Beware of chicken, p.33
Beware of Chicken, page 33
Xian was honestly impressed by that one. How had the Spirit Beast managed to balance it? And the detail was incredibly fine in some areas while others were a bit off. Amateurish, compared to the sculptures he had seen in the Palace, and some of the anatomy was questionable. Some parts were too big, and on other sculptures they were too small. But it was all honestly impressive, considering they were made by a cat.
“These … these are very nice, Tigu’er …” Jin managed to get out, ignoring the cackles behind him. The kitten preened at the praise, rubbing up against Jin’s legs. “But … how about you … diversify your sculptures. It’ll make you better, to have other things to practise.”
The kitten considered and then nodded. She hopped up onto his shoulders and lay atop his head. The Xong brothers were gasping for air, and Che had begun crying. The kitten glared at them.
“I’m sure they’re just overcome with emotion at your beautiful sculptures,” Jin said, his eye twitching, and his face crimson. “Now, how about I put these in the ice room, so they don’t melt?”
The kitten slid its way into the front of his shirt and yowled happily.
“Is the weapon accurate?” Che managed to choke out, tears streaming from his eyes. He pointed at the sculpture’s … bits. One of the parts that Xian had a feeling was not correct.
The kitten looked confused by the question, looking to where Che was pointing and then to the actual sword that sculpture was holding. It nodded its head.
Jin’s face screwed up, and actual steam started to billow off the mortified boy’s shoulders. Che howled, doubling over. “Looks like Meimei is going to have her work cut out for her!” Gou Ren, caught in his mirth, leaned back so far he fell out of the cart, thumping onto his back and continuing to gasp for breath.
For a moment, Xian was worried that even Jin’s patience would have limits, especially with such a topic. Jin was clearly embarrassed … But he seemed to find the whole thing at least a little funny. He took the laughter in stride, without retaliation. An even temper. Xian approved.
“Well, make yourselves at home—I gotta … yeah,” Jin managed, sighing at the sculptures. His hands spasmed briefly, like he wanted to do away with the embarrassment. The moment passed. He quickly, but carefully, collected the sculptures and began carting them off.
Xian took a good look at the front of the house. The style was unfamiliar to him. Yun Ren had originally said that the house was bigger than Xian’s own, and he had been impressed. His home was the largest in Hong Yaowu, though a good portion of it was storage for the medicine his family created. The actual livable section was a bit more modest, but it was no hovel.
This, however, was a veritable manor. There were more foundations roughly marked with stakes outside. The other completed buildings were an outhouse, what Xian assumed to be a bathhouse, and a large stone oven. It was not a walled compound. Instead, there was what looked like a veranda surrounding the entire house, with the tiled roof extending past the outer walls.
“I think he might be compensating for something.” Gou Ren snickered, gesturing towards Jin’s lower half. Yun and Che laughed along with him, while Jin rolled his eyes.
They bundled the glass into the house, the rest of their party having stopped laughing for long enough to actually do some work. They were greeted at the door by Pi Pa, the sow brightening up and bowing politely when she saw Xian. The entrance was on a slightly lower level than the rest of the house and covered with easy-to-clean slabs of stone. The Xong brothers took off their wet shoes at the entrance, and he did the same, stepping onto the lacquered and waxed hardwood floors.
They were so smooth they were almost slippery. He shuffled his feet, and not a single splinter threatened his socks. They were also a lot warmer than Xian had been expecting. Gou Ren was allowed to set down his load … and then he was promptly bowled over by Chun Ke, the boar excitedly nosing him.
Xian took the opportunity to look around the house. The main room was warm and inviting, with a divider and a bed, as well as a warm hearth. There were several large cushions around the fire and a table that had what looked like a blanket under its top, to warm the legs of those who sat under it.
Xian would have to steal the idea. It looked comfortable. There were several half-finished projects as well. One was what looked like some gears from a waterwheel, each of them with a different number of teeth, and one that had been snapped in half. Strange-looking stone that seemed to be almost poured into its shape. A box filled with empty frames that could be slid in and out.
