“But I told you I was on my way, I didn’t say I was here yet.”

  “Yeah, but I wanted to be here to greet you when you arrived.”

  “Oh, that was really thoughtful of you.”

  “I can be a thoughtful guy sometimes,” he said, and then he enveloped me in his arms and gave me a big hug before kissing me on both cheeks. “Merry Christmas, Gemma.”

  “Merry Christmas, Connor,” I said. We stared at each other for a few seconds and then he grabbed my hands.

  “So, shall we get a coffee? You said you wanted to tell me something before we left?”

  “Yeah, sure. Do you want to get the coffee in your apartment, or?”

  “No, let’s go to this coffee shop on the corner,” he said, and we walked toward the coffee shop. My heart was racing. All of a sudden, I didn’t feel like I was doing the right thing. I didn’t know why, but I was nervous to tell him that this wasn’t going to go anywhere. “What would you like?” He said, as we walked into the store. I looked up at the menu and smiled.

  “Wow, so many choices here. Anything you recommend?”

  “I always get a black coffee.” He grinned. “So unless you want a black coffee, I have no recommendations for you.”

  “Okay then, I’ll try the double mint mocha hot, please.”

  “Okay. Want a pastry or anything?”

  “No, I’m stuffed. My family fed me so much food. Big Greek families, you know how they are.”

  “Not personally,” he said as he shook his head. “But I can imagine.”

  “So how was your Christmas? Did you have fun with your parents?”

  He shrugged. “It was a short day.”

  “Okay,” I said, “that’s it?”

  “I don’t really have anything else to say,” he shook his head. “It was my brother, my parents and I, we had lunch, opened a couple of presents and then we went home.”

  “Oh, I’m sorry. That doesn’t sound like the most enjoyable situation.”

  “It is what it is.” He shook his head. “I’m cool with it. I got to do some music, so it was fine.”

  “Oh? Another artist whose name I’ve never heard of before?”

  “Yeah.” He laughed. He placed the order and then we stood back and waited for his name to be called so we could collect our drinks. “So what is it you wanted to tell me?”

  “So.” I took a deep breath and looked at him. “I hate to do this on Christmas.”

  “Uh huh.” His eyes narrowed. I could see that he was staring at my lips.

  “But I’ve been thinking about it.”

  “Okay.”

  “And I think that we most probably shouldn’t see each other really and I don’t know if it’s a good idea for me to go with you to this cabin.” I made a face. “Sorry.”

  “Okay, so you’re telling me you don’t want to go to the cabin?” And he took a step closer to me. I shivered as his eyes stared intently into mine.

  “No, I mean, it sounds like it would be fun, but I just don’t think it’s like the best idea because I mean, we have a lot of chemistry and I just don’t think we should do anything physical because...” I shrugged looking away. I don’t want to have to tell him I was seeing another guy, but he had to figure it out.

  “But why?” he said. “I thought we were having fun.”

  “Yeah, we were having fun, but we’re not really looking for the same thing and you were honest with me and I really appreciate it but I was also honest with you. I am looking for something a bit more serious and well, you know, I’m meeting other guys and going on dates and I think I should spend my time getting to know the guys that are looking for the same thing as me as opposed to guys that just want sex.” I wrinkled my nose. He shook his head and stared at me for a few seconds before answering. He raised his hand and pushed the hair behind my ear and then lightly touched the side of my cheek.

  “I understand where you’re coming from Gemma.” He nodded. “Truly, I understand. And I don’t regret being honest with you. A lot of guys will tell you what you want to hear, they’ll tell you they want to get married, they’ll tell you they want to have kids when all they want to do is get into your pants. I don’t just want to get into your pants,” he shook his head. “That’s not what this is about. I hope you know that, but I wanted to be honest in that I can’t promise you forever, you know?”

  “I know that and I’m not looking for the promise of forever right now, but I’m looking to be with a guy that thinks one day he could promise forever, you know?” He let out a deep sigh and looked out of the window. I could hear him muttering something under his breath, but I didn’t know what he was saying.

