Rock on, p.8
Rock On, page 8
I’d been told different therapists moderated the group sessions each time, and Allisha was doing it today, so I was looking forward to it. Most of the others in the group were dealing with the loss of a spouse, but my relationship with Carter was special because we’d been both friends and business associates. The success of Onyx Knight took everything to another level, and everyone had been far more sympathetic than I’d anticipated. I’d been pleasantly surprised that no one seemed interested in my rockstar status, which was a nice change.
It was a small group, just six of us, and everyone waved as I entered the room.
“Hey, Tom.” A middle-aged movie producer named Quinn Bonham gave me a grin and I smiled back.
“Hey, man. Did you watch the Cowboys Monday night?” It had come up that he was a football fan and the team had been featured on Monday Night Football on TV last night.
“What a shit show.” He shook his head. “We lost our kicker. They’re saying he’s out for the season.”
I nodded. “I know. Tough break.”
“Don’t lie. You’re happy they lost.”
I laughed. “Kinda, but I didn’t want to shit on your already shitty parade.”
“Ah, I’m used to it.”
“Hello, everyone.” Allisha came in carrying a notebook and a mug of something. “Sorry I’m late. It’s been a busy day.”
“Yeah, we keep you on your toes,” I quipped, making everyone laugh.
“That you do.” She smiled and glanced up as there was movement in the doorway. “We have a new addition to the group today. Come on in, Harley.”
My head whipped around so fast I nearly broke something.
What in the ever-loving fuck was Harley doing here?
Had Allisha somehow orchestrated this?
I turned back to Allisha accusingly, but she was nodding at Harley, who obviously hadn’t seen me yet.
The rest of the group was calling out friendly greetings and Harley had a smile on her face until she made it to the empty chair next to Allisha. We sat in a small circle in this group, and my back had been to her until now.
Harley was just about to sit down when she spotted me, and she froze.
Our eyes locked and her mouth fell open.
She immediately straightened up and shook her head, looking from me to Allisha and back again.
“I don’t…” Words seemed to be failing her as she stood there.
Then without a word, she turned and practically ran out of the room.
And for some inexplicable reason, I ran after her.
FOURTEEN
Harley
“Harley, wait!” Tommy was calling my name, but I could move a lot faster than him.
I was furious, both at myself and at Allisha for letting this happen.
She knew who my ex-husband was, and she had to have known he was here.
I felt like a complete idiot, having opened up to her about everything yesterday in our session, and her not saying a word.
I didn’t know whether I was going to sue her or Harmony Place, but it felt like I had to do something because I was fucking furious.
“Harley, wait.”
That was Allisha’s voice, and I whirled, angrier than I’d been in a long time. “How could you humiliate me like that?” I demanded.
She didn’t appear at all embarrassed or even regretful about what she’d done.
“How did I humiliate you?” she asked. “Not a single person in that room knows who you are or anything about you. And as far as what you and I talked about yesterday, neither does Tommy.” She paused. “Did I tell you anything about him?”
I scowled. “No, but—”
“So why would you think I’d tell him anything?”
“You owed it to me to tell me he was here.”
“I wasn’t sure you were his wife until our session yesterday, and then I made an executive decision based on nearly two decades of experience to allow the two of you to see each other in session and decide whether or not you wanted to be there together. There is nothing unethical or unprofessional about any of it. I had no idea who you were to each other until yesterday.”
“Could the two of you slow the fuck down?” Tommy finally caught up with us and he looked aggravated. “And what the fuck, Allisha?”
She sighed, as if we were wearing on her patience, and essentially repeated what she’d just told me.
“That wasn’t cool,” he said when she was finished. “You should have given us a head’s up.”
“Actually, I had very sound reasons for wanting the two of you to be in the same room together without prior warning. Group therapy is about dealing with grief by sharing, and in your cases, you’re grieving the same person. I think it could be cathartic for both of you.”
“I disagree,” I said, my face tight with frustration.
“All right. Then we can come up with a schedule for alternating attendance in the group sessions. Beyond that, there’s no reason for either of you to run into each other. And let me reiterate that nothing either of you tells me leaves the room. Do not insult my integrity or professionalism by insinuating anything else.” She glared at us, and I looked away first, unsure what to do next.
“I felt blindsided,” I admitted.
“I know.” She nodded. “That was done intentionally. I needed to see how the two of you would react to each other. And now I know.”
“What do you now know?” Tommy asked, his face a mask of nothingness, which was odd for him.
“What I already suspected.”
“Which is?” I asked, when she didn’t seem keen on expounding.
“That the two of you both have a lot of emotions, lingering anger, and a distinct lack of closure. Something you need to deal with. The way you behaved when you saw each other was quite telling. You were both upset, but while Harley ran, Tommy had the need to follow. That right there tells me a lot.”
“What does it tell you?” Tommy asked. “That I’m a pathetic sap who’s still chasing after my ex?”
