Into the light, p.10
Into the Light, page 10
“Goodnight, Shay,” he says as I close the passenger door.
“‘Night.” I take a few steps then turn back around. “I forgot to ask. How old are you?”
“Why? Does it matter?”
“No. Just curious.”
“Older than you.” He smiles.
I shake my head and continue walking to my car. He doesn’t drive away until I start the ignition. I’m going to get him a plaque with GENTLEMAN engraved on it. It’s a rarity these days. Once I get home, I let myself in and my mother is in the kitchen.
“Where have you been?”
“Mini golfing.”
“Who were you with?”
“Just a few friends from school.” The lie rolls easily off my tongue.
She looks at me with narrowed eyes. “Have you heard from your sister?”
“No.”
I head upstairs, humming, and get ready for bed. Even though I have to be up early, I’m too wired to sleep. I keep thinking about Jeremy’s kiss. Kat comes home at close to eleven.
“You’re past curfew.” Eleanor’s voice carries from downstairs.
“I was at the mall.”
I creep to the landing so I can see what’s going on.
“Until eleven o’clock at night?”
“No. We went out after to grab something to eat. Didn’t you get my text?”
“I most certainly did not.”
I see Kat’s fingers working her keyboard. Then my mother’s phone pings with a notification.
“See?” Kat says.
I try to stifle my laugh. My mother huffs as Kat runs up the stairs.
“Don’t think you’re going out tomorrow. You’re grounded,” she calls after her.
Kat comes into my room and closes the door behind her.
“How did tonight go?” she asks.
“Amazing.”
I scoot over so she can sit down next to me.
“Tell me all about it.”
I relay the details of our date, including our kiss.
“Sounds like he’s a keeper.”
“He is,” I say hugging my knees to my chest.
“Now we just have to figure out what to do about Mother.”
“She won’t stop me from seeing him,” I tell her, my tone firm.
“You go, girl!” She leaps off my bed and starts singing the words from Meatloaf’s “I Would Do Anything for Love,” dancing in an overly dramatic way.
I laugh at her. “How is it that we’re related?”
“You may have gotten the grace, but I got the girls,” she says, cupping her breasts.
I throw a pillow at her.
“And the guts,” I tell her.
She thinks for a minute. “You’re genteel.”
“And you’re gnarly.”
“Gobsmacked!” she shouts.
“Apparently grounded,” I say.
“Yeah, I’ll get out of that.”
“You’ve got gumption.”
She laughs. “Well played, sis.” And just to get a last word in she says, “And now you’re a glowing girlfriend. Double points for me.”
I turn serious.
“It might be a bit soon to use the G-word.”
She shakes her head. “Soon he’ll see what a gorgeous gem you are. He’ll never want to let you go.”
Have I mentioned I love my sister? Greatly?
Chapter 21
Jeremy – Darkness Wins
I should’ve left when Shay didn’t answer the door. Now I’m driving home with a raging hard-on and her taste still on my tongue. It’s my own damn fault. But her reaction to my harsh words affected me more than I realized. It was the first time I intentionally hurt her. When we were together, I vowed to always protect her from people like me. When did I become the predator? I hate the person I’ve become when I’m around her. It isn’t me. Being raised by a single mom, I have the upmost respect for women. I’ve always treated them with reverence and kindness. When Shay and I were together, I worshipped the ground she walked on. There wasn’t anything I wouldn’t do for her. But things change. People change.
It’s hard to be the man I once was when I’m around her. She showed me her darkest side, and I still carry the scars. It was just like an eclipse of the sun, a passing shadow that blocked out all that was bright. But in this case, the shadow remains. It has stayed with me always, a faithful companion I can’t shake. Anything that was pure and good is tarnished. So I shoved down all my feelings and happy memories and let the darkness win. I’ve been carrying around the anger and bitterness for the past seven years. I don’t think I even realized it, but it was always there, lurking. And seeing her again has brought it boiling to the surface.
On a primal level she still calls to me. My mind knows it’s wrong, but my body can’t resist. Mind over matter isn’t as easy as it seems. I had thought about using sex as a weapon. Of endless teasing and taking her so close to the edge but never allowing her to go over. Then leaving her, on edge and frustrated. As soon as I tasted her, I knew I couldn’t go through with that plan. She was always so timid and embarrassed of me watching her let go. She used to hide and cover her face with a pillow. Seeing her come undone was almost my undoing. Almost.
I have to decide where to take things from here. As much as I planned to even the score so I didn’t owe her anything, I’m not sure I can walk away. Now that I’ve had a taste of her again, I want more. I realize it’s a dangerous place to be. I’ve had a purely sexual relationship with many women. But those women aren’t Shay. I’m not sure that could work between us. There’s too much history there. Any love I once felt for her has morphed into a deep-rooted anger. I’m like a ticking time bomb, ready to explode. Perhaps a physical relationship would allow me to release this pent-up frustration.
Since she’s come back into my life things feel upended. I don’t know how to make them right again. I try to stay focused on my routine. Going into work is a reprieve. At least it used to be, but now Rob inevitably brings up a conversation that leads back to Shay. It’s going to happen now that we’re both in the wedding party. I wish I could fast-forward time and we can move to the part where I can put this all behind me.
