The complete oregon seri.., p.86
The Complete Oregon Series, page 86
Nora couldn’t help smiling. So much innocence. “And that’s usually how it works out, but if the person you gave your heart to happens to be a woman... Well, Frankie and Tess can’t go to the pastor and tell him to marry them.”
“Then wouldn’t it be better if they let each other go so each of them could have a happy life? If you love someone, aren’t you supposed to think of his or her happiness first, even if it breaks your heart?”
“I’m sure going their separate ways would make their lives easier, but it wouldn’t make them happy.” Even as she said it, Nora finally understood that it was also true for Luke. Living as Nora’s husband and the father of their daughters made Luke’s life complicated, but it also made her happy. “Sometimes, falling in love doesn’t mean you’ll have a happily-ever-after. Sometimes, you have to fight for it, compromise, and pay a price for being with the one person you love most. It’s hard, but it’s worth it. Life’s too short to throw away love, no matter what form it comes in.”
Nattie’s eyes took on the lead gray that indicated she was deep in thought. She brushed a charcoal stain from her apron. “And it’s the same, no matter if you’re in love with a man or a woman?”
“I don’t know,” Nora said. “I wonder if any two loves are exactly the same.”
“What do you mean?”
“I love you and Amy differently, and that’s a good thing, because you’re different people. It doesn’t mean I love one of you less. Maybe I love Luke differently from how Hannah loves Josh and from how Tess loves Frankie—not because Tess and Frankie are both women, but because each of us is different from the others.”
Nattie shuffled her papers, as if sorting them would bring order to her jumbled thoughts. “Why haven’t I heard about this before? None of the books I read mentioned two women together.”
“Because most people believe what they have and what they think is the right way—and anything else must be wrong,” Nora said.
A smile tugged at the corner of Nattie’s lips. “Sounds like Amy when she was stomping her feet, refusing to believe that her way of doing multiplications wasn’t the best way.”
“Kind of like that.” Nora laughed. “But instead of stomping out to hide in the barn, adults come up with long explanations about why anything but their way is wrong, unnatural, and sinful.”
Nattie paled. “The reverend preached about sin for a whole hour today. Is that why Tess and Frankie didn’t join us for church? It must hurt them to hear people talk like that.”
The compassion in her eyes filled Nora with pride.
“Does the reverend know?” Nattie asked.
“No.” Nora caught her gaze and held it. “No one can know, Nattie. Please keep this to yourself. Frankie and Tess are our friends, and we need to protect them. Some people might not react too well.”
Nattie clamped her fingers around the sheets of paper. “You mean someone might hurt Frankie and Tess because they love each other?”
“You never know what people will do, but it’s better not to take stupid risks.”
“That’s why they tell everyone they’re cousins.”
“Yes.” Nora tilted her head and regarded her. “I know this comes as a surprise to you, but do you think you can accept what I just told you? Can you still be Frankie and Tess’s friend, without letting your differences stand between you and them?”
“It seems strange to me.” This time, Nattie looked her right in the eyes. “But I guess I’ll be fine once I have a little time to get used to it. Life’s also too short to throw away friendships.”
Tears shot into Nora’s eyes. Oh, what a girl. It seems Luke and I did everything right with her. When she drew Nattie into her arms, a sheet of paper fluttered to the floor.
Phin’s image grinned up at her.
Nora lifted her brow. She’s drawing pictures of Phin?
“It’s a wedding gift,” Nattie mumbled into her shoulder.
Touched by her thoughtfulness, Nora pulled her closer.
A soft knock on the door startled Rika from her thoughts. She wasn’t ready to face anyone, but she opened the door.
Nora stepped in, perched on the edge of the bed, and smoothed her hand over Amy’s pillow. “Come sit by me for a moment. I want to talk to you about Tess and Frankie.”
Reluctantly, Rika sat next to her. “You know about…them?”
“Of course I know. Tess is my oldest friend. I’m starting to think of you as a friend too, and I don’t want you to be uncomfortable staying here.”