If this had been the entirety of the house, Xian would have been satisfied. But there was also a large kitchen, another storage room, and an entire second floor—as well as the famous “river room,” complete with a gluttonous carp. It eyed them excitedly as they entered … and then realised that they didn’t have any food. It made a noise that sounded suspiciously like “feh!” and went back to sleep.
Yao Che nodded in appreciation as he looked around the house. “Well, I certainly approve. It will be a lot of work, but I see no reason why we can’t get this done by the time the snows melt. A week or two to finish? Jin is cutting it close.”
“A week or two?” Jin’s voice called out as he entered. “I was thinking a day or two. Less if we hustle. All the flooring is cut, it just needs to be put in. And we should be able to get through all the windows today.”
Yao Che raised an eyebrow and then seemed to remember he was dealing with a cultivator.
“Well, if you say so. I want to see this when it’s finished! Xong brats! Get to work!”
CHAPTER 46
VENGEANCE AND HIVES
Carefully, now, carefully!” Che demanded, rather unnecessarily. Jin was exceedingly careful with his windows. It was the most expensive part of the house, after all. Four large glass windows—three for the front, one for the back—four smaller windows, and the rest would be made of treated paper and have large shutters. The panes themselves were two layers of glass, which according to Jin would help keep the cold out.
It turned out that Jin’s assessment on time would likely be accurate. The walls of the house were made of sturdy hardwood, the kind of trees that blunted axes and saws alike. They were as paper before Jin’s sawblade. It tore through the planks with a harsh, almost buzzing sound, carefully arranged to exactly the size he would need for the windows.
While Jin was cutting, Che was inspecting the glasswork, taking measurements, and examining hinges. After he did that, Jin would lift them into place, while Che made sure everything joined correctly and that the glass wouldn’t shatter due to any twists or warps.
The Xong brothers, meanwhile, were put to work on the floors. Gou Ren took the ground floor, while Yun Ren handled the second floor. True to Jin’s words, the planks were already cut and premeasured. All that was left was to hammer them in, in the order that they were shown.
Xian observed them as they worked. The Xong brothers were moving far faster than he’d expected them to, even while seeming spectacularly bored and almost vacant throughout the process. Gou hefted an entire stack of twenty planks and began tossing them up to his brother—who easily caught the heavy floorboards and put them aside with a world of thanks. Their hammers drove down nails in but two strikes, as they followed the floor plan Jin had set out. Their breathing was deep and steady. Almost like his own breathing was when he had to perform the rituals of Hong Yaowu.
They noticed Jin watching their progress too. The young man was watching their progress with an unreadable expression on his face. Gou Ren made another crack about the size of the statue’s parts. Jin shook his head and got back to work.
It was not backbreaking labour, but it was intensive. They toiled for hours, and the sun was starting to set, but they did indeed, finish putting in all the windows in a single day—even the one on the second story. The Xong brothers finished putting in the planks—they would be sanded, lacquered, and waxed tomorrow. Xian expected them to be tired from the ordeal. He certainly needed a break. Instead—
“Let’s go, Chun Ke!” Gou Ren shouted, grabbing an oddly shaped stick and a disc made out of stone. His brother raced after him onto the ice, where they began a game of tackles and shoves.
“How the hells do those brats have so much energy?!” Che demanded, sitting on a stump. Xian’s old friend was rubbing his back and squinting at the two youths. He winced as they collided with a bone-jarring crunch—only for both of them to start laughing and continuing on with their shoving match.
“Elder Hong, Elder Yao, it’s ready,” Jin said as he came back around the front of the bathhouse.
“Brother Che, Jin, Brother,” Che scolded him. “Honestly, you’re too polite for your own good!” Jin looked a bit sheepish at the reprimand, scratching the back of his head. Xian smiled at him.
“You’ve already called me father once. Continue that, Jin,” Xian said, clapping him on the shoulder.
