Into the light, p.27
Into the Light, page 27
“I thought you were different. But you’re ungrateful, just like Katherine. We’ve given you everything you’ve ever wanted.”
“Except your love and affection.”
I grab a bag and start throwing things inside.
“Where do you think you’re going?”
“Away. With Jeremy.”
She grabs the bag out of my hands.
“You’re not going anywhere.”
“Like hell I’m not.”
This time she does slap me. The sting is so unexpected I stumble back, holding my cheek.
“Don’t you dare speak to me like that. I expected more from you. Ever since you got involved with that boy you’ve changed.”
I swallow the lump in my throat. I won’t let her see me cry. “I have changed. For the better.”
She scoffs. “I beg to disagree.”
“That’s because I’ve always bent to your will. I was too scared to stand up to you. But Jeremy made me realize I don’t have to be afraid. He taught me to go after what I want instead of worrying about what everyone else wants for me. Now that I have, you hate it that you can’t control me anymore.”
“What you see as control I see as rules. And as long as you live here, you’ll abide by them. Lord knows you need some boundaries.” She throws up her hands in disgust. “Now I have another mess to clean up. I thought I was past this when Katherine left.”
“My baby isn’t a mess,” I say through gritted teeth.
“Well, the situation you’re in certainly is. Getting pregnant at your age, and by a lawn boy no less.”
“He’s so much more than that. But you never cared to get to know him. And guess what? You can’t stop me from seeing him. He’s the baby’s father.”
“What kind of provider will he be? That boy is nothing. Do you hear me? He’ll amount to nothing.”
“You’re wrong,” I whisper. “He’s everything.”
I take the bag from her grasp.
“If you leave this house, you’ll regret it.”
In the past those words would have stopped me in my tracks. But not anymore.
“I already regret a lot of things. But leaving isn’t one of them.”
Heart pounding, I run downstairs, grab my keys, and dash outside. There’s a storm brewing. A flash of lighting dances across the sky. Normally I wouldn’t venture out in this weather, but all I can think about is seeing Jeremy. I turn the ignition but leave the car in park, at a crossroads. If I leave, I don’t know if I’ll be welcomed back. I ease my foot off the brake and shift into drive. As my house grows smaller in the rearview mirror, I realize he’s my home now. I keep driving.
Chapter 65
Jeremy – Bittersweet Revenge
The world looks different as I drive home. There’s a full moon out, casting a glow on the street. It illuminates things I didn’t really see before, such as small cracks in the pavement. Sometimes I think we choose to see what we want to see. We ignore the ugliness. Just when I let my guard down, I realize I can’t ignore what’s in front me on any longer. I was kidding myself to think I could do this. Just for tonight, I wanted to forget everything. I wanted to forget the past. But how can I when it’s with me every day? And the fact that Shay took herself out of the equation, well, she reminded me of why tonight. I have bigger responsibilities—responsibilities she shunned. If it were just the two of us maybe I could get past things. But I realize now I can never get past her abandonment. I can never forgive her. I finally have the closure I need. And now, there’s just one person left to deal with so I can put the past behind me once and for all.
Richard Woodward is coming in today for a meeting. I still can’t believe this opportunity was handed to me on a silver platter. It’s the final piece of the puzzle falling into place. Rob is in New York so I’m taking the meeting alone. My receptionist leads him to the conference room. He’s wearing an expensive suit and reeks of entitlement. We shake hands and make introductions. It’s clear he doesn’t recognize me or my name. But why would he? I was insignificant to him.
He walks through his proposal, which is for a big city center retail outlet in Chicago. One look at the numbers and I know it’s not happening. He’s hemorrhaging money. He’s been borrowing against the equity from his Wisconsin properties and he’s leveraged to the hilt. I tell him just that.
“Come on, can’t you help a guy who’s down on his luck?”
“It’s funny. I once asked that same question. And you know the advice I received?
“I suspect you’re going to tell me.”
