The complete oregon seri.., p.101
The Complete Oregon Series, page 101
“Mama and Papa say the same thing, but I let myself believe for so long that it’s wrong and that I need to hide that part of myself, so it’s hard to change that kind of thinking.”
Now it was Rika’s turn to squeeze Amy’s hands. “It’s all right. Maybe it’s easier for me because I never really thought about two women together before. I didn’t let the thought that it’s wrong fester in my head and in my heart like you did.”
“Then where do we go from here?”
“Hm.” Rika peered at the basket, then grinned up at Amy through half-lowered lids. “We could start by having dessert.” She lifted one of the dark red berries from the basket and held it out to Amy.
Amy’s gaze darted back and forth between the strawberry and Rika. Then she leaned forward and ate the strawberry out of Rika’s hand, careful not to touch her fingers with her lips in the process.
Rika licked remnants of berry juice from her fingers.
Amy’s chewing stopped as she watched, her eyes darkening with a hunger that had nothing to do with food. She cleared her throat and reached into the basket. “Here. You try one.”
Rika moved closer and ate the strawberry out of Amy’s hand. The sweet, ripe taste burst on her tongue. Before she stopped chewing, she picked up the next berry.
They fed each other berry after berry. With each one, their lips became more daring and their fingers lingered longer.
“This is the last one,” Amy finally said.
“Share with me?”
When Amy nodded, Rika took the strawberry from her hand with careful teeth. She straightened and waited with the strawberry clamped between her lips.
Amy hesitated but then slid closer. Her knees pressed against Rika’s. Heat shot through Rika as a warm hand came to rest against her hip, just before Amy leaned forward and bit off a piece of the strawberry.
All thoughts of strawberries vanished as their lips brushed—once, then, after they had both swallowed their piece of strawberry, again.
They separated and stared at each other.
Rika wanted to feel those soft lips against hers again, but Amy shuddered, pulled away, and rolled onto her back, breathing heavily.
Rika settled down next to her and pressed her hand to her chest. “My heart is beating awfully fast.”
Amy rolled around and leaned over her with a concerned expression. “Are you afraid?”
Smiling, Rika shook her head. “Just a bit overwhelmed.”
“So it was all right that I...that we...?”
Rika nodded. “It was wonderful. Kissing never felt this nice.” She slid her hand into Amy’s and closed her eyes with a contented sigh. Her thoughts drifted.
“Before you met me, did you ever think you might have feelings for women?” Amy’s low voice interrupted her daydreams.
Rika turned her head and opened one eye. “Before I met you, I never had feelings for anyone. Not that kind of feelings. How did you know?” While Rika hadn’t grown up around love of any kind, Amy had seemed aware that two women could love each other, even before meeting Tess and Frankie.
“A few years ago, I used to spend a lot of time with Hannah. One afternoon, we went riding. When our horses got tired, we rested in a meadow, just like we’re doing now.”
A strange feeling bristled along Rika’s skin and made her clutch Amy’s hand. She rubbed her finger over the calluses. Had Amy held Hannah’s hand too? Had they lain together, resting against each other like this? Her throat tightened. Blood rushed through her ears, and she heard Amy’s voice as if from under water.
“Rika?”
A squeeze to her hand made her blink. She shook her head to clear it.
“Hey.” Amy caressed her wrist in a gesture so tender that it made her shiver. “You all right?”
“I don’t like the thought of you with Hannah.”
Amy’s fingers froze against her wrist.
“Oh.” Rika pressed her fingers to her traitorous mouth. She hadn’t meant to say that out loud.
Tilting her head, Amy stared down at her. Then, slowly, a grin formed on her lips. She pulled Rika’s hand away from her mouth and pressed a kiss to her palm. “You’ve got nothing to worry about, you know?”
“You don’t have feelings for Hannah anymore?”
“No.” A kiss to the inside of her wrist made Rika’s arm tingle up to her shoulder. “I’ve never felt for Hannah or anyone else the way I feel for you,” Amy whispered against her skin.
