The myth of normal, p.1
The Myth of Normal, page 1
Praise for The Myth of Normal
“In The Myth of Normal, Gabor Maté takes us on an epic journey of discovery about how our emotional well-being and our social connectivity (in short, how we live) are intimately intertwined with health, disease, and addictions. Chronic mental and physical illnesses may not be separate and distinct diseases but intricate, multilayered processes that reflect (mal)adaptations to the cultural context that we live in and the values we live by. This riveting and beautifully written tale has profound implications for all of our lives, including the practice of medicine and mental health.”
—Bessel A. van der Kolk, MD, president, Trauma Research Foundation, professor of psychiatry, Boston University School of Medicine, and author of the #1 New York Times bestseller The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma
“Gabor and Daniel Maté have created a magnificent resource for us all in The Myth of Normal, a powerful, in-depth, science-packed, inspiring story–filled opus that helps us see how stress within our culture shapes our well-being in all its facets. By carefully reviewing medical and mental health through a wide lens of inquiry, they challenge simplistic views of disease and disorder to offer instead a wider perspective on human flourishing that has direct implications for how we live individually, at home, and as a larger human family. A thorough and inspiring work of the heart, this book urges us to question our assumptions and think deeply about who we are and how we can live more fully and freely, harnessing the power of the mind to bring healing and wholeness into our shared lives on Earth.”
—Daniel J. Siegel, MD, clinical professor, UCLA School of Medicine, executive director, Mindsight Institute, and New York Times bestselling author of IntraConnected: MWe (Me + We) as the Integration of Self, Identity, and Belonging
“Wise, sophisticated, rigorous, and creative: an intellectual and compassionate investigation of who we are and who we may become. Essential reading for anyone with a past and a future.”
—Tara Westover, New York Times bestselling author of Educated
“Gabor and Daniel Maté have delivered a book in which readers can seek refuge and solace during moments of profound personal and social crisis. The Myth of Normal is an essential compass during disorienting times.”
—Esther Perel, psychotherapist, author, and host of Where Should We Begin?
“Gabor Maté articulates bluntly, brilliantly, and passionately what all of us instinctively know but none of us really want to face: The entire social construct of the world we’re living in is deeply flawed, with toxicities on every level. Yet though the book makes clear what’s so terribly wrong, it also points to how we can make it right. Maté is a guide through the dangerous forest of our minds and our society, not letting us ignore the darkness but ultimately showing us the light. The Myth of Normal is exactly what we need.”
—Marianne Williamson, New York Times bestselling author of A Return to Love
“The Myth of Normal is an astonishing achievement, epic in scope and yet profoundly down-to-earth and practical. I believe it will open the gates to a new time when we come to understand that our emotions, culture, bodies, and spirits are not separate, and wellness can only come about if we treat the whole being. I will read this book again and again.”
—V (formerly Eve Ensler), author of The Vagina Monologues and The Apology
“The Myth of Normal may forever change the way you view your life experiences and how they can shape your biology. But more important, Gabor Maté points us to a path of desperately needed communal healing.”
—Elissa Epel, PhD, professor, University of California, San Francisco, and co-author of the bestseller The Telomere Effect
“In this brilliant, compelling, and groundbreaking book, Gabor Maté unveils the societal trance that has blinded us to the death grip of pervasive trauma in our world. He shows that this is not our personal trauma. It is sourced in a culture that undermines meeting our basic needs for connection, authenticity, and meaning. Drawing on his decades of pioneering clinical work, fascinating contemporary science, and contemplative wisdom, Maté offers us a way to bring clear seeing and a greatness of heart to the crisis of our times.”
—Tara Brach, author of Radical Acceptance and Radical Compassion
“Gabor and Daniel Maté offer a powerful and surprising redemptive path out of the toxic illusion of ‘normalcy.’ This remarkable and revolutionary book will profoundly impact the well-being of self, society, and our earth at a time when wisdom and compassion are essential for our common survival.”
—Reverend Joan Jiko Halifax, abbot, Upaya Zen Center
“At a time when so many of us are struggling physically and psychically, Gabor Maté’s The Myth of Normal is a godsend, providing wisdom and realistic hope. Maté is a revolutionary thinker and gifted writer whose work has always inspired me. The Myth of Normal is no exception. It’s no exaggeration to say that this groundbreaking book can help us heal as individuals, families, and a society.”
—David Sheff, author of the #1 New York Times bestseller Beautiful Boy
“As if Gabor Maté hasn’t done enough already by depathologizing addiction, autoimmune diseases, and ADHD, now, in this magnum opus, he challenges us to expand our minds even further. In The Myth of Normal, he asserts that those problems, and the many other social ills that plague us, are not only related to the traumas we’ve suffered but are also symptoms of the toxic nature of our materialistic, isolating, patriarchal, and racist culture. What’s remarkable about this beautifully written book is not just that he makes that bold contention, but how well he backs it up with an amazing amount of scientific research, compelling stories of his patients, and moving disclosures from his own life. Our culture is indeed very sick and I don’t know of a better diagnostician of and physician for it than Gabor Maté. This book contains a prescription that, if we have the courage to follow it, will heal us all.”