“You’ll soon learn you can’t take on every charity case. If you have a bleeding heart, you’ll bleed yourself dry.”
He’s silent for a moment. Then recognition dawns.
“You’re the club kid.”
“I am. While Jerry never gave me a chance no thanks to your influence, someone else did. He was a good mentor.”
“And now you’re denying me the chance you once so desperately wanted. Even though you know how that felt.”
“I’m not turning you down out of spite. It’s because there’s no way I can turn a profit with your current proposal. You’ve spread yourself too thin. If this is really something you want to do, you’ll need to divest some of your properties.”
He stands and gathers his things.
“Thanks for your time.”
I walk him to the elevator and press the down button.
“And Richard, it looks like I’ve made something of myself.”
He nods. “It looks like you have.”
“Do me a favor, pass along the message to your wife.”
The doors open. He walks into the elevator, shoulders slumped. For years, I’ve worked hard to make something of myself. There’s always been that voice in my ear pushing me further, and my pursuit has been relentless. I had something to prove: that they were wrong. And I have. Everything I’ve done these past seven years has culminated in this moment. I thought getting my revenge would taste so sweet. But proving them wrong only leaves a sour feeling in my stomach. It’s more bitter than sweet.
Chapter 66
Then, Jeremy
The weatherman predicted a big storm tonight. I glance out the window but all’s quiet. I head out back and open the screen door. There’s a bit of resistance from the wind, which is picking up. The branches on the trees along our fence sway haphazardly and there’s a sense of electricity in the air. Yeah, a storm is definitely brewing. I head back inside and poke my head in the fridge. My mom left me meatloaf for dinner but I wasn’t hungry earlier. I can’t shake this restless feeling. My mom’s at work and Shay hasn’t returned my call. It’s strange without gramps here. He’d be in bed long ago, but there was comfort in his presence, knowing he was here with me. Now the house just feels so empty and still. Just when I’m thinking about how quiet it is there’s a pounding sound. At first, I think the storm has arrived, but then I realize the noise is coming from my front door. I hurry to the front hall and open it to find Shay standing on my doorstep, tears streaming down her face. My insides clench seeing her in distress.
“What’s wrong?”
She sobs as she leans against me. She mumbles a few incoherent words against my chest but I can’t make out anything she’s saying. Terror rips through me.
“Are you hurt? Is it the baby?”
She shakes her head. “Eleanor found out.”
I suck in a breath. As bad as that is, I feared the worst. A light rain begins to fall.
“Let’s go inside and talk. My mom’s at work.”
“I need to get out of here.”
I take her hand. “Come inside.”
She pulls away. “No. Just come with me, please.” She walks toward her car.
I hesitate at the threshold, knowing this is a bad idea. The rain is coming down harder now and I jog to the passenger side. I never could refuse her.
“Why don’t I drive?”
“I’m fine to drive, really. I need something to distract me.”
I’m not sure how anything can distract her from the enormity of the situation, but I keep my mouth shut.
She doesn’t say anything as she pulls out of my driveway. The only sound in the car is the pitter patter of raindrops. She heads away from town, away from her meddling mother.
“I wish we could just drive off into the sunset,” she says, breaking the silence.
“Isn’t that what we’re doing?”
“I wish. I can’t believe this. I’m just a few days shy of turning eighteen. Then I’m officially an adult and can make my own decisions. Why couldn’t she have waited to pry until then?”
“Because then she wouldn’t be your mother.”
“God, she’s such a nightmare. You should’ve seen her face. She’s banning me from seeing you, you know.”
“How’s that working so far?”
“Like a charm.” She takes a shaky breath. “Her actual words were if I left I’d regret it. I’m not sure I’ll be allowed to go back.”
I watch her profile as she drives, her hands gripping the steering wheel as if it was a lifeline, her forehead furrowed in concentration. But I already have a solution.
“Let’s get married.”
“What?” Her eyes flicker to mine.
“I mean let’s go get married. Start our own life on our own terms. We’ve talked about it, so why not now?”
