Its complicated, p.22
It's Complicated, page 22
“You speak the truth, Sarah. You’re really thoughtful for sitting here on the phone talking to me like this. I know it’s late.”
“Girl, you’re one of my best friends. And even as I tell you that, I realize it’s the same for me. I cannot let life pass me by. You don’t want to wake up one day and find out that you’re seventy-eight years old and you haven’t done half the things you want to do because you can’t go back. Regrets are no good? You don’t want any, right?”
“No, but what if I regret being with both of them?”
“Well, make a list, girl,” Sarah said. “Make a list of the pros and the cons of the situations. What is the biggest thing stopping you from just enjoying your time with both of these guys until you’ve realized which one is meant to be for you?”
“Well, I mean, I already know Connor’s not for me because he’s already told me he doesn’t really want a long-term relationship.”
“But...” she said.
“But I really enjoy my time with him and I really like him. There’s just something about him, an exuberance, a lightness, a sense of fun that I just can’t get enough of. And he’s just so sexy. And he’s just so different. He doesn’t care about anything or anyone. Even when we were in the dressing room, there was this confidence to him, this masculine alpha-ness. The way he just pushed me down, the way he devoured me, the way he made me come on his face. He didn’t care. He licked me up and I just loved it. He made me feel like I could be wild as well.”
“So it seems like you prefer him to Lucas.”
“But that’s the thing. I just don’t know. Lucas, he just seems so steady, so nice. So handsome, and he wants me, and he wants a relationship. He seems like he would be the perfect father, the perfect husband, the perfect mate.”
“Are you attracted to him?”
“Girl, you’ve seen him. Of course, I’m attracted to him. He’s gorgeous. And when I’m with him, he makes my heart race. I just ... Ugh, this is such a difficult decision. I never in a million years would have thought that I could be attracted to two men in this way. I mean, yeah, I always knew that I could find multiple men attractive. I mean, I’m not crazy, but I never knew that I could want two men this much, this badly. It just blows my mind.”
“So then again, girl, what are you afraid of? Why don’t you explore it with both of them?”
“I guess I’m just nervous because if Lucas and I end up together. How do I tell him?”
“You mean about Connor?”
“Yeah, how do I tell him?”
“Okay, you say, so as I was getting to know you, I was also getting to know another guy. But maybe don’t say anything because what if Lucas is doing the same thing?”
“I don’t know.” I sighed. “Honestly, I wouldn’t want to know about it. I mean, we’re not in a committed relationship and he said he’s not seeing anyone else, but really, if he is that’s not my business. We’re not committed to each other, though I do feel like ...”
“What?” She said.
“I do feel like if he’s being sexually active with other women and he wants to be sexually active with me, he should tell me.”
“So then is that really your fear? Do you feel that you need to tell both of the guys that you have plans to be sexually active with both of them?”
“No, there’s no way I’m going to tell either of them that.” I sighed. “Oh my God, Sarah. I just don’t know what I’m doing. This feels absolutely crazy to me. I’ve never been in this sort of position before.”
“Girl, I think I’ve told you this before, but lighten up.” She laughed. “I know that’s rich coming from me because I’m the queen of overanalyzing everything, but lighten up, have some fun with it. You never know what’s going to happen and hey, maybe ...” she paused.
“Maybe what?” I asked her.
“Maybe both of them will suck in bed and the decision will be easy. Maybe you’ll drop both of them and then find someone new and it won’t even matter.”
“Thanks girl, that makes me feel much better. Not.”
“I’m just saying. I mean, maybe you’ll have the opposite problem. Maybe both of them will be absolutely amazing in bed and you’ll want both of them and then you’ll have some sort of orgy or something.” She laughed. “Could you imagine?”
“Yeah right, that is never going to happen.” I rolled my eyes and then I stood up from the couch. “Oh man, I’m feeling so tired. I think I’m going to head to bed, but let’s talk later, yeah?”
“Yeah, girl.”
“And I guess good luck next week.”
“I know, I can’t believe Christmas is coming up so soon.”
“Have fun with Harry and his family.”
“Thanks, I’m really looking forward to it. Not.” She said sarcastically and laughed.
“I’ll speak to you soon, yeah?”
“Okay, bye.”
“Bye.”
Chapter 24
“Gemma, you make it at what time? Look at the time.” My grandma said as she opened the door on Christmas Eve. “It’s nine o’clock in the morning.”
“Grandma, I had to get here from Manhattan. It’s early still,” I yawned as I walked in.
“Ah, come here, give me a hug, my darling. But I tell you to be here at eight a.m.”
“Grandma, I didn’t need to be here at eight a.m. I’m going to be here all day.”
“Yes, but we’ve been waiting to start the Christmas carols with you, eh? We want you to sing.”
“Oh Grandma, I’m too old to be singing.” I looked at her. Being from a traditional Greek family meant that on Christmas Eve, every morning bells in the house would start ringing and then a group of us would go into the living room and start singing Christmas carols to the rest of the family. When I was younger, because I had the nicest voice, which wasn’t even that nice, I would always be the lead singer in the family. But it was meant to be something for kids. Somehow, I was still the lead singer with all my little cousins’ kids. There was just something wrong about a woman in her mid-twenties singing Christmas carols with a bunch of little kids.