—Richard Schwartz, PhD, creator of the Internal Family Systems model of psychotherapy
“The Myth of Normal is a book literally everyone will be enriched by—a wise, profound, and healing work that is the culmination of Dr. Maté’s many years of deep and painfully accumulated wisdom.”
—Johann Hari, New York Times bestselling author of Stolen Focus
“This gripping book builds upon two key truths for our time—that everything is connected, including psychic wounds and physical illnesses, and that these are not anomalies but ordinary, even epidemic, in the society we’ve built. The Myth of Normal is a powerful call for change in how we live with, love, understand, treat, and think about one another, by someone ideally situated to map the terrain and to give us some valuable tools with which to navigate it.”
—Rebecca Solnit, author of Men Explain Things to Me
“In this wide-ranging and beautifully written book, Gabor Maté and his co-writer son Daniel offer an acute diagnosis of what ails our culture and a blueprint for personal healing, while pointing the way to what is required to create a more hospitable, human-friendly world for ourselves and our children.”
—Dr. Shefali, New York Times bestselling author and clinical psychologist
“Gabor Maté’s latest book is a guide to self-awareness, social insight, and healing that is deeply personal and utterly transparent. Written with fluid, crystalline prose, profound wisdom, great humor, and hard-won humility, it merits becoming this generation’s The Road Less Traveled. In my two-word summation, The Myth of Normal is Fiercely Tender.”
—William M. Watson, SJ, DMin, president and founder, Sacred Story Institute
“The Myth of Normal is a detailed and wide-ranging look at what we all need to know—but all too often fail to live up to—when it comes to human health, sanity, maturation, and happiness. It’s also a clear-eyed examination of the benefits, triumphs, limitations, and blind spots of our health and mental health care system.”
—Resmaa Menakem, bestselling author of My Grandmother’s Hands, The Quaking of America, and Monsters in Love
“The Myth of Normal is a tour de force journey into the dissonant experience of being human in our aberrant and toxic modern culture. The journey is both heartrending and exalted in its underlying purpose—to heal the rift from our authentic selves and the collective trauma that stifles our natural expression and joy. If you are ready to do the brave and life-shaking work of examining the truth of your life and the culture that we are literally in the death grips of—this is your read.”
—Rachel Carlton Abrams, MD, MHS, ABoIM
“The Myth of Normal presents a unique perspective in viewing what we see as ‘normal’ and opens up a way to wake up to what is real and authentic in our lives. Gabor and Daniel Maté have written a compelling book that will challenge your views and help lift the veil of illusion to what is truly happening in your mind and in your body.”
—Sharon Salzberg, author of Lovingkindness and Real Happiness
“With rigorous research and painstaking detail, this book by esteemed physician Gabor Maté is a tour de force manifesto of how trauma impacts not just our individual bodies and psyches but our whole society. The Myth of Normal plants seeds for revitalizing what we consider ‘normal’ and giving ourselves permission to say no to what is making us unnecessarily sick.”
—Lissa Rankin, MD, New York Times bestselling author of Mind Over Medicine and Sacred Medicine
“This, Gabor Maté’s ma gnum opus, is essential reading for us all. A genius writer, he gives it to us straight: From the mindbody to the body politic, we learn how loss of authenticity takes its toll psychologically, physically, spiritually, and socially.”
—Julie Holland, MD, author of Good Chemistry: The Science of Connection, from Soul to Psychedelics
“Every once in a rare while a book comes along creating a new vision of the world, illuminating for us that which until now has been invisible, yet as vital to our health and well-being as water is to fish, oxygen is for our bodies, and love is for our souls. This work is such a tour de force, a humbling and brilliantly written exposition of what deeper healing requires.”
—Jeffrey D. Rediger, MD, MDiv, assistant professor, Harvard Medical School, and author of Cured: Strengthen Your Immune System and Heal Your Life
“Gabor Mate is brilliant and passionate, tender and fierce, writing with an urgent honesty. His analysis is comprehensive and penetrating, combining deep scholarship, hard-earned clinical wisdom, personal trauma, and practical suggestions. This is a masterwork that reads like an intelligent thriller, highlighting our challenges with dramatic clarity while showing the way to their solutions. A must-have book for anyone interested in their own mind, in how our world got so crazy, and in the better future we can forge together.”
—Rick Hanson, PhD, author of Resilient: How to Grow an Unshakable Core of Calm, Strength, and Happiness
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Copyright © 2022 by Gabor Maté
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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Names: Maté, Gabor, author. | Maté, Daniel, author.
Title: The myth of normal: trauma, illness, and healing in a toxic culture / Gabor Maté, with Daniel Maté.
Description: New York: Avery, 2022. | Includes bibliographical references and index.