The roaring in Rika’s ears finally receded. She relaxed back onto the blanket.
After a while, with their shoulders resting against each other, Amy continued. “When we were out riding together, Hannah used to go on and on about Josh and how she felt about him, how her heartbeat picked up when she heard his step, how her hands got damp and her stomach fluttered when he was close.” Amy swallowed. She glanced at Rika, then away. “And it dawned on me that she could have been describing my feelings for her.”
Rika tightened her hold on Amy’s hand. Don’t be childish. That was years ago, and Hannah is happily married now. She forced herself to focus on Amy. “You understood what you were feeling even back then?”
“Not at first. I told myself it was what every girl felt for her best friend.”
“What changed?”
“A few years ago, two widows in town were living together,” Amy said, gazing into the sky as if it showed her the past. “Some of the boys and girls made fun of them, calling them strange for preferring to keep company with each other rather than accept a new husband. But I never paid much attention. To me, it felt perfectly...” She hesitated but then said, “...natural for them to want to spend time with each other, not with a man.”
“Just like you wanted to spend time with Hannah.” Rika pressed a hand to her stomach until Amy reached over and took that hand too. “Those two widows...were they just friends?”
Amy’s grip tightened. “No. One day, someone found them in bed together, having...you know. Sharing the bed like a man and a woman would.”
Rika stared at their entwined hands, then up into Amy’s eyes. “That’s when you knew what your feelings meant?”
Biting her lip, Amy nodded. “I knew I was the same, but I didn’t want to be. Not when it could cost me everything. People drove them out of town.” She shivered. “No one did anything to defend them. No one, not even my parents. So I knew I needed to bury my feelings deep inside and never act on them.”
Rika rubbed her hands along Amy’s arms. “Did you ask your parents why they didn’t help?”
“Oh, no.” Amy shook her head, eyes wide. “At least not back then. I never talked to anyone about it. I was afraid someone would think I was too interested in such relationships. Now I know that Mama and Papa only learned about what the townsfolk did to the widows days after it happened. But back then, I thought they agreed with what the people in town said.” Amy lowered her gaze. “I thought if they ever found out, it would change how they felt about me.”
“Amy.” A squeeze to her hands got Amy to look up. “Nothing could change your parents’ love for you.” She swallowed down a complicated mix of sadness, envy, and happiness.
Amy pulled one of her hands out of Rika’s grasp and ran her fingers through her hair. She rolled around and stared down at Rika. “I know they love me. But how could it not change how they felt about me when it changed how I felt about myself?”
Do I feel different about myself too? Rika closed her eyes and listened, trying to reach deep inside, but all she felt was Amy’s warm, almost desperate grip on her hand and the way their fingers fit against each other. She opened her eyes and smiled. “Maybe it did change how they feel about you. But change isn’t always bad, is it?”
Amy’s grip on her hand loosened, and she returned Rika’s smile. “You’re right. It’s not.” She sank back onto the blanket and exhaled.
Rika cuddled closer until she felt Amy’s warmth. Her eyes drifted shut.
A light breeze brushed over her bare feet, and she wiggled her toes, enjoying the feeling. The wind carried the scent of wildflowers and moss. The sun shone down on them, and Amy’s hand holding hers warmed up her skin even more. Birdsong and the river’s soft gurgling almost lulled her to sleep.
She forced open heavy lids. When she turned her head, Amy met her gaze and smiled.
A feeling Rika had never known filled her. This is peace. She breathed in the scent of wildflowers and Amy. Or maybe, she thought, maybe it’s love.
Baker Prairie, Oregon
July 25, 1868
Rika dipped the brush into the bucket of soapy water and scrubbed the floorboards with both hands, putting all her weight into it.
“Easy, easy.” Tess paused in the doorway and laughed. “We need those boards, you know?”
“Sorry.” With some effort, she slowed her frantic scrubbing.
“Are you, by any chance, in a hurry?” Tess asked.
“No, it’s just... No.”
