Zero tolerance, p.6
Zero Tolerance, page 6
“Come on. You look cold.”
“It feels good,” she whispers.
Fuck, she’s killing me.
“Uh, all right. I’m going up to bed.”
Finally, she gives me a hint of a smile. “Good idea. He’s an early riser. And I have a feeling as soon as he knows you’re still here, he’ll be up to visit.”
“Looking forward to it.” And I realize as soon as the words leave my mouth, I mean it. I can’t wait to spend a whole day getting to know Chance.
Spending time with Lilly is also a bonus, as much as I’d love to pretend that’s not true.
My time here needs to be about bonding with Chance. No matter how worked up I get around Lilly, getting involved with her again is a no-go. No matter how much I missed her. No matter how much I love staring at her or how many memories of our explosive chemistry assault my brain and harden my dick.
Not going there.
“Night, Lilly.”
“Night.”
My “room” is more of a loft. There’s no door. It’s private enough, though. From downstairs, I can only see the landing and one of the bookcases. It also means from the top I have a nice view of almost everything downstairs, except the bathroom and bedrooms.
I set my bags on the bed and return to the landing, watching her out on the deck. Her property is secluded enough. She’s more likely to be chewed up by mosquitoes than encounter a serial killer, but I can’t help watching over her anyway.
Finally, she stands and blows out the candle. I step into the shadows as she comes inside. No need for her to know I’m up here watching her like a creeper. Or how much I want her like my next fucking breath.
Stella’s supposed to visit soon. I’ll work out my frustration with her. And if I can’t wait, well, there’s an endless parade of willing females associated with the club who would be more than happy to help me take my mind off Lilly.
Now if I can only learn to ignore that sick feeling in my stomach every time I picture myself with anyone but Lilly, life will be perfect.
Ten
Z
Lilly wasn’t kidding about Chance being an early riser.
The sun’s barely peeking through the windows when little feet whisper up the stairs.
I crack open an eyelid and watch Chance tiptoe over the rug like he’s a little cartoon cat burglar.
“Theee,” he whispers loudly. “You awake?”
I reach out and curl my arm around him, dragging him close. “I am now.”
He bursts into giggles as I haul him up next to me. “Whatcha got there?”
He thrusts what looks like a bunch of flash cards held together by a metal ring in my face. “ABCs.”
“You know your ABCs already?”
“Uh-huh.” He nods vigorously, then sings all the letters for me.
“Sorry about that,” Lilly says when Chance finishes.
I glance over and she’s standing on the stairs, just high enough that her head and shoulders are visible through the railing.
“It’s okay.” I sit up and scrub my hands over my face a few times.
“That’s our morning thing.” She gestures toward the book in Chance’s hand. “But when he realized you were still here…”
“It’s fine.”
“Chance, want to help me make breakfast?” Lilly calls.
“Yeah! Hurry, Thee.” He tugs on my hand and waves the ABC book at me again.
“Give me a second, buddy. I’ll be right down.”
He scampers over to Lilly and she takes his hand, leading him downstairs.
The shock and awe of being woken up by my son for the first time clings to me as I make my way into the bathroom.
Fifteen minutes later, I’m dressed and on my way into the kitchen, unsure of what the day will bring.
Chance is sitting on the kitchen floor, playing with a couple of cars while Lilly cooks.
“I thought you were helping your mom, buddy?” I ask, squatting down so we’re at eye-level.
He tilts his head. “I am.”
I can’t help reaching out to run my hand over his head, ruffling his thick, dark curly hair.
“He’s helping by not helping,” Lilly whispers over her shoulder.
I’d been trying to ignore her. Same way I avoid looking directly at the sun. It fucking hurts. But now I take my time, allowing my gaze to travel from the pink socks on her feet, to the loose pajama pants, up to the tight, long-sleeved top that rides up every time she reaches for something, giving me a glimpse of skin.
She’s got her hair piled into a messy knot on the top of her head and I have the strongest urge to grab it, tilt her head, and kiss her neck.
Stop.
The blender whirs to life and Chance jumps up, dancing on his toes while Lilly shakes her butt from side to side. It’s a cute little morning ritual they obviously do often.
I stand and watch as she pours a sippy-cup full of the thick green beverage she just whirled together and hands it to Chance. He happily takes it and trots out to the dining table.
“Do you want half?” Lilly asks, holding the pitcher in the air.
“What is it?”
“Green smoothie.” She lowers her voice to a whisper. “It’s the only way I get any greens in him. Mostly spinach and kale, a banana, almond milk…”
“Sounds gross.”
She shrugs, pours the rest in a large mason jar and pops a straw in it. “Scrambled eggs okay?”
Now I feel shitty for insulting her green drink-thing. “You don’t have to cook for me, Lilly. I know how to feed myself.”
“I’m making us breakfast anyway. It’s not a big deal.”
“Oh. Yeah, that’s fine.”
Standing around with nothing to do makes me restless. Plus, watching her suck on that straw is giving my cock all sorts of inappropriate ideas.
“You mind if I make coffee?”
“I’m out of coffee.”
“You have kale but no coffee?”
