairs.
I’m so frazzled, I spill ice all over the kitchen as soon as Z walks in. He runs his cold gaze over me for a second before pulling out the coffee.
Ignoring me completely, he waits while the coffee brews and I finish making my morning green smoothie.
Chance’s little feet pitter-patter over the floor and he tugs at my robe. I hand him his smoothie and he runs back to the dining room.
The weight of Z’s gaze settles on me and I have to force myself to turn away and not give in. Before I know it, his body heat pulses against my back and his hand lands on my hip. “Planning to ignore me all morning, sweetheart?”
Sweetheart. The generic, throw-away endearment he probably uses with every woman. Not pretty girl like he used to call me. Nope, now it’s sweetheart, dripping with sarcasm.
“That’s kind of impossible. And you’re not exactly friendly this morning.” I try to elbow him out of my way, but he slaps his hands against the counter on either side of my body, effectively pinning me in place. Turning in the tight space between us, I face him. He’s breathing hard. His gaze roams over my face and down my neck. “You took care of yourself last night. Why are you so worked up now?” I whisper.
He gives me a crooked smile. “That bother you, sweetheart?”
“No. And stop calling me that.”
“What are you doing to Mommy?” Chance asks.
We both turn and find him scowling up at us. Chance plants his tiny hands against Z’s leg, attempting to push him away from me.
Our little son’s determination to push his father away from me is adorably funny in a messed-up sort of way. Thankfully, Z seems just as amused.
“Can’t I say good morning to your mom?” He hoists Chance up in his arms and Chance immediately reaches for me. I lean in and kiss his cheek but let Z hang onto him.
“You’ve got green stuff all over your face,” Z says, circling a finger in front of Chance’s nose.
My heart squeezes as he carries him to the sink, wets a paper towel, and cleans Chance’s face. Predictably, Chance tries to avoid every swipe. But Z’s patient and persistent.
When he sets Chance down, my son immediately stands in front of me and glares up at Z. Not even the face-washing made him forget what he walked in on.
“So small and already such a fierce little protector.” The approval in his voice helps me relax. Z’s not offended and he doesn’t blame me for Chance’s mistrust. No, he seems oddly proud.
Z squats down in front of Chance and holds out his hand. “Good job looking out for your mom, buddy.” Chance slaps Z’s open palm.
I need to tell Chance who Z is to him, so maybe he won’t feel threatened or whatever is going on here. The sooner the better.
“Wanna go watch cartoons with me?”
Chance studies Z’s face before nodding. “I guess so.”
Z stands and holds out his hand for Chance. Chance looks up to me and I nod, encouraging him.
“Go ahead. Breakfast will be ready in a few minutes.”
Z
My kid’s pretty fucking awesome. I’ve known grown men who aren’t half as brave. I don’t exactly enjoy him trying to push me away from Lilly as if he’s afraid I’ll hurt her. But truthfully, I was being a bit of a dick. Also true, he loves his mother and his first instinct is to protect her no matter what.
Watching them together is a hot poker between the ribs every damn time. Because I want a piece of it. I want to claim my spot in this family that should have been mine in the first place.
“Breakfast,” Lilly calls.
Chance eagerly scoots off the couch and runs over to the table.
Assuming Lilly planned to let me fend for myself this morning, I head for the kitchen, but she stops me with a hand on my arm and nods to my chair.
“Thanks.”
She even brought out the coffee.
“You don’t have to do this.”
She shrugs and sits next to me.
“You going to the hospital again?” I ask.
“Noooo,” Chance whines. Can’t blame him, I’m sure it’s boring as hell for him there.
I so badly want to offer to take him for the day, but I’m not sure she or Chance will be comfortable with that yet. After Chance finishes and runs back to play with his cars, I reach over and tap Lilly’s hand.
“Come up to the clubhouse with me,” I offer, carefully watching her face for her reaction.
Her eyebrows raise. “I don’t think that’s a suitable environment for Chance.”
Suitable environ— “Why not? It’s a Sunday. Alexa’s there. Grace is there. They seem to do okay.”
“What about your brothers? The parties?”
“Things are calmer up there these days.” Especially on Sundays which is reserved for family.
“And your brothers are okay with turning their den of deviance into what, a daycare?”
“Would you stop judging for one second and actually think about it?” I blow out a breath. How do I get through to her? “You’ve known Hope for a long time. Would she bring her baby somewhere unsafe?”
“But they don’t live at the clubhouse anymore, do they?”
“No, but they’re over all the time. She’s there almost every morning to do yoga with Trinity and Swan.” I can’t help laughing. “They turned our damn champagne room into their yoga hut.”
She slowly shakes her head and I brace myself for another protest. “Hope was one of my best friends. She’s furious with me.”
Not what I expected, so at least we’re making progress. “So am I, but I still want you to come up with me.” Her eyes widen at my blunt words. Why sugarcoat anything?
“Lilly, one way or another, eventually I’m going to be spending time with my son. Without you. I don’t want to make this messy, but I’ve lost enough time with him. I get you want to make sure he’s safe and that’s why I want you to come with me. So, you’re comfortable when he’s visiting me on his own. Which will be happening.”
There. Laid it all out. If she thinks she’s going to use bullshit excuses like the club to keep my son from me any longer, she’s dead wrong. Just because I’d never hurt her doesn’t mean I’m going to let her deny me time with Chance.
My phone vibrates against the table, spinning in Lilly’s direction like it’s trying to rat me out.
Stella
For fuck’s sake. Does the woman have radar? Did she call me this much when I actually wanted to hear from her? I groan as once again Lilly eyes the phone before nudging it in my direction.