“Oh, no.” Rika shook her head. She didn’t want Nora to believe that for a second. “I really like it here. I also like Tess and Frankie. It’s just that...”
“What?”
Rika kept her gaze on the tip of her boots. “They shouldn’t kiss each other like that. It’s wrong. Against nature. They’re cousins and—”
“No, they’re not.”
Rika lifted her gaze. She hadn’t thought she could be any more confused, but now she didn’t understand anything. “They’re not? But they said—”
“I know what they said, but it’s not true. Frankie and Tess aren’t related in any way, and I know they aren’t proud of lying, but it’s the only way.”
“The only way for what?” Rika asked.
“The only way to travel together and be affectionate without giving people the wrong idea...or in this case, the right idea.”
“I don’t understand. Do you mean to say that they...” She lowered her voice. “They are...”
“In love with each other, yes.”
In love with another woman. Blood rushed through Rika’s ears. She rubbed her thumb over her bottom lip as she remembered their tender kiss. “That’s… I never heard of such a thing before.”
“It’s unusual, but it’s not something you should hate or fear. It’s just love.” Nora reached over and squeezed Rika’s hand. “Do you understand?”
Rika blinked. She had never truly been in love, so the concept was hard enough to grasp. Love between two women… She couldn’t wrap her head around it. “I guess so.”
“Mama?” Nattie’s voice drifted up the stairs. “The Buchanans are here for a visit.”
“Just a minute,” Nora answered. She stood and smoothed wrinkles out of her skirt. “I don’t expect you to understand all at once. Talk to Tess and Frankie if you want. But please keep this to yourself, or we might all be in danger.”
Rika nodded fiercely. Despite her confusion, she knew one thing for sure. She would never allow anything to happen to one of the Hamiltons or their friends.
Nora looked at her for a moment longer, then crossed to the door.
“Mrs. Hamilton?”
She turned around. “Nora, please.”
“Nora,” Rika said. “Is Amy all right? She seemed awfully upset earlier.”
Nora smiled. “You’re such a sweet girl, to think about Amy in a moment like this.”
How could I not? At times, Amy was all she could think of, and that was as confusing as the love between Tess and Frankie.
“Amy will be fine,” Nora said. “She just needs some time.” The door clicked shut behind her.
Rika let herself fall back on the bed and stared at the ceiling.
Hamilton Horse Ranch
Baker Prairie, Oregon
June 22, 1868
Tess glanced out the cabin window. “There she is—finally!”
Amy’s red mare rounded the corral, the early-morning sun making the mare’s coat and Amy’s hair glow.
“Nora already left for town,” Frankie said behind her.
“I bet Amy timed it that way.” Tess drew her brows together. She had kept Nora company late into the night, until Nora finally gave up and accepted that Amy wouldn’t be home that night. Tess was as worried as her friend. But with every hour Amy stayed away, anger outgrew her concern. How could Amy worry her mother so? Why had she and Frankie been so careless? And, most of all, why was the world a place where being in love with a wonderful person created such a mess?
“Let’s go talk to her,” Tess said.
Just as she opened the door, Hendrika hurried across the ranch yard. “Where have you been?”
“Checking on the herd,” Amy said. She dismounted and turned away from Hendrika to check her mare’s hooves.
“At night?”
Amy didn’t turn around. “By the time I found every foal and every yearling, it was too late to head back, so I stayed at a line shack.”
“You promised me you’d be more careful.”
“I am careful.”
Hendrika stiffened. “Staying out alone all night is not being careful.”
“She’s damn right.” Tess marched toward them. “Your mother is worried sick about you.”
Amy whirled around. Hendrika turned too. Now both stared as if Tess and Frankie were about to attack them.
Tess gentled her voice. “I know this is a lot to take in, but running away is not the solution. It’s incredibly thoughtless—”
“Thoughtless?” Amy’s voice rumbled like a cornered dog about to bite back. “You mean like you were thoughtless when you acted on those unnatural urges?” The color of her face matched her crimson bandanna. She wrenched her gaze away from Tess and pressed her lips together as if she thought she’d said too much.