I haven’t even had my coffee yet when Rob finds me in the kitchen.
“I was thinking of doing my bachelor party in Lake Geneva.”
Well, this is a topic I can deal with. I’ve been asking Rob for weeks about what he wants to do and haven’t been able to pin him down.
“Why Lake Geneva? I thought we’d do Vegas,” I say as I grab a mug from the cabinet.
“It’s going to be a joint bachelor/bachelorette weekend. It’s what Veronica wants.”
I raise my eyebrows at him. “And what about you?”
“It’s what I want too. You know I don’t need some wild party to sow my oats. We’ve been there, done that. She’s all I want.”
I meet his gaze. “I understand.” I also understand it means another weekend I’ll be spending with Shay.
As if reading my mind, he says, “Hey, we can do some rowing while we’re there. Work off some steam.”
I nod as my phone rings and tell him I have to take the call. He leaves me alone with my thoughts. It’s just a spam risk, but I don’t feel like talking about his bachelor weekend any further. Somehow his bachelor party has turned into more of a couples’ retreat. I know Rob’s found his soulmate and he couldn’t care less about the formality of a bachelor weekend. The truth is I was looking forward to getting away. I need to put some distance between me and Shay. And now it seems that we’ll be closer than ever.
As I’ve said, there’s no escaping her.
Chapter 22
Then, Jeremy
I can’t get Shay out of my head. I’ve dated other girls before, but she’s different. There’s a sweetness and earnestness about her that’s very appealing. I find myself thinking about her all the time. It’s dangerous, getting in too deep with a girl like her. I know her parents wouldn’t approve of me. Not that I give a damn. But Shay will. She may not think she wants or needs their approval, but my gut tells me deep down she does. And my gut is usually right. I’m worried she’ll come to realize I’m not worth coming between them. That’s why I was hesitant to start things in the first place. Now that I have, I’m on a moving train I can’t stop. I can only ride it out until we reach our destination, whatever that may be.
I decide to make the most of the time we have together, knowing it might be finite. As I’ve said from the start, we come from different worlds. And as much as she wants to keep them separate, at some point it’s inevitable they will collide. I just hope we don’t go up in flames.
I’m impatient for Friday to arrive. There’s a carnival happening a few towns over. I don’t know if that’s her thing, but there’s only one way to find out.
Me: You up for going to a carnival on Friday?
Shay: Yes! I’ve never been to one before
Me: You’ve never been to a carnival? An amusement park?
Shay: No. Never. My parents aren’t into those type of places
Me: Glad I can be the one to introduce you. Is seven OK?
Shay: Seven is good. I’ll meet you at your house
I want to pick her up at her door. But this is only our second official date, so I’m not going to push it. Yet.
She pulls up on my drive at seven sharp. I’m out front, waiting for her. Her chestnut hair is down again and spills across her shoulders. She’s wearing a light blue tee that brings out the color in her eyes and shorts that show off her toned legs. Sometimes I’m taken aback by how pretty she is but, as I get to know her, I realize it’s more than skin deep. I greet her with a kiss on the cheek.
“You ready for your first carnival experience?”
She nods, her eyes bright. They’re always so expressive and therefore one of my favorite features.
We walk to my car and I open the door for her. She buckles in and I catch a whiff of her perfume. It’s a pretty floral scent. It suits her. I plug the address into my GPS and we’re on our way.
“I thought we’d walk around first so you can see what kinds of rides they have,” I say. “Then we can play some games.”
“Sounds good to me.”
“How do you feel about spinning rides?”
“I honestly have no idea. But I can do multiple pirouettes in a row, so I think I should be OK.”
I laugh at the comparison. She chats animatedly and I pause to drink in this moment. The girl I had watched from afar at the club is sitting next to me, in my car. She always seemed like an enigma. But here she is, and the reality is just as good as my fantasy.
The carnival is located in the downtown district. I park and we walk through the shops, hand-in-hand, until we reach the main square. Shay looks up at the Ferris wheel.
“Wow. I bet there’s a great view from up there.”
“I take it you’re not afraid of heights?”
“Nope.”
We walk around and she marvels at all the rides. I buy two sheets of tickets and let her lead the way.
“Let’s start with something easy,” she says.
I suggest the swings, so we get in line.
“So your parents aren’t the carnie types, huh?”
“No. To be honest I never really knew about them when I was younger. I’m sure my parents avoided them at all costs. Not that our begging would have made much of a difference.”
“What’s not to like? Overpriced rides, hard to win games, and junk food,” I joke.
“Well, apparently there’s a draw. But my parents aren’t like most. They’re snobs. And they’re very fixated on how others perceive them. I can’t tell you how many times they make a decision that’s based on appearances. It’s more important to appease others than to make their own daughters happy.”
“I’m sorry. That’s tough.”
She shrugs. “I’m used to it.”
I take her hand. “I want to make you happy.” The words escape before I can censor them.
She smiles up at me, her cheeks tinted with pink. “You already are.”
I wrap my arms around her waist and she leans back into me. I inhale her scent, committing it to memory. The group in front of us takes flight and Shay watches them. “It looks like fun.”
