Can you hear it, p.11
Can You Hear It, page 11
“You can shut me down right away with this next question. It’s about your mom, and I know you don’t like talking about her. But, um, what’s her name?”
His body tensed, and I bit my lip wondering if he would answer.
“Alice.”
“Do you miss her?”
“Every day.” A few seconds passed before he said, “But it gets easier. For the first few months, it felt like a part of me died with her. After a while, I learned how to get that part of myself back because I knew she’d want me to be happy no matter what.”
Tears filled my eyes for him, and for me. I needed to hear that, and it was like he knew. Rotating, I secured my arms around his neck, and he held me. After a minute, he pulled out the chain that I sometimes glimpsed at the neckline of his T-shirts. The dog-tag looking pendant glistened with the light from the fire, and as I held it in my hands, I felt the weight of it. It had to be expensive. A diagonal cluster of black diamonds danced in the light as I shifted the piece in my hand.
“My mom gave it to me. The only time I take it off is when I’m playing or practicing.”
“It’s beautiful.”
Feeling a sense of peace, I clutched the pendant as I settled back against his chest. It had grown dark outside our circle of fire, but I could still sense eyes on Ash and me. “Everyone probably thinks we’re together. I’m sorry,” I told him.
“Why?”
“I’m killing your game.”
“I didn’t realize I had any game.”
I chuckled. “You don’t. So, this is really, really not going to do anything for you.”
He laughed. “Might not, but you do realize I don’t need game—”
“Let me guess, your cute face and your sexy physique does it for you.”
“You think I’m cute and sexy? Well, this is new.”
I grinned. “Shut up, it isn’t as if every girl doesn’t tell you that.”
I eased up and tucked the chain back into his shirt, already missing it in my hands.
“Lawrence was lucky to have you,” he said, his statement catching me off guard.
What could I say to that?
“No matter how often they lost to us,” Ash added. “At the end of the games, I was always so sure he felt like a winner because, no matter what, you were the first to be there for him. Hugging and kissing the shit out of him.”
“It was our thing.” Nerves rolled around my gut and tears pooled in my eyes as I forced my next words out. “I don’t think I’ve ever loved anything in my life as much as I love him. Knowing that he died doing something he loved is the only thing that eases the pain a bit.”
Ashton’s arms tightened around me, and the strength in them kept me together as a few stubborn tears escaped. He was the only one who’d held me like this in a long time, allowing me to feel what I should for losing someone who was there for me for half my life.
“This is why I drink and smoke so much,” I confessed. “I don’t know what else to do. How to handle it. It’s hard.”
“Then let me help you,” he soothed, his lips brushing along my ear before he placed a light kiss on my cheek. A warm current moved through my body. “Whatever you need, I’m here. If you just need to talk, hang out, or whatever, just hit me up.”
As I thought about his suggestion, I nodded, wiping away the tears that had fallen.
Chapter 22
ASHTON
I needed to stop thinking about how perfect Averie felt in my arms. How perfect her small body had fit to mine at Brody’s place. How she smelled like sweets and caramel. How much I wanted her. How much it killed me when I’d heard her say, “I don’t think I’ve ever loved anything in my life as much as I love him.”
Not loved. Love.
He might be gone, but she was still in love with him.
It shouldn’t matter because friendship was what I’d planned for when it came to us, except I couldn’t stop wanting her.
Averie pulled her phone from her pocket and glanced at the screen.
“Candice is here.”
I looked at her phone as she responded to Candice’s message, telling her to head toward the fire.
Candice: K. Riann is with me. Is Ryker there?
As Averie was about to type a message, Ryker walked up next to us with a chair. “I have my eyes on you, New Girl.”
Averie almost jumped out of my lap, pressing the phone to her chest. Where was their conversation about Ryker heading?
“Why do you have your eyes on me?”
“Because you’re getting all chummy with my brother.” Ryker unfolded the chair and dropped into it. “Tell me, do you know CPR?”
I stiffened.
I’m going to kick him in the throat.
“Since I’m planning to get shit-faced, I need to know, would you be able to save me if I passed out?”
I’m going to kill him.
“I’m not sure CPR would do any good in that case.”
“Really? Then how come Ash and I were able to save you at my party. You might not remember, but you did pass out.”
“Dude, back off,” I warned, securing an arm around Averie’s waist before Ryker scared her off.
“Why do I feel like you have a problem with me now? Are you mad that I caused you to lose Francis? I’m sorry, okay?”
“I don’t give a shit about Francis,” Ryker mumbled.
“Then wha—” Averie started before Candice came up to us. I removed my hand from around Averie’s waist, allowing her to stand with her friends.
“O-ho! Look at this stranger.” Ryker stood and jogged around his chair, only to throw his arms around Riann. “The basketball star decides to finally show up somewhere other than the court.”
“Ew, get your hands off me, Ryker,” Riann complained, her hands shoving at his torso.
Ryker stepped back. “Sorry, forgot that you don’t like boys.”
“Hi,” Candice said to me as her friend got into it with Ryker.
“I like boys, I just don’t like the shallow, conceited ones. You know? You.”