Allisha smiled. “No. It tells me you’re still chasing answers. And Harley is running away from them.”
There was a long, somewhat uneasy silence as Tommy stared at the floor and I stared at Allisha.
Was I running?
Technically, I had been, but from what?
Initially, I hadn’t wanted Tommy to know about River, but that ship had sailed when Carter died and everyone found out when his will was revealed. So, what was I running from now?
“So… you think we should talk?” Tommy asked finally.
“I think you should go back to the group and start there. This isn’t about the two of you personally or as a couple. For you, this group is about the grief of losing Carter. If you can get through it, then maybe you can consider talking to each other one-on-one. With me there to make sure nothing goes sideways.”
That was a lot to take in.
“I don’t know if—” I began.
“I’m not sure that’s a good idea,” Tommy said at the same time.
We both stopped abruptly as Allisha held up a hand.
“It’s one session where the two of you just have to be polite and considerate of everyone’s feelings. That’s all. Afterward, we’ll reconvene in my office to discuss where to go from here. Deal?”
“I guess so.” I shrugged even though I still wasn’t sure.
“All right.” Tommy nodded, though there wasn’t any enthusiasm in it.
The three of us walked back to the room in silence but Allisha smiled when we joined the others.
“Sorry about that. Tommy and Harley had a little misunderstanding, but since they’re both grieving the same person, we’re going to try again.” She sat down in her seat. “Now, who wants to start today?” She looked at Harley. “We usually start each session with something we feel we’ve done right this week, whether it’s related to your grief or not. There are no right or wrong answers. Why don’t you start, Harley?”
I frowned but then nodded. “I guess the one thing I’ve done right this week is that I’ve come to Harmony Place looking for answers. Answers I apparently have been trying to run away from until now.” I glanced at Tommy, but he was staring at the floor.
“Thank you. What about you, Quinn?”
“I re-activated my personal social media accounts,” he said after a moment. “I shut them all down because I didn’t want reminders of my wife to keep popping up on different feeds, but it’s time. I miss seeing what my friends are doing, seeing their kids growing up, all their celebrations. Lily wouldn’t have wanted me to be so closed off.”
“That’s great.” Allisha smiled warmly. “How about you, Mina?”
Mina was an elderly woman, probably in her seventies, though she was well-put together and had a face full of makeup. “I haven’t done a damn thing,” the woman admitted. “Unless you count the fact that I called my son last night to yell at him for forgetting my birthday.” She lifted her chin. “I’m really fucking tired of my kids taking me for granted.”
“Good for you!” Allisha nodded. “And that’s not nothing. You’re standing up for yourself and not letting your fear of being alone encourage your son’s ongoing thoughtless behavior.”
“I guess.” Mina had a small smile on her face.
“Tommy?” Allisha turned to him, and he looked up slowly.
“I don’t know,” he said after a slight hesitation. “I guess my good thing this week is that I’m here. Even though talking about my feelings is really hard, I’ve been trying, which is more than I’ve done in the past.”
“Excellent.”
The people in the group were nice.
Harriett was in her early thirties and a fairly well-known television star who’d lost her husband to cancer. She hadn’t gone back to work since it happened just over a year ago and had spiraled into a deep depression.
Betty was another woman who looked to be in her sixties or early seventies. She’d lost her wife six months ago, after forty years together, and was struggling with her will to live. I didn’t know the whole story, but the things she talked about broke my heart a little.
Finally, the group was rounded out with a well-known state politician whose struggles with alcoholism were well-known. Her name was Freya Colson and I’d actually considered voting for her in the last election, but ultimately, she was too conservative for my taste and I’d gone another way. From what I understood, she hadn’t been driving the car during the accident that had killed her husband but was struggling with the guilt that she might have been able to do something to prevent it had she been sober and/or awake.
“We haven’t properly introduced Tommy and Harley,” Allisha said toward the end of the session. “So I’d like to start with Harley. Please tell us a little about your loss. You don’t have to go into any detail unless you want to, but everyone knows the basics considering Carter’s fame.”
“Well.” I felt a stab of discomfiture. The only person I ever talked to about my relationship with Carter was Wynter, but if Allisha was right, then I had to stop running. Even if I wasn’t ready to tell the whole story, I had to stop pretending I was some kind of villain. Because there was no villain in this story.
I took a deep breath and lifted my gaze to Tommy’s. He was watching me intently, though his face was expressionless again.
“Carter was my ex-husband’s friend and bandmate. I assume you all know that he killed himself? If nothing else than from the tabloids?”
Everyone in the room nodded other than Tommy.
“Carter was also my very good friend.” I smiled faintly, despite the ache in my chest as I spoke the words. “He was kind and sweet and soft-spoken. Even when he was high or drunk or completely out of his mind—he was never a mean drunk, so to speak. He had the best smile and when he looked at you, it was like no one else in the world existed. He was very special.” I paused, because the next part was so hard. “We were never in love and never had a romantic relationship, but we made a baby together.”
