For the fans, p.23
For The Fans, page 23
Kyran’s head cocks, and his lips part like he’s going to say something. But he doesn’t. He just nods, then bites his lip, his eyes sliding back to himself in the mirror.
I have no idea what prompts me to say this… Maybe I’m just drunk, coasting on the high of that fantastic, if not foolhardy orgasm…
But watching him stare at himself in the mirror like he has no idea who he is has the words tumbling out of my mouth. “We should fuck sometime.”
Kyran’s face whips around, and he glares at me like I’ve completely lost my mind. Maybe I have… Because no sane, rational person would say what I just said. Right?
He grumbles, “I don’t want to—”
But I cut him off with my finger on his lips and murmur, “We both know you do.” My hand slips away, and he stays quiet, his eyes falling to my mouth. “Plus… it’s for the fans. The OnlyFans, I mean.”
“I’m not gonna fuck you for money, Avi,” he growls.
My gaze narrows at him. “Who says you’d be fucking me?”
He stares at me for a moment in silence before a laugh bubbles from within his throat. It’s amazing how little I’ve heard him laugh… It looks and sounds foreign when he does it.
“You’re delusional,” he sighs, pushing me out of the way and going for the door. But his fingers sort of graze my abs as he does, and he peeks at me one last time, reaching for the knob. “Leave it alone, Avi.”
My lips quirk as I step off to the side, out of view. “No promises, superstar.”
PoundTown69: Are you a raisin? Cuz you’re raisin my dick
FranknBeanz: Ass so tight I could crack my nuts on it
Bearb0tt0m: What has 3 holes? ur favorite t shirt and me—I want in
“Someone’s checking you out.”
My eyes lift from the words on the page. And sure enough, there’s a girl I definitely recognize, sitting a few tables over, smiling at me and twirling her hair around her finger.
“Oh, yea. I’m sure that wouldn’t be disastrous or anything,” I mutter sarcastically, gaze falling back down to the book in front of me.
“Hey, football players and cheerleaders are, like, a known thing,” Guty says while absentmindedly flipping pages of his book, not even pretending to study. “Plus, you and Lexi aren’t exclusive, right?”
No, we are… not.
I shake my head. “We haven’t even really hooked up in weeks, aside from the occasional makeout session.” Which usually only seems to happen as a means to get a rise out of people…
My jaw tenses, and I redirect my thoughts.
“Hey, I love a good makeout session.” Guty grins, and when my eyes fling up to his, he winks.
I’m not trying to think about making out…
In bathrooms. With tall, muscle-clad smug, smirking… humans.
Squeezing my eyes shut tight, I shake it off and try to go back to my reading. But I’m getting nowhere because Guty has zero interest in studying. All he wants to do is talk shit, which is why I knew inviting him to the library with me was a bad idea.
Still, I could use the distraction. Because lately whenever I’m by myself, the silence seems to echo louder than someone screaming directly in my face.
“Then maybe you should take Lexi off my hands.” I shoot Guty a smirk, and he laughs.
“I’ll take one for the team. If it means you get to take a stab at Little Miss Flirty Eyes over there.” He leans back in his chair, prompting me to glance up once more at the girl in the back.
Her name is Krystle, and she’s also a cheerleader, which means I wouldn’t have to put in much effort at all to get with her. Guty wasn’t wrong. Football players and cheerleaders go together like peanut butter and jelly.
But the nagging little voice in the back of my mind keeps on insisting that I’m growing bored with peanut butter and jelly. Especially when there are so many other interesting sandwiches out there…
No. I shake my head again. No, peanut butter and jelly is fine. It’s a classic, and everybody loves it. There’s no need to be thinking about grilled fluffer-nutters with banana, or apple brie paninis, or all those other exotic, different sandwiches when the standard, regular ones do exactly what they’re supposed to do. Nourish you.
That’s what food is, after all. Sustenance. No more, no less.
Move on, Kyran. It doesn’t matter.