Identifiers: LCCN 2022005936 (print) | LCCN 2022005937 (ebook) | ISBN 9780593083888 (hardcover) | ISBN 9780593083895 (epub)
Subjects: LCSH: Health—Social aspects. | Diseases—Social aspects. | Social medicine. | Civilization, Modern—21st century—Health aspects.
Classification: LCC RA418 .M3272 2022 (print) | LCC RA418 (ebook) | DDC 362.1—dc23/eng/20220609
LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2022005936
LC ebook record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2022005937
Cover design: Pete Garceau
Cover image: PressureUA / iStock / Getty Images Plus
Book design by Shannon Nicole Plunkett, adapted for ebook by Estelle Malmed
Neither the publisher nor the authors are engaged in rendering professional advice or services to the individual reader. The ideas, procedures, and suggestions contained in this book are not intended as a substitute for consulting with your physician. All matters regarding your health require medical supervision. Neither the authors nor the publisher shall be liable or responsible for any loss or damage allegedly arising from any information or suggestion in this book.
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To dearest Rae, my life partner, who saw me before I could see myself and who loved all of me long before I could love myself at all. None of my work would exist without her. And to the children we brought forth together—Daniel, Aaron, and Hannah—who light up our world.
The best physician is also a philosopher.
—Aelius Galenus (Galen of Pergamon)
For if medicine is really to accomplish its great task, it must intervene in political and social life. It must point out the hindrances that impede the normal social functioning of vital processes, and effect their removal.
—Rudolf Virchow, nineteenth-century German physician
When you’re trying to survive, you turn malady into a coping strategy, and loss into culture.
—Stephen Jenkinson
Author’s Note
There are no composite or fictional characters in this book. Each story told is that of a real person whose words, from transcribed interviews, are reproduced accurately with occasional editing for purposes of clarity. When only a given name is used, it is a pseudonym to protect privacy, at the interviewee’s request. In such cases, some biographical data may also be slightly altered. Where both names are given, the identity is real.
Unless otherwise stated, all italics are mine.
A word about authorship. This book was co-written with my son Daniel. Usually the word “with” in identifying authors is meant to denote a ghostwriter, one who actually renders the main author’s ideas into written form. That wasn’t the case here: on most chapters I was the primary author, with Daniel following up with a particular eye to style, tone, clarity of argument, and accessibility, and often contributing his own thoughts. Occasionally, when I found myself stuck on what to say or how to say it, he would take the writing reins for a while, crafting a particular section or chapter based on material I had collated and penned. In all cases, we would pass the chapters back and forth until we were both satisfied. The structure and flow of the book was also very much an ongoing collaboration between us, from the preparation of the book proposal through the final draft.
So while the book’s authorship is unequally distributed, in that it reflects my work, research, analysis, and experience, it was very much co-written. I truly could not have accomplished the task without Daniel’s brilliant partnership.
Gabor Maté
Vancouver, B.C.
Contents
Introduction Why Normal Is a Myth (And Why That Matters)
Part I: Our Interconnected Nature
Chapter 1 The Last Place You Want to Be: Facets of Trauma
Chapter 2 Living in an Immaterial World: Emotions, Health, and the Body-Mind Unity
Chapter 3 You Rattle My Brain: Our Highly Interpersonal Biology
Chapter 4 Everything I’m Surrounded By: Dispatches from the New Science
Chapter 5 Mutiny on the Body: The Mystery of the Rebellious Immune System
Chapter 6 It Ain’t a Thing: Disease as Process
Chapter 7 A Traumatic Tension: Attachment vs. Authenticity
Part II: The Distortion of Human Development
Chapter 8 Who Are We Really? Human Nature, Human Needs
Chapter 9 A Sturdy or Fragile Foundation: Children’s Irreducible Needs
Chapter 10 Trouble at the Threshold: Before We Come into the World
Chapter 11 What Choice Do I Have? Childbirth in a Medicalized Culture
Chapter 12 Horticulture on the Moon: Parenting, Undermined
Chapter 13 Forcing the Brain in the Wrong Direction: The Sabotage of Childhood
Chapter 14 A Template for Distress: How Culture Builds Our Character
Part III: Rethinking Abnormal: Afflictions as Adaptations
Chapter 15 Just Not to Be You: Debunking the Myths About Addiction
Chapter 16 Show of Hands: A New View of Addiction
Chapter 17 An Inaccurate Map of Our Pain: What We Get Wrong About Mental Illness
Chapter 18 The Mind Can Do Some Amazing Things: From Madness to Meaning
Part IV: The Toxicities of Our Culture
Chapter 19 From Society to Cell: Uncertainty, Conflict, and Loss of Control
Chapter 20 Robbing the Human Spirit: Disconnection and Its Discontents
Chapter 21 They Just Don’t Care If It Kills You: Sociopathy as Strategy
Chapter 22 The Assaulted Sense of Self: How Race and Class Get Under the Skin
Chapter 23 Society’s Shock Absorbers: Why Women Have It Worse
Chapter 24 We Feel Their Pain: Our Trauma-Infused Politics
