For the fans, p.53
For The Fans, page 53
I’m exhausted as I breathe, “I’m guessing he didn’t believe him…”
“I’m sure he knew it was true,” she grunts. “But he told him he was overreacting. That he was just making up stories that could destroy people’s lives.”
My eyes fall shut, jaw straining, as I slowly recline onto my back on the floor.
This is so completely fucking fucked.
I feel like I’m outside of myself, outside of reality. Watching some fucked-up movie…
This is what Kyran has been walking around with for eight years??
Jesus… Kyran.
Kyran… I whimper his name again and again in my mind.
“It smacked Tom in the face real hard when a few other kids came forward,” Bridget whispers, staggering over for more booze. I think she’s going to black out if she keeps up the way she’s going. But then I don’t exactly blame her. “But he still didn’t want to believe it. He didn’t want to accept it, because he’s a coward. His goddamn faith meant more to him than his own son. His reputation, his place in the church… all that fucking bullshit… he chose it over Kyran. They settled in court, as long as everyone agreed never to speak of it. The money went into a trust in Kyran’s name, but he said he’d rather die than touch a dime of it. He was fucking thirteen years old… dealing with this… This horror.
“So yea… I guess it did tear our family apart. Mom and Dad fought nonstop, and they filed for divorce three months later. But no one ever stopped to check on Kyran. No counseling, no therapy. Nothing. Denial… That’s it.”
Bridget slumps down onto the floor by my feet. “I couldn’t take it. That’s why I left. I tried to get Kyran to talk to someone, but he was convinced all he needed to do was forget it ever happened. He wouldn’t talk about it… wouldn’t even acknowledge it. Because that’s what Dad told him to do. So I applied to school out here… And I fucking left. Because I couldn’t spend one more second near that man. I wanted to forget my father even existed for the way he treated Kyran. I was a coward too…”
She whispers, curling up into a ball on the floor, “Because I left him. I should’ve stayed… Just to be there for him. But I was too angry. I still am. It burns inside me every day, like another piece of myself made of rage. I’m not satisfied with that monster copping out and hanging himself. And I’m so proud of Kyran, and how incredible he turned out, despite everything, but… god-fuckin-damnit, I just hate my father so fucking much.”
Blinking, my eyes follow the lines of the ceiling, mind expanding and contracting through this information like weak lungs struggling to breathe. The helplessness inside me… it reminds me of when I was six. When I found out I would never see my father again.
It’s a misery that swallows you whole… A suffering at knowing there’s nothing you can do to change it.
Life… This is the pain of life, and it’s just so motherfucking bleak.
The endless void of silence is broken when my phone pings in my pocket. Pulling it out, I focus my blurred vision on the screen.
Kyran: BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!
A choked sob leaves my lips, tears welling in my eyes and a happy-sad grin curving my mouth. Two more quick texts pop up, radiating his excitement.
Kyran: We did it! We did it Avi…
Kyran: God I can’t wait to see you baby.
My heart is trying to pump itself back to life, seal together all the wounds from uncovering the horrible the truth and just love him. Be happy for him, because damnit, he seems so happy.
I can’t believe he can be so happy, even with this stuff living inside him.
He’s truly amazing.
My trembling fingers are struggling to type out a message as he keeps texting me.
Kyran: Are you coming to the party??? We’re on our way back to the hotel now. I just have to change and then we’ll be down there.
Kyran: I hope you’re not mad that I couldn’t see you right away after the game… It was such a whirlwind. I just got done showering after all the interviews and everything. Plus Coach popped a bottle of Dom in the locker room, so I’m a lil tipsy lol
Kyran: I wanna kiss you so bad babe. I’m gonna kiss you in front of EVERYONE :)
Jesus, my fucking heart. I can’t even breathe…
Me: I love you, Kyran. I am so fucking proud of you.
He must really be tipsy because he sends me a bunch of emojis. An eggplant, a peach, and five water-squirts.
My chest shakes with a laugh as I wipe tears from my eyes.
Kyran: Come to the party… please. I need you Avi.