Tess ran her hands along the bell-shape of her skirt, calming herself. Now was not the time for a shouting match and mutual accusations. “Let’s go inside and talk.”
“Not now.” Amy gestured to the bunkhouse. “I need to talk to the men and get them started on—”
“Your mother already gave them their tasks for the day at breakfast,” Tess said. Nora knew her daughter well. She had predicted that Amy would hide behind her responsibilities, so she had sent the ranch hands off before Amy returned. “Come on, you two. Let’s go to the cabin and talk.”
Amy dragged her feet, but Tess resisted the urge to grab her elbow and pull her along. She wasn’t sure how Amy would react to being touched by someone she now considered an “unnatural” woman. Finally, Amy moved toward the cabin.
Hendrika followed without a word. She wasn’t a talker, but Tess had a feeling that a lot happened behind those brown eyes.
The door snapped shut behind them, and Amy flinched as if she were trapped.
They sat at the table. The leather of Amy’s chaps brushed Hendrika’s skirt, and Amy pulled her legs back, then continued to fidget in her chair. Next to her, Hendrika seemed calm in comparison.
She’s good at hiding her feelings, but Amy clearly isn’t.
“Listen, I know this is awkward as hell, but we’ve got to talk about this.” Tess tried to catch their gazes, but Amy ducked her head. She glanced at Frankie and received a short nod. “You saw us kiss each other, didn’t you?”
Hendrika’s gaze veered to Amy, then back to Tess and Frankie. “Yes,” she said, her voice a whisper.
A bitter taste spread through Tess’s mouth. My love for Frankie is something that people only whisper about. She shook off her frustration and tried to keep her voice calm. “What did you think about that?”
“Nora said you’re not cousins, but still it’s...” Hendrika turned her hand back and forth as if trying to grasp the right word.
Amy lifted her head and stared at her. “You’re not cousins?”
“No. People just have an easier time accepting two women being close when they think they’re related,” Tess said. “I’m sorry we lied to you, but we’ve learned to be careful over the years.”
“D-does that mean...that you are living together like a man and a woman would?” Again, it was Hendrika who found the courage to ask while Amy continued to stare at her hands.
Under the table, Frankie’s hand found Tess’s.
“No,” Tess said. “We’re living together the way two women who love each other would.”
The tips of Frankie’s fingers slid over hers in a tender caress.
When Hendrika and Amy stayed silent, Tess said, “Most people who are lucky enough to find love find it with a person of the opposite sex.”
“Like Mama and Papa did,” Amy said, her voice low and her gaze still directed downward.
Tess’s lips formed a tight line. Luke and Nora weren’t the best example, but she couldn’t tell Amy that. “Yes,” she said after a moment’s hesitation. “But every once in a while, there’s a girl who grows up and falls in love with another woman. Or, I suppose, a young man who falls in love with another man.”
“But...” A few tendrils of brown hair escaped from their pins and fell into Hendrika’s face when she scratched her head. “But the pastor said—”
“I know what the pastor and the Bible say.” For most of her life, Tess had been branded a sinner because the Bible condemned anyone who was forced to lie, pretend, and sleep with other women’s husbands for a living. “But the Bible also says that slavery is perfectly fine, so I’d rather follow my own heart than whatever the Bible says.” She waited until she read a hint of understanding in Hendrika’s eyes, then added, “I know the church condemns it, and most people find it disgusting and sinful, but my love for Frankie is the purest thing I ever had in my life.”
Hendrika nibbled her lower lip. Her gaze flitted to Frankie, and she opened her mouth but then closed it again without saying anything.
With a friendly smile, Frankie leaned forward. “If you have questions, just ask. It’s not possible for us to live our lives openly, but I hope we’re among friends here, so we’d like to be as open as possible.”