Jin’s smile got cheeky. “Sorry, Pops, I’ll keep that in mind,” Jin said, putting on an inner-city accent. The kind of speech pattern that the guttersnipes, gangs and his wife used. Xian rolled his eyes at the irreverence and reached up to cuff Jin’s ear. The boy dodged deftly, his smile growing wider.
There was a yelp, and an oof as Gou Ren flopped into view, spun end over end by Chun Ke’s tackle. He groaned in pain, but didn’t seem seriously hurt, despite being folded in half by the boar’s charge. He popped back up, ready to go.
Jin scratched thoughtfully at his chin, but he left them to their games until he declared that the bath was ready.
↔
I splashed more water on the rock and then returned my hands to Brother Che’s back, the older man sighing in contentment.
I had replaced the normal pool of water with a slab of rock, and that was being heated instead of the water. It was sauna time after a hard day of work. Che had been grimacing and pressing his hand against his back, so I decided on a bit of steam relaxation. Or “Naked with the Boys 2, Electric Boogaloo.”
In any case, there had been a crack about my dangly bits from Gou Ren. Tigger’s statues hadn’t been anatomically correct, as she hadn’t really seen me naked before. But I held my peace, even as the guys’ mocking laughter filled my ears. Vengeance was a dish best served cold, after all. Though in this case, it would be hot, because we’re in a steam bath … and I’ve lost control of this metaphor.
I wasn’t spectacular at massages, but I knew enough not to hurt someone. And Qi makes everything easier, once you know how to use it. I remembered my father from Before, who’d had his own back pain.
“Gods damn it, why couldn’t you have been born here,” Che muttered. “I could have an apprentice, and my flower would still be at home, instead of all the way off in Verdant Hill. You like blacksmithing, don’t you? Every man should!” he declared, then continued grumbling under his breath.
He was lamenting that Meihua wasn’t married to me instead of Tingfeng. Again. I didn’t say anything and finished working the knot out of his back. Honestly, if it wasn’t for how I’d helped her out, I don’t think Meihua would have liked me much. I had seen her grimaces on the way to Verdant Hill the first time. I was a bit too boisterous for her. Tingfeng was a quiet, scholarly sort. She fit the town life better too. While she had a bit of muscle, as no one was allowed to sit on their asses in Hong Yaowu, I got the feeling that she didn’t like working too much. And Tingfeng’s family had a couple of servants to take care of the heavier physical labour.
I kind of wondered about what Pops would think of the remark, but his eyes were simply closed, and he was at peace enjoying the steam bath. I certainly wouldn’t want another man making noises about poaching my daughter’s husband for his daughter.
My soon-to-be father had a build that I really should have expected but caught me by surprise anyway. He was a bit thin and wiry, but he looked strong, with well-defined muscles, and a rather nasty-looking scar on his arm. I had been expecting a bit less, but it was xianxia land.
“This is very nice,” Xian finally declared. He looked at peace with the world, and like he was genuinely happy to be here.
I grinned back, all of my teeth showing, and slapped Che on the back.
“You’re done. Now we cool ourselves down … and start the medicinal treatment,” I declared.
We all walked outside into the snow, Che stretching and grinning at his range of motion. We simply drank in the fruits of our labour: the exterior of my house looking finally like a proper home. The exterior was very Japanese with the engawa, or veranda that enclosed the building, even going out over the water of the river as a pseudo dock. The back river was deep enough to jump into and fish in, though fishing that close to Washy’s lair was a fool’s errand.
We took a couple of minutes to cool down, and then we all got back into the sauna for the second steam.
It was time for my revenge.
“Now, lay down here. This will improve the circulation of blood and allows you to sweat out even more impurities.”
Gou Ren eagerly laid down. Grinning, I brought out the bundle of branches. The venik, or bundle of oak leaves and branches, would be my instrument of death. I mean, I was telling the truth, it did help improve circulation. But I had added a few more branches to it, thicker ones that would certainly smart when they hit.
