The wine was dense and fruity. She took a few sips and then a few more before she reached for the grapes and ate a few, putting one in Neal’s mouth. “Mmm,” he said. “So sweet.” She steadied her glass beside the picnic basket and lied down on the blanket. She liked that her head felt tingly. Above, the sky was opening up: white gave way to pool blue, to a deeper, nautical blue. A flock of seagulls flew into view and trailed off, forming a single file as if they were in a cha-cha line. Neal rested his head beside her. Slowly, nightfall was overcoming them, as if a dimmer switch was being turned. The sky turned a deeper shade of navy blue. A lone firework launched, sending out a snap, crackle, pop as it exploded into a shower of color and light in the sky.

  Tess waved her fingers in the air. “Like magic,” she said.

  Another lone missile shot up into the sky and Tess watched it explode: a shower of hot pink and royal blue light scattered.

  The crowd launched into “Oohs and aahs.” One after another now the fireworks took over the evening sky, their colors streaking it and mesmerizing Tess as she squinted in the glare of the falling light.

  Neal sat up, sipping wine and eating a strawberry before he dangled one in front of Tess’s mouth. She took a bite, and then another, the fireworks falling steadily, and when she reached his finger she gave it a playful bite. In a moment Tess sat up beside him and he filled her glass with more wine.

  “Remember what happened last time we drank together,” Tess said.

  “Remind me,” Neal said.

  “Well,” she said. “We got ourselves into a little trouble,” she said, scrunching up her face as she said the word little, so that he laughed.

  “Trouble with whom?”

  “Hmm. Your mother,” Tess said, so that he laughed again.

  Nightfall was quickly taking over the sky, so that the fireworks illuminated it and the people and shapes around them began to fade out.

  “I’m happy to be here with you,” he said.

  “How come?”

  “I like your wine. And your strawberries.”

  She laughed.

  He traced her eyelashes to her cheekbones to her lips with his pointer finger, moving around the perimeter in slow, swooping movements, following each indent and peak.

  “Can I ask you something?” she said and he nodded.

  “What do you want from me, Neal?” she said.

  “That question again,” he said. “I don’t want anything.”

  “I don’t believe that,” she said.

  He began to brush her cheekbones with his knuckles.

  “I like your company,” he said.

  “I can’t read you,” she said and he laughed a deep belly laugh.

  “That’s funny to you,” she said.

  “People are not books. We’re not meant to be read. We’re just living. Sometimes there’s nothing we need to know other than just being here together.”

  She studied him and for a moment he stopped brushing her face with his knuckles as he took her in.

  “What I should have said is that I don’t understand you,” she said and before the laughter came out of him she placed her palm over his lips so that he kissed her palm.

  “I don’t understand what you’re doing here, why I’m sitting next to you—”

  “You like me,” he said.

  “You’re so sure of that,” she said, and he nodded.

  “I’m a chapter in your book,” he said and this time she laughed.

  “Why is that funny to you?”

  The whites of his eyes shone in the darkness and she smoothed his face with the back of her palm. The light show above sent colors cascading all around them so that they were in darkness and then in light. There was something so innocent to him, so gentle and she took it all in through those searching blue eyes of his.

  “You still there?” Neal asked, taking her in and she nodded.

  “Don’t go away,” he said and she smiled.

  “I’m here,” she said.

  Chapters had beginnings and endings. She knew that all too well.

  “But you’re thinking about something that’s not here,” he said.

  “No,” she said. “What’s it like for you to be here with me now?”

  “Natural,” he said.

  He had never been romantic with a woman like this ever before. Why her? Why now?

  “Say what you’re thinking,” he said.

  “I’m not thinking anything,” she said.

  Their lips were inches from one another. From the continued noise from the crowd, she knew that everyone’s eyes were still on the fireworks.

  She kissed his lips intently, her heart racing as she felt the smoothness of his lips against her own, felt them taking over her lips and then his inching his body closer to her so that they pressed against one another. She was not one for a public display of affection so close to home, but the warm air, the fireworks, the blanket, she didn’t care about anyone else around her as he kissed her. And then the people around them were standing up, packing up their things – apparently the firework show was over and she and Neal separated, Tess smoothing her shirt and wiping the corners of her lips before she stood up and Neal was on his feet gathering their things and putting them in the basket. Together they folded up the blanket and put it back in Tess’s tote bag. They paused on her porch.

  “I’ve had a wonderful night,” he said.

  “Me too,” she said. It couldn’t have been later than 8:30.

  “Thank you again for inviting me,” he said. He made his little salute with his hand, as in so long, goodbye.

  “You could come in for a bit,” Tess said.

  “That would be nice,” he said, and Tess opened the front door.

  What was she doing? She would tell him it was a mistake, and that he should leave, only he was beside her then as she attempted to unpack the items from the basket, and he was touching her face again, and then he was kissing her, pulling her body to his.

  “Neal, you should probably go,” she said.

  “Is that what you want?” he said.

  “This isn’t right for you, Neal,” she said.

  “I like you,” he said.