But Tess’s knowing grin told her that her employer already knew why she was so eager to finish her work for the day. “Amy promised she would come over and take you out riding, didn’t she?”
Rika took one hand off the brush and rubbed her cheek. It felt hot. “I’m behaving like a smitten young girl, not like a twenty-three-year-old widowed woman, aren’t I?” When she thought of Amy, she felt like a smitten young girl. Butterflies swarmed in her belly whenever she daydreamed about holding Amy’s hand during a stroll over their meadow.
Smiling, Tess walked over and took the brush from Rika’s hands. “You’re acting like a woman in love, and there’s nothing wrong with that.”
In love. Yes. Rika had admitted to herself that she felt much more than infatuation for Amy, and here, in the safe haven of the hotel, she had come to believe that there was nothing wrong with that. When Amy came to visit, Tess and Frankie welcomed her with open arms. They provided them with a place to meet in the hotel or gave Rika the afternoon off so she could ride out to the meadow and spend time with Amy.
The stairs creaked, and then Frankie poked her head into the room. “There’s a suitor here to call on you.”
Rika ground her teeth together. She had thought that Baker Prairie’s bachelors would finally leave her alone. “Send him away.”
“I’m sorry, Amy,” Frankie called down the stairs. “Rika doesn’t want to—”
“Amy?” Warmth rushed through Rika’s belly. She jumped to her feet, hurried past Tess, and nudged Frankie aside. “Amy, wait, I’m coming!” After taking a single step down the stairs, she remembered that she was supposed to scrub the floor and turned back.
“Go,” Tess said. “I’ll finish up here.”
“Thank you.” Taking the stairs two at a time, Rika hurried down to the parlor and smoothed her hands over her wrinkled skirt. When she saw Amy fidgeting next to the front door, she slid to a stop and drank her in—the wind-blown hair, the glowing green eyes, and the slender hand worrying her hat.
“You’re here already,” Rika said, suddenly tongue-tied.
“Yes. Oh, here. These are for you.” Amy brought her other hand out from behind her back and presented a beautiful bouquet of wildflowers. “I picked them on our meadow.”
Their fingers touched when Rika took the flowers, and she let the touch linger for a moment, enjoying the tingles that shot through her body. Then she lifted the flowers to her nose. As she inhaled their sweet scent, she remembered how Amy had told her about Mr. Garfield picking flowers for his wife. Now I, too, have someone who cares for me enough to waste an hour of daylight to pick flowers for me. She couldn’t believe her good fortune. With a lump in her throat, she said, “They’re beautiful. Thank you.”
After a quick glance left and right, she pulled Amy into the kitchen, leaned forward, and kissed her on the lips.
When Amy dropped her hat and wrapped both arms around her, Rika pressed closer until the scent of leather, horse, and Amy swept over her. Drowning in Amy, intoxicated, she teased the corner of Amy’s mouth with her tongue.
Their tongues slid against each other. Amy moaned and nearly bit down in surprise.
Rika drew back and whispered a kiss against Amy’s lips. “Careful.” She brushed a few red locks from Amy’s face and cleared her dry throat. “Did you bring Cin?”
“Yes,” Amy said, her voice so husky that Rika wanted to kiss her again. “He’s waiting for you right outside.”
“Then let’s go.” Rika took her hand and pulled her out of the kitchen and to the door. Maybe they could ride out to their meadow, and she could pick some flowers for Amy, just to show her that she cared for her enough to waste an hour of daylight too.
Sharpe Horse Ranch
Baker Prairie, Oregon
August 8, 1868
At the top of a hill, Amy pulled Old Jack and the wagon to a stop. “There it is.”
Rika looked down to where Phin had established his ranch. The cabin he had built was crude and small, but it would protect him from the wind and rain until he could replace it with a better one later.
The clanking of steel against wood drifted up the hill. Phin stood in the middle of his ranch yard, splitting a log. He had taken off his shirt, and his muscles bulged as he drove the wedge into the log.