“Yeah?” I answer.
“Z, where are you?”
“Uh, out. Where are you?”
Lilly stands and grabs the dishes, quietly carrying everything into the kitchen. Not mad, more like she’s trying to give me privacy, which is awkward and all sorts of wrong. I think I’d rather be doing dishes right now than on the phone with Stella.
“At Crystal Ball. I thought we were meeting here. But Malik says you haven’t been here in a couple days. What’s up?”
“Nothing. Just taking care of some stuff.”
Chance grins up at me as I walk past him on my way to the back deck. Anything to keep these two parts of my life completely separate.
“Give me about an hour and half, okay?”
I slide the door closed behind me.
“Seriously? Z, I could’ve stayed home and not wasted my time sitting around waiting—”
“Yeah, I get that. It wasn’t intentional. I’ll see you in a bit.”
Fuck my life.
I scrub my hands over my face and stare out at the lake for a few minutes before going back inside. Lilly’s busy giving Chance a bath—under protest this time—and I use the time to clean up and change.
When I return, Lilly’s in the living room bent over, trying to help Chance into his sneakers. I groan and my fingers twitch at my sides, remembering how good it felt to have that ass in my hands again last night.
“Chance, you have to sit still,” she scolds. Shit, she’s even hot when she busts out the stern mom voice. Fuck.
“Do you want me to help?” I ask.
She jumps.
“No!” Chance yells. He chucks the sneaker and runs off into his room.
What the fuck?
She straightens up and shrugs. The ends of her hair are dripping wet, I assume from wrestling a reluctant two-year-old in and out of the tub. “I’ve managed to avoid the so-called terrible twos for a while now. I guess it was inevitable.”
Shit, now I really don’t want to leave. I can’t believe she’s so calm and patient. She’s been doing this on her own for so long—her own fucking fault!—all I want to do is help her out so she’s not alone.
Instead, I need to leave.
I should call Stella back and tell her I can’t make it.
But something just became really clear for me. I need to break things off with Stella. In person.
Once that’s done, Lilly’s mine. For good. Whether she likes it or not.
Sixteen
Lilly
Hot shame pours over me. I don’t want him to think I’m an awful mother or that Chance is a bad kid. He’s not.
I blow out a breath, hoping that’s not utter disgust and judgment in Z’s eyes. Chance is a toddler. Sometimes he has meltdowns. It’s not the end of the world.
Now I just need to repeat that to myself a couple hundred more times.
“I, uh, should’ve told him what’s going on. All these changes have screwed up our schedule. It’s confusing for him.” Honestly, now that I think about it, it’s a damn miracle this is the first tantrum he’s had.
“What do you need?” he asks.
Jolted, I take a step back. “A few minutes. Then I’ll talk to him.”
Z glances at the door and shifts his feet.
“I know you have somewhere to be. It’s fine.”
“I don’t want to leave if you need help, but I have to do a thing.”
No, I’m not going to ask what “thing” he has to do. It’s obvious it has to do with a girl and it’s none of my business. I’m also going to ignore the pain gathering in my heart.
He runs his hands through his hair and shifts again. “I never asked. Which hospital is your dad at?”
“Empire Med.”
“Shit, you’re making that drive down there every day?”
I shrug. According to Alex, it was the best hospital around for Dad to have the procedure.
“He should be home by the end of the week.”
“Look, I have to take care of some stuff at Crystal Ball. It shouldn’t take me long.” He hesitates and frowns. “There’s a place, Fidgets, I think, near—”
“I know where it is.”
“Let’s meet up for dinner there and I can follow you home. I hate thinking of you driving that far at night by yourself.”
“I’ve done it plenty of times, Z.”
He shakes his head. “Humor me.”
“Okay.”
“Or we can meet there and go up to the clubhouse. Thursday and Sunday nights are family dinner time.” He lifts his chin toward Chance’s bedroom. “Alexa would probably be thrilled to have another kid to hang with.”
“What did you tell your…the guys…your brothers about Chance?”
“Not a whole lot.” He cocks his head and watches me for a few minutes. “No one’s gonna give you any shit, if that’s what you’re worried about. Well, Wrath might, but he’d do that whether you hid my kid from me or not.”
The smile teasing at the corners of his mouth takes the sting out of his words. “Why don’t we meet at Fidgets and go from there?” he finally suggests.
“Okay.”
He glances at the door again. “I really do need to go. You sure you’re all right?”
“We’ll be fine.”
We say an awkward goodbye and I go to find Chance. He’s playing in his room, cheeks red and tear-streaked.
“What’s going on?” I ask, kneeling down next to him.
“Nothin’.”
“Tired?”
“No.”
“I know it wasn’t a lot of fun yesterday, but we need to visit Grandpa again.”
He tips his head back and glares at me.
“I know. I didn’t enjoy it either.” Why should I lie to my son? It’s obvious as hell I wasn’t happy. “Sometimes grown-ups have to do stuff we don’t want to do.”
“Why?”
“Well, he’s my dad and he’s sick. So, we need to visit and cheer him up.”
What a load of shit, Lilly. What happened to honesty?
“If you’re a good boy, when we’re done, we’ll meet Z at this place that has all sort of games you can play.”
Now I have his attention.
His eyebrows perk up. “Really?”
“If you’re good, yes.”
“Otay.”
“Sneakers?”
He shakes his head.
“Chance.”
He leans over and squeezes his big toe. “Hurt.”
Why hadn’t I thought of that before? Instead of worrying about Z, I should’ve noticed my son’s shoes were too small.