“Chance doesn’t drink coffee.”
She says it in a matter-of-fact way, but it hits me hard. Our son’s needs come first. “I can pick up some for you later,” I offer.
She nods but doesn’t say anything. A quick glance shows me she’s trembling all over.
“Hey.” I walk up behind her and grab her arms, guiding her to set down the spatula in her hands. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. I don’t know what to do here.”
“Neither do I.”
“I’m sorry.”
I turn her to face me, but she won’t meet my eyes at first. Placing my finger under her chin, I gently tip her head back. “Lilly, look at me.”
Finally, she does. A mixture of emotion shines up. Guilt-which I can’t even take any pleasure in. Fear—which I hate. Uncertainty.
“I just want to spend time with him, Lilly.”
“I know.”
“Your eggs are gonna burn.” I lift my chin toward the stove.
“Oh!” She whips around and stirs the eggs.
I peer through the window over the bar area that looks out into the rest of the house. “You need anything, Chance?”
“Eggs!”
“Coming right up,” Lilly calls out.
She slides toast onto a small plate of eggs and hands it to me.
“I hope you have more eggs. I eat way more than that.”
Her face falls. “That’s for Chance.”
“I’m kidding.”
Then I do the stupidest thing possible under the circumstances—lean in and kiss her forehead.
She stares at me and my smooth is completely shaken because I back out of the kitchen without saying anything cocky or otherwise.
“Here you go, little man.” I set the plate in front of him.
“Are you eating?” he asks.
I take the chair across from him because I’m not risking going back in the kitchen with Lilly. There’s a convenience store not that far away. I can go grab breakfast there. Maybe Chance will want to come with me again.
Lilly brushes against my side and sets a plate of eggs and toast in front of me. She sets a small bowl of strawberries in front of Chance and he attacks them immediately.
Finally, she sets her own plate down and sits next to Chance.
“So, what are your plans today?” she asks without looking at me.
“Swing!” Chance waves his arms back and forth.
“Maybe if the weather’s nice,” Lilly says. She lifts her eyes. “Z?”
I stare right back. “I told you what my plans were.”
“I have to go visit my dad in the hospital.”
That doesn’t sound like an invitation to tag along. Not that I want to anyway.
My phone buzzes and I check the text.
Wrath: Coming to church?
Usually attending church isn’t optional. Rock calls us together at least once a week. Most often on Saturday mornings before Crystal Ball opens. And because all the brothers usually partied at the clubhouse the night before and are still around to gather together to sit down for club business.
As V.P., I should be there. Considering my life blew up yesterday, Rock will give me a pass. But if Lilly’s going to be with her family anyway, maybe I should bank that pass for another time.
“I need to go up to the clubhouse.” I slide my gaze at Chance.
“Do you still have the dogs?” Lilly asks.
“Doggies!”
“Yeah.” I hold up two fingers. “I have two. Ziggy and Zipper.”
“Thiggy?” Chance says.
“Wrath and Trin are watching them for me,” I explain to Lilly, in case she’s thinking I can’t even take care of my dogs.
A faint smile ghosts her lips. “How is Trinity? I haven’t talked to her since before Hope’s baby shower.”
Surprised the two talked at all, it takes me a second to answer. “Her photography business is keeping her busy. She drove Hope nuts doing all these bump photos when she was pregnant.”
Lilly arches a brow. Surprised I know what a “bump photo” is or that I paid attention to what the girls do? It was hard not to be aware since they talked about it all the time.
“Knowing Hope, she hated that.”
I laugh because Hope had done some good-natured grumbling. “She says she’s happy about it now.”
Lilly’s gaze darts away and something sad passes over her face. Whether she’s upset she missed her friend’s pregnancy or she’s remembering something about her own, I can’t tell. Being in the dark about what’s bothering her just reminds me of how much distance there is between us. Distance I doubt we’ll be able to overcome.
“I’ll get that key made up today,” she finally says.
At least she’s gotten comfortable with the idea that I’ll be back.
Eleven
Z
Chance is on my mind the whole way back to the clubhouse. Lilly is too, no matter how I try to push her out of my thoughts.
Trinity’s the first one I run into at the clubhouse.
“Hey, Z!” She waves and strolls over to my truck, waiting for me to get out.
“Where’s that husband of yours? He told me to get my ass up here.”
“He took the pups for a ride down to Picking Ladder for cider donuts.”
“He let the dogs in his truck?”
She laughs and points to the clubhouse. “He covered the backseat with the blankets from your bed.”
“Great.”
The smile fades from her lips. “How’d it go?”
“Hope tell you?”
“Of course.” Her eyes spark with anger. Trinity’s the perfect wife for our sergeant-at-arms. She’s one-hundred percent badass. She may have a sweet side, but not when it comes to people messing with her club family. “I always liked Lilly. I can’t believe she would—”
“Tell me about it.”
Anger colors her words. “I can’t believe when I talked to her about Hope’s shower, she didn’t mention it. I should’ve known she knew too much about baby crap for a single girl.”
“She really didn’t tell you?”
Her mouth turns down. I might’ve hurt her feelings with that stupid question.