“Why not now.” She ponders this. “The courthouse is closed. But we could drive to Vegas. I’d be eighteen by the time we get there, just in case you need to be a legal adult.”
I smile. “I don’t care where we go. As long as I’m with you.”
“I love you, Jeremy McAllister. Always have, always will.”
She glances at me and I’m about to say the words back when there’s a loud blaring horn. I jolt forward just as I see headlights coming toward us. On instinct I grab the wheel, but it’s too late. The sound of crunching metal, shattering glass, and screams fill the car. I realize they’re coming from me.
Chapter 67
Shay – Haunted
I run out to grab lunch at a new Italian eatery and market that’s opened a few blocks from the courthouse. My mouth waters at the aroma of fresh garlic as I wander the aisles. I grab some mozzarella cheese, Prosciutto di Parma, and olives from the refrigerated case for dinner tonight. Then I head toward the pasta counter, where there is an array of options on display. There’s a short line, so I read the placards to decide what to sample for lunch. While I’m waiting, I glance around at the nearby diners. There is a roped off eat-in area adjacent to the pasta bar flanked by tall plants and a cobblestone floor. All of the tables have colorful umbrellas, giving it the feel of an outdoor courtyard. But what captures my attention is the woman sipping coffee at one of the tables. I’m temporarily paralyzed, unable to move or look away. She hasn’t seen me so I’m tempted to leave. But Marion was like a second mom to me, kinder and more nurturing than my own mother ever was. I approach with caution and she looks up over the rim of her mug. She sets it back down once we make eye contact.
“Shay? Is that you?”
I offer a small smile. “It’s me.”
“Oh my stars.” She stands and embraces me. Even after all these years, she still feels like home. Tears spring to my eyes at the warmth of her greeting, but I quickly blink them away. “You look wonderful!”
“Thanks, so do you,” I say, meaning every word. She hasn’t aged a bit. “That cut is so stylish.”
She touches her bob as he sits back down. “I went short years ago. Easier to maintain. So, tell me about your life. What performances have you been in?”
I pause, surprised by her question. “None.”
“None? I’m surprised to hear that. I just assumed a Juilliard grad with your talent would’ve been on stage.”
“I didn’t go to Juilliard.”
“Oh. I hadn’t heard.” Her mouth turns down and there’s an awkward silence. “I just assumed after everything that happened…”
“I’m a lawyer now.”
“A lawyer. Isn’t that something?”
I’m not sure if I detect a note of disapproval. But I feel a need to defend myself. “I’m in Family law. I mainly deal with cases involving adoption and guardianship. I represent a lot of children—I want to advocate for their best interests and give them a voice. With everything that happened, it was important to me to get my law degree and help those who can’t help themselves.”
“That’s very noble. It’s just quite a departure from being a ballerina.”
“It is. But I don’t dance anymore.”
“Do you mind if I ask why you didn’t go to Juilliard? I thought everything hinged on you going there.”
“I changed my mind after I lost the baby.” It still hurts to voice the words out loud. She’s looking at me with a strange expression. “I guess I just didn’t feel I had a right to experience joy. And nothing could bring me joy after that day—even dancing.”
She places her hands around her mug before speaking as if drawing strength from it. “Shay, I’m so sorry. About everything. I’m sorry I didn’t call you to check in and see how you were doing. I know you were hurting too.”
“I understand. I’m just so glad I ran into you. Did Jeremy mention we stood up in a wedding together?” He and his mom were always close. I wonder what he’s told her about us. If he’s told her anything at all.
“He did. He told me about your connection with Rob and Veronica. Fate has her ways.”
“I’m not sure Jeremy would see it that way. He’s still so angry with me. And I understand. I know the accident was my fault. It was all avoidable. This whole tragedy was avoidable if I had just let Jeremy drive like he wanted to do. I wasn’t in the right state of mind to be behind the wheel, in a storm no less. I constantly think about how if I had just kept my eyes on the road. It was only an instant, but enough to change all of our lives. That one instant changed everything. And if I could take it back, I would.”