Suddenly, I’m feeling impatiently determined. I need a new distraction, one that’s more captivating than simply focusing on schoolwork. I need to hook up, to prove to myself that everything is fine. Nothing happened the other day in the bathroom, and it wasn’t the most exciting thing I’ve ever experienced in my whole life.
It was a mistake. An accident.
I was drunk, that’s it. I never need to even think about it again, because it didn’t happen. Deny deny deny.
Standing up, I pack my books into my backpack and mumble to Guty, “I’ll catch you later.”
I hear him murmuring, “Get some, playboy,” as I saunter casually over to the back table.
Sliding into the seat next to her, I show Krystle my well-rehearsed charming grin, and she bites her lip to contain her obvious excitement.
“Hey, Ky,” she whispers, already oozing temptation, which bodes well for my plan.
“Hi, beautiful,” I hum, then wince.
“Shh… Quiet, beautiful.”
Nope. Stop it right now. Stop remembering that thing that never happened.
“Are you excited about the first playoff game?” Krystle asks, distracting me from my inner turmoil, which I really fucking appreciate.
“Fuck yea.” I grin. “Beating Virginia Tech on home soil is gonna be so satisfying.”
She giggles, and continues on with the hair-twirling. “Well, if you ever need to, ya know… blow off some steam.” She bites her lip again. “You know where to find me.”
“Here in the library?” I tease, and she laughs at my dumb joke, smacking me playfully on the arm.
This is good. This could work.
“Actually, I think I’m done.” She slaps her book shut. “Wanna get out of here?”
Yes. This will definitely work. Distraction-mode: activated.
“Sounds like a plan.”
Standing up, I grab her backpack for her—being all chivalrous and shit—as we leave the library, and I ignore Guty humping the air in my direction when we walk past him.
I’m fully prepared to go back to this girl’s dorm with her, but we don’t even get that far. We’re actually not even out of the building before she shoves me into the bathroom.
Oh no… Not the bathroom.
Krystle sneaks inside and closes the door behind her, locking it and immediately lunging at me. Dropping our bags with a thunk, I grasp her face and accept the kiss she’s throwing my way, her lips hungrily attacking mine as her hands slither all over me.
“You’re so fucking hot,” she purrs into my mouth, grinding her small, petite body on me. “I’ve wanted to hook up with you for so long.”
“Mmmhm...” is all I can manage to say with her tongue pushing into my mouth.
My hands cup her ass, hauling her into me, which is easy because she’s almost a foot shorter and weighs practically nothing. Gripping and squeezing her butt, I can’t help but recognize how it’s much less muscular than the last one I hand in my hands…
Fuck. Stop it.
I’m instantly sweaty and hot beneath my clothes, my mind working overtime to focus on what I’m doing. Focus on the girl I’m kissing… Her small, shapely form… Perky tits pushing against my chest.
This is what I like. Tits. They’re rubbing all over me while our tongues tangle, her flowery, feminine scent filling my nose.
My limbs are abnormally rigid, lungs tight like I’m suffocating, but I push past it. I ignore the fuck out of all of these stupid little thoughts and focus.
“I know this is bad…” Krystle whispers while sucking on my lip. “If Lexi found out, she’d be so pissed.”
“I don’t… I’m not…” My words are getting caught in my throat, the mere act of trying to form a sentence taking a backseat to me just trying not to freak out about how small she is.
This is what I’m used to, goddamnit. Not… that other thing that did not happen, for fuck’s sake.
“I like it, though.” She keeps on talking, not picking up on how much I’m on the verge of a major freakout. Her lips pry away from mine and move over to my ear. Oh no… “It’s like it’s… forbidden.”
She sucks my earlobe between her lips, and I cringe.
“Do I do it better than her…?”
Shut up! Go away, Goddamn you!
I can’t fucking breathe. My lungs are burning like they’re running out of available oxygen. It feels like the room is getting smaller and smaller and…
My hands gently shove Krystle off of me while I frantically suck in air, struggling to breathe.
Her hands run over my chest, and she chirps, “Are you okay?”
