Beware of chicken, p.7
Beware of Chicken, page 7
“Sing it for me?” she asked.
“I’m not a very good singer,” he demurred.
“Can’t be any worse than your pipa playing,” she teased.
Jin laughed. “All right, all right. It’s your ears on the line here, anyway.”
“Almost heaven, West Virginia …”
His voice wasn’t beautiful or grand. It did not stir the soul nor cause the land around him to weep. But it was nice enough.
Meiling closed her eyes and relaxed, her fingers entwining with the hand on her stomach.
She didn’t know when she went from leaning on him to in his lap.
She also didn’t know who started kissing who, but she realized her father had been on to something.
Kissing under the moonlight was very nice.
The knowing grins they got when they returned were embarrassing, though. And Meihua wanted all the details.
→
I was finally alone again, on my way back to my farm. I would have been home last night, but Meimei insisted that she make me the dumplings she had promised me.
Let me tell you, angry cat Meimei was cute as hell. Meimei, in an apron, smiling and serving me a home-cooked meal, did things for me.
She was cute. She was spunky. She had a wicked sense of humour, and I kind of had it bad for fiery girls like that.
But … well, I couldn’t just ask her out for a date or a fling, things didn’t work like that here. I had to court her properly. Which meant thinking about marrying her.
Was I ready for that? Was I ready to just dive headfirst into something like that?
Warm smiles. Laughter. Companionship.
Months of isolation had taken their toll. I had tasted for a brief moment having other humans in my life, and there was no going back. This … this was my life now. I was stuck in this world. What was I gonna be? A hermit, or a person? I steeled my resolve. It was a big decision. It would either end in tears or happiness. And if this was to be the rest of my days? I was going to make it a whole and fulfilling life.
But my farm isn’t ready for another person, let alone kids. I’ve got work to do.
That meant so many things. A house. Clothing, more food— I felt a fire in my gut, and I lifted. The cart came off the ground as I just started carrying it. The chickens squalled, Chunky and Peppa oinked in shock, and the miles disappeared under my feet.
Maybe she would say no … but I had a project. I had something to work towards.
□
Bi De’s eyes snapped open. His Great Master’s presence was near.
He swept off the Great Pillars of the Fa Ram. He checked the coop, only to find it spotless. He plucked the few interloping parasites from the Heavenly Herbs. He arranged the seeds he had collected that felt of Qi upon the table within the coop as tribute for his Great Master. He hoped his prizes would be well received as repayment for his Great Master’s generosity.
He arranged the corpses of the wicked ones on Great Pillars so that his master would see the trophies he’d acquired. There was a small—yet long—member of Basi Bu Shi’s ilk. Another creature was a beast that shared the same form as him but was far less noble, with a hooked beak and grasping talons.
Now he stood, a sentinel at the entrance of the Fa Ram. His females were arranged behind him, clucking and wandering as was their habit.
His Great Master crested the horizon, moving at speed.
Bi De swept into a bow, kowtowing before his Lord, as was only proper.
His Great Master scratched his wattles in greeting and took a deep breath of this Blessed Land’s air.
“Good to see you, Bi De. Let’s get to work,” he declared, and brought his disciple up to rest upon his broad shoulder.
CHAPTER 8
EXPERIMENTAL PROCEDURE
Bi De’s Great Master was a generous Lord.
He had praised Bi De for the contributions he’d acquired for the Great Fa Ram. The slain enemies were sown back into the earth. His seeds were put away for safekeeping, for there was something known as “winter” on the horizon, and they would be unable to be grown for a while. For his diligence, Bi De was awarded a prize directly from his Great Master’s hand.
The Pelt of Basi Bu Shi, fashioned into a powerful artifact. It increased his nobility and majesty tenfold and kept the rain off his feathers. It even imparted a portion of the beast’s ferocious speed unto him … or at least he thought it did. He was certainly faster now than he was when he had killed the wicked thing.
It was also most pleasing to his females.
