Heart of shattered glass, p.12
Heart of Shattered Glass, page 12
“For a while, I will be away from the palace. Unfortunately, I do not know how long I will be away, or how long this threat will plague Onyx. While I am gone, I leave it up to you what you do. You can stay at the palace. It is a safe place. Among the safest there is. Or you can go back to your homes, and wait until we can reconvene this search for a queen. I will promise you that nothing will be done regarding the search until we resume it officially.”
Nothing? Nothing would be done? Was he planning on avoiding me the entire time we were at the training grounds? Because I was pretty sure that me having him come into my tent to sleep was something.
Unless it wasn’t.
My breathing became my sole focus, something I had to do to avoid punching anyone as he continued to talk. About nothing, about details of the move, and how anyone who wanted to leave would get help and someone would keep in contact with them for when it was time to return.
How many times was I going to be shoved back and forth? How many times was I going to believe something and then have it—
I did it again.
Somehow, I forgot that I had a mission. And it wasn’t to be Queen.
Up on the dais, Tristan said, “Thank you,” and turned away to come into the crowd.
He was my mission, but not in the way that everyone thought. Not even in the way that I apparently thought.
Making his way through the people assembled around the dais, Tristan neared me, a smile on his face and his eyes on me.
Ziya stepped in front of him, blocking my view of his face until she curtsied.
I tried to smile, hoped it didn’t look too constipated, and turned away.
The Amethyst snake was making her case, in whatever way she knew how, and I needed to focus on which of the other potentials still left would be best to steer him toward. That would help me get my own mind out of my way. I hoped it would, anyway.
But the other potentials were closed off, and as I got closer to them, they turned away from me. All of them.
What was going on?
Marquessa Ziya and Tristan were dancing the first dance of the ball, but I already wanted to retreat to my rooms.
Gus and Jacquetta were with a group of people I didn’t know, laughing and smiling.
It wouldn’t be fair to leave now, no matter how much I wanted to. They loved this. They would miss the palace. They would miss the moments they could chat with others and plot, to say nothing of the finery and luxury.
No, I may not have been someone people wanted to talk with, but I wasn’t going to worry about it.
Jacquetta and Gus would know which of the Onyx potentials I should back. I would just leave it to them.
For now, I made my way to the refreshments table and picked up a glass.
Eventually Tristan would find me, or I would feel like I waited long enough. Whichever came first. And either way, spending time with the food was always a good idea.
“Lady Cinder,” Ursula said, and I turned toward her with a smile.
“Hello,” I said, nodding when she curtsied. She was a terrible shot with a knife, but she was a nice person.
“I wanted to pass along an apology on behalf of my Lady Tanitha.”
“Why would Lady Tanitha need to apologize?” Although I thought her parents should apologize to her for naming her after the former queen and butchering her name in the process.
Ursula stepped closer and turned so I could hear her whispers.
“She wants you to know that she supports an Onyx throne, but with the Amethyst threat, everyone is afraid to show the Marquessa that.”
“Did the snake threaten people outright?” I whispered back, turning my gaze to the dance floor where Tristan and Ziya danced as the last notes of the quartanza played.
“No,” Ursula said, shaking her head and keeping her voice low, “she is too smart for that.”
I nodded. But not smart enough.
“Thank you, Ursula. Please tell Lady Tanitha that I understand, and the only person I am going to hold it against is the snake.”
Ursula nodded and grinned, dropping into another curtsy, and behind her, Tristan walked toward me.
Somehow, I needed to keep him away from Ziya.
Maybe we could start with a dance.
CHAPTER 28
DIZZY
Ursula walked away and I waited, not able to stop my traitor heart from speeding up as Tristan came to my side.
“Good evening, Cinder,” he said, his voice low and rich.
“Interesting speech,” I said, biting my lip so I wouldn’t say more.
He took a deep breath and looked over his shoulder at the Chamberlain hovering. “Will you honor me with a dance?”
“The honor is mine.”
With my hand in his, he led me out to the dance floor, the people spread out to give us room as a valz started.
“At least with that ridiculous statement the Chamberlain, and everyone else, will just let us be and take care of the war for a while.” He shook his head, but kept it contained so it didn’t look like he was breaking the careful patterns of the dance.
“Is that why you put it all on pause?” I asked, when what I wanted to ask him was, what about all the time you’ll be spending with me? Would that not count?
He smiled and I forced myself to turn away as the dance dictated.
“Not everything will be on pause, I hope,” he said, rubbing a thumb along the back of my hand and pulling me closer than the dance said he should.
“No,” I said, breathless, “not everything.”
My plotting to steer him away from the snake would continue. But I knew what he meant, and his constant heat became indistinguishable to the warmth that spread through me.
“Just so you know, I am going to make this a short visit to the ball and blame the plans of leaving tomorrow.”
I nodded. Just enough to let him know I heard, and not enough to make the watchful eyes around us question my dancing ability.
He sighed.