  “I’d still like you to come with me to the cabin.” He turned back toward me. “I was really excited to show you my own private place upstate, you know, in the forest.”

  “It sounds amazing, but,” I sighed, “I just don’t think it’s a good idea, Connor.”

  “I want you to come with me, Gemma. Just one night.” His eyes bore into mine and I knew what he was saying.

  “I already said it would just be one date, one more date, you know? And that obviously has turned into this and I just don’t know if it’s a good idea. We...” He pressed his fingers against my lips, pulled me toward him.

  “Gemma.” He looked down into my eyes and kissed my nose. “I want you to come to the cabin with me and I know that you want to come as well.” He grinned. “And yes, I mean, come in all ways.” His hands slipped around my waist and I blushed as I gazed up at him. “Just come to the cabin with me, spend the evening. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do and then in the morning, tell me if you still want this to be the end of whatever it is we have.”

  “But Connor, we don’t...”

  “No, Gemma, we do. We do have something. It’s just not the something you thought you wanted.”

  “Connor, you’re not going to convince me that I don’t want a serious relationship. I know what I want. Next Christmas I don’t want to be alone, next Christmas I want my boyfriend to come and meet my family. I want to introduce him to my grandparents and my parents and my cousins and my uncles and I want to be proud of him. And I want when my dad and my granddad and my grandma ask him, what are his intentions that he can say, ‘This is the woman I want to marry someday.’ And you can’t do that.” I broke off feeling slightly embarrassed and nervous that someone had heard me. This was really not the place to be having a serious conversation like this.

  “I understand what you’re saying, Gemma.” He nodded and took a step back. “I understand it and I respect your wishes.” He stood there for a few seconds and I just gazed at him. There was an awkward silence between us now and my heart broke into tiny little pieces. As we stood there, I could see that he was upset and I was upset too. This wasn’t how I wanted it to go down. But what could I say? We wanted two different things and it was better for us to go on our own different paths before we really hurt each other. I was grateful when the barista called his name and held up the two coffee cups. We walked over and he took his coffee and I took mine. I took a sip and smiled, enjoying the taste of the minty mocha.

  “This is really good, thank you,” I said, as I held it up to him.

  “Hey, no worries.” He nodded and we walked toward the door. He opened the door for me and we headed back toward his building. I wasn’t sure what to say next. Most probably I should just go home. Lucas had texted me and asked me if I wanted to come over to watch a movie and I hadn’t responded. Maybe I’d go, watch something and then fall asleep in his arms. That way I could forget about Connor.

  “So, I have something for you. I hope you don’t mind.” Connor looked at me. There was a slight pause in his voice. He looked less confident than I was used to and that surprised me. I never expected to see him anything other than the arrogant, confident guy that he was.

  “Oh yeah? You got me a Christmas present?” I smiled at him softly. “I’m sorry I didn’t get you anything.”

  “It’s okay, I didn’t expect anything. Can we go up to my apartment real quick and I’ll give it to you and then I guess, whatever.” He shrugged. I knew what he was saying. He was saying and then I would leave and walk out of his life and we’d never see each other again.

  “Sure,” I said, and nodded. We walked into his apartment building and then got into the elevator. We rode up and then walked into the corridor, he walked ahead of me and there was silence between us. He opened his door and we walked into his apartment. I stood by the door and waited.

  “Let me go and get it,” he said. I stood there for a couple of seconds and he walked back with a big box wrapped with a big bow.

  “This is cool, thank you. What is it?” I said as I took it from him.

  “You can come in and open it, you don’t have to stand by the door,” he said with a slight smile. “Come to the living room, I’ll get you a drink, a glass of wine or something?”

  “I don’t know,” I said. “I shouldn’t.” But then I shook my head. “Sure, why not? A glass of wine sounds nice.” I walked over and sat on his couch as he walked to the kitchen to open the wine. I opened the box slowly, carefully taking off the paper and the red bow. Inside was a book and I stared at it in amazement. It was a photographic journal. At that moment, Connor walked back into the room, a glass of red wine in his hand. “Oh my gosh, this is amazing,” I said, as I held up the book.