The lip nibbling increased, but then Hendrika looked directly at Frankie. “Is that why you sometimes dress in men’s clothes? Do you think of yourself as a man?”
Asking that took guts. Tess gave her an admiring nod. She had thought Amy would ask the questions while Hendrika listened timidly. Instead, it was Amy who looked as if the conversation was giving her a bellyache. Hendrika’s question made Amy smooth her hands over her chaps as if afraid that her wearing men’s apparel would get her lumped in with Frankie.
“No,” Frankie said. “I don’t think of myself as a man, and when we are together, Tess doesn’t pretend I’m a man either.”
Thin lines carved themselves into Hendrika’s brow. Clearly, she had never before considered the possibility of romantic love between women.
Tess sent her a sympathetic smile. “I know it’s hard for you to understand, but part of what I love so much about Frankie is that she’s a woman. Women are wonderful.” When she gave her a wink and a motherly grin, Hendrika blushed, but a hesitant smile curved the corners of her mouth.
“Most people won’t see it like this, though,” Frankie said. “If the wrong people learn about our relationship, we could be run out of town, beaten, or worse. So it would be better to keep this to yourselves.”
Hendrika nodded.
“I hope we didn’t make you uncomfortable,” Tess said.
“It’s unusual.”
“But?” Tess hoped that at least Hendrika would accept them. Maybe instead of Hendrika following Amy’s lead, it would be the other way around.
“It’s not my place to judge.” Hendrika lowered her gaze and peered at black-rimmed fingernails. “From the moment we met, you and Frankie have been very friendly to me. I won’t repay your kindness with hatred.”
A clearing of her throat drew Tess’s attention to Amy. “Mama said she knows about...about you. Does Papa know too?”
“Yes, they both know. I told Luke when we met him in The Dalles and Nora has known since our first evening here.”
Russet lashes fluttered. “They know and they still let you stay?”
Defensive instincts rose, but Tess fought them down. Amy didn’t sound appalled or judgmental, as if she wanted Nora to kick them out. There’s something in her voice... She tried to read the young woman’s expression. Emotions rushed across Amy’s face. Hope. Relief. Tess stared for a few seconds longer. Oh, good heavens! Why didn’t I see it before? This is not about us. She’s confused about her own feelings. Tess’s grip tightened around Frankie’s hand. Oh, Lord. I think Amy has feelings for women too, and she’s scared to death to tell her parents. Now what do I do?
“Amy?”
Footfalls came closer and stopped in front of the tack room, where Amy had fled after escaping from the cabin.
Amy looked up from a particularly stubborn sweat spot on her saddle. She set down the saddle soap and gritted her teeth. “Yes?” She didn’t bother to make her voice friendly. Couldn’t she have a moment’s peace?
The tack room’s door creaked open. Frankie peeked in. She wore pants and a man’s shirt. The sight had always made Amy feel at ease around her, but now it was a reminder of how different Frankie was from other women—and how different Amy was too.
“There you are.” Frankie’s nose wrinkled at the odor of sweaty saddle blankets and horsehair, but she didn’t retreat. She leaned in the doorway and studied Amy. “So this is your hideaway.”
“I’m not hiding. The saddles need—”
“I had a hideaway too when I was your age.” Frankie ignored her protests with a smile. “Whenever I needed time away from my brothers, I slipped into the Chinese laundry. It was just a shack, really, but the couple running it let me stay as long as I didn’t get in the way.”
Amy nodded. She had seen Portland’s Chinatown. Most folks didn’t like the Chinese, so they were outsiders, like Frankie.
“I spent many afternoons watching Mei Ling iron the miners’ shirts. She was stoop-shouldered from bending over the hot iron all the time, but she had the most elegant neck and eyes like the night. And when she smiled...” Frankie grinned.
She was smitten with the Chinese woman, and she’s talking about it as if it was the most natural thing on earth. Amy still couldn’t wrap her mind around it. “Did she...?” She didn’t know how or even what to ask. There were so many things she wanted to know.