The Great Master had brought new females for his flock as well as two new potential disciples, or so he assumed. Chun Ke and Pi Pa were odd, hairless things that rooted around and squealed in a most displeasing manner. Pink and wrinkled, they were offensive to his senses. They stank, waddled, and ran around, oftentimes spooking his females.
But the Great Master fed them his leftovers and threw them the dried-out nubs of Heavenly Herbs, treating them well. So, he stayed his spurs and watched to see if they were worthy of ascending past their base selves.
He held no great hope. They were obviously dullards of the highest order, dung upon the land, and unworthy of the Great Master’s time and care. But he did not doubt his Great Master. They obviously had some use, else his Lord would not have taken them in.
His Lord had also redoubled his own efforts, and once more Bi De watched in awe. Trees fell, one after another, and were transformed into logs and planks.
The rice was swiftly reaped and then set out to dry, the fat heads of the foodstuff looking unbelievably tempting. His physique shone with sweat as he worked with a fire in his eyes, toiling with such speed and prowess Bi De could only stare in awe, wishing for a fraction of that might.
Now, the Great Master was acting with his overwhelming wisdom again, and Bi De was lost.
His Master had built great fires, placing selected stones within them. Bi De could only observe the great work, for whenever he got close he felt the heat overwhelm him from the mere proximity. His Great Master was, of course, not so limited. So, the flame swelled to temperatures Bi De had never experienced. It was so hot it required several days to cool after the fires were quenched, and when they were taken from the fires, the stones were white and brittle. With his bare hands, he crushed them to powder, with the ease Bi De could now crush interlopers. The Great Master collected the powder and added water, clay, and smaller rocks to produce an odd grey sludge, one that flowed sluggishly. The Great Master then moulded and poured the sludge into the shapes he desired.
Several squares were created, as well as tiles. Thus, they were left to dry under the sun.
The next day, when he examined them, he was enlightened.
His Great Master had made liquid stone. Bi De was dumbfounded. Stone could be transmuted to liquid and back again? Truly, his Great Master’s wisdom surpassed all others!
↔
I examined the brick carefully, noting the cracks and imperfections. I pulled, and the brick easily came apart in my hands. Well, let’s chalk this one up to a bust.
Even with Qi, my concrete was shit. I would need to do some more testing with ratios. I knew how this was supposed to work … mostly. So, I figured I’d probably succeed eventually if I kept trucking at it. The Romans used seawater and volcanic ash to get what they wanted, and they’d made some of the best concrete in existence, even when compared to modern materials. I knew where a volcano was … but there’s no way I’d be able to get there now. It just wasn’t worth it. I’d see how far I could get with Qi and some experiments.
Until then, it looked like we were starting with stone. I’d hoped to get the new house finished before the snow hit … but that probably wasn’t going to happen. I had my drawings, so I knew what I wanted. I had started measuring out foundations, and I had superhuman strength and endurance … but I was still only one guy. These things always took longer than you thought they would. I had worked on a couple of houses in the Before, and every single one was overtime and over budget. It just happened.
I sighed contentedly, sitting down and dipping my feet into the water of the stream. I took a moment to enjoy the feeling of the setting sun on my bare skin and the sensation of the cooling water to wash away the fatigue of the day.
Man, this place was just perfect. The wind and the sounds of the countryside drifted on the breeze. The grass swayed in the wind. A fish decided to nibble my toe. It was a little carp, with an appetite bigger than his brain. I gently shooed the little fellow away, chuckling at his persistence.
Big D joined me and shouted his usual “Cock-a-doodle-doo!”
“You tell ’em, Big D,” I muttered, scratching my guard chicken’s head. We sat together as I cuddled my companion, grooming his feathers and scratching his belly, until I found a spot that made his leg start kicking. He was like a guard dog, but just way meaner. Really, what kind of chicken could manage to kill a hawk?
I paused. Guard dog. Guard chicken. The thought took me. I grinned and got up, getting a plank of wood, a chisel, and some ash.
