Rock on, p.18
Rock On, page 18
I quickly got off him, looking down with a grimace. “Oh, did I hurt you? I’m sorry.”
“No, it was just sore from sitting in that position for too long.”
“I bet I know what would help,” I said, holding out my hands to him.
“Are we going to fuck again?”
I laughed. “Yes, but that’s not what I had in mind. That soaker tub in the bathroom looks like it would fit us perfectly.”
“Now that sounds like fun.”
“Let me go run it.”
“And then I’m going to grab my guitar and play you something.”
“You mentioned that you’ve been playing guitar again,” I called as I padded into the bathroom to run the bath. “Have you been doing that since you’ve been here?”
“I brought one with me and I’ve been writing since I got here.”
“You never really wrote solo before. What changed?” I turned on the water and then walked back out to the room.
“Not usually, no, but I’ve been playing guitar a lot more. As a whole, the band has been trying to switch things up once in a while. King plays piano more, Kellan sings, and me on guitar, stuff like that. I thought maybe I’d try to play rhythm on one song for this tour.”
“You have a great voice,” I said. “Not like King’s, but still strong enough to sing one or two.”
“Yeah, we’ve talked about that too. Anyway, listen to this and tell me what you think.” He sat in a nearby chair, still butt naked, and reached for an acoustic guitar I hadn’t notice before now.
There’s nothing on the ground, just you and me
We’re laying down our prints, so everyone can see
We’re at the top of the world, workin’ on what’s free
That’s everything I need, baby, just you and me.
Was he singing to me?
Had he written this about me?
I was rooted in place as I continued to watch and listen.
I’d once thought there was nothing sexier than Tommy behind the drums, but I might have been wrong. Because there was nothing sexier than Tommy, naked, strumming a guitar and singing just for me.
Watching his long fingers move over the strings strangely erotic, and the muscles in his biceps flexed whenever he moved. It was sensual and intimate, just like him, and all I could do was stand there and drink it in, still wondering when he’d written this song and if it had been about me.
Did you see me try?
I couldn’t find the words
To show you what it takes
To cover up a lie.
Lies are what’s between us
They’re part of every day
I can’t keep telling half truths
And expecting you to stay.
I didn’t want to cry, but I was on the verge, so I whirled and ran back into the bathroom to turn off the water.
It wasn’t the first song he’d written about me but this one was much more poignant and meaningful.
“Tempo in Reno” was an older hit that he’d written early on, with him on the floor of our Reno hotel room, his back against the bed. I’d been sprawled across it, leaning over his shoulder as he held a guitar in his lap and a note pad on the floor beside him, scribbling lyrics. In fact, I’d written two lines of that song, though I’d never officially gotten credit. It was the only time I’d ever seen him write solo.
Ironically, in the divorce, one of the things he’d given me had been all future royalties to that song. Neither of our attorneys had understood why that song in particular, since it wasn’t one of the big hits, but it still made a significant amount of money from album sales and such.
But I had.
“Harley.” His voice washed over me like a physical touch, my skin breaking out in goose bumps. “Babe?”
“When did you write that?” I whispered, my back to him.
“A couple of nights after the cemetery.”
“Why?”
“Why?”
“Why did you write about lies and half-truths, when you didn’t know anything yet?”
“I don’t know. The words just came to me. You know my writing process is pretty organic that way.”
I turned to him, searching his handsome face. “Did you know that you didn’t know the truth?”
He shook his head and shrugged almost helplessly. “Baby, I wish I could answer that. All I know is, it poured out of me like it came straight from my soul.”
“What’s it called?”
“I’m not sure yet. Liars and Lovers? Something like that. King tends to come up with better titles. And he’ll pretty it up too, when I bring it to the band.”
“It doesn’t need prettying up. That’s your next hit.”
THIRTY-THREE
Tommy
Saying goodbye to Harmony Place was hard.
I’d made friends here, learned a lot about myself and my marriage, and finally started coming to terms with both Carter’s life and death.
Not to mention, I had my girl back.
It was a little scary to leave and head back to the real world, but the band was starting rehearsals in two days, we had another meeting scheduled for tomorrow, and I had to go back to the orthopedic surgeon at the end of the week so he could gauge the progress on the knee.
There was a lot going on that required my attention, but the biggest thing on my mind was Harley.
She had things going on too.
River was a priority, of course, but she was also going to be at the band meeting, she was planning to start interviewing full-time nannies right away because Wynter had apparently quit her job at the hospital. I hadn’t pressed for details, but it seemed like Harley was worried about her.
Instead of going home, I headed straight to Z’s house.
If we weren’t on tour and didn’t have any kind of engagements, Z’s house was like the rock star version of family dinner on Sundays. His mom and/or Presley cooked, the band, significant others, and extended family were all invited, and it was a nice way to end or start the week, depending on your perspective.
I hadn’t called to let them know I was coming, opting to just drop in unannounced. Harley and I had decided to take the rest of today apart, so she could talk to Wynter and spend quality time with River. We’d see each other at the meeting tomorrow, which was also at Z’s house, and make plans from there.