Me: I wouldn’t miss it for the world gorgeous.
theBSTpwrbttm: I want you both to rail me and then pretend you love me like you love each other. *Swoon*
BigD1ckDeacon: Do you need a sin for your next confession?
Wanna hear something funny?
I’ve known since I was a little kid that someday I’d win a championship trophy.
Ever since I was old enough to throw a football, this has been my goal. The endgame.
Holding this trophy in my hands and knowing that I helped win it for my team.
I’m fully aware this isn’t something a lot of people can say. It’s pretty rare to have a goal in mind from the time you’re a kid and actually achieve it, dodging all the obstacles thrown in front of you and still managing to get there.
It’s weird, and fascinating and incredible, the way life works out sometimes…
But that’s not the funny part.
The thing that’s had me casually stopping to smile over the last couple of hours, while we were celebrating in the locker room, changing out of our uniforms, then piling into our bus and sing-screaming “We Are The Champions”… while Guty literally picked me up and carried me into our hotel room and I was laughing so hard I couldn’t breathe… while I changed into my winner’s suit—the suit I picked out specifically for this party—and made my way downstairs to the hotel conference room that’s been elaborately decorated with maroon and gold, and fully stocked with food… is how all I want, in the whole wide world, is just to hold Avi Vega’s hand.
It’s hilarious to think that after this fantastic achievement, amidst the high of the win, the thing that has my stomach fluttering and my fingers twitching isn’t that trophy across the room… It’s the anticipation of seeing Avi’s smile. Hearing his voice croon about how proud he is, listening to his smartass comments, and watching his flirtatious smirky expressions. Sharing this experience with someone who loves me, and who I love in return… And feeling like it’s right, despite what I’ve spent so many years trying to talk myself out of.
The win would be worthless if I hadn’t fallen in love with him.
It’s a mystifying truth, but it is the truth. Because after every other game I’ve ever won, the excitement has only been skin-deep. For the first time ever, it actually means something.
It’s not about making my dad proud… When he called me, I barely even cared. I just couldn’t stop thinking about Avi, and I’m as thrilled as I am baffled by the way this love has swept me up, like I’m floating on a cloud.
Everything feels infinitely more real being in love with him.
I’m just about to text him again and ask where he is when he walks through the door… and my heart skips in my chest.
Beautiful. That’s the word that thumps with the blood pumping through my veins. As my eyes take in the sight of him in his ripped jeans and a collared shirt, loose skinny tie around his neck. I have to chuckle, because he looks so out of place, and I love it.
Figures that it would take someone like him to breathe me back to life. He’s so… different. Unique, like a mosaic. Complex little pieces glued together to make a purely stunning creation.
When he spots me, he smiles. And I smile too… I can’t seem to stop. He struts over to me, and I walk to him, biting the inside of my cheek to keep myself from looking crazy. His eyes are wide and sparkling, a seriousness etching them that doesn’t fit his typically carefree presence. But I assume it’s because he’s not usually comfortable at these football parties, surrounded by jocks he doesn’t relate to. And I know I haven’t made it easy on him in the past…
The regret I feel at how awfully I treated him in front of these people still weighs on me constantly. But I’m on a mission to do better for him. To prove that if he can just be patient with me, I’ll work past the fear I’ve been living with for so long, and be what he needs.
I can do that for him.
Throwing my arms around his shoulders, I pull him close to me in a hug that might look a tad too intimate. But I don’t even care. I just need to feel his body on mine, his warmth and his size… I need to smell him.
My Avi candle.
It takes him a second, maybe from nerves, but he curls his strong arms around my waist and holds me back, releasing a long breath into the crook of my neck.
“Congratulations, superstar,” he whispers, his voice raspier than normal and a little shaky. To think that he’s as emotional over this as I am makes me happy.
He makes me so happy.
“Thank you for being here.” I squeeze him tighter when he goes to pull away. “Thank you for… getting me here.”
When we separate, I catch a crease in his forehead, and I just hope he knows I’m not talking about the football. I’m talking about this… Us.