  “Neal,” she said, stepping back from him.

  “What couldn’t be right for me about liking you, Tess?” he said.

  “If we–,” she said.

  “Say it,” he said. He traced her collarbone with his pointer finger so that chills ran up Tess’s spine. She let him pull her closer, so that his hands braced her hips.

  “If we go any further, you may regret it,” she said.

  He shook his head. “What I would regret is not being here with you.”

  “There are certain things that you can’t undo once you do them,” she said.

  “Do you like me?” Neal said. His breath was warm; his lips were moving closer to her own.

  “I want to do what’s right,” she said. The blueness of his eyes seem impossible to her – Caribbean ocean blue. She traced his lush and dark eyelashes with her fingertip and then moved on to his eyebrows. She loved the way his features formed his face; there was a delicacy to him and yet the way he held her, he was a man.

  He kissed her tenderly at first and then full force so that it was easy to lose herself in the passion and yet there was something in her that kept bubbling to the surface—fear? Reality? She didn’t want to have an affair with a man who was only on a temporary leave; a man who didn’t have affairs; a man who was married to God; a man who was going back to the monastery in a few months’ time.

  “You should go,” she said, pulling away.

  “Okay,” he said. “I’ll go.”

  Tess sighed and straightened her shirt. She nodded. She moved to the counter to get a glass.

  “Water?” she said and Neal nodded. She poured them each a glass and gulped hers down, Neal taking a sip.

  “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable,” Neal said.

  “You didn’t,” Tess said.

  “I should get going then,” he said, but neither of them made a move.

  She didn’t know when she had become so moral. It was rare that she wanted to be with a man. She was 55-years old for goodness sake. Why shouldn’t she have some fun now and then?

  “What’s so funny?” he said.

  She shook her head. “Nothing,” she said.

  “Can I see you again?” he said.

  “As long as you behave.”

  “As long as I behave?” he said, their eyes meeting one another’s.

  And then they were kissing again, Tess kissing him hard now, and Neal pulling her closer to him so that she felt all of his body against hers.

  “I want you,” he whispered into her ear.

  She was trying to forget that he was a virgin. That he had never been with a woman.

  “I want you, too,” she said. “I just don’t want you to regret this.”

  “No,” he whispered, kissing her neck from top to bottom so that all the flesh on her back and arms turned to goose flesh. She let out a slight moan and pulled his face to hers so that she was kissing him again. How in the world he was so sexy, she had no idea. Please forgive me God. Please forgive Neal.

  In her bedroom, he pulled Tess’s shirt off and began to kiss each inch of her flesh, so that her body was a mixture of chills and heat. When her bra came off, she unbuttoned his shirt and massaged his hairless chest until he pulled her against him, his hands kneading her back so that their flesh melted into one another’s. Sweat began to pool down her cleavage and her back and she felt him massaging it into her. She didn’t remember ever feeling this turned on, this hot for a man. She began to kiss his neck and then moved up to his ear and in a moment he was kissing her ear lobe and then biting it ever so gently, so that she heard herself moan again. He moved backwards to the bed and made his way onto it, pulling her down with him so that she was on top of him until he climbed on top of her and his lips found hers again, their tongues meeting like waves. “Neal,” she whispered in his ear. He shivered and grew harder in between his legs as he pressed against her and again, he began to kiss her neck delicately, so that all of her wanted him, here, now.

  “Tess,” he whispered, his breath sending a chill through her so that her whole body shuddered. She looked into his eyes, kissing his lips, and seeing him that way, his eyes so close to her own, their bodies against one another, creatures of desire, she didn’t care if he was a monk. He was a man and she was a woman.

  Neal pushed her to the side and began to unzip her pants before she took over, pulling them off, her panties still on, while she fumbled with the button on his pants, which he opened and then unzipped and pulled down. They lay on their sides facing one another while Neal smoothed his hand up and down Tess’s torso, his palm passing over one nipple and then the other before he lingered there, raising his other hand, so that his palms caressed her nipples. Tess was alert, her insides tingling with anticipation from his touch. She traced his belly button before she moved down and lightly stroked his underwear. In a moment his hand was in her panties.

  His breath hot in her ear, he was saying her name and she reached into her bedside drawer—please, she thought, let me still have condoms.

  “What's wrong?” Neal said, and she shook her head as she pulled out a single condom and opened it. Neal was still as she pulled off his underwear and peeled the condom over him, bracing her hands on his chest as she sat upright on him, helping him to move into her before she began to circle forward and backward, slowly at first, their bodies merging, and then harder, so that in a matter of seconds, their bodies created a delightful friction and then he maneuvered his way on top, situating her below him.

  “You feel so good,” she said, and now she was squeezing her legs around him, shifting her body so that she could feel all of him moving into her. It didn’t seem possible to her that he could be this good, this sexy.

  “You feel incredible,” he said, as he continued to thrust, and then she knew he had hit his magic moment and she tried to join him.