I debated writing it in English, but I kind of wanted to see how people would react to this. I selected the characters and drew them out on the wood, then took my chisel to the plank. I finished it off with the ash, painting the characters dark black.
I stared at my new signpost.
I couldn’t help it. I started laughing.
This is going to confuse visitors so much.
I placed my work proudly on the fence’s gate and then went for dinner.
I had fish from the river, with Spirit Herb and asparagus. I was trying to experiment more, after experiencing good food again after months without it. It was fun to cook. It was fun to try and make new things, and if anybody ever came over to visit, well, I’d show them some hospitality!
Sure, it took longer and was far more work than the extremely simple meals I’d made before, but I wanted to do it. I needed to. I had enough food now; it was time to live a little.
It was delicious. Peppa and Chunky got the leftovers, the little sweethearts clambering into my lap afterwards, nuzzling affectionately.
I eventually crawled into bed and wished for the next day to be just as good as this one.
□
“… as quoted by witnesses, the travelling cultivator declared that such weak cultivators couldn’t be a part of the mighty Shrouded Mountain Sect, much less that one could be a Young Master of it,” the guard declared, obviously trying hard not to quake in his boots as he stared at the larger man.
Jian Li Wei’s face was stony as he studied the mortal before him. His rage was a quiet thing, gently bubbling beneath the surface. The irritation was compounded by the lack of Qi in this place. His breaths were slightly heavier, and his eyes felt like they were drying out. Both were repulsive experiences.
To be called upon by mortals, claiming that they had captured someone with the gall to declare that they were a part of my Sect? It defied belief. Yet they had captured someone from his Sect. He glared at Third Brother Zeng’s youngest, Zang Li, chained as he was in suppression seals. Li Wei had nearly exploded at seeing one of their own detained like that, but after hearing the story, he could only conclude it was a kindness visited on them by the unknown cultivator. His rage transferred to the brat who was defeated in the Azure Hills. He could understand the boy’s joy at breaking into the Profound Realm, and having a bit of fun exploring, but soiling himself by travelling this far into this weak place to gallivant around the countryside? And then to be caught by mere mortals?! To lose the Shrouded Mountain Sect face like this, this little brat dared?
At least he had the sense to keep his damned fool mouth shut and hadn’t compounded his failures.
“We thank the Verdant Hill for so swiftly informing us of this egregious plot against our Shrouded Mountain Sect,” he said, lying through his teeth. “We shall take these … imposters elsewhere.”
The mortal bowed his head. “We release them to you, then, Elder of the Shrouded Mountain.”
Li Wei gave the pathetic boy a once-over as he was unchained from the suppression seals. His lightning Qi was intact. The Wandering Expert who had defeated him had shown remarkable restraint, and for that reason alone he decided not to interrogate the mortals over who they had seen. It would be uncouth to strike at a man after such an altercation. The only thing truly wounded was the boy’s pride … and his fingers. Barely worth thinking about. If all went well, the Shrouded Mountain would not truly lose face over this incident.
He heaved the boy up over his shoulder, then gestured to the Inner Disciples he had brought with him. They grabbed the other ones, nodding. The boy’s lackeys. They’d claimed to be of the Shrouded Mountain, but he didn’t know them. These ones were disposable, and they would not speak a word of the Shrouded Mountain Sect’s involvement.
The group departed, leaping into the air and bounding over so much land they may as well have been flying. The Inner Disciples peeled off, going to dispose of the two unknown faces. They would have been unable to keep up with him anyway.
In a day, he could cover more distance than a mortal could in a month.
“Before you even open your mouth, you brat, I will not be fighting your battles for you. You have shamed yourself,” Li Wei snarled at the boy. Zang Li looked appropriately contrite, if slightly ill. It served the little bastard right. “Get revenge on your own, or look away from this matter on your own. Either way, you will be returning to the Shrouded Mountain.”
“I apologize, Uncle,” the little shit mumbled. Good. He would be humbled further later.