His eyes are a little bloodshot, and I purse my lips. He’s probably stoned… as usual. But I have no right to say anything… Not yet, anyway. The Avi I fell in love with smokes a lot of weed. It’s not a problem for me if it’s not a problem for him.
“Where’s Bridget?” I ask, slinking my hands down his chest as we put distance between us.
I want to keep touching him… no matter who’s looking. I’m filled with a beaming burst of confidence, from the win, and from seeing him now.
Avi’s gaze falls to the floor between us, a shifty air about him as he mumbles, “She’s up in my hotel room resting. She… wasn’t feeling well. But she’ll probably come down in a bit.”
My brow furrows. “Oh… Okay. Do you think I should go check on her?”
“No, no.” He shakes his head. “This is your party, baby. You need to be here celebrating being an NCAA muthafuckin’ champion.” His grin widens, and I chuckle.
“Do you want a drink? Or something to eat?” I ask, straightening his tie.
His eyes shift left then right, as if he’s uneasy about people seeing us standing together this way; close, with me fussing over him.
“Avi…” I whisper, and he blinks sparkly blue-gray at me. “I… I want—”
“Yo! Look who’s here!” Guty’s voice booms, and I glance up to see him barreling over. “Baldwin made an appearance for the win!”
“Guty…” I huff, grinning, though I’m about to tell him not to call Avi that anymore.
But he grabs Avi by the arm and starts dragging him away. “I want you to meet my fam-bam.”
Avi shoots me a helpless look, and I chuckle, following after them. Guty brings Avi over to his mom and brother, who are chatting with Theo and his dad.
“Congrats on an amazing win,” Avi says to Guty, peeking at Theo. “All of you… You guys really killed it. I’m not surprised one bit, but just… congratulations. You deserve it.”
“Hey, they couldn’t have done it without your support at all the home games!” Guty’s mother, Liz, says, patting Avi on the shoulder.
Our faces all scrunch in confusion as Guty asks, “Wait, how’d you know he’s the mascot??”
“We met at the game,” Liz says with a smile. “He was sitting in front of us.” Her face tilts to me. “With your sister.”
“Ah…” I nod, while Guty does the same, and Theo introduces Avi to his dad.
“I love your moves,” Guty’s brother, Marco, says to Avi, and Avi chuckles, rubbing the back of his neck.
He definitely seems a little tense, but it makes sense in this situation. This isn’t normally the kind of thing Avi likes to do. But he’s doing it for me, which has warm tingles flooding my chest.
Liz nudges me, whispering, “Is this your boyfriend?” Her eyes flick to Avi, lips curled in an eager grin.
Avi’s eyes widen and he gapes at me like he’s not sure what would make her ask that.
My jaw drops, but before I can respond, Guty scoffs, “Mama! No esta su novio. Avi is Kyran’s stepbrother.”
Her face goes still, the smile falling away as her forehead lines in confusion. I can feel heat rising into my cheeks, and normally this would be the time for me to retreat into myself, coughing up some bullshit excuse; some lie that doesn’t feel good, but will help preserve the Kyran Harbor image everyone else sees.
But… I don’t want to do that anymore.
I don’t want to lie anymore.
No more hiding.
“Actually…” I croak, then clear my throat, reaching for Avi’s hand. It’s clammy, and I can feel his fingers shaking as I thread mine through them, yanking him closer to me. “She’s right.”
“Kyran…” Avi whispers frantically, shaking his head. “You don’t have to do this. Not now…”
“I do, though.” My lips quirk into a small smile, to let him know I’m fine. It’s okay. I can do this. “I have to. I mean, I want to…”
“Ky, what’s going on?” Theo tilts his head, his eyes falling to Avi’s and my joined hands.
Peering at him, then Guty, I take in a small breath while they all gawk at me in silence. I won’t say my heart isn’t racing, because it is. But it feels good.
It’s the way my heart races on the field. With millions of eyes and lights shining down on me… I exhale and I’m calm. Focused.
I squeeze Avi’s hand.
Slow down, and let him catch you.