“Our dance in your parlor is my favorite.”
“Mine, too.” It wasn’t a lie, but it was harder to say out loud than any lie I ever had to tell.
With a twirl and a dip, he had me smiling, matching his grin.
“Unfortunately, I have to dance with everyone. But after I dance with you again, I will leave the ball for the evening.”
“You don’t have to explain. I know you’re busy.”
“But not so busy that I don’t want another favorite dance.” His changeable eyes shined in a deep, dark blue like the hidden hollows in the river that teemed with so much life it seemed as if they were magic enough to make sense of the clergy living alongside streams.
“That will be my favorite part of tonight,” I said.
He stopped turning me as the last of the notes played, but he didn’t let me go when the only music left was the sound of my heart racing.
“Soon,” he said, stepping back and kissing my hand, his lips lingering a moment and sending that intense heat ricocheting up my arm before he let me go and walked away.
In the middle of the dance floor, I decided not to watch as he danced with the others, and went back to the refreshments.
But Ziya crowded me, stepping right through my striking distance, and getting far too close to me.
Her purple hair was shot through with a color so dark it was almost black.
“Excuse you,” I said. “You are blocking me.”
My voice was flat, but the steel in it was so obvious her face fell.
She looked around, as if backup was going to materialize from the floor. But she ground her teeth and stepped away.
“Thank you.” I took that last step to the table and picked up a glass.
“Are you having sex with the King?” she asked. “Because that would not garner much trust from the other potentials.”
“What?” I asked, because she didn’t really ask me that. She couldn’t have. It was a ridiculous thing to ask about.
“I asked you if that is the reason he seems so willing to stop the queen contest, because he has a whore instead.” She sneered and stuck her nose in the air.
“Listen,” I said, leaning in with my voice low and in a sing song while I smiled and showed all my teeth, “you slave trading, worthless sack of skin. What I do, or do not do, is none of your business. And I would think long and hard about calling me names. The last one to do it wound up a little stabbed.”
She pulled back, her eyes wide, and the dark in her hair leeched away until it was a pale violet.
“And I would keep this…” I waved a hand in the air like I didn’t have the word, even though I did—I just didn’t think ‘bullshit’ was appropriate to use at the moment, “chat to myself if I were you. After all, I am the hero of the Battle of Obsidian Wings.”
Finally, she walked away, keeping her eyes on me, her lower lip trembling.
“Holy hellfire,” I muttered, taking a big drink of my glass.
This wine I didn’t like as much as the other, it tasted as if it came from a bad barrel.
I set it aside and grabbed a fresh one as a server brought out a tray. This one was cold and crisp and so much better. I drank it all down.
Well, at least I wouldn’t have to do that again.
How did the snake think that was going to go? And who the hell told her she should try? Like I would…what? Be intimidated?
Laughing a quiet chuckle to myself, shaking my head, I put the empty glass down and wooziness passed through my body.
More than just my stomach, my entire body seemed to float away from me for a moment.
I clamped a hand down on the edge of the table and squeezed my eyes shut.
What was wrong with me? Was I sick? Did I just need to eat something?
On the table all manner of treats were spread on shining trays and towers. I reached out a hand that seemed to multiply as it got further away from me.
This was bad.
Swimming in my head, forcing everything in me to focus, I finally got my hand on one of the little puff pastries and shoved it in my mouth.
I missed biting the pastry properly and instead bit my own finger.
But eating the pastry didn’t help.
After I swallowed, I held onto the table harder, focusing on a single point in front of me, praying to Mother and Father that I wouldn’t fall down for what seemed to be forever.
“Cinder?” Tristan asked from beside me.
I turned and held onto him, not even bothering to pretend I was alright. But the second his hand touched mine, heating up my skin, the dizziness started to wear off.
“Woah,” I mumbled.
“Are you okay? You look a little green.”
“Something hit me wrong. I don’t think I should have any more of the wine.” My vision cleared and my stomach settled. As fast as it came it left me.
“Maybe we should just get you up to your room then. No more dancing.” There was still a line between his brows and his mouth worked like he was chewing on the inside of his cheek.
But his hand moved to my face, and I took a deep breath.
“No, I am fine now. We should dance.” I smiled and although he didn’t look convinced, he led me to the dance floor.
“If you need to stop the dance at any time, just say the word,” Tristan said, turning me into position.
“Just hang on to me. I will be fine.” It was true.
We moved through the dance, without the extra dip and twirl, or any additional flourish he usually added, but we did it.
After the music stopped, he leaned down and whispered in my ear, “Do you want one of the guards to lead you to your room?”
“Don’t worry, I’ll find someone to take me,” I whispered back.
“Then I’ll see you soon.” He smiled at me and walked away.
I turned and didn’t bother to check for anyone. None of the odd feelings came back. But I did avoid any of the food and drinks offered to me on the way out.