Her friend Jo would have swooned over this display of masculinity, but Rika realized that it left her unimpressed. Instead, she tugged on Amy’s gloves, prompting her to take them off. The feel of Amy’s skin against hers was addictive.
Amy entwined their fingers and brushed her thumb over the back of Rika’s hand, sending tingles up and down her spine. “Do you feel guilty for not marrying him?” she asked, her voice low.
“I feel bad about deceiving him—all of you—for so long. But I don’t regret calling off the wedding.”
A relieved smile darted across Amy’s face. Just as she lifted Rika’s hands to kiss them, Phin looked up from his log.
Rika wrenched her hands from Amy’s soft grasp.
“Rika? What...?”
“Phin is watching,” Rika whispered.
Amy blushed a bright red and busied her hands with the reins.
Below them, Phin set down the wedge and the ax. He shrugged into his shirt and picked up his hat before striding across the ranch yard toward them. “Amy, Hendrika.” He tipped his hat and hastily buttoned his shirt.
“Hello, Phin,” Amy said. “How’s it going with the ranch?”
“Oh, good, good. I’m splittin’ logs for a corral.”
“Do you need help with that?” Amy asked.
“No, thanks. I can manage.”
Silence spread between them, interrupted only by the soft sounds of Amy fiddling with the reins and Phin shuffling his feet.
Oh, Lord, this is awkward. If Rika wanted to stay, she needed to clear the air between them once and for all. “Can you give us a minute?” she asked Amy.
Amy hesitated.
“Please?” While Rika appreciated her protectiveness, it was better if Amy wasn’t involved. She didn’t want to destroy the friendship between Amy and Phin, and she certainly didn’t want Phin to start suspecting the real reason she’d refused to marry him. Someday, they might need to figure out a way to tell him, but not now, when it was still so new.
“All right. I’ll go say hello to Lancelot.” Amy pointed at Phin’s horse that stood grazing next to the cabin. She slid from the wagon and, after one last glance at Rika, walked away.
Phin shoved his hands into his pant pockets. “So you’re stayin’ for good?”
Rika nodded.
“Must have changed your mind at the very last second. Charlie said he saw you climb into the stagecoach.”
“Yes.” It was hard, but she forced herself to look him in the eyes. “I know it must be awkward for you. I’m sure people are talking.”
He snorted. “Oh, yeah. They’re comin’ up with all sorts of hare-brained reasons for why we didn’t wed—and why you stayed after all.”
A lump formed in her throat. Did he suspect that she was staying because of Amy? She swallowed.
“Most think it’s ’cause you hated life on the ranch,” he said.
“No. I really liked living there.”
“You just don’t like me.” He sounded almost calm, but Rika knew if nothing else, his pride had to be hurt.
Sighing, she climbed from the wagon seat and approached him. “I like you just fine, Phin.” She touched his arm and then retreated. “But I don’t love you. I’m sorry it took me so long to figure out I don’t want to keep living my life making compromises. You deserve better than that too.”
He rubbed the back of his neck and tilted his head, studying her for long moments. Then his shoulders settled into a more relaxed stance. “In the end, you probably did me a favor. My heart wasn’t really in it either.” A hesitant smile replaced his frowning expression.
The tightness in her throat eased, and she breathed in deeply.
Hesitant footsteps approached.
Rika looked up and waved Amy over.
Amy put on her gloves. “If you’re ready, we should head back. I promised Frankie and Tess I’d have you back by six.” She walked toward Rika to help her up on the wagon, but before she could do it, Phin stepped forward and lifted her up. Amy climbed up after her and looked down at him. “Don’t be a stranger, all right? If you need help with anything, please let us know. Papa and I can ride over and help you out for a few hours.”
Phin nodded.
Amy nodded back and then clicked at Old Jack.
As soon as they were out of sight, Rika slid closer on the wagon bench.
Amy pulled off one glove with her teeth and reached for her hand. “Is everything all right?”
“Everything’s fine. I don’t think he’s too heartbroken about not marrying me.”
