Until mercy happily ever.., p.3
Until Mercy: Happily Ever Alpha World, page 3
“Get in, Mercy. I have to be somewhere.” Link brings my attention back to him, and I look at him as he keeps that half burnt cigarette between his lips and gives me a look I haven’t seen yet. And suddenly, I don’t know what I did or what I should do, but regret seeps in and I feel alone. So damn alone.
I as climb in, he fires up the engine and peels out on the gravel road. He leaves a trail of dust, and I can only see the shapes of my parents in the side mirror. I look over to Link, and he already has his phone out, making a “business” call, and I sink into myself.
What have I done?
“Shit!” I’m woken up when the fire alarm goes off, and I’m sitting in cold, still bath water. My sleep took me away, and the nightmare consumed me of the day I said goodbye to my parents and travelled a road that destroyed my life. The smoke from the candles in my tiny little bathroom caused the alarm to go off, and I hustle to get out and make stop. It gives me a brief moment to not think about the nightmare. But who am I kidding? When the smoke settles, that nightmare will linger. Because it wasn’t a nightmare.
It was a reality I’m still trying to escape.
Chapter Four
Mercy
I slept awfully last night. All I could do was think of Kellan—the angel when my eyes were open—and Link, when my eyes closed and I saw the nightmares. Each time, I woke up in a panic, sweat soaking my sheets and leaving my every pore. But as I get ready this morning, one nightmare sticks with me the most, and I can’t seem to shake it.
The day I learned the bad boy I fell in love with killed a man.
I remember the screams and the gunshots. I remember thinking it was all an illusion, a nightmare like the one I had last night. Except nightmares aren’t real; they’re just fears that darken your dreams. This was all a reality I couldn’t wake up from or escape. It was a real-life haunting, and I was the victim. When I heard the body hit the floor, a sound I remember better than the voices of those I love or laughter from all the greatest moments in my life. It echoed through the alleyway we were in. It sounded putrid. Bones hitting pavement with a thundering thud, and it will stay with me far after I leave here. I believe it will even haunt me in the afterlife.
I didn’t know how deep Link was with bad people, people so heinous they only ever depict parts of them in bad guys in films. But no, it’s far worse than that. Far worse, and I realized it that night. And the moment I gained the knowledge of how dangerous and rancid Link was, I fell out of love and prepared myself to leave. But now I’m a liability. I heard it and saw it. I knew what he had done. His secrets weren’t his anymore, and I became the holder of the things that could end him.
Link Marks does not let anyone end him.
Drugs, weapons, murder—and honestly, I’m sure it gets much deeper and darker, but I ran before I could really learn every part of his crimes. I ran, not walked, out of his life. Ironically, I wasn’t wise enough to realize that running makes the hunters come out to play, and that was Link’s specialty. He hunted the prey that threatened to end him. And I’ve been on the lam, so to speak, for years now. Running from town to town whenever he finds me. It’s not a matter of if he will find me; it’s always a matter of when.
Link found me the night I decided to let him be a part of my past for good and started a life with someone I finally believed had good in them. The night Kellan asked me to love him and be his wife. It’s as if Link could sense my happiness and snapped. His radar went off, and it was just like his two years of searching ended and he could sense my safety net tightening. Kellan was that safety net, and it was Link’s magnet.
I left Kellan alone in bed that night without a word, because I knew just how badly and deeply he loved me, and he would have fought like hell to keep me, even if it meant risking his own safety. I would rather lose his love than watch him lose his life because of me.
It’s no exaggeration what would’ve happened to him if I had stayed. It’s a declaration of truth. And I wasn’t going to lose and risk the safety of another person that I loved, all because I couldn’t see through the haze of lust and young love. I should have seen it in the way he was, the dark glint in his eyes, or that crooked smile that came out to play only when something wicked was about to happen. I first saw it as charming and mysterious, and I should have left right then. But I didn’t. I was too hardheaded and wanted to prove to everyone, even myself, that he was all good and not evil.