Make dick jokes about me all day, would you? You’re courting death!
Gou Ren shrieked as I slapped down the branches with a little more force than was probably necessary, onto his ass. I held him down and smiled at him.
“Jin?!” he yelped out.
“It’s medicinal. It’s supposed to feel like this.” I hit him again.
“What—Elder Hong, there’s no way this can be”—smack—“son of a whore, Jin!”
Xian stroked his beard, considering for a moment. Hitting somebody obviously wasn’t medicinal.
We had our first father-son bonding moment when he pronounced death upon the Xong brothers and Che. “I do believe that this will have significant benefits,” he declared.
I grinned. Gou paled. I could feel him struggle a bit—really, far more than I should be able to.
I had some suspicions about Yun and Gou. But … well, I would wait and see.
I cheerfully worked him over with the branches and then tossed him in the river.
I made it back just in time for Yun Ren to try and bolt, his eyes opened wide in terror and desperation.
“Going somewhere?” I asked him, my hand clamped on his shoulder. His eyes darted all over the place, searching for a way out.
“I … didn’t make as many jokes?” he tried, smiling hopefully.
I said nothing and simply pulled him back into the bathhouse. My smile was upon my face the entire time.
“Go easy on me? Please? I’m sorry”—smack—“bastard of three fathers!”
→
“Mmm. That was most pleasant,” Xian stated. I had pulled out the thicker branches when it finally came time for his turn, so things were decidedly less painful.
The others glared at me. Their accusations had flown fast when I had pulled the thicker branches out for Pops. “I guess I do feel a bit more lively,” Che grudgingly admitted and shoveled more rice into his mouth. “Rice shouldn’t be allowed to be this good,” he muttered.
Dinner tonight was fish hotpot. I was actually starting to run low on a bunch of my veggies. I’d had a lot more people over than I thought I would have, over the winter, and adding Chunky, Peppa, and Washy to the mix was depleting things a bit faster than I liked.
Well, I wasn’t going to stop feeding them. I’d just have to ration my food out a bit better. And soon, it would be spring. I was ready and raring to go. People thought this was impressive? They ain’t seen nothin’ yet!
We finished dinner and began lazing around. It was certainly a lot brighter with the windows installed, even at this time of night.
“Jin, what are these, if you don’t mind me asking?” Xian asked, his eyes gleaming with curiosity. He had been a scholar, so I guess I understood where Meimei got it from.
“The gears … well, they’re for a waterwheel. I was just messing around to see if I could power a mill with them, but … I’m not the greatest at this sort of thing.” And ain’t that the truth. I was shit at mechanical engineering. I’d spent most of my time staring at diagrams and wondering what the hell I was doing.
“Well, Brother Che knows his way around such things, as does Brother Bao, so you might want to ask them. I’m afraid such engineering projects are largely beyond me, however—I spent more time on medicine than on gears and pulleys.”
I pointed to the next item. “Concrete. Or liquid stone.”
Xian examined it. “I’ve heard of such things before. One of the southern tribes, at the very edge of the continent, used something similar. They gave His Imperial Majesty a faulty recipe for their liquid stone, and they were destroyed for the insult.”
Well … all right, then. You learn something new every day. “It seemed like a good idea. If it makes things easier for us, then I think it’s a worthy investment.”
Xian nodded. “And the last?” he asked.
I was a little bit confused that he didn’t know the last one; he had mentioned keeping bees before.
“A beehive,” I said.
“A beehive?” he asked, looking suddenly interested. “What is the purpose of the shelves, then?”
Wait—were beehives like this invented a lot later than I thought they were? I didn’t even know that there were other ways of keeping bees! Did they just tear open the entire damn hive?
“… so, the bees build their comb in it? So, you can take them out without destroying the hives?”
Xian’s eyes widened. “They will truly follow the frames?”
“Yeah, they just have to be close enough together, but not too close together.” I reached in and grabbed the frame, pulling it out easily. “Build them a nice house, and they’ll stay for years.”