“Hell no. No matter how much I like her, I’d never keep something like that from you, Z.”
“I know you wouldn’t. I shouldn’t have said that.”
Her expression softens. “So, how is he? When do we get to meet him?”
“He’s such a cool little dude, Trinity.” My voice falters. Lilly needs to get used to the idea that the club is my family and Chance will always be welcomed here. “I still got a lot to work out with her.” I cock my head to the side, unsure of how she’ll receive my next request. “Lilly’s probably going to want to come up with him at least the first time or two.” My lips quirk. “As much as I appreciate you being pissed on my behalf, you’ll make her feel welcomed, right?”
“You know I will. We all will.” Her mouth curls into a smirk. “Well, maybe not Heidi. She’s pretty upset. You are her favorite uncle after all.”
I chuckle, not really surprised Heidi’s upset by the news. She grew up around the club and I’ve known her since she was around Chance’s age.
“Are you excited?” Trinity asks.
My hands curl into fists. “I’m furious I missed so much of his life already.”
“I get that.” She brushes her fingers against my arm, drawing my attention to her. “How many memories do you have of your first two years?”
“Uh, none?”
“See?” She shrugs and looks away. “It sucks big time. But you’re going to be there for him from now on. That’s what counts.”
“Aw, shit, Trin. You trying to make me cry?”
“Wouldn’t dream of it.” She holds out her arms and gives me a quick hug. “You’re gonna be such a great dad. I can’t wait to meet him.”
“Thanks.”
She bites her lip and flicks her gaze toward the clubhouse, maybe contemplating her next words.
“What?”
“I can’t imagine what you’re going through. You know I’m always on your side—and not just because club first.”
“I know.” Trin’s been a good friend to me over the years.
“Lilly’s a good person. I have to believe she had a reason.”
“Yeah? Well, she hasn’t been all that eager to share her reasons with me.”
“You’re not like other guys, Z. Now that you know about Chance, you’re going to be in his life and that means Lilly’s going to be in your life too.”
Like that hasn’t occurred to me nonstop. “So?”
“Try to set your anger aside and be kind to her.”
My jaw drops. “You think I’d hurt her?”
“Never. No. That’s not what I’m trying to say at all.”
Trinity’s comment hit me hard in the gut, so I only said that to buy myself some time.
Isn’t that what I’ve wanted all along? Lilly in my life?
Fuck no, am I ever admitting that to anyone.
“I mean it won’t be good for Chance and he’ll pick up on it if you’re angry with each other.”
I think of how perceptive Chance has already been the couple times he thought I upset Lilly. “Yeah, he’s a smart kid.”
“Z!” Hope calls out. She and Rock step off the path through the woods that leads to their house further back on the club’s property. “You’re here.”
Rock’s carrying Grace in her baby carrier-contraption and she fusses as he sets her down to shake my hand. “You all right?”
“I’m fine, Prez.”
Grace gurgles and waves her arms at me. “Shit, she looks like she got bigger overnight,” I say, bending down to pick her up.
“She probably did. She eats non-stop,” Hope mutters.
Trinity grins and gives Hope a one-armed hug, whispering something in her ear that makes her laugh.
“You didn’t have to come,” Rock says. “I had you covered.”
“Nah, she had some family stuff to do. It’s all good.”
“You didn’t bring him with you?” Hope asks.
“Not yet.”
Her mouth curves into a slow, playful smile. “Well, we’ll be happy to babysit Chance anytime.”
Understanding what she’s implying, I groan. “Not happening. Charlotte coming up with Teller today? Maybe I should talk to her about drawing up a custody arrangement or something.”
Hope whaps me with a pink baby blanket. “I can help you do that if it’s amicable. Lilly better be civil to you.”
I shrug, not really sure where Lilly’s head is at right now.
“I hope it doesn’t come down to going to court. I’ll talk to her if you need me to,” Hope promises.
“Thanks, First Lady.”
I kiss each of Grace’s cheeks and she drools on me before I hand her back to Hope.
Rock tugs on Hope’s hand and they go inside with the baby.
“As much as I’d rather hang out here, I guess I better get my ass inside,” I say. Can’t wait for all the questions I’ll get from my nosy-ass brothers.
“Go ahead. I’m waiting for Wrath.”
“Catch you later.”
Instead of the usual ribbing and ridicule I’m normally subjected to around here, everyone acts as if I’m returning from a funeral.
“How’s it going, brother?” Sparky asks in a low, grave tone, completely unlike the usual prankster-stoner.
“Fine. Stop acting like my goldfish died, motherfucker.”
At least Ravage is feeling like his same old obnoxious self. He hooks an arm around my neck and hugs me to him. “If you’re gettin’ together with Lilly, can I have Stella’s number?”
Okay, so he’s a dick too.
Shaking off his arm, I glare at him. “I’m not getting together with Lilly.”
“Is she available, then?” He glances at Sparky. “She was stacked, right?”
I shove him backwards. “That’s the mother of my kid, asshole.”
He flops onto the couch, laughing his ass off. “We need to talk about putting some birth control in the water up here. Way, way too many babies popping up lately.”