Joke’s. On. Me.
I’m late getting to work, the long night three steps ahead of me and pushing me back. I hit the sidewalk outside my place twenty minutes behind. I’m weaving in and out of the crowds taking up the downtown city sidewalk, when my phone rings. Seeing Shayla’s name, I pick it up, my homemade coffee nearly falling from my hand in my clumsy state.
“Shay, I’m so sorry. I’m running late, but I will be there in about—”.
“Baby?”
I freeze in place. Only one man has made that pet name sound so vile, and it sends chills up and down my spine then back up again. This time, my coffee does hit the ground, and the people around me move out of the way, living their lives unfazed by what’s happening in mine.
“Link?” I turn around, and there he stands, looking the same but older. He fits in so perfectly, his jet-black hair slicked back, his laid back T-shirt and leather jacket matching half of the male population in Seattle. But little do they know he’s a monster among men.
“Look at you, remembering my name. I would think you tried your best to forget it, since you left me, pretty baby. Twice. My hell, you still get me hard and ready after all these years. I missed you.”
I feel bile burning my throat like pure acid waiting to leave me.
“How did you—”
“Find you? Really, sweet thing, you think a man like me would have trouble finding a girl like you? You stick out in any crowd, baby. It’s hard not to see you.” He starts to move closer, and the crowds around us begin to come fewer and farther between now, with the workday beginning. The less people means the less likely I will be able to run.
I step back slowly, and suddenly my survival skills have kicked in. The years I’ve spent preparing to meet my maker flood me. I see a black SUV pull up next to me, and I know in that moment I have to get away, because if he gets me in his hands and in that car, I won’t make it out.
I may be living life in fear, but I’m in no way going to let this man take me from this earth. I would rather run and fight forever than hand myself over. I will not let him get me. I will run like I did the night he found me before, and I will find a new life far away. It’s the only option I have.
“Don’t fucking think about it. I really don’t want to do this again with you. I’m starting to get more upset each time I have to chase you. The more upset I get, the less kind I will be when I do get you. You don’t want that now, do you?”
I shake my head, the tears I try adamantly to keep at bay finding their way out.
“Don’t cry, baby. I won’t hurt you too much. Maybe if you’re really good and get in the car, we can work it out. Get back to you and me. Like I said, seeing you right now is bringing back that fucking ache I have for you. You have a way about you, and I miss that.”
He thinks he’s being charming, but the repulsion is only magnified inside me.
“Link, I won’t tell anyone about the men you killed. Just please let me go. Please.” I beg, but it’s only a distraction. I see a large crowd coming from behind him, and if I can keep him at a distance for long enough, I can make myself disappear, and I’m less than a block from my getaway car.
“No. You see, I can tell when people are bluffing. I mean, I do it for a living, silly woman. And it’s only a matter of time before you think I’m gone from your life. Then you will find a man, settle down, and live a mediocre life. And one day you’ll tell him about me and you’ll haphazardly put me at risk. And that, Mercy girl, just won’t do.” He smirks, looking over to his driver.
“So get in the car and I won’t have to put you in it by force.”
“No.”
Link chuckles, rubbing his hands together in amusement, plotting his next move, but the joke’s on him, because I have already plotted my next five.
“Sir.” His driver gains his attention, and I feel my feet ready to take flight. Here is my only chance. The second his head turns toward the crowd his driver warned him of behind him, I move, taking a fast turn.
I run like I have never ran before. I hear him curse and then tires screech. But the only problem is this is a one-way road and the car is blocked in. Knowing they’re going to take a left then a right to cut me off, I take a shortcut through the gas station. I keep running, not looking back as I approach the parking garage where I’m parked on the third level. I know if I don’t hide, they will find me.
When I’m there, I hurry and find a collection of cars and climb under the one lowest to the ground. I hear tires screeching near the entrance and wait for them to pass. I watch and take deep breaths, doing my best to calm my racing heart, as the SUV approaches the cluster of cars where I’m hiding.