“Well, hey, stranger!” Z answered the door with a grin, reaching out to pull me in for a hug, clapping me on the back harder than usual.
“Ow,” I said, pretending to wince. “What the fuck?”
“Making sure that place didn’t break you,” he said, the intensity in his gaze at odds with his grin.
“Daddy!” Jeremy came toddling down the hall and wrapped his little arms around Z’s legs. “Up!”
“I left the room for, like, a minute and a half, little dude!” Z said playfully, scooping him up like he weighed nothing. Jeremy giggled and beat his fists against Z’s shoulders.
“Rawr!!!” He held up his hands, mimicking claws.
“We’re going through a dinosaur stage,” Z said to me, laughing and blowing a raspberry on Jeremy’s stomach.
“Ahhh!” Jeremy squealed with laughter, and I couldn’t help but feel a pang of jealousy.
Maybe more than a pang.
I’d convinced myself kids were annoying and unnecessary, that I could live a perfectly happy and fulfilled life without them. Lots of people did. Kids didn’t equal happiness. Yet when I thought about Harley with River, and watched Z with Jeremy, I realized that while it wasn’t necessary, it was definitely a bonus under some circumstances.
Like the circumstance where the love of your life already had a kid that didn’t have a father.
And I was up for the job.
I didn’t know when I’d decided that but watching Z with Jeremy made me realize that I wanted what he had. In one of my sessions with Allisha, we’d dug into why I’d been so against adoption. A lot of it had been my ego. If Harley hadn’t pressured me about having kids, I never would have discovered there was something wrong with me. It wasn’t quite that black and white, but that had been the gist of it.
Now that we were back together, I had a different perspective on things, and frankly, River needed a dad and Carter had wanted me to be him.
More than that, I wanted to be his dad.
“Look who’s back!” Kellan got up and gave me a much gentler hug than Z had, and King held out his fist for a bump.
“You look refreshed!” Devyn said, coming over to hug me.
I’d thought it would be weird to have a woman in the band, but now that she’d been with us almost a year, I couldn’t imagine it without her. Beautiful, smart, and so fucking talented, she wasn’t Carter, but she was an entity all her own. She’d taken on the role of Onyx Knight’s bass player and made it hers. There was no other way to put it. And not only had she stolen Kingston’s heart, but she’d also wormed her way into all of our hearts, just in a slightly different way.
“I feel good,” I told her, my smile genuine.
“You been to the doc yet?” Kellan asked.
“I see him Friday,” I told him. “But I can rehearse, just without full use of my right leg. I’ll play without the bass drum until I see him.”
“Is that even possible for you?” Z asked, making a face.
I laughed. “I guess we’re going to find out.”
“Thomas, have you lost weight?” Z’s mom gave me a once over and the look on her face told me she didn’t like what she saw.
“Yes, ma’am,” I said, pretending to be serious. “They starved me at the rehab center.”
Her eyes widened and her mouth opened before it clicked that I was fucking with her. Then she narrowed her gaze and pointed to a chair on the patio. “Go sit down before I ground your sorry ass.”
We all burst out laughing and it felt good to be back in the fold.
“So, how’s it really going?” Z asked once Presley brought me a plate. Everyone was talking amongst themselves around the table and Z and I were at the end.
“It’s good,” I said. “Really good. Harley and I…”
“Yeah?” He didn’t look surprised. “It’s about damn time.”
I frowned. “Really?”
He frowned back. “Well, yeah. You two were made for each other. I didn’t know exactly what happened between you, but it kind of makes sense now. Carter accidentally getting her pregnant and you not being able to have kids. I mean, she was probably freaking out.”
“But we all thought she cheated,” I protested.
“You thought she cheated,” he said, shrugging. “We thought there was more to the story.”
“So, I was the only one who believed it?” Great. Now I felt even worse than I had to begin with.
“You were hurt and too close to it to see things clearly,” he said. “But we all knew Carter and Harley wouldn’t have carried on behind your back. If she was pregnant, there had to be a reasonable explanation that didn’t include cheating. We were just waiting for someone to get their head out of their ass. Can I assume that’s finally happened?”
I snorted. “It’s a long story, but yeah, head has been extricated and we’re working on things.”
“Then why isn’t she here?”
“Something going on with Wynter, so she needed to be at home tonight. But you’ll see her tomorrow. And probably a lot after that.” I paused. “I also need a favor.”
“Anything.”
“I’d like her to be in one of our new videos. I know the first one is already in production, and the second one is supposed to be clips from performances, but what about if we do something different for ‘Destiny and Dust.’ Instead of the mirage of live shots.”
“What are you thinking?”
“A throwback to our very first video.”
“The one she was in.”
I nodded. “I know it’s a little off brand for us right now, but I want this. I need it. I need it for her. It’s hard to explain.”
“You don’t have to explain,” he said softly. “If you need it, we’ll make it happen.”