  “This is a collector’s piece. This is from one of the lost tribes in the Brazilian rain forest. This is a photographic journal of one of the last anthropologists that went into the jungle in the ‘70s.”

  “How did you get this? I’ve been looking for this for years and I haven’t been able to find it anywhere.”

  “I got friends in cool places,” he said, as he handed me the glass. “I had a feeling you might be interested in it.”

  “How did you even know this book existed?” I looked at him in surprise. “Most people who aren’t in my world don’t know anything about this.”

  “I asked a couple of friends.” He shrugged. “A friend of mine who’s an archeologist, mainly in Egyptology, but I told him where you worked and what you studied and he said a book about artifacts or fossils might be good for you and then I started to look for books on the Amerindian tribes of South America, because I remembered you told me that you studied them and that was what your work was about.”

  “I didn’t even think you were listening to me.” I gazed at him in surprise. I held the book to my chest. “This is really thoughtful, thank you.”

  “You’re welcome. I’m really glad you like it.” He smiled and sat down next to me on the couch. “I meant what I said before Gemma. This is about more than the physical chemistry that we have between us.” He touched the side of my face again. “I really like you and I know you’re most probably going on dates with other guys, which I totally understand. And I know one of these guys will most probably swoop you up and be able to give you everything that you want, but,” he stared at me. “I’d like you to still give me a chance until that happens.”

  “What are you saying?” I stared at him slightly confused.

  “Well, we met on a dating app, so we both know that both of us were seeing other people.”

  “You’re seeing other people?” I tried to ignore the stir of jealousy in the pit of my stomach.

  “Actually, I haven’t seen anyone in a couple of weeks.” He shook his head. “My mind has been on you.”

  “Oh really?” I grinned. “Interesting. I don’t know if I believe that, a player like you.”

  “I’m not a player per se.” He shrugged. “I didn’t say that I want to be with a million women, I just said that the path to love and the path to marriage and the path to relationships isn’t always what you think it should be.”

  “Yeah, I guess that’s true. So what are you saying now, Connor? I’m not sure I understand.”

  “I’m saying I still want you to come to the cabin with me tonight and to see how the evening goes and then tomorrow, whatever your decision is, I’ll be okay with it.” He studied my face for a couple of seconds. “I’d really like to show you the cabin, I think you’ll love it. It’s my favorite place in the whole world.”

  “Really?” I said, surprised. “I thought you’d be a big city guy what with your love of music and—” He interrupted me.

  “I love music, I love people, but there’s something about being in nature that transports you away. You hear every single sound. Every bird chirping, every frog croaking, every rooster cock-a-doodling, every cow mooing, every owl hooting, everything. You hear the wind pass by your ears. You hear the leaves shaking. Sounds of nature.” He looked at me. “There’s nothing more beautiful.”

  “You make it sound amazing, you really do.” I gazed at him knowing that I wanted to go with him to the cabin. I wanted to see, I wanted to experience, I wanted to feel his happy place, even if it was just once. “Okay,” I said, “let’s do it, let’s go.”

  “You mean it?” Happiness lit up his face and he grinned at me and once again, he was the confident, happy, handsome man that I knew.

  “Yeah, let’s do it,” I grinned at him. “What’s life if it’s not for living, right?” I put the book down on the couch next to me and took a deep sip of the wine. “Let’s go to the cabin and let’s just enjoy the evening and then tomorrow will be tomorrow and I’ll decide what to do next then.”

  “You won’t be disappointed, Gemma, I promise you,” he said, and he leaned over and gave me a big kiss, caressing the sides of my face as he did so. This kiss felt different from our previous kisses. This kiss didn’t have the promise of sexual intimacy and possession. This kiss had the promise of understanding, patience and love, which was a crazy thought because there was no love between us, just a mutual admiration and chemistry. I pulled back from him and looked into his eyes smiling.