I watched Tommy’s brows knit together as I fumbled over the next few words.
“It was one night of what I can only call experimental sex.” I took a shaky breath. “A threesome with my ex-husband. And five weeks later I got the news that turned my entire world upside down.”
FIFTEEN
Tommy
Harley was still talking but my head was spinning.
She and Carter had gotten pregnant the night of the threesome?
I didn’t understand.
River was born approximately six months later, so the math didn’t math.
But she had no reason to lie, especially not here in this room.
“…and without him there at my side, suddenly nothing made sense anymore.” There were tears in her eyes when she stopped talking, but I’d missed all but that last sentence.
She’d gotten pregnant the night of the threesome?!
I had so many fucking questions and it took a lot of restraint not to demand answers right fucking now.
The group was breaking up, though, and Harley was currently surrounded by Harriett and Mina, who seemed to be comforting her.
“That’s your ex, isn’t it?” Quinn said quietly, sinking into the chair beside me.
I nodded, my eyes still fixed on Harley.
“You doing okay with her being here?”
“I have no idea,” I admitted.
“She just dropped some kind of bombshell, didn’t she?”
“You have no idea.”
“Well, I’ll be out on the patio for dinner around six if you want to talk. And if you want to not talk, we can do that too. Sometimes it’s nice to not be alone when you’re having a shit day.” He got up and walked away, leaving me both grateful and annoyed. Grateful he was a good guy and annoyed that Harley had blindsided me once again.
How had she gotten pregnant the night of the goddamn threesome?!
And how had I not known that before now?
“You and Harley should come to my office,” Allisha said.
“I don’t think—” I began.
“You don’t get to think. That was our agreement. One group session and then we would assess everything.”
“But I—”
“Tommy.” She sounded like my mom used to sound when I was about to be in trouble. “What did I tell you about your comfort zone?”
I clenched my fists at my side, battling disparate emotions like fury and relief and confusion.
“Fine.” I ground out the word. “But I have questions.”
“And maybe you’ll finally get some answers.” She went over to Harley and said something to her that I couldn’t hear, and Harley nodded. Then Harley left the room and Allisha came over to me.
“She’s going to the restroom. We’re meeting in my office in ten minutes. Do you need a break or do you want to walk over together?”
“Let’s go.” I grabbed my crutches and got to my feet.
My emotions were a tangled mess of feelings I wasn’t used to.
Regret.
Guilt.
Shit that I normally didn’t allow myself the luxury of wallowing in.
But this was different.
Harley had gotten pregnant the night of the threesome.
If that was true, nothing I knew was right anymore and I had to rethink every damn thing I’d been thinking for the last year.
“It’s okay to be angry,” Allisha said as we walked.
“I’m too confused to be just angry,” I said. “I’m about a thousand different emotions all wrapped up in one big, messy glob of frustration.”
“So we’re going to try to sort it all out,” she said quietly. “Trust the process.”
“Is there a process? Did you know she would be here?”
“No, but once I figured it out yesterday, I knew that fate or karma or whatever you believe in made this happen for a reason. And we shouldn’t let a chance like this slip through our fingers.”
“We?”
“We’re in this together for as long as you want me to be your therapist. And if, after the three of us talk, you no longer want me to continue in this role, I understand and will set you up with someone else. But not before we take the first steps toward clearing the air.”
We’d just settled in her office when Harley came in.
She looked incredibly pale and for the first time in a long time I really looked at her. She was skinnier than I ever remembered her being, and there was a sadness in her eyes I’d never seen before. Even the way she moved was different, with a slowness that seemed to indicate she carried the weight of the world with her.
I hadn’t noticed any of this that night at the cemetery, but I hadn’t really looked at her either, which made me feel bad.
Because I hated her, but I also still loved her.
“Are the two of you willing to talk?” Allisha asked once she’d closed her office door. “There’s no purpose in our being here if you’re not willing to open up to each other. No one gets closure without some brutal honesty.”
“And I have a lot of questions,” I said bluntly.
“I know.” Harley dipped her head.
“Are you okay with Tommy asking you whatever’s on his mind?” Allisha asked Harley.
“Yes.”
“The only rules are that I expect nothing but honesty from both of you, and kindness. No matter how angry or frustrated you get by what you find out, there will be no raised voices, no name calling, and no threats. Are we clear?”
Harley and I both nodded.
“Go ahead, Tommy.”
There was one question I needed answered before we could move forward because everything else hinged upon the answer, so I didn’t hesitate, even though I knew the answer might change everything I thought I knew.
“When was the first time you had sex with Carter?” I asked.
Harley didn’t react, as if she’d been expecting the question, and she seemed to shrink even further into herself.
“Harley?” Allisha spoke gently after about a minute, when Harley still hadn’t responded.