“Everyone likes me,” Ryker retorted, and as Riann scowled, he looked at Candice with a grin. “I bet your friend here would treat me better. Why are you friends with Riann? She’s so grouchy.”
And . . . here we go. Ryker’s next target.
“I’ll see you in a few,” Averie whispered, grabbing Candice’s hand and tugging her away, Riann right on their heels like she couldn’t get away fast enough.
“Do I have cooties or something?” Ryker asked, taking a seat and lifting his water bottle to his mouth with a shake of his head. “See, this is why I fuck grown-ass women.”
“I need you to stop messing with Averie,” I told him.
“What?”
“You’re pushing her too much. She’s been through a lot. Plus, all the shit that she’s dealing with from everyone else. And that CPR shit? Did you really have to bring that up?”
“Well, she’ll have bigger problems if something happens to you and she can’t help, won’t she?”
“I’ll tell her when it’s necessary. It isn’t right now. The last thing I want is for it to get back to someone else in town, and then to Coach Anders. Now promise me you’ll back off.”
“Fine, but if I see that she’s stressing you out. I’m telling Will.”
Threatening to tell Dad? Really? In all the years we’d been playing together, Ryker had never been this worried before.
“What’s going on with you?”
“I told you, I don’t like how she’s affecting you. You’ve always been chill, even with Heidi. Now, since her, you’re fucking pissed all the time.”
“I’m not pissed,” I said, sounding pissed. “And if I am, it’s because of your ex, not her.”
“Well, maybe you should pick a girl to like who can stand up for herself.”
“Maybe you should fuck off.”
Chapter 23
AVERIE
“Candice, don’t sit there.”
I hurried over and grabbed her arm before she found herself submerged in the lake. She was spitting drunk. Okay, not spitting, but still drunk as hell.
“Where’s Ryker?”
“I don’t know.”
“I’m going to tell him. I’m going to tell him how much I like him.”
“I don’t think this is a good time. Maybe tomorrow when you’re sober?”
She stumbled, and I held her close as I guided her back to the bonfire and away from the water’s edge.
“No, I won’t do it then. I have to do it now. Tonight, Averie. He’s so cute . . .” She slurred on some more about Ryker, and I bit back any warnings I had about him. She wasn’t going to remember them in this condition anyway.
“Uh . . .”
I scanned the shaded faces at the lake for Riann or Nicky. Ashton was no longer around the fire—in fact, I’d been so busy trying to keep up with Candice that I hadn’t seen him in over thirty minutes. When I finally spotted a Haigen—or technically a Stanley on paper—it was Ryker walking with a girl trailing behind him. I jerked Candice to the left. She didn’t need to see that.
I groaned when I saw that all the seats were occupied around the fire, and as I dipped my free hand into my pocket to retrieve my phone, a voice came from behind.
“Hey, what are you two doing?”
Ash.
“Thank God.” I turned around. “Have you seen Riann?”
“Not for a while. What’s up?”
“Where’s Ryker? I need to—” I covered Candice’s mouth.
Ash’s eyebrows arched, and I smiled at him. “I think if she doesn’t go home she’s going to end up doing something she regrets.”
“Why do you sound completely sober?”
“I am. Unfortunately. I would be having a lot more fun if I weren’t.”
He nodded slowly, a glimmer of something indiscernible in his eyes. “So, are we looking for Ryker or Riann?” he asked.
“Ryker,” Candice said, the same time I said, “Riann.”
IT TOOK ABOUT twenty minutes for us to locate Riann, who was in her car with the windows up listening to music.
I helped Candice into her passenger seat and made sure she was buckled in before stepping back as Riann pulled out of the dark parking lot.
“So, Candice likes Ryker, huh?” Ashton asked.
“Yeah, a little bit.”
I turned on the flashlight on my phone to light our path back to the bonfire.
“Tell me. What’s the difference between a drunk Averie and a sober Averie?”
“Or a high Averie,” I added with a smile. “I would say that sober Averie is a bit shy. Under the influence, I’m more confident and don’t think twice before doing anything.”
“Like doing keg stands and getting into girl fights?”
“Exactly.”
“You know, you don’t have to be sober around me if you don’t want to be. I mean, I like that you are, but I don’t want you to feel like I’m forcing you to be.”
“Honestly, I feel weird like this. I got so used to feeling buzzed and out of it all the time that sober is weird but good. It’s helping me to see more, and to focus on the important things, like graduation and life after. Although, the more I realize that I don’t have a plan, the more I want to go back to drinking.”
A husky sigh came from somewhere nearby and I stopped, my hand reaching out to grab Ash’s.
I shined my light around until it stopped on a familiar red head of hair behind a boulder. From where Ash and I were standing, we could see Ryker, facing the boulder, one hand resting on it. He looked up and raised a hand, blocking the light from his face. I lowered my phone, thinking he was taking a piss or something, only to shine the light directly at the head bobbing against his crotch. Ash grabbed my wrist and redirected the light to our feet.
“What is he doing?” I whispered, my heart thumping at what I’d just witnessed. Holy shit!