“Mercy! Don’t fucking hide from me. I won’t stop looking for you. Till the day you or I fucking die, I will search for you.”
I cover my mouth and squeeze my eyes shut, praying for him to let me go.
Please, just let me go.
The wheels slowly pass by me, and I hope that if God can hear me praying, he answers it. I will run far this time. So much farther than I ever have before. When they go to the next level, I wait there, not dumb enough to move. I would be foolish to think he may not be on foot, looking around for me while his driver pulls around. I wait and wait, seeing his car a few more times. But when an hour passes, after I hear his tires peel out of the entrance and I can’t feel my stomach and legs anymore, I risk leaving. Slowly, I climb out from under the car, staying ducked down as I do and trying to get the feeling back in my toes and legs. I’m covered in oil and dirt, but I don’t care. I just want to get out of here.
Finding it hard to believe this is my life again, I stay focused and do my best to not get caught—or in my case, captured. I see my car just down the way and know I can make it if I hurry. Closing my eyes and releasing a deep breath, I still my rapidly beating heart and hone in on the car just across from the row of vehicles I’m hiding in. I move fast, running and getting to the getaway car I move every week. I have planned for Link to find me, and every week, I spend my Sunday picking a new and easy place to reach for safety.
It’s packed with clothes, some basic necessities, and money hidden in a case wrapped inside a heating pad and a wig. I reach it, find the key taped to the undercarriage, and unlock it. Climbing in, I shut the door and lock it, looking around me, trying to see if he’s watching me or waiting me out. I don’t see his SUV. Taking the wig from the glove box, I place the blonde over my hair and change my shirt, losing the one he last saw me in to something that heightens my new identity. My heart is racing again, the sweat of pure fear is sticking to me, and the car around me feels extremely tight. It’s the anxiety all around me, suffocating and boxing me in.
“Mercy, you have to calm down. Think straight and focus.” Taking three long breaths, I pull myself together, enough to get out of town. Where I will go? I don’t know. But I’ll find it. I don’t have time to think about the life I’m leaving behind again. I can’t, or I may risk running and telling everyone. I risk the people I love getting hurt. Just like every other time.
Making a vow now, I promise myself I will not grow close to someone else or make friends. Because this will be my life. Running from Link will be exactly what he said—a race to death. And a woman can only lose so much and live a life so lonely before it breaks her for good.
I pull out smoothly and with caution from my parking spot, making sure I don’t draw attention or move at a frantic pace. If he’s waiting for me at the entrance, then I need to be as calm and unnoticeable as possible.
I look at every car behind, in front of, and beside me and make sure I’m alone. Never going above the speed limit or below, I get to the highway within ten minutes, and as soon as I feel I’m not being followed, I lose myself, my soul shattering into a million pieces again. I know this is the life I will always have, but there is a slight sting of pity and heartbreak that comes with that knowledge. I know they say all bad things happen to us based on the choices we make and using our right to agency. But I didn’t know this choice was going to lead me where it has. I didn’t know I was going to end up running from a man who refuses to let me go.
I wipe at the tears, feeling the growing ache in my stomach, that deep urge to scream and lash out for all the stupid things I’ve done, and that’s exactly what I do. Screaming out into the quiet car, only surrounded by the noise of the freeway, I let go of everything I’m feeling. Hate, anger, bitterness, pity, and absolute loneliness.
I miss him instantly then, when my scream dies down and the heavy cloud of loneliness drowns me. I think of Kellan and the moments he briefly made me forget about the life I’m running from and the lies I’m spinning just to keep those I love safe. His touch still lingers, and I feel it taking my hand and pulling me close. I can feel the safety net around me for a brief moment, and I slip into a state of incoherent illusion, and there I see him in front of me.