“What are we making happen?” Kellan asked from Z’s other side.
“What about a throwback style video for Destiny?” Z asked casually. “Something along the lines of the ‘Shiny Pieces’ video? Old school.”
“Oh, would Harley come back and make a cameo?” King asked, his eyes meeting mine.
He somehow knew I’d already suggested that but was playing dumb so it would seem like his idea.
I wasn’t sure why, but I loved him for it.
This would make it less embarrassing for Harley, and he knew that too.
God, I fucking loved these guys.
“I’m not sure how she’ll feel,” I said slowly. “She’s a little self-conscious about her body after having a baby, but I think she’s as perfect as ever.”
“Have we seen the post-baby body?” Kellan asked, arching his brows.
I gave him a look. “Dude. Seriously?”
“What?” He held up his hands, palms up. “Because we’ve never talked about our sex lives before? What did they do to you in rehab—take out your fun lobe?”
I snorted. “No, dickhead. It’s just still new and I want you guys to be a little more sensitive around her for a while. Until we find our new normal.”
“Did he just say he wants us to be sensitive? Did we stop being a rock band?” Devyn asked, making a face. She was just messing around, though. She understood. They all did. They just felt the need to bust my balls.
“Fuck all of you,” I said. “Except you, Mama Z.”
She laughed.
“What did I do?” Presley demanded, protruding her lower lip a little.
“Eh. You always side with Z,” I told her, trying to keep a straight face.
“That’s not fair.” She stuck her tongue out at me.
“Look, you know I love to push the envelope, but sometimes it’s good to go in a completely different direction,” King said thoughtfully. “Frankly, I think old school is a great idea. Let’s do it. But we need to bring this to Sasha ASAP. I know for a fact all three videos are in pre-production, so if we’re going to change things up, we have to do it now.”
“If it costs us money, take it out of my share,” I said, digging into the prime rib that was currently getting cold in front of me.
“Fuck off with that,” Devyn said, shaking her head. “If there’s a cost, we share it. Just like we share every other expense. We made a decision to change course together, so we’ll split any costs together.”
I really fucking loved my band.
THIRTY-FOUR
Harley
River was beyond thrilled I was home. He hadn’t left my side since I’d walked in the door, demanding my undivided attention until he couldn’t keep his eyes open any longer. When I finally tucked him in, after five stories and one song, it was after nine, which was late for him. He’d been excited, though, so I’d been more lenient about bedtime.
Now that he was asleep, I went in search of my sister.
Wynter had been acting odd since I got home, mostly avoiding me, and I went in search of her as soon as River was asleep.
I found her in the kitchen, rearranging the pantry.
“Whatcha doin’?” I asked casually, leaning against the island.
“What does it look like?” she muttered, pulling out a box of brownie mix. “The expiration date on this is three years ago! How do you have something so old in your pantry?”
I shrugged. “I dunno. I guess I don’t bake much.”
She tossed it in the trash and then went back in.
Since the pantry was a large room that had floor-to-ceiling shelves and was big enough to get lost in, I followed her.
“What’s going on with you?” I demanded. “Are you mad at me?”
“No.”
“Then why won’t you tell me what’s up? Like, why you quit your job.”
“Because it was soul-sucking,” she replied, plucking a bottle of maple syrup from the top shelf and examining it. “This expires next month. You need to use it!” She thrust it in my direction.
“I’ll get right on that,” I murmured, putting it back on the shelf and then planting myself in front of her. “Hey. Stop. Talk to me. I know I’ve been a needy mess the last few years, but that doesn’t negate anything you’re going through.”
“I’m fine.” She sighed and leaned against the wall. “I took a job as an office manager at a big medical practice in Century City.”
“Okay. Is it more money?”
“Yes. A lot more.”
“And you’re okay with leaving nursing to do admin work?”
She hesitated. “I don’t know yet.”
“That’s understandable. But why are you being weird?”
“What’s going to happen to me now that you’re back with Tommy?” she whispered. “I gave up my apartment to move in here and—”
“Oh my god.” I reached out and immediately pulled her into a hug. “Wynter. You saved my life in the last year. Hell, since the day I found out I was pregnant. You’re not going anywhere. I have no idea what Tommy and I are doing going forward, but whatever it is, you’ll be with us. Or we’ll set you up in another apartment. Or even help you buy a house. We have more money than we’ll ever spend and—”
“I don’t want money,” she interjected quickly. “I’ve saved a lot in the last year. I just need to know I’m not going to have to scramble to find a place to live.”
“You’re ridiculous,” I said, scowling at her. “You really think I’d do that to you? Come on. And Tommy’s always loved you. There’s plenty of room here for all of us.”
“I’d be a third wheel,” she said. “You guys are starting over. You don’t need your spinster older sister in the way.”
I nearly burst out laughing, but she was being serious.
“You’re eighteen months older than me!” I protested. “And technically I’m single too. We’re not spinsters. You’re waiting for the right guy. You absolutely should not settle. God knows, I didn’t.”