□
Internally, it was not Zang Li who was considering his uncle’s words. Lu Ban was sweating and concentrating his hardest on stabilizing his technique. At the same time, the expert carried him like a sack, purposefully making the journey uncomfortable. It had been hard enough under the suppression seals, but he was a dragon amongst men and destined for the heavens.
If the expert had done a deeper examination, he would have found out Zang Li was not Zang Li. On a cursory glance, his Qi was that of lightning.
Underneath, oil and blood bubbled. The slayer of the Young Master of the Shrouded Mountain squirmed in his stolen skin and rummaged through stolen memories. His Qi worked quickly and subtly, fully consuming the other. The reason he had travelled to the Azure Hills in the first place was to complete his consumption and stabilize his power. The fools who had previously travelled with Zang Li hadn’t even noticed the change.
Finally, finally, he felt the shroud complete. He let out a breath. The Twilight Cuckoo’s Triumph settled. Now, only the most powerful of experts, using the most skillful examinations, could decipher his true origins.
His plan was at fruition, though faster than he’d thought would happen. Now, he would have the resources of the Shrouded Mountain, as he’d originally intended when he slew the Young Master and devoured him. He might have gotten a bit carried away while stabilizing his technique, feasting upon his lessers and enjoying the Azure Hills, weak as they were, but now …
In the safety of his own mind, Lu Ban swore that he would slaughter all those who stood before him.
This “Jin” would pay dearly.
CHAPTER 9
TITLE DROP
Rice. The staple of the world.
White rice is delicious, but like all grains, it takes a supreme amount of effort to cultivate. After you husk it, you needed to pound it more to get the bran and germ off.
White rice also lacks several essential vitamins. By removing the rice’s hull, you rid it of vitamin B1, essential to the human body’s process. And then, with a lack of B1, you get beriberi. Shortness of breath, swollen legs, nerve damage. And finally, death.
A nasty way to go, if you ask me. Like all those infomercials say, a well-rounded diet is key!
I was perfectly capable of swiftly husking and polishing my rice; however, I held myself back, deciding only to do half white and half brown rice. That should give me a good mix of the two for nutritional requirements.
Even with my cultivator-enhanced constitution, fully harvesting my rice was a lot of work. Threshing, husking, polishing … I was three days in already and still had a lot to go, but then again, my yields had vastly exceeded my expectations. I had half an acre of rice on the hill, and I was about half-done preparing it, yet I had already filled forty-two 40-kilogram bags—the standard measure here. I would need to make more bags just to hold my stuff!
Truthfully, I didn’t know how much I would need for the winter, so it was better to have too much than too little, but holy hell was this going to be a lot.
Still, nothing was wasted. The husks and the stalks I would turn into fertilizer or occasionally kindling. I was actually looking forward to winter. From Rou’s memories, it was significantly milder than the ones I was used to. But then again, I’m used to -20°C with dips down into the -40°Cs, and massive amounts of snow. The snow was even off the ground before this world’s equivalent to April!
The wonder of wonders!
Oh man, I was going to build the biggest snowman ever! It would be the General That Commands the Winter, Bane of Cultivators!
I giggled to myself at the image. I just hoped one of my carrots would be big enough for a truly giant schnoz. You can’t have a snowman without a carrot.
I inhaled deeply and exhaled the pent-up excitement and random nervousness I’d been feeling. My first harvest in this world. My first winter. And … well … I was happy. Happy with my work. Happy with everything.
The sounds of the farm washed over me. The oinks of Peppa and Chunky, the clucks of the hens, and the chirps of the newly hatched chicks. The little ones had come into the world just last week, and already they were making nuisances of themselves and running Big D ragged making sure none of them died.
They were insanely cute. A good amount of them hatched too, especially considering I didn’t have an incubator. There were only a few rotten eggs, and my pigs and chickens polished those off with gusto.
I smiled at the little ones trailing in a line behind their dad, yellow fluff and shaky legs.