“She’s here! She’s here!” Grandma said, as we walked into the living room. All my little cousins came running and hugged me. I hugged each one of them, feeling happy to see them. We really didn’t get together often enough. My grandpa stood up and walked over to me.
“Ah, my beautiful Gemma, it’s good to see you. What’s this I hear? Your boyfriend’s not coming today, I would like to meet him.”
“Grandpa, I don’t have a boyfriend.” I looked over at my grandma. “Grandma, I told you I don’t have a boyfriend yet. I said, I’m dating. Dating is not the same as having a boyfriend.”
“Well, Gemma, you know Aristotle is a good man if you not find anyone better.”
“Grandma, I don’t even know who Aristotle is, aside from the philosopher and I’m pretty confident he’s not the person you’re saying you’re going to hook me up with.”
“Gemma, Gemma, Gemma,” she shook her head. I saw my parents on the other side of the room, drinking some tea and I could tell that they were already overwhelmed. It was a lot to have our family here all together on Christmas. My mom spent the entire day cooking food with my grandma and my dad sat with my grandpa and his brothers and all the kids and talked about the old days. It was exactly the same every year, but I loved it. There was nothing better than Christmas with your family. I looked around the living room and smiled as I saw the tall Christmas tree, festive with lights and then next to the Christmas tree on the mantelpiece on top of the fireplace, there was a large boat that had also been decorated. It was a custom that my grandparents had brought over from the old country. Normally it was a small boat that got decorated, but every year my grandma seemed to find a larger and larger boat.
This one looked like it was a replica of the Titanic or something. As I walked over to it, I smiled. It had been decorated beautifully. I wondered how long my grandma had spent working on it.
“Grandma, the boat looks beautiful.”
“Evcharisto poli,” she said, which was thank you in Greek. She beamed with pride, then looked over to my grandfather. “I told you she would like it. I told you Gemma very proud of her Greek heritage.” Then my grandfather looked over at me and grinned, and I knew that they’d probably had some sort of argument over whether or not my grandma should spend so much time decorating the boat. My grandfather thought she spent way too much money on the decorations she used and too much time. Time that she could be spending cooking him his favorite desserts. But I didn’t say anything. I knew that he just wanted to make my grandma happy. And as much as they argued, they loved each other very much.
“So what are we eating today?” I said as if it were going to be something different to what we had every other year.
“Well, we will have some moussaka, dolmades,” my grandma said. “And then I made the ham.”
“Ham?”
“Well, I make a roast pork, you know? But some people like to call it ham.”
“Okay.” I didn’t bother correcting her.
“And then we have some cabbage leaves, your favorite.”
“I wouldn’t say that it’s my favorite, but yummy.”
“And then we have Christopsomo bread and Kourabiethes cookies.”
“Oh yummy.” I loved the honey cookies and sugarcoated butter cookies that were popular Christmas desserts in Greece. The cookies were made from oil, honey, oranges and nuts and were absolutely delicious. And the only time we ever had them was at Christmas, which I was glad about because if we had them every time we got together, I’d definitely be about four hundred pounds.
“So Gemma, are you going to tell me anything more about this young man that you’re seeing?” My grandma walked over to me and peered into my face. “You look like you’re glowing, so I think he’s a very nice man. I would like to meet him.”
“Well, Grandma, I’ll see, I’m going to meet him this evening. He’s preparing a special meal for me, which I told you about, which is why I have to leave slightly earlier than normal.”
“I know. I not like it. You spend Christmas with your family. Yes, I understand you want to see your not real boyfriend, but if you really like him, you should bring him to the family and we make sure he’s a good boy. If he no good boy, you no see him, yes?”
“Yes, Grandma, but it’s a bit too early for me to be bringing him around this craziness.” I looked around the room. Two of my little cousins were chasing each other with cars in their hands and my other little cousin was sitting on the ground, eating cheesecake. I don’t know where she got the cheesecake from, but in front of her on the ground was a big cheesecake pie and no one was saying anything to her. My mother was back in the kitchen most probably making some food. My father and grandfather were in the corner watching TV and all my uncles were sitting there with them talking about something I didn’t want to know about. My aunts were in the kitchen helping my mother and I was here with my grandma.
“Grandma, there’s just no way I’d bring Lucas into this right now.”
“Well, you know, before it gets serious, I would like to meet him. I have to make sure he’s good enough for you.”
“I know, Grandma and if it looks like it’s going to get serious, I’ll let you meet him, okay?”
“Okay, Gemma, I trust you. My beautiful granddaughter. Now, shall we go to the kitchen and help your mother?”
“Okay,” I said and headed toward the kitchen, grateful for a reprieve. As we walked into the kitchen, the wonderful aroma of different foods made my mouth water. I was hungry and I needed something to eat.