A girl loses her flip flops and Shay laughs.
“It’s a good thing you’re wearing closed-toed shoes.”
“I always do. Dancing is hard on my feet.”
It’s our turn and I hand over our tickets, then we find two swings next to one another. We go round and around, her hair flying behind her, a smile on her face. I can’t tear my eyes away. She’s mesmerizing. The ride slows down then comes to a stop.
“What did you think of your first ride?”
“I liked it.”
We pass the merry-go-round. “You wanna pick a horse?”
“I thought we could do the tilt-a-whirl next.”
“You sure you don’t want to ease into things?”
“I think I can handle it.”
She grabs my hand and tugs me in that direction.
The ride starts and soon our car is spinning in fast circles. Shay screams in delight. The motion pushes her against me. With her body pressed against mine and her face flushed with pleasure, I want to capture this moment in time.
We go on a handful more rides. Dusk sets in and Shay suggests we go on the Ferris wheel. There’s a long line but she doesn’t seem to mind.
“What’s your favorite memory from growing up?” I ask.
“Going to the ballet with my father. It’s how I discovered my love of dance.”
“Were you close to him when you were younger?”
“I was. We used to do things together. And then something happened, which until recently I never really understood. And he became distant from us all. For so long I wondered what I did wrong. It led to this innate need to please him.”
Just as I feared.
“But I think I now realize it’s not about me. I’ve been trying to fix things, but it’s not on me to fix them. Something within him is broken. I could give him everything I have, and it would never be enough. He needs to want to heal our relationship, otherwise it’s fruitless.”
“That’s a pretty profound observation.”
“You live with someone for seventeen years, you see things. Speaking of which, how old are you again?”
“Older than you,” I tease.
“You know my mind is making up crazy scenarios. It must be old if you won’t tell me.”
“I promise you I’m not forty.”
She shakes her head at me and laughs.
We reach the front of the line and get in car number twelve, the last one. I sit next to Shay instead of across from her. I crave being close to her. We circle around a few times and take in the views of the city. The ride comes to a stop and Shay panics. I reassure her because we got on last, we’ll be the last car they unload. We reach the top and Shay says, “It’s so pretty up here.”
“It is quite a view,” I say as I look into her eyes. Then I lean in and kiss her. She tastes as sweet as I remembered. I deepen the kiss and she runs her fingers through my hair, pulling me closer. I’m glad she seems to want me as much as I want her. We kiss until the car stops and it’s our turn to get out. I’m not usually one for public displays of affection, but she has an intoxicating effect on me.
We decide to play some games. I let Shay choose and she picks the balloon pop. She hits two out of three and wins a small stuffed fish.
“I got gypped. One bounced off.”
I forgot how competitive she is.
“Let me try.”
Fortunately for my ego I pop all three. The guy lets us trade in her prize for a larger one with my win. She chooses a unicorn.
“Much better,” she says as she hugs it to her chest. “Did you know unicorns are a symbol of hope, purity, and happiness?”
“I didn’t.” But it’s very fitting. She’s somewhat of a unicorn herself.
“Thanks for tonight. I’ll never forget my first carnival experience.”
“I’m glad. Do you wanna grab something to eat before we go? They have awesome funnel cakes.”
“Why not? My treat though.”
I try to pay but she protests so I let her have the small victory. Shay informs me she just wanted a taste and I end up polishing off most of it. She has a smidge of powdered sugar on her bottom lip. Only Shay can look cute with food on her face. She must sense my staring.
“What?”
“You have a little sugar on your face.”
“Where?”
“Right here.”
I lean in and gently run my tongue along her lip lower lip. Our mouths fuse together and the kiss becomes more heated. As much as my mind is racing with all I want to do to her, I know I should slow things down seeing as we’re in a public place. I grudgingly pull away then hold her against my chest.
“Your heart is beating really fast,” she comments.
“Hmm. I wonder why. You ready to go?”
“Not really. I wish I didn’t have to go back home.”
We end up staying until closing. As we walk toward the car she asks if there are any tickets left.
“Just two. We can see if we can get on a last ride.”
She shakes her head. “That’s not why I was asking. Is it OK if I keep them?”
“Sure,” I say as I hand them to her. She puts the tickets in her purse and I’m reminded that she kept our mini golf cards too. It seems that Shay is a collector of memories. I like that she wants something physical to commemorate our time together. She slips her hand in mine and I realize while she may need something tangible to hold on to, my time with her is something I’ll never forget.
Chapter 23
Shay – The Thaw
Veronica didn’t want to do a typical bachelorette party. Instead, a small group is headed to Lake Geneva for the weekend. I thought it was just a girl’s getaway, but Veronica warned me Rob, Lorenzo, and more importantly, Jeremy, would be there. So, it’s essentially a couple’s weekend. Sylvia and I are sharing a room. I don’t know her that well, but from the few times we’ve hung out she seems nice. I sense she has a fiery spirit, which I like. It’s funny, Jeremy brought out that side of me. And when we broke up, I buried it along with the past. As much as I look forward to seeing him, I’m not sure how much more of his frosty attitude I can take.