Head wobbling, I rake my fingers through my hair, eyes creeping open to peek down at her. She probably thinks I’m a massive freak, which clearly, I am. So I say the first thing that comes to mind to get me out of this situation…
“I’m sorry… I can’t.” I gulp. “I can’t do this to… Lexi.”
Snatching my bag, I reach behind her to unlock the door. I know this looks awful, and I really don’t want this girl to run around spreading rumors that I’m a fucking weirdo, so I kiss her on the head before opening the door.
“I’m sorry, Krystle. You’re great, but I just… need to figure things out with Lexi before I hook up with anyone else. You understand, right?”
She doesn’t look thrilled, but her wide eyes are sympathetic as she nods and shows me a small smile. “You’re a good guy, Kyran. Remember… I’m always here if you need me.”
Right. Awesome.
“Thanks,” I mutter, storming out of the bathroom as fast as my legs will carry me.
Running away… Away from the memory of panting and kissing and hushed words in the bathroom.
I’ve been staring at myself in the mirror for far too long.
So long that I don’t even recognize the face looking back at me anymore.
Who are you…?
Where did you come from?
I can’t have this. I can’t have any of it. One of the biggest games of my football career is coming up in a few days, and my head needs to be clear. I need to be all in it, not spiraling out of control like a satellite that’s fallen out of orbit, lost and tumbling through space.
I need to clear my head, and figure out what the hell is wrong with me.
I need to get laid.
The problem with hooking up with Krystle was that it was too new. It threw me off. That has to be it… Even though she’s just another cheerleader, she was different. Sort of.
Stomping into the other room, I grab a bottle of Jack Daniels and take a large gulp. I’m going to sort this out. I have to.
Removing my phone from my pocket, I type out a text to Lexi…
Me: Are you around?
She writes back almost immediately.
Lexi: I’m at my dorm. Waiting for you ;)
Perfect.
I text back an eggplant emoji followed by five water-squirts, then pocket my phone and rip another shot from the bottle. Drinking excessively is another good way to numb myself to all the realities infecting my thoughts. But I don’t have time to casually get blasted, since I’m in a rush to get this over with; sink my dick in Lexi’s pussy and prove once and for all that everything is fine, and mistakes or not, I’m still me.
Kyran Harbor. Eagles QB. Exceptional student, with a sick body and great hair. Not to be hypnotized or coerced into unnamed things by whatever trickster voodoo certain stoner stepsiblings might possess.
Choking down several more large swallows of booze, my vision is already blurring as I leave my dorm and set out on a mission to Vanderslice Hall. I get there quick, hazy and barely remembering the walk as I take the elevator to Lexi’s floor. Staggering up the hall, I pound on her door, and she opens it, wearing nothing but my football jersey.
See? This is why she’s the safe bet.
Relief washes over me as she pulls me inside, closing and locking the door behind her.
“Mandy will be back in a half-hour,” she breathes, tugging my mouth to hers by my jaw. “We have to make it quick.”
“You got any booze?” I murmur on her lips, needing a few more shots for good measure. To make sure all the memories are sufficiently drowned to death.
She nods, kissing me a few more times before spinning away and scampering to grab a bottle of Fireball. The cinnamon standard for college kids, apparently.
Uncapping it, I slug it back, nearly choking when Lexi stuffs her hand inside my pants to grab my dick. Her fingers are small and dainty, and I close my eyes, focusing on the sensation of her stroking my cock… Which is pretty much a limp noodle right now.
My teeth grind together. Come on… It feels good, you know it does.
Taking another big sip, my head feels like a bowling ball. My neck can barely hold it up anymore.
Clearly, Lexi is just as determined as I am to make this work, because she gives up on the handy and drops to her knees, unzipping my pants and shoving them down with my boxers. My blurring vision falls down to her head of blonde hair, seeing double as both of her slip my barely hard cock into their mouths.
It feels good… It does, but I’m a fucking mess and I know it. Nothing is working… I’m too up in my head.