“We’re together,” I speak quietly, then straighten. “He’s my boyfriend. I’m his…” My voice trails, and I peek at Avi, watching his lips slope into a timid smile. “I’m his boyfriend.”
“You’re so much fucking more than that,” he breathes, and my heart jumps as I reach for his jaw.
“I know,” I sigh, pulling his mouth to mine.
Kissing him. Fucking kissing him, in front of everyone.
I think I actually hear Guty gasp out loud, and I chuckle into Avi’s mouth while he laughs back, hands sliding up my neck.
“My baby,” he hums while our lips brush in just enough kiss for it to feel like a revelation. Not enough to scare the shit out of my teammates and their families, all of whom I know are now staring at us.
“Yours,” I tell him as he moves back, and I press one more soft kiss on his mouth because I’m not done. Not even close.
“Ho-ly fuck!” Guty shouts, a shocked smile taking over his face.
“Samson!” Liz scolds him.
“Is this really happening…?” Theo’s eyes have never been wider.
“I freaking knew it!” Guty claps his hands together. “I knew you two were hiding something… After the way you spazzed on Ash Holloway at the party!”
“Yea, but you didn’t know they were banging,” Theo grunts.
“Theodore,” his dad grumbles, and Theo makes a face.
Then his head slopes right, to where even more people are gathering around us, including Coach Matthews. My hands slip down Avi’s chest while his do the same, and we separate, but not much. Leaning into him, I link my fingers with his, holding his hand again, to let him know we’re in this now.
No matter what happens… it’s us.
Kyran and Avi… we’re real now.
Coach looks to Avi, raising a brow. “You couldn’t just let us have one party, could you?” He scoffs, but I can see the amusement on his face, and Avi shows him a tense grin, shrugging.
Coach glances at the crowd, his eyes lingering for a moment, before they zero in on me. “We might need to talk in private, Harbor…”
I nod, swallowing hard. “I get that, Coach. I know how this looks, but I… I don’t care.” I square my shoulders, locking my confident gaze with his. “Right now, I just want to celebrate the win with my friends. And my boyfriend.”
His eyes narrow at me. But then he nods, letting out a sigh. “Yea. You deserve it.” Spinning, he flicks a hand at the crowd, shooing people away. “Alright, let’s give the kids some space.”
A bunch of my teammates are still glaring, whispering to each other. I definitely hear the word stepbrother a few times, and OnlyFans more than a few. But I ignore it all, tugging Avi along, over to a table so we can take a seat.
Naturally, Guty follows us.
“Do your parents know??” he asks, plopping down in the seat next to Avi that I was going to sit in. Avi grins, and I chuckle, shaking my head while I round him to sit on the other side.
“No one knows,” Avi murmurs, giving me a look like I’m insane for just dropping this bomb, right after winning the goddamn Rose Bowl. Okay, yea, I might be a little psycho. “Except Frankie and Ky’s sister.”
“Do you think they’re gonna freak?” Guty asks.
But I answer, “I don’t care.” Scooting in closer to Avi, I rest my head on his shoulder.
Because I’m finally calm. It’s like a shot of serenity, being with him like this. Out in the open and not caring. Sweet, peaceful transparency.
Guty’s grin is nothing but supportive. Honestly, he looks beyond happy for us, and it’s such a relief. He leans in closer and whispers, “Are you Not_Your_Baby?”
Avi laughs while I tuck my face into his chest, shaking my head. “My client refrains from answering any further questions,” he teases, rubbing my back.
At that moment, Theo stomps over and plops into the seat next to Guty with a stressed breath and a bottle in his hand. “Anyone else wanna get drunk?”
Peeking up at Avi, I bite my lip at the sight of his sweet smile. It still looks a bit strained, and there’s something troubling in his eyes that I can’t quite pinpoint. But he seems happy, with his fingers running up into my hair.
“I could go for a drink,” he says to Theo, who’s pouring bourbon into the water glasses on the table.
Theo goes to hand him a glass, but he yanks it back before Avi can take it. “Did you two hook up at my party?” He cocks a brow.