“What can I eat right now? I don’t think I can wait until lunch,” I said to my mom, as she looked up at me.
“Oh, you didn’t have breakfast before you got here Gemma?”
“No, I was already running late so I didn’t think I should stop to eat,” I shrugged.
“Okay, let me make you some bacon and eggs, yeah?” She said with a smile. “And then you can go into the dining room and eat them, have some peace and quiet for a little bit.”
“Thanks, mom,” I said. “Do you want me to help, or...?”
“No, it’s fine darling, go on now.”
“Where are you going, Gemma?” My grandma looked at me with a frown.
“I’m going to sit in the dining room, mom’s going to make me some breakfast then I’ll be back to help cook, okay?”
“Okay, I guess.” She shook her head and looked at my mother, rolling her eyes. I knew she thought my mom spoiled me. I knew she thought that she should be the one in charge of everything all the time. But it was my mom’s house and my mom’s rules, no matter how much my grandma wanted to be in charge. When we were at my parents’ house, my mom was the one that had the final say. Maybe it was because my grandparents were from my dad’s side, that they didn’t push it so much. I was pretty sure that if it had been my mom’s parents, they would have definitely taken over. I walked to the dining room and sat down and took out my phone. I had two text messages and groaned when I saw them. One was from Lucas and one was from Connor. I opened the first text message and read it quickly.
Lucas: Hey doll, excited to see you tonight. Text me when you’re on the way over, XOXO.
I smiled and responded quickly.
Gemma: Just got to my parents and about to have some breakfast. Will definitely text when I’m on the way. See you later.
I press send and then I open Connor’s text message. I could feel myself warming as I read his words. There was just something so naughty and exciting about him even via text.
Connor: I can still taste you on my lips, I can still taste you on my tongue, the only thing that I wish now is that I had not made you come.
I laughed at his little poem. “What does that mean?” I said quickly, as I responded back to him.
Gemma: What do you mean?
Connor: What does that mean? I think it’s apparent.
Gemma: I want to know why you said you wished you had not made me come.
Connor: Number one, it rhymed. Smiley face. And number two, because I wanted tomorrow to be the first time that I got to see that orgasmic look on your face.
Gemma: Do you regret seeing that orgasmic look on my face in the dressing room?
I looked around the dining room to make sure that none of my relatives were somehow able to gaze at my phone.
Connor: Not really, but we got interrupted so quickly I didn’t get to appreciate the moment as much as I would have liked. Grin face.
Gemma: I see.
I laughed as I pressed the message back.
Gemma: I didn’t get to see your o-face at all.
Connor: That’s because you didn’t make me come.
Gemma: Well, maybe I’ll be able to change that tomorrow.
Connor: I hope so. Winky face.
I could feel my face, bright red. What was I doing? How was I flirting with this guy, telling him that I was going to make him come tomorrow when I had a date with another guy tonight? I quickly closed my phone and put it back into my pocket. I needed to watch myself. I needed to really think about what I was saying and doing. A part of me was definitely starting to feel more attracted to Connor but what was the point of that? I knew that he didn’t want anything serious and I knew that I did. Ultimately, I did want something serious. Ultimately, next Christmas, I wanted to be able to bring someone home to meet the parents and let them know that it was going somewhere; even if it wasn’t going somewhere right away, it had potential to go somewhere and Connor had potential to go nowhere. He’d already been honest about that.
I was absolutely crazy. I was one of those girls that I told myself I’d never be. I’d always said to myself, if I knew a guy did not have long-term potential, I wouldn’t bother seeing him anymore because it was just a waste of my time. But here I was flirting up a storm with Connor and I knew it had potential to go nowhere. My phone beeped and I shook my head, “I’m not going to answer it,” I said to myself. “I’m not going to answer, I’m not going to look, I’m not going to look.”
“You talking to yourself, Gemma?” My mom walked into the dining room, a plate in her hands.
“No,” I grinned at her. “Maybe?” I said, as she placed the plate down on the table and handed me some cutlery.
“Here’s some bacon, eggs and toast and I’ve put on some coffee for you, okay?”
“Thanks, mom.”
“You want to talk about why you’re talking to yourself?” She stopped and looked at me. “Is everything okay?”
“Yeah, everything’s fine, I’m just going a little bit crazy. You know how it is when we have all the family here.”
“I know, trust me, Gemma,” she grinned. “But you’re a good girl and I know you’ll take care of your cousins today.”
“What do you mean I’ll take care of my cousins today?” I looked at her with a frown. “Don’t tell me I’m babysitting again.”
“It’s not babysitting Gemma, you know all of us are here.”
“Yeah, but if I’m the only one that’s entertaining them, I’m the babysitter.”
“Gemma, it’s good practice for when you have kids.”
“Yeah, but I’m not having kids anytime soon.”
“Gemma.”
“Yes, mom. I’ll look after the kids, don’t worry about it. You guys can all eat, drink, be merry, watch TV, relax and I’ll play the magician and the clown and do whatever else I have to do to keep all the kids entertained and make sure that they don’t break every ornament we have in the house.”