“Shay–”
“Let me finish, please.”
She nods.
“Not a day goes by where I don’t think about the accident—and her. I always thought it was a girl. What she would’ve looked like. What milestone she would have reached. Would she have his smile? My eyes?”
“Have you spoken to Jeremy about this?”
I shake my head. “Some things are better left unsaid.”
She stands and takes my hands in hers. “The accident wasn’t your fault. None of this is your fault, Shay. Do you understand me? What happened is a terrible tragedy.” She pulls me in for a hug and I lean into her. “A horrible tragedy. For everyone.”
This time I can’t stop the tears. “I thought you hated me.”
“Honey, I could never hate you.”
I wish I could say the same for her son. We say our goodbyes and I leave her to her coffee, which I’m sure has grown cold by now. I’m halfway down the block when I realize I didn’t get lunch or pay for any of the items I’m holding. As much as I don’t want to go back, my conscience wins out. I find a register close to the door and make my purchases. All I’m trying to do is move forward, yet it seems some unknown force is always pulling me in the opposite direction, back where I started. My therapist keeps telling me I need to let go of the past. But how am I supposed to move on when it haunts me at every turn?
Chapter 68
Then, Shay
I open my eyes and I’m assaulted by bright lights. For a moment I’m disoriented. Then I realize I’m in the hospital. I close my eyes again and the sound of shattering glass and the smell of twisted metal flash through my head like scenes from a movie. The baby! My hands fly to my stomach and in that moment, I know. There’s no longer a life flourishing inside me. Wasn’t it just hours ago I felt the first movement? Panic spreads from deep within me, its grip so tight I can’t breathe. A monitor beside me beeps and a nurse rushes in. She adds a medication to my IV tube and a sense of calm runs through my veins. But it can’t mask my fear. “Is my baby OK? Where’s Jeremy?”
“I’m glad to see you awake. You’ve been out for a few days. Let me go get your mom. She’s been waiting to talk to you.”
Those few minutes feel like agony. They both have to be OK. I repeat that mantra over and over, willing it to be true. Eleanor walks in and sits down on the bed.
“Mom?” I say, my voice wavering.
“You lost the baby.” Her voice is matter of fact.
“No.” It can’t be true. But I know that it is. Tears leak from my eyes and drip onto the hospital blanket. She doesn’t elaborate and my tears fall faster. I watch as a puddle forms and spreads, fanning out into separate paths, taking my grief as it goes.
“And Jeremy?” I whisper.
“Jeremy is distraught as you can imagine. He blames you for the accident. He doesn’t want to see you or hear from you. I knew the news would upset you, so I had you sedated so your body could heal.”
I try to process what she’s saying. I should be livid she had me put out. But all I can focus on is what she said about Jeremy. “I don’t believe you.” Jeremy would never cut off communication from me. He would never leave without saying goodbye. He told me I’m his whole world. This is one of Eleanor’s tricks. She’s trying to manipulate me. “I need to see him.” I attempt to get out of the bed but my limbs feel heavy.
“He’s not here. I had you transferred to another hospital. Once he showed his true colors, I thought it would be for the best.”
“Where’s my phone?”
I look down at my hands and for the first time I realize they’re covered with gauze.
“The glass,” she says. “You have a number of cuts, some puncture wounds, and a few broken ribs.”
I look down at my legs but they’re beneath the blanket.
“Your legs are fine. You will dance again. All your wounds are superficial.”
“Superficial.” I say the word out loud, testing it on my tongue. It doesn’t feel right. Superficial implies my wounds are only temporary, on the surface. “I need my phone!” I shout. My mother retrieves it from her purse. With shaking hands, I pull up Jeremy’s name from my contacts. It rings once and then there’s a series of beeps informing me the number has been disconnected. “He changed his phone number.” My voice is a whisper.