“You feel so fucking good…”
Eyes drooping shut, my head tips back and I bite my lip, remembering a much greedier mouth. One that sucked me with hesitation framing the curious need.
“Fuck…” I swallow hard, biting down hard on my lip as my erection finally gains some traction.
That mouth was warm and wet, too. The lips were so soft, the tongue so playful… Teasing my head the same way it teased my own tongue…
“Suck me.”
A whimper of a noise leaves my lips and I try like hell to cover it up. I don’t want to be thinking about this… I don’t want to be remembering him while I’m getting head from a girl.
“You want me to catch your hot load in my mouth?”
Growling, I force my eyes open to watch the girl on her knees, bobbing below my waist. That’s who I should want… No one else.
But I can’t stop seeing him. I can’t stop thinking about all the little details missing from this supple creature.
“Go away…” I rub my eyes hard with my fingers. “I don’t want you.”
Lexi pops off my dick. “Ky, are you feeling alright?”
Shaking my head, I mutter, “Uh, yea… No…” I scrape a hand over my face. “I don’t know.”
She stands up, taking the bottle before it slips from my fingers. “We can just go into the bedroom if you want…” Her small hand runs up my chest. “You can fuck me from behind—”
Pulling back, I stumble away from her. “No. No, I’m sorry, babe. I’m actually not… feeling well.”
Turning before I can embarrass myself any further, I head for the door.
Fuck this. It’s fucking hopeless.
I’m broken.
Damaged.
He fucking ruined me.
“Kyran, wait!” Lexi shrills after me, but it’s too late.
I’m already out the door, stalking away. Running away. Again.
I’m fuming as I leave Vanderslice, marching through the chill of December air. My blood is boiling, fury weaving through every cord of muscle in my body. I’m half-cocked between vibrant rage and drunken belligerence, which is a bad combo. Because no matter how hard I try to overcome it, they both bring me to the same place…
Thomas More Apartments, room 446.
My fist slams three times against the door in rapid succession. Jagged breaths flutter my chest, jaw ticking at the sound of footsteps on the other side. It opens a crack, the iridescent gray hitting me as the final strike of a match tossed onto a bonfire soaked in kerosene.
His lips part, but before he can even try to make some sort of remark, I barrel inside and tackle him to the floor.
Avi lands beneath me with a grunt and my hands immediately circle his throat.
“You fucking ruined me!” My fingers dig in as his hands fly up, attempting to hold me back. “This is all your fault!”
“W-what?? What’s my fault?!” he croaks, struggling out from under me.
But I pin him down with my body weight, shooting unbridled frustration at him through my eyes. “Everything! All of it.” I’m smoldering, burning up beneath my clothes as his hands grip my forearms, trying to pry them away from his neck. “We should fuck sometime?? Are you fucking kidding me?!”
“Kyran… Calm down,” he chokes, his face turning red from my fingers cutting off his air supply. “We can talk about this…”
“I don’t want to talk to you,” I snarl, leaning over his face.
He blinks. “Then what do you want to do?”
“I want to kill you,” I hiss, emotions taking over, the hate, weakness, and confusion mixing together like a lethal combination of chemicals, flooding my system. “I want to destroy you like you destroyed me.”
“How did I destroy you??” he grunts, using all of his strength to push my arms back; hold my weight from crushing his throat.
“With your stupid fucking ideas,” I teem, suddenly exhausted. Tired… So, so tired of fighting. “Your bullshit plans and your asinine fucking rationales. You got me into this… You and your fucking mouth.”
Sighing out of hopeless despair, my grip around his neck loosens and my forehead crashes onto his. I feel depleted, like there’s nothing left. I’m just so tired, I could collapse.
Avi doesn’t move. He stays lying on the floor beneath me, his hands sliding carefully from my forearms onto my hands. He moves them off of his throat, down onto his chest, sucking in a long breath of air as my body drapes over him in surrender.
“You fucked me up…” I whisper. “I couldn’t get hard.”