“You want me to explain? I mean he’s not doing anything really, but the girl—”
“No, don’t explain!” My hand lifted and touched his stomach as a way to tell him to stop, but it was me who stopped at the hard muscles beneath my fingers. Want navigated across my lower belly and straight down to my sex. Not again. I’d never been this horny kind of person. What the hell? Why does he do this to me?
My phone started to ring, and seeing Nicky’s name on the screen, I jerked my hand away.
“Hello.”
“A. Mozey!” She sounded drunk and nearby. I looked up to see two shaded figures approaching. “Is that you?”
“Um, I think so. Wave your phone.”
As a light moved from left to right ahead, I hung up. “It’s me.”
“Ben and I are leaving,” Nicky yelled even though she was fewer than thirty feet from us. “Are you ready to go?”
“Sure.” I wasn’t. It meant I would be leaving Ash to be alone, bored, and completely sober. His presence comforted me and I wanted to be near him. I wanted him to keep hugging me and touching me like when I’d sat in his lap around the fire.
He touched my side. “I’ll see you on Monday?”
Like everything to gravity, I drew closer to him. He was gravity.
“Yeah,” I responded. “I’ll see you then.”
His arm circled around my shoulder and he pulled me to his chest. My head rested between his pecs, and it was sad because my face was that much farther from his.
Ugh! I hate being short.
“A. Mozey!” Ryker called out, stealing Nicky’s nickname for me. “You’re not planning to leave without saying bye, are you? After what you just saw, I feel like we know each other on a more personal level.”
Oh my gosh. Why? I turned, dropping one of my arms from around Ash.
Nicky stopped in front of us. “What’d you see?”
“Nothing. Absolutely nothing.”
“Nothing? She caught me getting head.” Ryker supplied as he stepped onto the path alone. I guessed the girl took off, probably mortified.
I shook my head. No shame.
“Averie!” Nicky giggled.
“I didn’t see anything,” I said, quickly. “Or anything worth seeing—that’s not what I meant, but I—just, whatever.”
I leaned my head against Ashton’s chest.
“We should go,” Ben said. “Nicky has to be up early.” He hadn’t spoken to me all night, and it was actually a relief.
“Yeah, um—” I began.
“I could take you home later if you’d like,” Ash offered. “We’re heading downtown after this to get some grub if you want to come.”
“Ah, sure.”
“Yeah, and I still got some juices left to squirt in your mouth if you want?” Ryker added, and I did not find it funny, even as Nicky laughed. I could only imagine what Ben was thinking, though I had a feeling that was what Ryker intended.
“I’ll see you at dinner tomorrow,” Ben said before walking off and dragging Nicky behind him.
“Text me later,” Nicky said.
“Why did you say that?” I hissed at Ryker, folding my arms across my chest.
“What? That dude’s totally into you. I had to show him you don’t belong to him.”
“Excuse me, and who exactly do I belong to?”
“Right. You’re going to dinner with him while you’re snuggling up with Ash. Careful, people might start believing those rumors Francis is spreading.”
Wow!
“My mom invited him over, not that I can see how it is any of your business. You know what, never mind. I don’t want to be around you. Ash, I’m just going to go with them.”
I turned to head after Nicky and Ben, but Ash caught my arm. “I want you around.”
“It doesn’t matter. Your brother hates me. Everyone hates me.” My lip trembled, and I cursed, because I was so tired of being everyone’s focus.
“Hey, that’s not true.” He caught my face in his hand, his fingers combing through my hair as he tilted my head back. “There are just things going on that you don’t know about, but it has nothing to do with you.”
“Well, what things?”
Silence passed, until Ryker spoke. “What things, Ash?”
“I’ve already told you, stay the fuck out of whatever is going on between her and me.”
I was so glad it was dark because I wanted to disappear into the ground. It was clear I was the cause of problems between these two, and I didn’t understand it. Ryker had been okay with me the first week of school. What changed? And why did I feel like Ashton was keeping something from me? What things didn’t have to do with me?
I tried to pull away. “I should really go.”
“Apologize to her,” Ash told Ryker.
“For what?”
“For being a dick.”
“He doesn’t have to—”
“I’m sorry,” Ryker said before I could finish. “I didn’t mean to hurt you, Averie but—nothing, just . . . I’m sorry.”
Though he still sounded upset, his apology sounded genuine, but none of it explained why he was now trying to get between Ash and me.
“Can you go check if Brody’s ready to head out?” Ash asked Ryker.
My emotions were all over the place, and I felt awkward being here.
“I’m sorry about that. He had no right,” Ash said. He sighed, dropping his hand from where it had slid to rest on my shoulder.
“But there’s something you’re not telling me.”
“Yeah, but only because it has nothing to do with you. It isn’t a big deal.”
“Does it have something to do with why you tried to stay away from me before, when school just started?”
Seconds passed before he answered. “Sort of, but don’t worry about it. It’s a family issue. Nothing for you to worry about.”
“But you just said it was sort of why you wanted to stay away from me, which means it clearly has something to do with me.”
“No. It has nothing to do with you and everything to do with me. I promise. You are too sober.”