  “Now let’s go, before I change my mind,” I said with a grin and stood up from the couch.

  “Come on then,” he said. He grabbed my hand and squeezed it tightly. “I promise you, you won’t regret changing your mind. Tonight is going to be the best night of your life.”

  “Oh yeah?” I said, with a small teasing grin. “How can you be so sure of that?”

  “Oh,” he said, as he looked at me. “I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life.”

  Chapter 27

  “Do you like to play car games?” Connor said as we drove along the highway.

  “What do you mean, car games?” I looked over at him, pleasantly surprised by how comfortable I felt with him on this road trip to who knows where.

  “I don’t know. When I was young, my brother and I used to play a game called I Spy.”

  “Oh, you mean like I spy with my little eye?”

  “Yeah,” he said. “You want to play?”

  “Sure, we can. You want to start, or should I?”

  “I’ll start,” he said. He turned down the music as he drove. “Okay. I spy with my little eye something beginning with T.”

  “T? Hm.” I looked out of the window and grinned. “Okay. I’m going to say tree, but if it’s tree, you must think I’m a dumbass because that’s so easy.”

  “It is tree.” He laughed. “But I don’t think you’re a dumbass.” He gave me a quick look. “I think you’re quite smart. Everyone knows when you play a game, you start off easy and then you get hard.”

  “Okay. Okay.” I grinned at him. “I spy with my little eye something beginning with W.”

  “W? Huh.” He looked in front of him and then to the side. “W, W, window?”

  “Oh, that’s a good one, but no, not window.”

  “Hm.” He tapped his fingers against the steering wheel. “Windshield?”

  “Another good one.” I laughed. “But nope.”

  “Wheel!” he said.

  “You got it.” I smiled and stroked his shoulder. He looked over at me and gave me the biggest grin. I quickly removed my hand from his shoulder. I’m not sure why I touched him. It was way too familiar for the sort of relationship we had. “Okay. Your turn again,” I said quickly and looked out of the window so that I wasn’t staring into his eyes. He was making me feel things I shouldn’t have, and I guiltily looked down at my lap. My phone had been beeping nonstop. I knew it was Lucas. I knew he wanted to know if I wanted to come over for the movie, but I didn’t know how to respond to him.

  “Okay. I spy with my little eye something beginning with R.”

  “R. Huh.” I looked over at him and wrinkled my nose. “Okay.” I looked out of the window. I could see trees. There were leaves in the trees. That wasn’t it. Could he be thinking of a robin? But, he couldn’t see any birds, could he? “Does it have to be something you see, or something you think is there?” I said as I looked at him. “Because if you’re trying to say something that you think is there, that’s cheating.”

  “No. It’s something I see.” He grinned.

  “Okay. R. Oh, radio!” I said excitedly. “Is that it?”

  “No, but good try.”

  “Aw, man. Radiator?” I laughed even as I said the words, “Even though I guess we can’t see the radiator, can we?”

  “No we can’t, Gemma. That’s not it.”

  “Um. Um. Um. Um. I just don’t know.” I looked around. There were cars in front of me, but I didn’t see a Rolls Royce. The trees? I had no idea what type they were. “Oh, road!” I said. “Oh my God, I can’t believe I didn’t get it.”

  “Well, you didn’t get it still because that’s not it,” he said.

  “Oh my gosh. What is it?” I tapped my finger against my nose. “I am smart. I should get this. Okay. Not road. Not river, because there’s no river. Not robin redbreast, because we can’t see any. Not radiator.”

  “Are you going to say every R word that you know?” He laughed.

  “No, but I could if you wanted me to. Responsible, redundant, register, Roger.”

  “Roger’s a name.”

  “Well also, don’t they say in the army, ‘Roger that’?”

  “I don’t know if they say that in the army.” He shook his head, “But okay, I’ll let that one pass.”

 

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36