  “Oh,” he said, and she closed her eyes and felt him moving with her. Her legs were tingling, then he was panting and there was another “Oh, Tess,” and she felt everything inside of her flaming, rushing, tingling. “Neal,” she said. And then he collapsed on her chest, their flesh soaked with sweat, so that they both laughed and then he was kissing her lips, giddy, so that she could feel him smiling as he kissed her.

  He smoothed her curls from her forehead and kissed her there.

  “I don’t believe you’re a virgin,” she said and he laughed.

  “You’re the sexiest woman alive,” he said. He cupped her chin in his hands and kissed her lips hard, moving his lips back and forth against them.

  “I'm glad that I waited for you,” he said.

  “Shhh, don’t say that.”

  “I am.”

  “No, it makes me feel as if I did something wrong.”

  “Are you still worrying about that?” he said, his hands exploring her body as he pulled her tight against him and she snuggled in the envelope of his arms.

  She remembered nights when she had gone to sleep next to Michael with her back to him. It was nice to want to be close to someone, to feel safe like this. She kissed the crook of his neck and glanced at him one last time. His breath hummed, and the drowsy way he moved his head, she felt him drifting off. She closed her eyes and rested her face on his smooth, firm chest, trying to fall in line with his breaths. In a few moments, the crickets serenading her, she lost the earth.

  Chapter 34: The New Moon

  Tess had gone through a range of emotions, it not yet being 7:00 am. She had woken up in the middle of the night in the nude, disoriented and disheveled, her neck slightly stiff, before she remembered that she had gone to sleep beside Neal, who was no longer there beside her. She had seen his note on the kitchen table that he would meet her in the morning by the water and that she should sleep tight. She had checked the front door and saw that he had locked it, which confused her as her keys were on the kitchen counter, until she realized he must have taken the spare key?

  She had put on a night gown, and gotten back into bed feeling anxious, restless, turning up the air conditioner to cool her down. The next day’s to-do list surfaced as it always did when she knew she should sleep, but couldn’t, and she sat up to catch her breath. 3:00 am. She still had some hours to rest before she had to tackle it all.

  When she resurfaced some hours later, the thought of going into work struck her as impossible. No, her mind was too busy to add any new information outside of her and Neal. She called into the office and left a message on her assistant’s voicemail that she couldn’t make it in, something had come up and that she would be in later this morning.

  At Jamaica Bay, Neal stared off into the direction of the water, the sun not yet risen floated in the background, as if it were mustering all its strength to rise and spread across the sky. Seagulls congregated and scattered. Her heart raced at seeing him, and she forced herself to take a few deep breaths. He turned to her as she approached him and she felt something in the pit of her stomach sinking. He smiled and all the passion of last night came back to her; she couldn’t help but smile back. Relief, that’s what she felt at seeing him. Relief tinged with desire and neediness to be near him, to know that he was in it with her.

  “Where do you think they're all going?” Neal said.

  The seagulls spread into flocks now, all heading in the same direction, at different altitudes, different speeds.

  “Off to their next destination, I suppose,” she said.

  She wanted to touch him, to hug him, but she remained still. Watching the seagulls leave, she thought of his leaving in the middle of the night, of his leaving to go back to the monastery. She wondered if having an affair was part of his agenda all along.

  “Can I ask you something?” she said.

  His expression was pensive, his eyes warm. He nodded.

  “When did you think about having sex with me?” she asked.

  Neal laughed and then, his eyes on Tess, whose expression remained steady, he cleared his throat.

  “Last night was one of the most special nights of my life. I didn’t take it lightly, Tess. I’ve been thinking about you nonstop.”

  “Answer my question, Neal.”

  “I thought about sex that first day that I saw you in your car.”

  Tess shook her head; she felt a hurricane rising up in her. No, this isn’t what she wanted to hear although she had asked it.

  “You were a woman. A very attractive woman. It was probably the first time in decades I felt—”

  “What? You felt what?”

  “The feelings that a man feels for a woman. I liked you the minute I saw you.”

  “Was your plan to have sex with me before you went back to the monastery just to see what it would be like?”

  He shook his head. “Tess, no. I didn’t have a plan. I like you. I feel as if you’ve helped me.”

  “Helped you?” she said.

  “It didn’t come out right, Tess.” He moved to put his arm on her shoulder but she backed away from his reach. “What I meant was—when I saw you that first time I was busy thinking about God and my vows, and meditating if I was doing the right thing and when I saw you I stopped thinking about that.”

  “Because I made you think about sex,” she said. She laughed; it sounded preposterous to her.

  “I wanted you in my life that first time I saw you. I didn’t have it all figured out and didn’t intend to seduce you or anything of the sort, but I wanted you in my life.”

  She laughed again. The seductive monk.

  “Well, you got what you wanted, right?” she said. She felt herself on the verge of tears and cleared her throat. What was going on with her?

  “Tess, it’s not like that. There is no conquest for me. I wanted to be in your presence. When I’m with you the monastery and that whole life seems impossible to me.”

  “So I keep you from the monastery – that’s my role?”

  “What I’m trying to say is that when I’m with you, I feel like a man who likes a woman and that type of man has no place in a monastery.”

 

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