Something I had at the ball must have sat with me wrong. Ordering from the kitchens to my rooms seemed the only safe option. Besides, it gave me an excuse to have dinner with Tristan.
On my way out, I passed the snake.
The hate pouring off her was palpable, but when I raised an eyebrow at her and set my jaw, she turned around to her Ladies in Waiting.
Coward.
No matter what happened, I was going to make sure she never became Queen of Onyx.
CHAPTER 29
EMPTY
I reached my room and opened the door, but a hand caught it as I stepped inside.
Looking up, Tristan was so close his eyes were all I could see.
“You were fast,” I said, stepping into my parlor.
He smiled and followed me in, closing the door behind him.
“Well, I have something very important to do.”
“Very important?” I tried not to let the disappointment show on my face, but his smile was soft as he walked across the room to the small player piano and wound the dial.
“Yes. I need to dance with you.”
I sucked in a breath and my heart battered the inside of my ribs like all the birds in Onyx took off at once.
Tristan came to me on the first notes of the song, wrapping me up in his arms to hold me close like he did the night before.
We swayed side to side, but there was no attempt at real dancing, just moving as one with the music in the background.
He sighed.
“Now this is what I was missing,” he whispered, his heart pounding faster than it should be under the circumstances.
Part of me wanted to ask him why his heart was galloping along in his chest under my hand. But I liked the idea that it was for the same reason mine was too much to break the illusion.
One day soon I would never be able to dance with him like this again, but for now he was with me.
“Did I see you talking to the Marquessa at the ball?” he asked after a time.
“Sort of,” I said with a huff of a laugh.
“Cinder.” There were equal parts warning and amusement in his voice.
But I couldn’t tell him about what she accused me of. If I did, he would probably limit his time with me to avoid a scandal.
“It’s fine. She’s just a slave trader who disrespected you and I don’t like her.” There. I didn’t need to elaborate from that.
“What? When did she disrespect me?” He pulled back to look me in the eye and seemed genuine in his confusion.
“You didn’t notice the little stunt at the Corvid funeral?” Was he not paying attention at all?
He furrowed his brow, looked into the middle distance, and shook his head.
“No, I don’t remember her at all that day. I was paying too much attention to the Corvids to even notice her,”
“I noticed for you. And she was disrespectful. So we had words.” I nodded once. It was understandable he paid more attention to the threat he saw at the time, but that didn’t mean she was going to get away with it as long as I was around.
Tristan turned and studied me, not hiding his assessment.
For a moment I wanted to hide my face, but in this there was no point. He needed to see that I meant it. I wouldn’t put up with people treating him as Ziya had.
He ran his hand up my back until he cupped my cheek, running a thumb along my cheekbone.
“No matter how much I want to protect you from my problems,” he said, “you’re just going to keep taking them on as if they’re your own.”
“Because they are.” He was my King. Yes, it took me a while to understand what that meant. But I knew now, the only reason my country and my people were protected at all was because of his lineage. Because of the fear it inspired. I would stand in front of him to protect my people every single day as long as I needed to.
Tristan’s eyes melted into mine, eyes that turned dark with gold and green flashing in the low light of the room.
Bending toward me, his eyes slipping shut, I panicked and rested my forehead against his as we continued to sway back and forth.
I wanted to enjoy our time together, but if he kissed me…I didn’t trust my ability to let him go when it was time.
His sigh was heavy as the last refrain from the song poured into the room, the final note drowned out by my growling stomach.
“Do we need to order food now?” he asked, laughter in his voice.
“Yes, please.” I grinned and he let me go to grab the notepad.
Picking out what food to order with him sent an ache through my heart. It was something I watched my parents do together a thousand times. One day, Tristan would do this with someone else.
He turned to put our finished order into the messenger tube, and I turned away, taking deep breaths to get myself back on track.
Running a hand up my arm, he came up behind me.
I leaned back into him, and he slipped his arms around me.
“Cinder.” His voice was soft, and he fit his head into my neck, kissing me on the tender skin there.
My heart ratcheted up the pace, and panic followed on the frantic heels of the blood in my veins. It was too much. He was too much. I was going to forget myself.
“Did you erect a canopy over an area of the training grounds?” I asked, my voice hurried and too loud in the quiet of the room.
But he only breathed out a laugh, just a burst of hot air on my neck and said, “Of course. Your suggestion was a good one. In fact, I think you’ll like what we did with it.”
I turned around and grinned at him, getting out of his embrace to hang onto only his hand as I sat at the table.
Distance. Distance was good.
“Really? Are you saying there’s a surprise for me tomorrow when we get there?”
“Actually,” he said, sitting across from me, taking my hand in both of his, “I think there will be a few while we’re there. Or I hope so anyway.”
“That sounds like you’ve been plotting.” I grinned and laughed when he put a hand to his cheek in mock surprise.
“No, not plotting.” The smile on his face changed from mischievous to thoughtful and he pulled my hand to him to kiss my palm, keeping his eyes on me. “Just dreaming.”