“I love you, Mercy. Do you understand that?” We stand in the stillness of his room, the sheets just beside us on the bed, both of us a mess from where we laid for hours talking, breathing, escaping, and making love on repeat.
“I do. I love you too, Kellan.” We stand chest-to-chest, his hands slowly tracing up and down my arms, releasing the goose bumps and butterflies in my stomach over and over again. I really don’t think he knows the depths of his soft touch, how something barely touchable can be so profound.
“Yeah? You do?”
How could he doubt that? Can’t he see how guarded I am? How many walls I put up before he came along, and how easily he was able to tear them down? How I was able to unpack the boxes that laid still and wrapped for so long, ready for me to run?
I had no roots. Until him. He helped me plant them, water them, and make them a home. How can he not see how fast he changed me and got inside my deepest, most hidden places?
“Then do something to prove it. Call your bluff and prove to me that you let me in here.” He places his steady hand over my heart, where my body is trembling. Fear and excitement and willingness consumes me. I would do anything to please him, and that’s how I got hurt the last time. But inside Kellan, there isn’t a monster hidden. Kellan is all good things in this world wrapped in a warm body of muscle. He’s kind, generous, and… just… good. Kellan is good.
“Anything.”
“Too quick to give me everything I could ever want.”
“Then don’t make me regret it, Kellan.” One of his hands lands on mine and he intertwines our fingers. Lacing them together and bringing them to his lips, he then drops to his knees.
“Marry me, Mercy. I’m down on both knees, begging you, giving you everything.” His gray eyes sparkle in the dim lighting of his downtown Portland apartment. The horns around us silence then, drowning out everything but the sound of his desperate breathing and my erratic heartbeat.
“Why do you want to marry a woman like me?” I question, my eyes never wavering from his.
“Because what kind of man would I be to fall in love with someone like you and not make you mine? What kind of fool would I be to ever let a girl like you end up with anyone else but me?”
“You’re a fool for loving me.” I smile, his words seeping into my veins.
“Yeah, I am. It’s dangerous loving you, Mercy Daniels, and I can’t even tell you why.”
“How about I never tell you all my secrets? That way you’ll never know why.” I cup his chin, where his stubble is coming in. A sign of the three days we have spent not leaving his place.
“Is that a yes?”
Nodding subtly, I smile.
“Marry me tomorrow, before you change your mind.” He stands, wrapping his large arms around my tiny frame.
“I haven’t changed my mind about you these past six months. I don’t plan for that to change. It’s impossible.”
“Isn’t there some cliché-ass saying about nothing being impossible?”
“Yeah, it’s probably pinned to your Pinterest.”
We both smile, bringing our lips together. Our tongues tangle, his taste and scent overwhelming me.
“Don’t ever slip through my hands, Mercy. Always give us a chance,” he whispers between soft kisses. Our foreheads touch and I nod, promising him what I hope can be something I can stand true to. Who knows when Link will find me? But until then, I will soak up any and all moments with Kellan. Maybe Link will never come. Maybe Kellan’s safety will also expand to the universe and I’ll be safe for good.
We can hope.
“Kellan,” I whimper, coming back to the present. His memories are even more painful than his absence. Because those are things I can’t get rid of. And truth be told, I never want to. Even if they cripple me and haunt me in every heartbreaking way possible, I never want to forget the moments that saved me. The city disappears behind me and I make a run for somewhere new. Where I’ll go, who knows? But I can’t stay close. Seattle wasn’t far enough from Portland. I watch the place I wanted to be my new start disappear, and the horizon ahead should promise me a new beginning, but I can’t seem to find the silver lining in anything. How could I?
Chapter Five
Kellan
“You have the worst poker face I have ever seen, Kellan.”
Miller thinks he calls my bluff before placing the half-smoked cigar to his lips. We finished dinner, and his wife and the other women left us men to play poker while they conversed over wine in the other room. I’m surrounded by some of Miller’s friends from the Force, Greeves and Smith. They go by their last names outside the uniform too, but what’s new?
